California Directory

[Nigel]

Weren't you here on Wicked Wednesday? I posted all my naughty parts on this very thread! And I don't care how good your surgeon is... there's no way to fake what a real kitty looks like!

I know...I saw....

Wow...real life, touchy-feely, up close and personal verification denied.....

Maybe it's my breath......

 

[1stTwistedSistr]

I know...I saw....

Wow...real life, touchy-feely, up close and personal verification denied.....

Maybe it's my breath......

I DID NOT!!!
*giggling*


Bryce... page 133. Happy hunting!

 

[1stTwistedSistr]

akmed, aren't you handsome! Keep posting, we ladies wait with baited breath!

Did you finish those essays young lady???

 

[Nigel]

I DID NOT!!!
*giggling*

I beg to differ. That's all I beg. I'm not begging for anything else!! I'm not gonna do it.....

You said "look at the pictures." Nuff said.


Or...I can encapsulate all of the above into one response.

"Did SO!!!"

 

[GreenEyedGodess]

Did you finish those essays young lady???

Almost!!

 

[Bryce Be I]

akmed, aren't you handsome! Keep posting, we ladies wait with baited breath!

Alright here's another face shot for you ladies.

 

[Bryce Be I]

Ooops...

Here it is.

 

[1stTwistedSistr]

Wow...real life, touchy-feely, up close and personal verification denied.....



DID NOT!!



Almost!!

Good grrl!!

 

[Nigel]

Wow...real life, touchy-feely, up close and personal verification denied.....



DID NOT!!

Don't MAKE me take you over my knee......

 

[Bryce Be I]

third time's a charm....

 

[1stTwistedSistr]

third time's a charm....

Ohyeah!

 

[1stTwistedSistr]

Don't MAKE me take you over my knee......

Oh cummon! I can't MAKE you do anything! But I sure know how to nudge you in the right direction!

 

[Missy52]

Bryce Be 1 aka akmed,

You are a cutie for sure, hmmm its that smile me thinks !!
Morning all my Calif Lit Mates.. I hope you all had a good weekend ?? Ahh and another week to plow thru eekkkkk....GEG bad bad girl your papers arent done??

O well Im sure you will ...... Have a great week (day) everyone .....Muahhhhhhh..........

 

[Nigel]

Oh cummon! I can't MAKE you do anything! But I sure know how to nudge you in the right direction!

.....this is true......

 

[Orwell84]

GOOD MORNING CALI GANG! WAKE UP!

Hopefully everyone had a great weekend.

Hey Missy and Nigel, I think you guys are the Valley experts, so I need some feedback. My daughter's cheer squad failed to qualify for the Nationals this weekend (got punked in their own back yard in Santa Cruz ), so it looks like we're headed to the next qualifying competition in a couple of week in Clovis. The coach is checking into the details but thinks we may need to come out the night before the competition. My questions: any suggestions on a decent, but affordable Motel; is there something going on in Clovis in a couple weeks that the cheer competition might be tied in with (seems like a rather odd venue to me).

GEG, did you get those essays done? Way back when I was a student, I think it was my writing ability that saved me from many academic disasters. In contrast, these days I can't even remember my spelling, much less write? Geez!!

Oh well, off to another Manic Monday...

 

[Missy52]

Morning orwell,



( The coach is checking into the details but thinks we may need to come out the night before the competition. My questions: any suggestions on a decent, but affordable Motel; is there something going on in Clovis in a couple weeks that the cheer competition might be tied in with (seems like a rather odd venue to me).


Well since I dont live in Fresno orwell, I'm not to sure about the rates for Motels, I know they do go from a Motel 6 on up to $100 bucks and more. Clovis doesnt have motels. As far as anything else going on that weekend, I have no idea.. But I can check it out and let ya know.....And I do feel bad that you have to come to God-Forbid Fresno !! LOL

 

[Ukin]

Oh my akmed! Aren't you handsome...

