Bi but...?

[sirhugs]

Also, the reverse is true for lizard people. Have nice mammal to glom onto in the summer to shed excess body heat through, and then again in the winter only this time to warm up.

now you make me REALLY miss my cats

 

[TheWritingGroup]

There is a complex but fascinating issue in all this: whether it would be 'unfaithful' (sorry, really old-fashioned word!) if someone in a monogamous relationship had a sexual experience with somebody of their own gender. Since that experience is something that his/her partner physically can't provide, is it 'cheating' (an even worse word than 'unfaithful'!)?

Non sequitur. "Cheating" means "breaking the rules". If the rule is "no sex with anyone but the spouse" then by definition, sex with anyone else (whatever gender) is cheating.

If you think it should be allowed (that is, the rule should be changed) because it's something the partner can't provide, consider a man married to a woman who has hemorrhoids. Is it OK for him to look for anal sex elsewhere?

 

[redgarters]

"Fantasize about' or "be attracted to' is not the same as 'bisexual' to me. To me it means 'I fuck both men and women.'

That's not how it works. You came in asking a question and all the bisexuals in this thread have told you that that's not how it works. Bisexuality is defined by attraction, not sexual activity. Accept that your understanding was incorrect and move on.

 

[Ianus4]

There is a complex but fascinating issue in all this: whether it would be 'unfaithful' (sorry, really old-fashioned word!) if someone in a monogamous relationship had a sexual experience with somebody of their own gender. Since that experience is something that his/her partner physically can't provide, is it 'cheating' (an even worse word than 'unfaithful'!)?

Shameless plug coming up: my series, Ten Days in France, goes into this question (and others relating to boundaries) in detail, from the perspective of a devoted monogamous couple (my wife and I) when we meet our alter-egos.

If two people have agreed to be faithful to each other (whether verbally or in writing) then, of course, any sexual activity with anyone else constitutes cheating. It’s exactly the same breach of contract as if you entrusted someone with the constant care of an elderly relative, but that person failed to provide constant care. There are no footnotes added after the fact. Let’s call things by their proper names—for example, let’s call cheating "cheating".

However, I feel that we interpret too strictly what kind of pleasure a person of a given gender can provide to their partner. For example, why couldn’t be a man a perfect pussy licker? Why couldn’t someone use a strap-on to bring their partner to a perfect vaginal or prostate orgasm?

 

[ColtonWrites]

If two people have agreed to be faithful to each other (whether verbally or in writing) then, of course, any sexual activity with anyone else constitutes cheating. It’s exactly the same breach of contract as if you entrusted someone with the constant care of an elderly relative, but that person failed to provide constant care. There are no footnotes added after the fact. Let’s call things by their proper names—for example, let’s call cheating "cheating".
However, I feel that we interpret too strictly what kind of pleasure a person of a given gender can provide to their partner. For example, why couldn’t be a man a perfect pussy licker? Why couldn’t someone use a strap-on to bring their partner to a perfect vaginal or prostate orgasm?

You're not wrong and it's the reason monogamous relationships ever work, regardless of sexuality. You try to give your partner what they want, in bed. You *can* be creative and do lots of different things with your partner, if that's what you both want.

on the fantasies and cheating etc...
I am (happily) married to a woman who has a vulva and a vagina and breasts. Have been for 17 years. I find her as sexually attractive as I am capable of finding a living human person*.
I also fantasize and write erotica about men, almost exclusively. It's hard for me to imagine a female LI without it either being her (and my fantasies about her aren't for public consumption), or feeling weird about it. So I generally don't.
(And I if I am fantasizing about her, I just go get her and do stuff. Which also tends to pause the writing.)

Best part is that we have an open marriage. She has a boyfriend. I feel awkward about fantasies. It works for us, what can I say?


But there are things penises can do that strap-ons can't. There are aspects of having vaginal sex that can't be matched by using other openings.

If you and your partner decide to be monogamous, you have to decide what's more important - variety of relationships/sex, or relationship/sex with this person forever. But that's also true for anyone.

*I am lately dealing with the realization that I am a sex-positive asexual aromantic - which in my case means I am married to my best friend and we fuck sometimes because it's fun. I write erotica and romance novels because it's interesting behavior to examine under a microscope, not because I hope to find these situations in my real life. Actual human beings...aren't sexy? Receiving romantic gestures always feels cheesy, and I have to remind myself to perform them for others.
I'm basically Data with a libido. I love my wife, very much, but not...like other people expect I do?

 

[usable001]

Doesn't matter. Same sex, different sex. They have chosen one partner but have two 'needs.'

If I like blondes, brunettes, and red-headed women, does that mean I have three needs?

On the topic of monogamy, anything you say about bisexual people can also probably be said about straight people. If you are married, are you allowed to find other people attractive, or do you think that should be off the table for straight people?

 

[TheLobster]

If I like blondes, brunettes, and red-headed women, does that mean I have three needs?

Considering we have a few people here who are strictly redheadsexual (*cough* @StillStunned *cough*), I'd say absolutely

 

[usable001]

Why does this discussion bring this video to mind?

 

[EmilyMiller]

"Fantasize about' or "be attracted to' is not the same as 'bisexual' to me. To me it means 'I fuck both men and women.' That is different, to me, from, 'I have fucked both men and women'. Lots of people have experimented. But to be in a committed relationship but say, "I AM bi" *seems* to say, 'I'm leaving my options open. Given the right circumstances I *want* to have a sexual experience with someone of the other gender.' I would assume that that might make certain partners nervous, even if they 'love you as you are'.

