Can anyone help the SadNiceGuy?

[SadNiceGuy000]

Nah, I am a freakin dunce cap, I just try too hard and it seems to make sense to some and others are a bit befuddled. I like to type things so that people are not confused but wind up confusing them a hell of a lot more with my hideous sentence structure...

I hope for both our sakes that those women that have turned us down are a small percentage but our tortured minds can only think that all of them are like that...

You have seriously tried that suggestion...to the detail?? Do you mind discussing it here in detail?? Don't give me that "it was too painful" excuse because you sound like you have been through a lot so you should have some immunity so spill it if you could...?

Try not to be too "cruel" to Vixen, she means well even if you think she is "bullshitting" you or whatever it is you think she is doing to irritate ya... She is a good kid (even though she is older than me...) and she appears to be my one of my first friends on this board just like you appear to be (I only say "appear to be" because I am not sure how you or her feel about me...).

 

[SanDguy_22]

Well sadniceguy...
I think your doing just fine... though id have to say that you dont really have to be so polite all of the time.


As to my situation we... there is not much more to say about the suggested course of action you mentioned which i have not already mentioned.
The only thing i should say is that using that method ive recieved some of the more polite rejection thus far.

but if you have some specific questions... fire away and ill supply you with my own experiences and a set of propable responces you might encounter.

Anyone else should propably feel free to interject some positive remark on the basis oftheir experiences just so that there would be some words of encouragement for this friend of ours.

 

[SummerMorning]

Now, both S-guys. I have no idea what your backgrounds are, where you come from, etc. However, I endorse Vixen's views that you need to like and be yourself.

But don't that to mean that you can get away with fatalism and letting things run their course. To quote the AOL yogi, "You choose your destiny" - even though it stinks of drive-through religion like it was deep fried in ten-day old oil.

To like yourself you have to be willing to put some effort into yourself. You are the only person that can put in the time and effort to make you happy. Do not rely on anybody else for that. Certainly love is a many splendored thing, women are glorious, romance ecstatic and breathtaking. But behind all that is a lot of hard work, sweat, blood, tears...you get the scene I'm quoting from old cigar-puffer.

A once upon a time story follows:

I used to be a cynical s.o.b., certain that all women were just out to hurt guys, were ignorant, etc. I found out that I was wrong. I was concentrating on the wrong things.

I started concentrating on myself. I started working out, eating right, doing sports, going out, relaxing, listening to good music, reading good books, enjoying good wine, travelling, letting my hair grow, letting my cynicism wilt away. And it worked out. Sure, it took time. But I did it.

Anybody who says they can't do anything about themself is lying. To themsef most of all.

All - you might say weight does not matter. Alas, it does. In this world we live in - far from perfect but still too beautiful to describe - people judge based on appearance. Being overweight reduces your intelligence and worth in the eyes of other people. And in the end, it is about other people. You can only change yourself, but you can only be yourself in relation to other people - not in isolation. Also, you can't beat the feeling when you start to see muscles on your stomach for the first time. Call me Narcissus if you will - but it does motivate me.

So - a practical suggestion - do take care of yourself, and don't worry about women. They come on their own, when they see things are cool with you. Sure, life can hurt sometimes, but take the time to look at a summer morning reflected in azure, sparkling waters. You owe it to yourself and nobody else to enjoy it while you can.

Oh - and if you really are depressed or something, a psychiatrist can help. Sometimes people wade so deep into...well problems...that they need a light to show them the way out.

Finally, a really anal retentive comment: it's loser. Not looser. Looser is "more loose" as in "less tight". Loser is "someone who loses". Yes, I have my neurotic moments - but they look really good in a black leather jacket and dark glasses

 

[BirdsWife]

Bird'sWife: Most women find that watching anime, playing video games, and playing "children's games" like Magic or Yugioh is not something they want so in essence doesn't that mean that they find me boring so rather than keeping on trying I give up because it is so hard to find a woman that likes that and is not taken... Please empathize with my despair or do you feel that strongly that you are right (no one is perfect, I could still be wrong here or you could be...who knows??)

