Carolina Directory

[Roughneck]

FIRST MASS
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"
When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
And Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

 

[Georgia Girl]

Secrets of a happy marriage

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have some
good food and companionship. She goes Tuesday's, I go Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Decatur and
mine is in Atlanta.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. so I
suggested the kitchen.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
bread maker Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!". So I bought her an electric chair.

Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt
her.

 

[Roughneck]

Hey ya all, good mornin. Just got off work and thought I post a few more jokes while I finish my morning beer. Also played golf yeaterday, my game didn't improve, my my DUI driving of the golf cart has. We'll hope all you sex goddesses have a great day, always look foward to seeing what mischief you get your selves into.

 

[Georgia Girl]

Golf my way

I enjoy playing golf, have my own clubs but I look at things a bit differently than most. To me, its a stick, a ball, some grass and a hole. I really can't find anything to be serious about. If you swing at the ball twice and miss, pick it up and throw it. If you don't like the way that stroke went, get a different colored ball and try it again. If you get hot, play in the sprinkler system. If your ball goes in the water, well hell, thats a good excuse for a swim and swimmings good for you, but you can't get your clothes wet but then there is no reason to be ashamed of your body so just strip, you may make some new friends. If driving the cart gets boring, try seeing how far you can go in a straight line driving with your feet and your eyes closed (watch out for trees).

Dawn

 

[geri]

Good Morning All

Dawn, thank you for the advice.

Des, when you're right your right.

ROFL at the jokes. Thanks for a good start to my day.

Wishing everyone a wonderful day. I am going back to work this afternoon after being down with this junk thats been going around my work. I am ready to go too. Too much staying down drives me loco!

 

[Georgia Girl]

My pleasure Geri,

I happen to have a special fondness for ice. So many delicous things you can do with it or other treats that have been cooled.

Dawn

 

[PaganZepher]

Good morning all!

Just a quick hello to y'all. I hope the golfers can get 18 in before the rain. I hope everyone has a great HUMP day (in every sense of the word)!

Has anyone heard from LTR, PL, VBG, or any of the other posters?? I miss those guys! Everyone one here now is great, but I'd like to hear from some of the others too.

(an aside to Des: I think any day would be a party with you!)

Have a great day everyone. It looks as though we will pass a 1000 replies this evening!

 

[Magister]

Ah, my poor, sweet slave... I leave you alone here for an evening, give you plenty of rope, and just look at how much you've used! Hell, I've got MORE than enough rope to hang you with... so I guess I'll just tie you up, instead!

How about a nice job, with your arms and legs bound behind you, with plenty left over to tie those lovely tits tight? Oh, and just to prove I'm not really obsessed with paddling (shyea, right!), I'll use something totally different on you... Right after I find that damn dictionary... "Merciful"? (Des, honey, where do you find these odd words?)

Now, where did I leave that feather?

G'mornin', y'all! Thanks for the advice, Dawn... I'll have to break out the ice after I get through with the feather. I'm looking at golfing in a whole new light now, too, thankee!

I give up, Roughneck... My sides are just going to have to learn to deal with the permanent ache from laughing so hard.

Welcome to each of the friends I hadn't met yet! May your time with us be filled with love, laughter, and LOTS of fun!

 

[Georgia Girl]

I saw where LTR had posted on another thread but didn't read the post. But I know she is around.

No golf for me today, too much rebar and such to contend with.

Dawn

 

[geri]

ohhhhh i'm in twubble!

....yet strangly aroused by that fact...

Magister, sweet Master...You know that i do love how You find so many uses for me. i am, as always Yours to command....bring on the rope, ice, feathers and any number of other things...lets start the day out right.

 

[Magister]

Thought you might enjoy what geri and I were up to this morning...