Akmed..watch out mate..Cherrie is the sauciest one on here..and wait until Ej get's on..she is horny..wait..they are both Randy (NOOO Nigel..that is NOT their names hahaha)

 

[Lance Hardrock]

Lance says Good morning

I'm back from my hectic weekend.

God, Missy, I missed seeing you post your 100th time. Oh well, my bad luck. Great av there, young lady.

Cherrie, had fun in Vegas? Did you even leave the room long enough to gamble some?

EJ, another wonderfu av for you. I just love them.

GeG, I still think your av looks like Gynneth Paultrow (sp?). Really sexy pic.

Hi to all the guys.

Guess what? An old friend of mine just sent me the last surviving copy of a story I wrote sometime in 1995 or so. I can't post it, because it is all about the Budweiser frogs and Iguanas (any of you remember those commercials?) But I'll happily be sending it out to my litmates. Sorry, there is only a little bit of sex. I actually wrote this for my writer's class at college, so I had to tone down the sex, but maybe for you horndogs and hornkitties, I'll kick it up a notch. BAM BAM.

 

[Ukin]

Gordon Bennett..he's changed his name to Bryce now...sheeesh..another balls up by me..I must read all the Thread posts afore I answer!

Good Manic Monday to all Cali people...Cherrie, Missy, GEG, Nigel, Bryce, Ej..(where is that wench..I need my dose of tits and legs), Lance ^5 mate.

Have a nice Monday ya'll...I am NOT going to play today..I get distracted too much..but if EJ starts posting...someone phone me at the office....707-996-1100 ext 104 and you had better phone me if Cherrie slips another pic into the thread too..come on guys..I am relying on you!

Kissses to all...yeah..even to the guys..but lads..NO tongues

 

[GreenEyedGodess]

Good Morning Cali people!

I finished my papers, because I am a good student, seriously I am!

That really is me in the av, not Gwenyth Paltrow.

Bryce, pretty pictures, you're just a cutie!

 

[Missy52]

Hi GEG,


Well hun your a Doll,, and since my eyes are Green too, Im partial to them .......

 

[GreenEyedGodess]

Yea! Green eyes rock!

 

[Ukin]

Hi GEG,


Well hun your a Doll,, and since my eyes are Green too, Im partial to them .......

She is a doll..I agree.

 

[Lance Hardrock]

I have hazel eyes

Do hazel eyes rock? actually, I've been told I have bedroom eyes.


Well, I edited my story and I don't think there would be a problem with posting it here. It's a spoof and not copyright infringement. There is basically NO sex in this PG version. I do remember I did kick it up a notch to X rated (but not my usual XXX rated stuff).

So here it is. It's long, but I hope you all enjoy it. This must have been written back in '94 of the old century.

You might say this is a different take on the old fairy tale about kissing a frog.

Enjoy:
Louie and Ser

"Frankie, I've been thinking about the frogs. You know they ain't so bad. In fact, that little one has some great legs on her."

"Louie, what're you talking about now? You're the one who tried to fry them back in January. Now you say, they ain't so bad. Next I suppose you'll want to play leapfrog with *em." Frankie shifted on their branch, one eye watching the frogs, the other turned to Louie.

"Yeah well, that was a mistake, back in January. It's what I get for listening to weasels. Now, I've been looking at Ser over there on her lily pad and she ain't bad looking." Louie snagged a passing fly and gulped it down. "Maybe if I took her a basket of fruit flies, she'd like me."

"Louie, Louie. Listen to me. She's a frog, you're an iguana. See the difference here? I'm telling you, the boss is gonna fire you if you get romantically involved with the frogs. You're suppose to sell beer, not create a scandal."

"Yeah, Yeah. I sell plenty of beer. Everybody watches the commercials to see me. The big chimp ain't gonna fire me. And what's wrong with me and a frog? Ever hear of Kermit and Miss Piggy? Nobody says anything about them, Frankie. What's the difference if it's me and Ser?"