When it comes to dealing with people, there is no absolute right or wrong. However, if you are a twenty-year-old, then I have the benefit of an additional fifteen years of life experiences to draw on that you don't, and I will tell you that the most important thing I have gleaned from those fifteen years is this:

You get out of life what you put into it.


A little background story.....

I have a chronic illness called Multiple Sclerosis, which causes me to have constant pain that medication will not relieve. Each morning when I wake up, I have to make a choice: focus on the pain and be miserable the whole day, or choose to ignore it the best I can and concentrate on the important things in my life. I choose the latter. Sure, there are times when it is really hard to not think about the pain, but unfortunately pain is a part of life. In the end, the bad days make me appreciate the good days all the more.

When I was first diagnosed with my illness I would regularly attend a support group. Two people in that group stick out in my mind until this very day. This disease had ravaged L's body. He was wheelchair bound and needed assistance to do the everyday things that most of us take for granted, like going to the bathroom and getting dressed. He was also one of the funniest, most attractive people I have ever met, simply because he had a positive attitude about his situation. He didn't want sympathy because he was stuck in a wheelchair--he was grateful that he was able to get around at all and that he could have the help he needed. People gravitated to him because he focused on the positive aspects of his life instead of wallowing in self-pity.

The second person was a woman my age. She and I had similar experiences in how our disease affected us, but she was so bitter and miserable that no one wanted to be around her. She constantly dwelled on the negative and what she had lost instead of appreciating all that she had left. She chose to be angry and bitter, and that attitude not only isolated her from others but I'm sure also affected the severity and duration of her symptoms.

Both of these people had a huge cross to bear due to an illness that was beyond their control. The difference between one's happiness and the other's misery was all in their attitude, and because of those two, I made a conscious choice to never let myself fall into the cycle of self-pity and misery. I cannot control what this disease does to me, nor can I predict what the future will hold, but I can control how I react to it.

If you believe that "most women find that watching anime, playing video games, and playing "children's games" like Magic or Yugioh is not something they want so in essence that mean that they find me boring", then you have set up a self-fulfilling prophecy. The key words are "most women". Not all. Most, which means there are women out there who do like those things, who aren't attatched, and who might actually find you interesting---if you didn't have such a big "poor me" chip on your shoulder.


Thanks for the positive comments those that did post with help, the rest, get some empathy or go find some more proactive ways of releasing your anger instead of unleashing it on a "looser".

Correct me if I am wrong, but the title of your post says, "Can Anyone Help the SadNiceGuy?", not "Will Everyone Feel Sorry for the SadNiceGuy?".

I'm not releasing my anger on you. I'm giving you advice--the advice you asked for-- on how to help yourself. You just don't want to hear the message. So one last time before I move on:

You don't have to change who you are to get someone to like you.

You do have to change your attitude.

There is a difference between the two, and if you aren't willing to do the work yourself to find that difference or seek out professional help to assist you in that journey, then there is nothing more any of us can do to help you.

 

[BirdsWife]

Re: fgdfg

To everyone else... especialy you birds wife....
imagine what the effect treatment like that will have on a guy over a span of a decade or two. Especialy in a world where they get pushed aside bywomen behind every god awful drug, abusing, wife beating, hillbilly asshole.

I call them like I see them, pal.

I've read enough of your past posts to see that you like to blame women for your lack of a relationship. Did you ever stop to think that it is your crappy attitude that keeps the "decent" women away? I doubt it, because that would mean you have to take responsibility for your own happiness, or lack thereof.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

To whoever said that weight makes people look less intelligent in the eyes of their peers, I'd like to give a great big shoutout of FUCK YOU. Maybe that's what overweight people look like to you. But there are plenty of people on this board who are brilliant folks, and they are overweight. And I work at an office with 4 overweight women like me, and they're also incredibly intelligent. People are just people, and saying that being overweight makes you look less intelligent means that you're judging books by their covers.