Your slave geri: *kneels before You*
Magister: *smiles warmly*
Magister: good morning, prettyslut
Magister: *pulls you into My lap*
Your slave geri: *snuggles up to You*
Magister: *strokes your hair lovingly*
Your slave geri: *sighs in contentment*
Magister: *holds on to you, extra tight, with a good grip on your tits*
Your slave geri: *moans at the feel of Your hands on my breasts*
Magister: *squeezes until the smile is replaced by a gasp and moan*
Your slave geri: *shivers at the roughness of Your grip...my nipples hardening*
Magister: *nuzzles your neck, then begins to bite, intending to leave a fresh set of marks to start your day right*
Your slave geri: *moans and tilts my head giving You plenty of room to work, my hands caressing Yours as they maul my soft flesh*
Magister: *I decide to leave My marks elsewhere, so I shift you in My lap, allowing Me access to your lush tits, which I begin to bite and suck*
Your slave geri: i gasp and moan feeling the sweet pain lance through my sensitive flesh as i entwine my hands in Your hair...*
Magister: *I lock My mouth on one of your nipples, playing with your piercing as I suck on it hard enough to make your milk flow into My mouth*
Your slave geri: *i groan and tighten my hands in Your hair as my pussy begins to get wet from the stimulation You are giving me*
Magister: *I greedily gulp down the bounty of your breast, then switch to the other one, allowing one of My hands to wander down to your pussy, where I begin to play with your clit*
Your slave geri: *i gasp and shudder, moaning as i open my legs wide to let Your touch set fire to my loins...i begin to stroke Your back as my hips move in sweet torture*
Magister: *Milk flows like honey from your tit, and I suck it down. your clit swells under My touch, and I grip it firmly in My fingers, starting to squeeze and pinch cruelly*
Your slave geri: *i cry out and writh under Your rough fingers....my fingers digging into the flesh of Your back as i fight not to buck too much*
Magister: *I release your clit, and your body relaxes a bit, only to buck once more as I bring My hand down in a stinging slap, right on your slick cunt. your tits, finally drained of My breakfast, are perfect for Me to continue to sink My teeth into, leaving the bruising marks of My passion all over them*
Your slave geri: *i scream out before i can stop myself at the sting of Your slap....my scream turns into moans of pleasure as i feel Your teeth worrying my tit flesh*
Magister: *I smack your cunt again and again, reveling in the way your body responds to My strength and Mastery. I stand and dump you straight to the floor. you look up at me, starry eyed in lust. I open My robe, revealing My swollen cock, look you dead in the eyes, and growl, "Time for your breakfast, slut!"*
Your slave geri: *i writh and cry out at each slap of Your hands...i am dazed as You suddenly stop and dump me on the floor....yet my lust is not diminished at all...when You reveal Your cock to me i lick my lips and scramble to my knees...crawling to You i begin to lick up and down Your hard shaft...wetting the entire length and suckling Your balls before taking You into my mouth ...letting my tongue play along Your throbbing shaft as i begin to suckle on You*
Magister: * "Good, girl..." I groan throatily as your skilled mouth works its magic on My cock. My hands reach down, to twine themselves in your long, red hair, gripping you tightly, steadying you as My hips begin to thrust back and forth, ramming My cock into your hungry mouth*
Your slave geri: *i begin to suck harder my tongue dancing along Your length....taking more and more of You into my mouth.....until i can feel You at the back of my throat...swallowing....encasing You in the soft velvet of my throat each time You reach it i moan...the sound echoing through Your hard cock*
Magister: *The sensations from your mouth are exquisite, and driving Me right over the edge. I hold your head still, locked in My firm grip, and pull out of your mouth. "Stroke Me, bitch!" I command, harshly, holding My cock just above your open mouth*
Your slave geri: *moving quickly to obey i begin to stroke Your slick cock....my fingers playing about the throbbing shaft....squeezing about the base of Your manhood i jerk up firmly sliding down to squeeze the base again...over and over i stroke You like this my mouth continuing to stay open..waiting for the sweet taste of Your seed*
Magister: *With a loud growl, I allow My hot cum to shoot out of My cock, splattering messily all over your face, chin, and tits, with a nice load right between your ruby lips. I release My fingers from your hair, and sit back down heavily on the chair, My legs spread wide open, and my buttocks well over the edge, allowing you access to all My interesting areas*
Your slave geri: *i gulp greedily at the stream of hot cum catching what i can in my mouth and licking up with my tongue what i can reach there...then, after You sit down i scoop the cum from my face and chest with my fingers greedily sucking it down with a moan of pleasure at being able to taste You....then i lick my lips as i eye what You are now offering me...moving toward You on hands and knees i begin to lick up the cum on Your thighs, balls and cock...sucking on Your cock and letting my tongue move over it once again...once all traces of cum are gone from those areas i slide my tongue under Your ball sac and lick hungily at Your crack....moving up and down it and probing Your tight hole with my tongue pressing into it as far as i can and wiggling it about before moving on*
Magister: *My head presses back into the chair, and I close My eyes, reveling in the feeling of My slave's mouth on My body. "I think I have to go to the bathroom, but I'm not sure My body will move anymore for a while..." I chuckle*
Your slave geri: *i smile as i come close and enclose my mouth about Your cock again....swallowing until it seats itself in my throat and waiting for Master to use me as He needs to*
Magister: *"Good girl..." I smile at your eagerness to have Me use you in whatever fashion I require, and let the hot piss which filled My bladder void itself into your willing mouth*
Your slave geri: *i swallow as i feel it run down my throat....gulping until there is no more....letting You slide from my mouth i suckle along Your length cleaning even this fluid from You before kneeling, head bowed at Your feet*
Magister: *I reach down to cup your chin in My hand, tilting your face up so I may see the look in your eyes, and read what lies behind them*
Your slave geri: *i raise my eyes to Yours showing that only love and adoration lay behind them, a smile of contentment falling upon my lips*
Magister: *I pull you up to My lap, wrapping you in My arms*
Your slave geri: *snuggling against You i sigh in contentment*

 

[geri]

well thats no good. upon rereading it i see no mention of rope, feathers or ice. i am afraid W/we will just have to do it again, Master! *weg*

 

[stunner311]

yet again, thanks

I'm finding myself saying thank you an awful lot, but I like it. It's nice to have found such a great group of people, knew i came here for some reason.