"Kermit and Miss Piggy is TV. This is real life. You're a reptile for God's sake. She's an amphibian. And just between you and me, they're a step down the evolutionary ladder. Now you better practice for the next commercial. We've got work to do."

"Oh yeah, big practice. 'Weizzzzzzz.' What's so hard about that? I'm gonna steal the middle one's line. Big laugh."

"It's wei, not weizzz and it's a line that'll sell lotsa beer I'm sure, but it's what we're paid to do. You ever wonder why the frogs only say their names? Amphibians ain't as smart as reptiles, that's why. Louie, they're dumb. That's what they are. Dumb. You'll be a disgrace to all iguanas and you'll get warts if you mess around with Ser."

"I don't care. I never seen a pair of legs as good-looking as those on Ser. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna get her the biggest basket of flies she's ever seen. Maybe some wine, too. Or you think she'd prefer pond water?" Louie scurried away into the greenery of the swamp.

Frankie yelled after the disappearing iguana, "You better watch out for Bud. He's a mean one. You can see it in his beady little eyes. Can't trust frogs. Dumb, but mean. That's what they are. Dumb and mean, I'm telling ya, Louie."

Louie paid no attention to his partner. He was already collecting flies for his lady love. Fly collecting is a relatively easy task when you have a sticky foot long tongue and Louie rapidly filled his basket. He added a few bulrushes and a cattail or two. A Jack-in-the-pulpit for color and he was all set. He thought of getting her a fresh lily pad, but decided that would be too forward. He didn't want her to croak when she saw him.

That evening, the frogs sat out on their lily pads. "Bud." The biggest one started off. "Wei Wei." The middle one chimed in. "Ser Ser Ser." The smallest one sang.

Louie thought the frogs were trying to vary their rhythms, hoping for a jazzier sound. He was about to say, "Forget it, you don't have rhythm. Just do your lines," but he caught sight of Ser's big green eyes bulging on the sides of her head. She blinked languidly, slowly, and very seductively.

At least, in Louie's mind, it was seductive. Louie gripped the branch tightly with his suction feet to keep from falling into the water. His own eyes turned up and down at the same time as he tried hard not to stare. His tail curled over his back and his green skin turned pinkish with the rush of blood.

Remembering his gift, Louie held the basket out to Ser and stammered, "I... I... thought you might like these. They're fresh. Caught them myself, I did." He held the white Jack-in-the-pulpit flower up to her nose. His tiny three-fingered hands shook with excitement and his eyes swirled around in his head.

Ser ignored the flower and licked up a dozen flies at once with her tongue. She swallowed, again closing her huge eyes. Her eyes sank into her head with pleasure and then popped back out. She snaked her tongue toward the basket for more, but stopped when Bud hopped over.

"Ser?" Bud croaked. "What's this?"

"I'm Louie," Louie interrupted. "I brought Ser a gift. I hope you don't mind. They're the best fruit flies in the swamp."

"Flies?"

"Yeah, have some," he answered, hoping the big bullfrog wouldn't take too many.

The other frog joined his brother and asked, "Why?" Louie said, "Louie, the iguana," thinking the frog was introducing himself.

The frogs all blinked in unison at that and Louie felt he was getting nowhere fast. He decided to take the plunge and see if Ser would take a hop in the swamp with him. Iguanas don't hop, but they can walk pretty fast. Louie knew he could keep up with the frog and her hopping would show off those gorgeous gams. His eyes rolled at the salacious thought.

He managed to focus both eyes on Ser, a sign of respect among iguanas, and said, "I wonder if you would enjoy having a picnic with me. I know this great place with lots of mosquitoes. I mean if it's alright with your brothers."

"Please Bud. Louie's okay; just misunderstood. And he did bring me a delicious treat."

"Misunderstood? Yeah, that's it; I'm misunderstood. Never shoulda listened to that weasel. I'm really a nice guy. We won't be gone long." Louie added in his own defense.

"Why?" the middle frog croaked again.