And just a question.. how often is it that you see someone that looks like Pam Anderson with a Doctorate? It strikes me that a good deal of the professors that I've come into contact with are either a 'normal' weight, or overweight, but not incredibly attractive. Not ugly, just not phenominal. And an overweight professor commands just as much attention from me as a thin one, if they know how to teach.

I pity those who have such a narrow view of their peers.

 

[SummerMorning]

To whoever said that weight makes people look less intelligent in the eyes of their peers, I'd like to give a great big shoutout of FUCK YOU. Maybe that's what overweight people look like to you.

Please, calm down. I did not say they were my views. They are not.

However, ours is a society that judges people by how they look - like it or not. We may be idealists, we may seek cultural and economic revolution, but we must nevertheless live in the world we live in.

I was quoting an empirical study that asked people to read a text with a picture of the "author" attached and then asked them to evaluate the IQ of the author. All the texts were identical. However, the IQs assigned to the overweight "authors" were on average 10pts lower.

This is horrendous. It is the mark of a society that is obssessed with image and outlook. However, the fact that we live in such a society does not change because we view this as an abhorration.

Nevertheless, this is not to say that being overweight is good. It is not. Trust me - been there, done that. The epidemic of "pounds" that is bulking up our world is just that - an epidemic. It is emblematic of a society that praises the virtues of the infantile consumer.

The only solution we have to life in such a society is thought. Clear, critical, independent thinking. Nothing else.

 

[SadNiceGuy000]

That "polite" way of writing is how I have always done it and everyone seems to think it is ok so far even though it might be grammatically incorrect... Feel free to share some experiences of yours if you feel like it SanDguy...

SummerMorning:

Here is where I got my spelling of looser (even though I was fully aware of the actual spelling):

Just a looser trying to get a rise out of being a looser. Who has ever heard something so stupid as CTS from jerking off. Fuck head get a toy or hump your pillow.

A fucking pity party ey. Cry on this you looser my brother is stricken physically much worse than your sorry ass could ever be. He is thankfull for the chance just to advance everday in life, never mind to ever have the dream of walking, talking like a normal person. And you think people should pity you cause you stroke it! Yea, right!

Nice profile by the way. Looks just like that of a secondary name. No effort given to place anything in it.

Yes I can call it as it is, you are a looser! In stead of seeking any quality in what your life offers you focus on "whoa is me." Yup, that is what a looser does. Obviously you know why you are single and you choose not to change that. Good for you at least you know the reason you are alone.

What could anyone offer for advice? Not much of anything because you are lazzy enough to boldly state.

That tells me you are going to contradict whatever advice is passed your way.

Just wasting my time by even posting this response.

SummerMorning (continued):

So you are telling me that you had to give up your old ways in order to have women like you?? That seems incredibly sad... I feel about you the same way I felt (again I say this, sorry about being a bit redundant...) about Jack Nicklson in "One Flew Over the Coo Coo's Nest" when he got a lobotomy in the end of the movie...your spirit was crushed but was it really for the better or have some truths eluded you now that you changed yourself?

Bird'sWife:

I actually did not mean you when I was talking about people releasing their anger, I ment 7inch and TongueTyler...

I can see what you mean by you little attitude change speech but I am getting mixed responses from you and SummerMorning so it is a bit harder to interpret what you are both saying...

Vixenshe:

Let me see if I can help clarify what I think that SummerMorning was trying to say:

He is trying to say that obese people are viewed *by society* as inferior generally because the public does not see a lot of them accomplishing many things as you would an Olympic runner, a successful business man like Bill Gates, or anything that would involve sex (you don't see many obese porn stars or obese male supermodels or models now do you...). Most (not all...) of the people in this world have been pre-disposed to thinking that physically fit people are what they should be dating and that is all (I think I myself am a "victim" of this but I am trying to be more open-minded...).

 

[NaiveOne]

Refocus here

I know alot of people are telling SadNice Guy to like himself and feel better about himself, but that's not really going to work here is it?

How about some steps this insecure guy can take to feel better about himself, life, and women in general. Simple things he can to change, if he really wants to.

