Being autistic and random stuff

[twister947]

The passing of Jimmy Buffett just reminded me. I used to have a stepdaughter who was a parrot head. She was also on the Spectrum. She had other issues but was generally just a hot mess. I was with her one time in Denver and she had a meltdown. Jimmy Buffett was my secret sauce I would begin to sing Cheeseburger in Paradise, and she would join right in. Fixed for at least a little while.

 

[Noor]

Wow . Thanks Noor - that resonates with me on so many levels. So many in fact I need to think it over. I'm thinking of about five different scenarios where that has had relevance to me.
The one that's up there is the way I'm always anxious/uncertain about starting a new relationship

I totally get that, or changing them. Sometimes I’d almost rather not, even with great people because it’s a lot of work or I’m tired. It’s hard to explain that it’s not personal, it’s just timing.

 

[juttjaw]

Anyone else want to chip in? I don't want this thread to end up a me, me, me whine!

Since I'm here, this may be another shared experience. An old man died in his sleep two doors down and a neighbour told me. After commenting that he was nice person, if a bit of a character and that his family had always looked in on him, making sure he was okay, which was good. I then said 'I wonder who we'll get as neighbours' and I was given a bit of a look.

So I spent the next hour working in the garden, going over what I'd said and wondering what the rule was for saying something like that. I'm guessing most people wouldn't give their words much thought, but here I am, feeling troubled and worrying that I said the wrong thing.

I'm not looking for support, but only pointing out that I think auties do this a lot - re-examining and fretting over their words and actions.

I would of said those exact words, had I been in the same situation. The emotions involved with death, are complex. Not everyone feels reverence for someone they barely knew. Yes, they died, yes, they may have been a nice person, but death happens to everyone. The "rules" of grief are not something set in stone, nor are the "rules" of having grief for someone who has died. A life ends, but yours will continue, wondering about that next step is logical and not at all troublesome. If anything, the look of the other person is the odd thing. I my opinion.

 

[stickygirl]

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

NTs gonna NT. It would be healthier if they just stimmed like sane people.

 

[stickygirl]

NTs gonna NT. It would be healthier if they just stimmed like sane people.

A little knowledge...

 

[Smal3hard5cfnm]

I am very bad at making eye contact.
Unfortunately, my default for where to look is slightly downward. At the boobs.
Needless to say, I have to actively not do that.

Who doesn't like looking at boobs. LOL,

 

[stickygirl]

Who doesn't like looking at boobs. LOL,

Quite

 

[coati]

Boobs are a problem in that respect. I find myself acting a bit - you know how people look away when they're trying to think of the right word or pluck an idea from the air? That's what I do...

I'm sure autie men have a harder time with it. They have fewer social skills to draw on and end up monologuing or clamming up altogether. I can see that in men generally - I get the impression it's like they're on the other side of an emotional glass door. As woman I have more freedom and cheats to get by and so avoid the dreaded humiliation of looking weird...

I heard the singer-songwriter Namoli Brennet talk about her anxiety of being on the road alone and interacting with potentially judgmental people at rest stops and gas stations and such. She summarized her aproach in the lyric, "I been around almost everywhere, become a connoisseur of the casual stare."

And you are right, men in general have a limited emotional vocabulary relative to women, so they tend to be more walled off. I really appreciate it when I can be around the exceptions to that generalization.

 

[stickygirl]

"I been around almost everywhere, become a connoisseur of the casual stare."

Great line. I may borrow that!

 

[coati]

Great line. I may borrow that!

It's copyright Namoli, but you know how it is with lyrics that strike home.

BTW, it's a joy to listen to her interviews.

 

[stickygirl]

I’ve just stared coming to terms at 60 that I am very likely neurodivergent. My oldest son (adopted) was diagnosed as such years ago, and my wife has often suggested that I must be too. I haven’t been officially diagnosed, but before I started seeing a therapist for anxiety and depression I decided to find a reliable site that had a questionnaire which I took, and the results indicated I was on the spectrum, although I don’t show the most commonly known signs (for example, I have a pretty wide range of interests), there are some that I should have recognized earlier (I like having things done a certain way around the house… like not waiting until we are completely out of something before letting me know, since I do the shopping).

That probably had a huge impact on my lack of a sex life until I met my first wife. I had a few short term partners after she passed before meeting my second wife, but all of that was initiated on line. As the students at the schools I sub at would say, I don’t have “game.” It’s always been challenging and stressful for me to get anything started with someone just in person.

I love sex, and I love a lot of the variety that can come with that, but I strongly suspect my being neurodivergent has gotten in the way of that, and wish I could have been identified a long time ago and got the proper counseling for it. Maybe that’s a part of why my wife and I haven’t had sex in way too long and I’m now here, talking about all I want to do without doing it.