Bud turned an eye toward him, but kept Louie fixed in the stare of the other. "Wei, dis ain't practice time. Go catch a fly or somethin'. I gotta figure dis out."

"Why? Why? Why is he misunderstood?" the middle frog asked as he hopped away. Nobody answered his question.

"Now look Bud. We ain't gonna be too far away. We're just gonna have a picnic and be real close by. I'll bring you some mosquitoes too. Ask Ser; she wants to go." Louie turned to Ser. "Don't ya?" he asked.

"Sure. I'd love a picnic. We practiced enough for one day, Bud. Let me go, please?"

Bud said, "You mess wid my sister and they gonna find ya at the bottom of the swamp wid yer thing stuffed in yer mouth. Ya got dat? Youse be a gentleman, hear?"

Louie gulped and nodded his head affirmative. The happy couple hopped and scuttled along to Louie's picnic grounds. Louie left the rest of the fruit flies behind for Bud. It would be easy to catch more for Ser and himself later.

Soon they came to a stagnant scum-covered pond. The pond was an oily black colored liquid except where the algae spread out. Those areas were a putrid shade of green. The pond was surrounded by tall bulrushes, infested with mosquitoes and flies, a perfect place for romance. Louie led his lady-love to a large flat rock at one end of the pool.

"What a lovely spot. It somehow seems familiar. However did you find it?" Ser asked. While she waited for Louie to answer, she caught several of the tasty mosquitoes. There were so many, she really didn't have to try very hard; even a tadpole could catch these. But she decided to show off her double-twist, half-spin catching technique. Ser's tongue snaked out like a coiled spring and just as she snagged a treat, she spun the end of her tongue making the mosquito dance on the tip as she pulled her tongue into her mouth.

Louie was mildly impressed and rolled both eyes in appreciation. He then did a full-curl, roll and a reverse flip of his tongue, snagging two mosquitoes at the same time. Again, he let his tongue play out with a forward flip this time. This maneuver caused the tip to point down and he grabbed a large horse fly who chose that most inopportune moment to pass. The buzzing of the angry fly made Ser laugh, her grin stretched from ear to ear. She croaked, "Rib-it. Rib-it. Very good indeed. I give you an 8 for style and 10 for technique."

Louie's crinkly dry skin flushed deep scarlet, changing hue almost as well as a chameleon. His eyes rolled uncontrollably and he tried to think of something to say, but was saved the effort.

"You know, Louie, I've made up this special croak for you. Want to hear it?" she asked.

"Err... Sure... Yeah. Yeah, I wanna hear it." Ser launched into her song, croaking up and down the scale. It was music to Louie's tympanic membranes which vibrated in tune with her voice. Louie's heart melted.

Ser finished with a series of deep bass notes, guttural and suggestive in their intent. Louie was so caught up in her sexy voice, he slipped off the branch. Just before splashing into the pool, he caught himself by hooking his tail around a reed. He saved face by catching a large dragonfly and presented it as a gift to Ser just as she finished her song.

When Ser stuck out her tongue to take it, she touched Louie's. His face burned crimson and his eyes spun in their sockets. Ser's eyes were closed and sunk deep into her head. Louie let his tongue slide along the length of hers. At one point, they almost tied their tongues into knots. After several minutes of kissing like this, they paused long enough to catch their breath.

Louie slipped a skinny arm around Ser; his three-fingered hand caressed her hind leg. She rubbed her head against his scaly neck and flicked her tongue around his tympanic area. Louie remembered Bud's warning, but couldn't help himself. He felt as if he'd known Ser all his life and his heart had always been hers.

As if echoing his thoughts, Ser spoke. "I know this sounds silly, but I am so comfortable with you, so at ease. It's as if we've always been together. It feels so right to be with you. Make love to me," she whispered in a deep throated voice.