My suggestions:

1.Excerise at least once a week- a small step to be sure, but a step none-the-less

2. Take a class: cooking or wine tasting or anime graphic art stuff

.....

Now, if SadNiceGuy rebukes all these suggestions (that people will hopefully add after this post), then we know that he really is just looking for pity and a place to vent about females.

A personal note for SadNiceGuy:

I urge you to be more open to change. Improving your mind, body, and spirit is not changing who you fundamentally are. You can still do the hobbies you enjoy, but be open to hobbies/experiences you may not have been exposed to before. That just means that there is a side of your personality you aren't aware of yet. Maybe a better side that will help you feel better about all the wonderful things you have to offer to humanity.

 

[SummerMorning]

So you are telling me that you had to give up your old ways in order to have women like you?? That seems incredibly sad... I feel about you the same way I felt (again I say this, sorry about being a bit redundant...) about Jack Nicklson in "One Flew Over the Coo Coo's Nest" when he got a lobotomy in the end of the movie...your spirit was crushed but was it really for the better or have some truths eluded you now that you changed yourself?

SNG - I gave nothing up! I changed, I grew and I matured. I learned to like myself and others liked me better for it.

Some suggestions to add to NaiveOne's

3. Actually, exercise at least three times a week

4. Take up yoga

5. Learn to dance

6. Stop eating refined sugar, white bread, fried food and sweets - they're all poisonous and just hijack the brain's dopamine system

7. Eat fruit, eat cheese, eat vegetables

8. Don't worry about women!

9. Go swimming

10. Start hiking

11. Read a good book every now and again, Hesse's Siddharta was a recent favourite

12. Every morning take five minutes to just laugh - you'll start feeling better just by going through the motions!

13. Smile when you answer the telephone

14. Don't watch TV - it's a waste of time

15. Go birdwatching

16. Learn scuba diving and go look at some corals

17. Buy good, comfortable shoes - walking should be a pleasure not a chore (urgh...I still remember all those bleeding blisters)

18. Learn to meditate

19. Write a diary. At the end of every week burn the entries that make you feel bad and keep the ones that make you feel good.

20. Take up fencing

 

[Sarah_C]

Hi there SadNiceGuy,

My, but you're hard on yourself, aren't you? And guess what? There is nothing that makes people as angry and reactive as seeing someone going "poor me, poor me" which, really is what you are doing.

You say you think you have CTS, and that you think it's because you masturbate "too much."

Firstly, have you taken your hand and arm to a doctor? Have you rubbed Deep Heat or another warming linament into the muscles? If you have a physical problem, you need to take action to resolve it. It won;t go away on it's own.

But I think you are more bothered by the fact you masturbate frequently. Why does this bother you? Things you have said lead me to think that you feel masturbation is bad - you even called yourself a pervert, seemingly because you masturbate frequently.

Masturbation is a normal, usual, pleasant and non-perverted thing to do, whenther you have a sexual and romantic partner or not. It's part of life.

** Hey, Everyone. If you never masturbate, post here and tell us about it*** - I bet there are not more than 5 replies, at the very most.

You're lonely. I understand that. It's hard being alone sometimes. But while you are so very, very unhappy with yourself, it will be impossible for you to begin a serious,good, longlasting relationship. Until you can be a whole person in your own right, you cannot have a successful relationship, romantic and sexual or platonic.

You say you don't want to be changes, a la Jack Nicholson. That's fine. You need your own personality. But you are unhappy with the way you feel about yourself at the moment.

Try working out what sort of a person you would like to be, and seeing if there are ways you can move toward being that person. You like card games and anime. OK, so that's something you;re interested in. It doesn;t make you boring. It's just an interest.

You like a girl at the Gym - and you'd love it if she were your girlfriend. It's fine and normal and nice to feel this way, but you are very unlikely to get a girlfriedn by going up to a girl who attracts you and asking "Do you have a boyfriend? No? Great, then can I take you out?"

You are far, far more likely to end up in a satisfying relationship if you stop thinking of every girl as a potential girlfriend, and just enjoy their compant for what it is, without looking down the track.