Those of you who are having a great sex life and are on the spectrum, i am very happy for you!

Sex is important but it can't be unlinked from good mental health. IMO it's better to understand yourself and why you keep battling anxiety and depression than 'getting your leg over'.

Don't let your age be a disincentive by thinking 'well, I've gotten this far, I can't be that bad' because we are constantly changing, like our environment is changing and what might not have been problem when you were 21 has a new importance now.

Be kind to yourself and why not get that counselling? You've nothing to lose and if you find a good one, you might end up re-energised and happier - that's the whole point! Get someone else's opinion of you from a neutral standpoint.

 

[lanceGibs]

I've been thinking about starting this for a while, not as a vanity thread, but because there isn't one at Lit. So this is a first for Lit AFAIK.

Being autistic doesn't mean we like sex more or less than anyone else, but we probably think about it more, because we think about everything more. I've only said that because there are plenty of autistic forums online at reddit etc, but auties can be a bit prime and proper and seldom mention 'a slow tendril hung from the heat of her sex, thick with lust and hungry for his hard flesh to consume her' without a librarian Mod jumping in to censor you... true story btw.

I keep finding out new things about being autistic, usually through someone else's experience or remarks. Here's a couple of facts I discovered recently -

• Autistic people represent a disproportionate number of victims of sexual abuse
• Alexithymia can leave you suddenly fighting back tears because you don't understand your own emotions.

Like the internet in general, Lit gives you the opportunity of walking away from a question, thinking about it for an hour, then coming back with a well thought out answer. It can also mean you totally misunderstood a nuance in the discussion, the topic has moved on and your carefully written response was a wasted effort. My trash is full of brilliant and entirely irrelevant replies to the question I only thought I'd been asked.

TLDR
Just post stuff about autism

Thank You for the thread
As someone who recently started working with special children/peope ,I have read the posts here like I have never read anything on Literotica before

 

[stickygirl]

Who to trust?
There are dozens, hundreds maybe, of bogus and untrustworthy autism 'charities' and websites. Frequently they simply want your money, but more sinister ones offer 'cures' and 'treatments' for autism wrapped in plausible language like caring, concern and compassion. There is no 'cure' any more than there is a cure for being brunette or left-handed.

The big one to avoid is Autism Speaks - they're the one with the cute coloured jigsaw pieces logo.
"Autism Speaks Inc. is the largest autism advocacy and research organization in the United States. Its status means that many are unaware of the controversy surrounding it. On the surface, it’s a nonprofit organization that seeks to provide support for individuals with autism and their families, raise awareness for autism, and further research on autism and its causes, but a deeper look takes a troubling turn."
If you prefer here's a PDF fact sheet to download

If you're in any doubt, stick to official health websites like the NHS in the UK, or CDC in the US. The NHS one is good because it has links to trusted partners, like the National Autistic Society, who I see have a page for women and girls!

In short - BE SUSPICIOUS! I'd welcome links to sites that others have found helpful or other ones to avoid. In general I find one-to-one convos to be the most helpful. Some of my cousins are on the spectrum or have kids that are, so they've always been a good place to share.

 

[Smal3hard5cfnm]

Who to trust?
There are dozens, hundreds maybe, of bogus and untrustworthy autism 'charities' and websites. Frequently they simply want your money, but more sinister ones offer 'cures' and 'treatments' for autism wrapped in plausible language like caring, concern and compassion. There is no 'cure' anymore than there is a cure for being brunette or left-handed.

The big one to avoid is Autism Speaks - they're the one with the cute coloured jigsaw pieces logo.
"Autism Speaks Inc. is the largest autism advocacy and research organization in the United States. Its status means that many are unaware of the controversy surrounding it. On the surface, it’s a nonprofit organization that seeks to provide support for individuals with autism and their families, raise awareness for autism, and further research on autism and its causes, but a deeper look takes a troubling turn."
If you prefer here's a PDF fact sheet to download

If you're in any doubt, stick to official health websites like the NHS in the UK, or CDC in the US. The NHS one is good because it has links to trusted partners, like the National Autistic Society, who I see have a page for women and girls!

In short - BE SUSPICIOUS! I'd welcome links to sites that others have found helpful or other ones to avoid. In general I find one-to-one convos to be the most helpful. Some of my cousins are on the spectrum or have kids that are, so they've always been a good place to share.

Autism speaks is cancer; I along with some other people on the spectrum are in the process of setting up self run outfit.
One of the big problems is that the council and other parts of the establishment insist on been "certified" fore witch has ideas that we wish to destroy, and base things on our own ideas and experience.