Louie needed no further encouragement. He snaked out his tongue and licked the tympanic membranes on each side of her head. Ser croaked happy little sounds of pleasure as the big lizard started kissing her. She felt so hot and moist to Louie, much warmer than he thought a cold-blooded frog would be. His own skin seemed to be redder than normal, hotter than it should be as well. He felt totally strange and intensely turned-on.

Ser whispered, "Louie, something's happening to me... and to you."

Louie opened his eyes and noticed they were in front of his head. He couldn't move them independently either. He saw her body changing before his suddenly stereoscopic vision.

Ser had grown much larger and her skin no longer had that mottled gray-green look he loved so well. It was now a shade of tan, still hairless except for the top of her head which had sprouted a luxurious growth of hair. Louie's hands slipped onto her chest. He cupped two soft mounds of warm flesh beneath his fingertips.

The shock of these mammalian features forced Louie to jump back. He looked down at her from a great height. He was standing on his hind legs, erect in more ways than one, as he looked at Ser. Louie hastily covered himself with his new five-fingered hands.

Ser turned and got to her feet. She stood before him, not a frog any longer, but a beautiful woman with long hair flowing to her waist. She seemed to have no sense of modesty and this shocked Louie for a second, but the primary shock was that they had both turned into human beings. With this knowledge came the awareness that they had both been lovers as well.

"Ser... Sara? I remember, your name is Sara," whispered Louie.

Sara said, "Oh Louie, that evil witch. I remember now. She caught us in the cabin and turned us into those animals, but we found each other and broke the spell. But how?"

"Our love cannot be stopped by anything; not even a witch can keep us apart. She made us into different creatures, but I knew somehow we'd find each other and break the spell. I guess she didn't count on us both getting jobs with the same company," Louie answered, while looking around for the proverbial fig leaf. He settled for a fern and covered the essential part of his nudity.

"I know this spot," Sara stated, still unconcerned with her radiant Eve-like appearance. "We were making love in a cabin not far from here when the evil witch caught us. Probably our clothes are still there. Follow me," Sara said and pushed her way into the swampy undergrowth.

Sara followed a faint path through the swamp to higher ground. Louie followed Sara's swaying bottom as she moved with the grace of a deer through the trees. Memories flooded into Louie's mind of how Sara reveled in her body and her total lack of inhibition; she had the modesty of a soft playful kitten. Louie remembered her exuberance and innocence, her desire for him, her joy of life. He was soon panting from the heat and not just the heat arising behind them from the steamy bog.

They walked through a glade of Alder trees and within a few more minutes, they arrived at the cabin. Sara tried the door, found it unlocked, and opened it. Louie stood watching her; he could watch her all day. Unfortunately, their trek through the woods had made them sweaty and a cloud of gnats swarmed about their heads. Absentmindedly, Louie flicked his tongue out, targeting a gnat.

Sara laughed. "I don't think you'll find bugs as tasty as you once did, but I love it when you stick your tongue out. I see that you didn't lose all your iguana characteristics."

Louie blushed crimson and Sara leaned forward, kissing him with her eyes closed, but not sunk into her head. After a few sweet seconds, she broke off the kiss and whispered, "I don't think we need get dressed right away. Do you?" She winked and slipped into the cabin's dim interior.

Louie agreed wholeheartedly and followed her into the cool cabin. As he pulled the door shut, he noticed Sara's well-muscled legs, athletic looking, the legs of an Olympic long-jumper. As if to prove his thoughts, Sara leaped from the bedroom's doorway and landed in the middle of the bed, grinning from ear to ear.

"C'mere big boy and show me what you can do with that tongue."

 

[Nigel]

Oy gevalt.....I was JOKING with the Randy thing.....sheesh!

Yes, green eyes DO rock.

Cherrie....you can nudge me anytime. Please.

Dunno about the motel rates in Clovis - when I go to the valley, I have to stay with family.....or risk death and/or excommunication from the family. It's a tough decision every time......

Lance..no time to read your story right now, but will when I get home.

Hiya and good morning to all of the Cali folks!!