It's completely possible to ask a girl if she'd like to have a drink with you inthe gym's snack bar before you each go home without thinking that it will lead to a date, and to a romantic and sexual relationship, and ot marriage. A drink after class is a fun thing on its own.

Try saying "Hi Brenda, I'm SadNiceGuy, I'd love to talk with you about today's excercises. Would you like me to get you a Water after class? "

Then, if she says "no" you can add "No problems. How about tomorrow then?"

Focus only on the drink after class, and the conversation you will have. Stop having expectations that every interraction you have with a woman is either going to lead to rejection, or to marriage. A conversation is a fine thing in itself.

Personally, if I were a depressed and confused as you appear to be, I would certainly be considering councelling of some sort. Councelling does not change the person you are. It gives you some tools for learning how to stop being so very very inhappy and to stop disliking yourself so much.

So.

Masturbation is not bad.

If you have a medical problem with your arm, see a doctor.

Stop thinking talking to women is only a way to get a girlfriend

And think about talking with a councellor.

Best of luck, SadNiceGuy.

Sarah

 

[SanDguy_22]

SummerMorning

Just to make a point of it...

i actually feel just fine about my self.
I know that im a nice guy when it comes down to it... but i also know what the responce form women is to me being my self.
ie all of what i have said before.

As to the commen on wether or not i think that women are out there trying to hurt guys like me and SNG...
your off the mark on that one.
My thought of it all is that most women my age and his are too short sighted and unevolved to really understand what they are missing and what kinds of shit they set them selves up for.
Hell the only women i have met so far whom actualy extend back towards me the courtesy of being treated as a human being are those whom have had 4-5 decades worth of life experience.
Bt lets face it a relationship with an age gap that large is not really ment to last. ( by the time i hit 40 they are either dead or dying)



As to Vixenshe.. just ignore her.. She is a man hating prejudice ass whom does not really know how to read between the lines
nor can she realy understand what she reads in general.

For example if she sees a sign on the road that says "Dont turn right" she will read it but only understand "turn right".

From this you can continue on to analyse her responces on a variety of topics here. If she sees someone saying anything at all about overweight people or women etc and if there hapens to be an offensive word within that post. Her responce will automatically be a unwanted/ needed backlash and a barrage of
obscenities towards the writer.

My gues is that she suffers from severe dyslexia, brain damage or just some other developmental dysfunction involving her mind.

As SNG said ... try not to get too mad at her she is just a kid.. even though she is a lot older than he is.

 

[SanDguy_22]

Oh by the way Sadniceguy..

Your worries on masturbation are unfounded... hell when i was a lot younger i managed 5-6 times a day.

At times it did start to hurt my knuckles.. which was kind of annoying.

anything bad you have heard about pleasuring oneself is propably a complete load of crap.. put forth by a bunch of religious conservatives etc.

Hell.... a resent study concluded that masturbation seemingly lowered the insidence of testicular cancer in men.

On an other note it is also a way for young developing individuals to prepare them selves for sexual activity later in life as well as a way trough fantasy to establish a sense of self in relation to fetishes etc. alternative sexual activities.

the only bad thing is that you lose a couple of grams worth of protein, some sugars, salts, minerals and vitamins when you ejaculate. but hey... if your dieting thats just a good thing...

 

[ephemeral]

some constructive suggestions

I'm new, so if I sound like an idiot, please forgive me.

Here are some suggestions that might just make you feel a little better about yourself... they work for me.

1. Exercise- don't overdo it, and don't expect to look like a fitness guru, but exercise releases endorphins, which are basically happy chemicals.

2. Seek professional help. I've been in therapy for almost four years now (I have an eating disorder, I'm autistic and I have other issues), and every time I walk out of my therapist's office, I've learned something new that could apply to anybody, really, but especially to me. There is nothing shameful about seeing a psychologist. Furthermore, there is nothing shameful about seeing a psychiatrist. Taking anti-depressants (if needed) is hardly the same as being in a psychiatric ward. I've done both. It's rather offensive, in fact, when you slam things that help keep many people's brain chemistry in balance. Keeping an open mind to things that are very much commonplace now might help.