Des.......thanks for the offer sweetheart, I was just offering to let you read the story, I dont think its good enough for editing lol, not after reading some of the stuff in this thread. Although I will admit in my opinion it is better than some of the other "stories" that I have read.

Geogia girl......thank you for the kind words, real shame is not that we can't move south carolina, the true shame is I use to live in Georgia. By the way, my e-mail is in a post a little bit back and always welcome the sight of a pretty face or shapely body so feel free to drop aline in my box along with any shot you might care to include. Please don't use that old line "I don't have ny of 'those' pics". I happen to appreciate a well clad body just as much as a nude one.

as for the golf........I am also a golfer. However, I find any situation in which there is my stick, my ball, "grass", and a hole involved I take it very serious <weg>.

Hello to all others and hope the day finds you wel and in good spirits....................


Keeping the push for 1000 alive and well.......


ps. my keyboard seems to stick alot and miss letters when I type here (wonder whose fault that is..hhmmm) I try to fix any typos as I go, but i'm sure I miss a few. For anyone not fluent in typonese I appologize...............



til next time...........keep the smiles on your face, your clothes on the floor, and the love alive.

 

[Magister]

Still none of those toys, but I think she was happy...

Magister: now... where was I?
Magister: OH....yes...
Magister: *I stand again, and pull you to your feet*
Magister: *you can barely stand, so empassioned are you still, so I sweep you up into My strong arms, and carry you to the nearby bed*
Your slave geri: *i stand before You puzzled*
Magister: *I lay you down upon it, on your back, and spread your legs wide, seeing that your clit is still swollen, your honey still flowing from your shaved cunt*
Magister: *With a smile, I kneel, and kiss your clit delicately*
Magister: *My tongue darts out, and I lightly lick it, My hands sliding underneath you to cup your asscheeks*
Your slave geri: *i sigh and moan...my heated honey flowing more and my body jolting as You kiss my sensitive clit*
Magister: *Slowly, delicately, I continue to lick your clit, and gently knead your ass*
Your slave geri: *i moan and my hips buck....heat from my ass at the feel of Your hands combining with the heat from my pussy*i
Magister: * Softly, I mutter just loudly enough for you to hear Me over your moans, "Beg for what you want from your very pleased Master, slave... Beg Me for what you crave" *
Magister: * "Tell Me how you want Me to treat you while I am down here" *
Your slave geri: please Master i want to feel Your mouth on me...i need to feel Your tongue inside me coaxing me to feed You my honey...i want so badly to feel You fuck me with Your fingers...Your didgits thrusting in and out of me hanrd...making my hips lift from the bed as my body craves more*
Magister: *I smile at My wanting, wanton slut's tone of desire, then proceed to pleasure My good girl, just as she needs it.*
Your slave geri: *i moan, my hips lifting from the bed as i shudder in pleasure*
Magister: *I suck on your clit, and nip at it a few times,then slide My tongue down to thrust it into your hot, velvety cunt. I take My fingers, and slip them between the cheeks of your ass, sliding them to probe at your hole*
Magister: *My tongue thrusts in and out of your pussy as I drink up your sweet juices, while My fingers slide further and further into your tight ass*
Your slave geri: *i thrash upon the bed, my hands grabbing hold of the covers as my hips raise and begin to thrust on Your tongue....i moan at the feeling of Your fingers in my ass*
Magister: *I move My mouth back up to return to sucking, licking, and biting your clit, allowing Me to thrust the fingers of My other hand deep into your hot pussy*
Your slave geri: *i cry out and my head thrashes back and forth....my body shaking as You fill both holes*
Magister: *Faster and faster, I fuck you with My fingers, your pussy gripping Me as tightly as your ass. your ass has widened enough for Me to thrust four fingers into it, while your pussy accepts practically My whole hand. your juices flow messily, coating My beard with your sweet sauce*
Magister: *your clit is so swollen from My mouth's use, it is almost a tiny cock, which I suck as greedily as you sucked My own, earlier*
Magister: *I can feel the surges of your impending orgasm, squeezing My penetrating fingers harder and harder*
Magister: *I growl into your pussy, "Cum for Me, slut!"*
Your slave geri: *i shudder and grunt as You fill me so full....my body shudders as Your mouth works on it and i know i cannot hold back much longer....crying out my need to You * please, Master...please..let me cum for You...let me offer You my sweet juices
Magister: *I remove the hand from your pussy, and lock My mouth onto it, thrusting with My tongue and sucking hard, drinking what flows*
Magister: *My other hand is still furiously fucking your ass, and I can barely keep My head in place from your wild bucking in the throes of orgasm*
Your slave geri: obeying Your command i feel my body buck and thrust as it shakes in my orgasm....sweet honey flowing from me*
Magister: *Hungrily, I suck down your precious honey*