 

[Noor]

Autism speaks is cancer; I along with some other people on the spectrum are in the process of setting up self run outfit.
One of the big problems is that the council and other parts of the establishment insist on been "certified" fore witch has ideas that we wish to destroy, and base things on our own ideas and experience.

I’ve never saw them as cancer, but from what I remember of them they are a group of parents really have no idea what it’s like to be on the inside.

 

[Noor]

I’ve never saw them as cancer, but from what I remember of them they are a group of parents really have no idea what it’s like to be on the inside.
Autism is not a disease, it is not something that needs curing and people who have it are not dangerous.
Until recently Autism Speaks had no autistic representation on their board

 

[stickygirl]

Sometimes the last thing we need is sympathy and attention. Home is like a sanctuary and when we've had a shit day, we can often keep ourselves together just long enough to close the door on the world. I don't understand regular people who get home and tell their loved one(s) what an awful day they've had and accept their hugs and sympathy! Eeek, No!

It's called decompressing - an apt name for a spring, so wound up it's about to explode. We really don't want hugs or even to talk. Often all we need is to be alone - something that can often be misinterpreted as being sulky. Today was a bad day, but all I needed was to take a nap for twenty minutes. Other auties will have different techniques: some will stim or rock or act in ways that from the outside, can look weird or scary. So long as we're not going to harm ourselves ( or others ) then let us do our thing. Please.

There's a Scots comedian, Fern Brady, who discovered she was autistic in her late twenties. She has a book - Strong Female Character in which she tells of how she punches walls and breaks furniture when she's having a meltdown ( Proper bad day decompressing ). Here's a video of her talking about autism as well as being a stripper. NB she has quite a strong accent.

 

[coati]

Sometimes the last thing we need is sympathy and attention.

And that's one of the upsides of not living with your lover on a full-time basis.

 

[stickygirl]

And that's one of the upsides of not living with your lover on a full-time basis.

Urgh. I still burn with shame when I think of things I said to lovers when they intruded into my door-closing relief. I sometimes said such hurtful things, pushing them away. I didn't know why, didn't understand how I could be so shitty. That's why a diagnosis is SO helpful.

 

[Maturelickr]

As my wife puts it, she considers herself and other friends on the spectrum as neurofabulous. She was diagnosed @ 53 and a whole new world opened up for her and explained a lot of her needs for routine. I ask her a lot of questions and try to not question a lot of her actions. It is a daily learning experience.

 

[stickygirl]

As my wife puts it, she considers herself and other friends on the spectrum as neurofabulous. She was diagnosed @ 53 and a whole new world opened up for her and explained a lot of her needs for routine. I ask her a lot of questions and try to not question a lot of her actions. It is a daily learning experience.

I'm glad she discovered her fabulousness Up it took me about 18mths of going "Oh yea, I remember when I ..." and realising in a new light why I acted or felt a certain way. I called it re-cataloguing my library and it was a bit intrusive, but eventually I focused less on the past.

 

[Maturelickr]

I'm glad she discovered her fabulousness Up it took me about 18mths of going "Oh yea, I remember when I ..." and realising in a new light why I acted or felt a certain way. I called it re-cataloguing my library and it was a bit intrusive, but eventually I focused less on the past.

The revelations continue to pop by up

 

[ravus96]

My wife describes herself as neuro-spices, both my brother in law, and now my 9 year old daughter have been diagnosed with autism. Whilst not officially diagnosed as autistic, my wife has many of the same traits used to diagnose my daughter as autistic even if it is only a piece of her neruo-spiceness. I must admit I have never thought how this might effected and still effects our relationship together, both the emotional and physical side of things until I saw your post. To be honest I’m not sure where to even begin... our relationship never felt particularly normal but without any previous relationships to compare it with I’ve just tended to go along with the flow over the years.

 

[stickygirl]

My wife describes herself as neuro-spices, both my brother in law, and now my 9 year old daughter have been diagnosed with autism. Whilst not officially diagnosed as autistic, my wife has many of the same traits used to diagnose my daughter as autistic even if it is only a piece of her neruo-spiceness. I must admit I have never thought how this might effected and still effects our relationship together, both the emotional and physical side of things until I saw your post. To be honest I’m not sure where to even begin... our relationship never felt particularly normal but without any previous relationships to compare it with I’ve just tended to go along with the flow over the years.

An old gf of mine was quite offended when someone suggested she was on the spectrum, but she SO is. I don't know if she's looked into it more - she's not told me, but seems less prickly about it now.

There is still a lot of stigma attached, so people can be reticent to open up about it. So long as it isn't a problem to her life then that's fine. The individual has to reach out for help or to know more, not have it pushed on them.

One of the bonuses to me has to broaden my knowledge of mental health conditions generally. It's made me more tolerant of people who may be struggling underneath.