3. Eat properly. Like somebody else said, all the white flour and refined sugar and bad fat and, well, shit that most people eat is just not good for you. You'll feel better, and your body will work better, if you eat the correct foods in the correct portions.

4. Take a class. Expand your knowledge. Be able to talk about something a little more advanced. It's not about making yourself look good. It's about reaching out to other people through various topics of interest.

5. Learn to dump the pity party. I totally understand how low you must feel, but do know that there are many steps you can take to help correct that low feeling and crappy outlook on life. If you don't try to feel better, you'll never feel better.

Again, if I sound horribly immature or otherwise not worthy to be read, I apologize.

 

[Ylvie]

1. As already mentioned: Take a class, do sports, take a course in something - meet people and feel good at the same time. And don't just nod and think "not really an option" - go ahead and DO it!

2. Changing attitude is hard, I know. Here's what I did: Get on Internet, chat with people. Tell them about your good qualities, laugh with them, feel good about yourself at least online. Then, when you go outside in real life, think that online people like you. Because online, you are positive. Then try being a bit more positive yourself. At first it won't work, but eventually you do feel better.

3. Look in the mirror at times when you feel good. Don't stare at the things you know you dislike, take in the whole picture. I can of course look in the mirror and think "WHYYY do I have such small breasts?!", but I can also look in there, turn around, smile into the mirror and think "hey, I look happy today. I look good when I smile!"

4. I don't know if it's an option for you, but I found my SO on the Internet! Before I met him, I felt hopelessly ugly and bad about myself. Then he met me, he liked me, he pointed out that nothing is actually wrong with me, and I saw it myself. So I smiled, I became happier, I looked in the mirror as described above, and then when I came to class the first day after the vacation we met each other in, people gave me all sorts of compliments! "You look good today" "Good morning, you look happy!". Their opinion changed when my opinion did!

5. If you don't like yourself, no one will like you. Like yourself a little bit and USE it, and people will like you a little bit and give you a compliment. From there it grows! Then, when you're all happy and smiling, become friends with some women. Talk with them, don't give up so easily!

A story about a friend: She's 18, he's 27. She fell in love, and at once she started TRYING. After having talked with him for a while (he workes in a shop), she simply asked him out. He thought that she had so much courage that she deserved a chance even know he was worried about the age difference. Now they're dating.
She managed to put away her complexes (she has been bullied througout school, had low confidence for very long, and she was always rejected same way you were) and she really TRIED. She managed, too.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I am not man-hating (I live with one, and have been with him a few years, and love him to death), I am not dyslexic, I am not brain-damaged, and I am not stupid. I am an idealist.. it bothers me that people judge others on their appearance, and I hope for a world that is a little more enlightened than that. Just because I hope for such things, and I get angry at people who merely stand by and accept such judgements doesn't mean that I hate anyone or anything, besides the prejudice.

SanDguy, you know nothing of me. Your post was reaching for everything you could possibly think of to slander me with, and you've failed. None of what you wrote is correct, and you only made yourself look like a raving WOMAN-hater.

And I am only one year older than SNG, in this lifetime. Not a LOT older, as you state. Shows that you really know what you're talking about.

 

[SanDguy_22]

hmmm oh really....

vixenshe... just goes to show the depth of your prejudice when you immediately bring out appearance issues which you harbor when they have not been an issue in any original post. (not accounting for some self depriciation)

Beyond that i try to agrovate you as much as possible since its so blooming easy. due to the reason mentioned earlier. "
Aka your unresolved issues involving physical appearance and your prejudice towards men on the basis of that.

So the only thing i hand to you is a big raspberry. (not the edible kind.)

 

[Bystander]

So I skipped a few posts meaning some of this might be repetition but oh well

First carpal tunnel. Get one of those wrist braces from rite aid or something. They help a lot. My wrist often pops from prolonged PC usage but since I got the brace been feeling a lot better. Go visit a doctor too. They'll explain to you exactly what it is and what causes it.