Sorry, but this is utter BS. And you are now getting into being offensive to the many bisexual people here (me included) who have tried to explain to you. Drop it.

 

[TheLobster]

"Fantasize about' or "be attracted to' is not the same as 'bisexual' to me. To me it means 'I fuck both men and women.'

You are right, of course. But in the current culture, there's a lot of social incentives to focus on your most fleeting fantasies that lie outside of the "conventional" norms and use them to acquire some covered, non-heteronormative label.

Here it is "bi", but I'm general it would be anything that falls under the ever-broadening umbrella "queer". Many replies to this thread confirm this, along with getting offended at the suggestion that claiming an identity might require an actual, you know, action.

It's silly and performative, but that's the culture these days

 

[redgarters]

You are right, of course. But in the current culture, there's a lot of social incentives to focus on your most fleeting fantasies that lie outside of the "conventional" norms and use them to acquire some covered, non-heteronormative label.

Here it is "bi", but I'm general it would be anything that falls under the ever-broadening umbrella "queer". Many replies to this thread confirm this, along with getting offended at the suggestion that claiming an identity might require an actual, you know, action.

It's silly and performative, but that's the culture these days

What an excellent example of straightsplaining.

 

[TheLobster]

What an excellent example of straightsplaining.

Thank you. I expected nothing more than buzzwords and thought-terminating cliches, and you delivered brilliantly.

 

[AG31]

There are some views being expressed in this thread that come straight out of the 1950s, with regard to... just about everything to do with sexuality, really. As you suggest, truly bizarre.

Interesting. I was composing a reply in my head about how I'd rarely seen so much agreement in an AH thread. No one agrees with the OP's apparent assumption, right? I'd go revisit, but I'm too worn out from reading today's "Funny Memes, signs, gifs..."

Edit: Thanks, @TheRedChamber, I'm reassured.

I went back and checked and, apart from the OP and someone reporting (negatively) a real life conversation, everyone else is up-to-date in their progressive views.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I really do wonder what some people are doing on a site that claims to be sex positive and includes Gay Male and Lesbian Sex as categories. The ill-informed anti-queer rhetoric is kinda pathetic, to say nothing of rude.

 

[AG31]

I really do wonder what some people are doing on a site that claims to be sex positive and includes Gay Male and Lesbian Sex as categories. The ill-informed anti-queer rhetoric is kinda pathetic, to say nothing of rude.

There needs to be a way to specify particular ways of being that is not interpreted as being rude to other ways of being.

 

[EmilyMiller]

There needs to be a way to specify particular ways of being that is not interpreted as being rude to other ways of being.

I don’t really care about what anyone believes. So long as they don’t start insisting to others that their beliefs have some actual standing beyond, ‘stuff they think.’

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Sorry, but this is utter BS. And you are now getting into being offensive to the many bisexual people here (me included) who have tried to explain to you. Drop it.

 

[Britva415]

to be in a committed relationship but say, "I AM bi" *seems* to say, 'I'm leaving my options open. Given the right circumstances I *want* to have a sexual experience with someone of the other gender.'

Well, it might *seem* that way, but it's a mistake to cling to believing that.

What it is, is, a refusal to be erased.

It doesn't mean you're going to break up over your partner's gender, it doesn't mean you're going to cheat on them, it doesn't mean you're going to demand nonmonogamy, it just means you're not going to stop identifying as what you goddamn well are.

 

[EmilyMiller]

it just means you're not going to stop identifying as what you goddamn well are.

And I think the heart of the matter is a refusal to let bisexual people say who they are. Which we see on this very thread. We have to subscribe to definitions imposed by other people.

I say this with all due respect:

Fuck - that - shit!

 

[Ianus4]

Just to lighten the mood a little:
There have been quite a few faithful & monogamous bi characters here on Lit as well; most recently, He's the Best Husband in the World
by @THBGato was memorable for me in that regard, too. (Any further information would be a spoiler.)

 

[sirhugs]

View attachment 2651370

This leaves out the rest of his quote:

"“I’ve always said, just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right. Some people are offended by equality, we've seen that more and more in the past few years.”

https://www.radiox.co.uk/news/tv-film/ricky-gervais-because-youre-offended-make-right/

 

[CalBishForNow]

This leaves out the rest of his quote:

"“I’ve always said, just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right. Some people are offended by equality, we've seen that more and more in the past few years.”

https://www.radiox.co.uk/news/tv-film/ricky-gervais-because-youre-offended-make-right/

Wow, that almost completely changes the meaning of the quote.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

This leaves out the rest of his quote:

"“I’ve always said, just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right. Some people are offended by equality, we've seen that more and more in the past few years.”

https://www.radiox.co.uk/news/tv-film/ricky-gervais-because-youre-offended-make-right/

Which doesn't change my point.
When you are using "you can't say that, people are offended" as a juvenile way to shout down people who disagree with you, equality isn't the issue.

And you missed the opening:

“You have to say I found that joke offensive. Someone saying to me ‘I'm offended’ they might as well be saying they've got a pain in their leg. I have no opinion about it."

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Wow, that almost completely changes the meaning of the quote.

Wait til you get a load of the rest:

“I say you have to know what the target of the joke is, what the subject is. You can make jokes about race without being racist. You can make jokes about the sexes without being sexist.”

But apparently you can't ask about bisexuality without being bad...

 

[SmilingLez]

Which doesn't change my point.
When you are using "you can't say that, people are offended" as a juvenile way to shout down people who disagree with you, equality isn't the issue.

Most people are juvenile and the ones who aren't are egotists puffing themselves up.