 

[Georgia Girl]

Re: yet again, thanks

Geogia girl......thank you for the kind words, real shame is not that we can't move south carolina, the true shame is I use to live in Georgia.

as for the golf........I am also a golfer. However, I find any situation in which there is my stick, my ball, "grass", and a hole involved I take it very serious <weg>.

Ok sweet talker, you have the picture, hope you like it.

Now about golf.............

Dawn

 

[SCblondetiger]

oh la la

Thanks for the encouragement stunner! I'll gladly do a table dance anytime for any one of you...male or female

For afterall I am just a lonely shy demure college student by day and off-line..but get me on-line and I can be myself...

 

[lovetoread]

Popping on to say hello.

Seems as though I am intruding,this thread has changed abit. lol

Be well.

~LTR

 

[PaganZepher]

Hanging on to stunner's coattails.....

Ah...... GG ma'am???? I think there are a lot of us that would like to see that photo. Would you care to share???

Magister don't stop the serial now!

Des are you home or still looking for the home of the whopper!

Good afternoon all!!

 

[Magister]

Heya, ltr! We missed you, sweetie! How did things go with Himself?

PZ, afraid that's it for today... the lovely geri had to go to work. Perhaps we'll do some more tomorrow... *weg*

 

[Desdemona]

Hi All

PZ, I'm home for a little while but would love to go out and look at that Whopper!

LTR.... the thread may be a little different but we love you and there is always a place for you here. Just be your sweet self and we'll be happy!

Magister.... very interesting reading from you and Geri. I look forward to tomorrows installment.

Stunner, send me a PM.. I'd love to read your writing. Whew... glad you aren't looking for an editor. I'm not very good at it.

Ya'll be good today!

 

[PaganZepher]

LTR come back...........

Ltr we have missed you. You are not now and never will be an intrusion. Can you tell me why you may feel that way? It would be nice to have you home with us again.

 

[Georgia Girl]

Good afternoon

Hello to everyone and a merry afternoon!

PZ...I will gladly send it out per request.

Desi....Stunner's writing is wonderful, he has a very creative mind.

Magister....the serial is wonderful.

LTR.....good to see you back and hope your weekend was beyond anything we can imagine.

Ya'll have a good afternoon and I'll talk with you later.

Dawn

 

[lovetoread]

Well the weekend was fun.

I learned quite a bit of new things. Like I learned that a blindfold was a good thing.

Tiger is well. His computer still isnt hooked up so he isnt on here at the moment. He doesnt like me to refer to him as Himself on the boards so forgive me for not talking like that.

I saw alot of the area up there. Do ya'll know they talk really funny up there? And they kept looking at me funny when I talked. Geez...

And the driving...oh my gawd. lol

 

[Roughneck]

Good evening ya all. Just woke up, and I think the Tooth Fairy took a shit in my mouth, hate when that happens.Morning breath should be looked into by the Federal Goverment, could be the new bio weapon they been searching for.Oh well, its off to the shower, then to the fridge for a cold beer.

 

[stunner311]

ooooohhhhhhhh tiger???????

well well Blondetiger you may certainly take my encouragement and allow it to morph into an invitation. Any time your ready. And snce you said male or female how do you feel about dancing for a couple?


GG.....thank you for the kind words about my writing, annow you know even a little better<weg>

LTR.......I find it hard to imagine you thinking of yourself as intruding, yours was one of the first post I read. I have thought of you as one of the mainstays of the group from the beginning. If I have done or said anything to make you feel like an intruder I m truly sorry and offer a soft sweet kis to make up for it.

Des..........I'll try to pm you as soon as this post is completebut you know i'm a newby (God I hate that term) and still learning to navigate these waters, although I must admit I am recieving help and I thank you all. I would be happy for you to read the story I have on my computer although I feel compelled to write a newer one as this one was written almost a year ago.


to anyone I missed I am sure will read the last few post. Hope everyone is having a great day at last if not great sex.....lol