Hmm second self esteem, stop putting yourself down first. I used to be like that..I used to be the master of self insult and believed it but fortunately now I insult others too Its important to respect yourself first. How you do that I don't know. Its upto you.
Its good that you're going to the gym...stuff like that helps a lot.

Watching anime, playing games. Shoot dude you ain't the only one. Lots of people do the same thing. Ok I'm no cassanova...heck I've never had sex and I'm 24 but I have dated quiet a bit. Most of the girls I dated weren't really into anime and stuff but there was always something in common or whatever. All it means is that if I'm going to watch anime I'll do it with my buddies or later...not when I'm hanging out with that girl :/

When it comes down to it a girl is not going to reject you because you watch anime. I used to get the "you watch cartoons!" comments usually as a tease but really the girl is going to go out with a guy not because he doesn't watch anime but because of the person he is.

You're 20 which means you're probably in college. Don't waste it. Join a club or whatever. You say you're not in the clubbing and party thing. That's cool go find other interesting things to do and clubs to join.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Re: hmmm oh really....

vixenshe... just goes to show the depth of your prejudice when you immediately bring out appearance issues which you harbor when they have not been an issue in any original post. (not accounting for some self depriciation)

Beyond that i try to agrovate you as much as possible since its so blooming easy. due to the reason mentioned earlier. "
Aka your unresolved issues involving physical appearance and your prejudice towards men on the basis of that.

So the only thing i hand to you is a big raspberry. (not the edible kind.)

1) learn how to spell.

2) again, you're wrong. Appearance was mentioned (SNG said he felt unattractive)

3) yeah, being a large person, prejudice against large people bugs me... but I don't think it's only men that are responsible for such prejudice. I don't hate men at all, I don't hate women at all.

4) You don't aggravate me (note the spelling), I think you're a sad specimen of the hate you say I have. And I respond to you, because you're judging me, and you're wrong in your judgements.

 

[SanDguy_22]

vixen she.... learn how to read

Like i said.. appearance was only mentioned in the context of self depreciation.

Like i said before you have a problem involving the ability to read / comprehend the available texts properly.... which you just ever so promptly proved to be a correct statement.

as to previously noone before you had brought out the problems on looks etc on the basis which you were so glad to start whining about.


As i said before just learn to read.. but then again knowing what you are like here.....

 

[Mary Hall]

Your 23 years old? shit, why are you so bitter towards women?

 

[CelticFrog]

Okay, I'm throwing in my random three cents here, with not much regard to what has been said before me.

Firstly, just because you play Magic and enjoy anime (and all the other hobbies you state you enjoy) does NOT mean a woman will immediately discount you. When I first met my now husband, I learned he used to play Magic (good for me but that's a LONG story), he obsesses over video games of all sorts, roleplays, plays Battletech (and now MechWarrior), and other sorts of 'geeky' hobbies. Did that bother me? No, not really. It would have had that been the ONLY things he did, but he also takes care of himself physically, cares about his personal and professional growth, remembers to shower on a regular basis, makes attempts at humor, pays attention to me, tries not to let me forget that he loves me, includes me in his hobbies, and encourages me to foster and develop my own.

I had never played Playstation until I met my husband. Nor had I ever played D&D or Battletech or this or that or the other thing. Now I am a regular player of all of those things. We fight over the computer and race each other at Icewind Dale II and Diablo II.

Ah, hell. I'm overweight too, just like vixenshe. I exercise and eat well, and the fat is converting back to muscle. I too have health problems that keep me from doing too much in the way of heavy duty exercise, but that doesn't mean I don't find other ways to get fit. I spent years in the Army and never managed to get under 150 pounds, no matter how much I exercised every single day. Oh well. My husband thinks I'm hot, and I'll let him have his delusions... In the meantime, I'm working my way towards getting me where I want to be to make MYSELF feel hot.

The biggest point here is that you have to feel better about yourself before anyone will even give you a second glance.

And the second biggest point -- never, ever, ever listen to a WORD SanDGuy tries to stomp out of his keyboard. Ignore him. It makes for a much more enjoyable day. And is less likely to breed stupid philosophies on the world around you. You have enough to work on without those.

Here's to hoping you can learn that your attitude really is more of a factor than anything else.

Ang

 

[Sybarist]

I wanna crash the pity party too!!!!
Afterall, "When life throws you lemons, make lemonade!!"

If you have CTS for real there fella, then switch hands or maybe get yourself a toy, and then get some therapy!! I know a guy who had to have rods inserted through his fingers because it was so bad...

If you have problems believing that there are females out there that enjoy the stuff you do just as much as you do, then go and find websites that are dedicated to those things and start posting there instead of coming here and crying about the unfairness of it all!!

No woman is going to be interested in a guy that sits in his pity pool and begs them to jump in- it is just not sexy to anyone!!

To meet the right "type" of girls for yourself, you have to get over the fact you've been brainwashed by internet porn and the popular media. Start looking at women the way they deserve to be looked at, why do you think they give you that "freak" look anyway? It's hard to take a guy seriously when he is staring at your tits instead of your face!! Take a cruise around on some ammateur sex sites and see what real women are like instead of all that "tiny co-ed beauties deepthroat for the first time!" bullshit...

It has been my experience that guys who are bitter about women have had no courage to even try and get to know a real one. They are really angry at themselves for not having the testicles to go after what they want but redirect it at the object of their frustration.. Pretty sad ain't it?

As a side: Why is it that women who are overweight yet comfortable with themselves always have to defend their opinion? What is so scary about a chick that feels sexual no matter what her size and the opinion of "they"?? Vixenshe, you don't need my support, you know how sexy you are, and a good deal of us are rooting for you no matter what the haters type. It is sad that everyone can't be as happy with themselves as you are.

I think mostly this thread is about unrealistic expectations and the frustrations of a masturbating young man. Have some patience....

Syb.

 

[lovechild27]

Alrighty guy...first you need to get the idea out of your head that your terrible and disgusting. You could look like Brad Pitt and have that attitude and no woman would want you for any length of time. its not always looks that are sexy...its confidence.

My dad had CTS in BOTH hands for years. He had an hour long outpaitient surgery that insurance completely paid for, left no scarring as the incision was a half inch long, no hospital stay and a one day recovery. Look into this if it is impeding on your life so much.

Accept the fact...you are depressed. You dont seem to have what it takes to pull yourself out of it. Get some danm help already. You are not above it. It seems to me (and probably everyone else) that you are so scared to change that you have built up a wall to ensure this will never happen. Dont like your life...YOU have to be the one to move. All the advice that us pretend shrinks here give you will do you no damn good if you dont move. Get out...get some exercise, eat better, maybe join a health club or take some classes at college. You seem to want to do nothing but throw a pity party for yourself. You want to attract women? You want love? You learn to love yourself FIRST and formost.

I doubt you will take to heart anything anyone said here. People like you dont want help...they just seem to want pity.

 

[SanDguy_22]

Well exept maybe some of the things i said in regards to being driven towards insanity and a propably suicide if he threads down
the road he is curently presented with.

As to psychiatric help.. i would have to say that its propably only going to annoy him at the very least.. having to explain everything in detail to a complete stranger who will only make asumptions about him and his experiences after which he will bbe represented with a bunch of options he has already tried with zero success. Well thats not counting for medication but that never solves anything... it merely provides a blanket which he can use to hide from the horrors of his reality.
Knowing most shrinks thats what they will offer and he will never get the help that he truly might need for his issues from those
"professionals".


I woud say that the only thing that will help him now is some small amount of positive life experience. It does not really matter where it comes from.. his family, friends etc.
As long as its there he should be fine.
As to dating I would have to say that Unless women start changing their behavior in regards to guys such as him ( the nice ones with poor self esteem and a propable histrory of abuse) i dont see any changes coming about any time soon.
But hey as long as the football players are nice and happy who cares.