Convince a guy to try giving oral sex

[highlandlassie224]

I can relate...

I'm married to a guy who 100% refuses to go down on me even though I (like you) have told him it is my #1 turn-on and desire. I have no problem with anything he wants me to do and if he ever expressed to me his deepest desires, I'd make them happen (within reason). I actually love giving blowjobs and want to return the favor if he'll go down on me, but he refuses that as well. He hates blowjobs <---that sentence just seems wrong doesn't it? Take it from me, if he's this selfish and self-centered now, it will only get worse and you will never get the satisfaction you need! Take my advice. Dump the guy, find a guy who will love and respect you....and go down on you, and start enjoying the amazing sex you can have using just your mouths. And you shouldn't have to pay for an experience he had with an ex-partner. It's wrong for him to punish you for her bad hygiene. Hope you find a guy soon to give you some satisfaction!

 

[subwannabe]

If you are married that's a different story but if the relationship doesn't involve marriage then you should find another mate, end of story. Also, it is really dishonest for someone to do something during dating but then refuse to do it during marriage, unless there is really good reasoning behind it, not just excuses.

 

[Tmmldr]

I'm married to a guy who 100% refuses to go down on me even though I (like you) have told him it is my #1 turn-on and desire. I have no problem with anything he wants me to do and if he ever expressed to me his deepest desires, I'd make them happen (within reason). I actually love giving blowjobs and want to return the favor if he'll go down on me, but he refuses that as well. He hates blowjobs <---that sentence just seems wrong doesn't it? Take it from me, if he's this selfish and self-centered now, it will only get worse and you will never get the satisfaction you need! Take my advice. Dump the guy, find a guy who will love and respect you....and go down on you.... find a guy soon to give you some satisfaction!

wow...what a great post...

 

[Miles Long]

I am a female who has never received oral sex. It is my number one fantasy, but I have yet to find a willing partner.

I mentioned this to the guy that I am currently with and he changed the subject. I let it go at that point, but brought it up again about a month ago because I wanted an answer.

He said that he used to have no problem going down on a girl, but the last girl he was with had a really bad hygiene problem which turned him off from the whole experience. He said that he doesn't know if he can do it again because of that bad experience.

While this is not a make or break issue for me, it is still important to me. Is there anything that I can do to make him change his mind? I was thinking of just asking him to start out by kissing my pussy over my underwear and *maybe* licking my pussy over my underwear.

I would make sure that this would take place after a shower or after I had cleaned myself up so there was little chance of any bad smell.

Is what I'm asking realistic, or am I just being ridiculous? Any other ways that you can recommend warming a guy up to giving oral sex?

TIA

Ok, this is 2011. Oral comes standard on all models now. Maybe not 100 years ago, but nowadays oral is a basic requirement. Oral is part of being a good lover - he should lick you and be good at it just about any time you want it. Just like you should suck him and be good at it just about any time he wants it. Generosity of spirit. He clearly hasn't learned this lesson yet. Sit him down and explain that eating your pussy is the price of admission for getting to be with you, and what a ridiculously easy price it is to pay! He should be shoving his face in your crotch all the time. If he wants to fuck that pussy then he damn well oughta be ready to lick it as well. If he can't wrap his head around that then you don't want him as a lover and you should kick his ass out!

*gets off soap box*

 

[newlegz]

I still have yet to bring it up to my guy, but from what I'm getting from all the posts here, it seems like he's selling me a big pile of bullshit. I think Orgasmsgalore summed it up best when she said "I thought just about every couple engage in oral," and Eilan's Dan Savage quote to reiterate that fact.

This thread has helped me realize that I am not being selfish or unrealistic about this topic. I don't have a lot of sexual experience, so I wasn't sure if I was out of line on this or not.

I love giving oral so I know it's not weird to like giving oral and being enthusiastic about it. I've been tempted to stop giving him oral and see what he does, but I don't know if that would be childish or not.

Loving this attitude shift.... as far as withholding oral, I'm all about being upfront. I dont do passive aggressive. It always gets people into trouble. So do something to pump yourself up and find the courage to talk to him about it. (I know its hard and not easy....but you can do it )

 

[Miles Long]

Loving this attitude shift.... as far as withholding oral, I'm all about being upfront. I dont do passive aggressive. It always gets people into trouble. So do something to pump yourself up and find the courage to talk to him about it. (I know its hard and not easy....but you can do it )

I second this!

 

[Ha_vinfun]

<sigh> The old "bait and switch" sucks (or doesn't), no matter the genders involved.

Moving along, I once had a lover who wouldn't let me go down on her. Her graceless clod of a husband had made so many fish "jokes" she actually believed him. Nothing would sway her.

I feel this mans pain...

My wife had an ex that so crushed her self esteem in this area, that I've been working for 7 years to get her to except that not only do I want to do it for/to her. I crave and fantasise about doing it.

Still not there, but I love her and have no intention of stopping trying to build her back up

 

[Ha_vinfun]

Ok, this is 2011. Oral comes standard on all models now. Maybe not 100 years ago, but nowadays oral is a basic requirement. Oral is part of being a good lover - he should lick you and be good at it just about any time you want it. Just like you should suck him and be good at it just about any time he wants it. Generosity of spirit. He clearly hasn't learned this lesson yet. Sit him down and explain that eating your pussy is the price of admission for getting to be with you, and what a ridiculously easy price it is to pay! He should be shoving his face in your crotch all the time. If he wants to fuck that pussy then he damn well oughta be ready to lick it as well. If he can't wrap his head around that then you don't want him as a lover and you should kick his ass out!

*gets off soap box*

Hi 5 man, hi 5.

I agree with you on this one.
Not only should it be standard, but I don't think I'm the only one that gets just as much (if not more) excitement from getting my partner off.

 

[bailadora]

I still have yet to bring it up to my guy, but from what I'm getting from all the posts here, it seems like he's selling me a big pile of bullshit. I think Orgasmsgalore summed it up best when she said "I thought just about every couple engage in oral," and Eilan's Dan Savage quote to reiterate that fact.

This thread has helped me realize that I am not being selfish or unrealistic about this topic. I don't have a lot of sexual experience, so I wasn't sure if I was out of line on this or not.

I love giving oral so I know it's not weird to like giving oral and being enthusiastic about it. I've been tempted to stop giving him oral and see what he does, but I don't know if that would be childish or not.

Maybe he is selling you a bill of goods. Then again - maybe he truly is grossed out by the idea of giving oral. I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but I think he has every right not to want to give oral just as you have every right to want to receive it. Generally speaking, I'm not a fan of quid pro quo in relationships. I think that if you give oral, it should be because you care about your partner's pleasure and because you want to make them feel good. Not because you are trading one sexual favor for another.

That said, I do think good relationships are about compatibility. If the issue is important enough to you to seek advice on how to receive oral sex, perhaps you and he aren't as sexually compatible as you initially thought. In which case, you might want to reconsider the compatibility of the relationship as a whole.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Maybe he is selling you a bill of goods. Then again - maybe he truly is grossed out by the idea of giving oral. I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but I think he has every right not to want to give oral just as you have every right to want to receive it. Generally speaking, I'm not a fan of quid pro quo in relationships. I think that if you give oral, it should be because you care about your partner's pleasure and because you want to make them feel good. Not because you are trading one sexual favor for another.

That said, I do think good relationships are about compatibility. If the issue is important enough to you to seek advice on how to receive oral sex, perhaps you and he aren't as sexually compatible as you initially thought. In which case, you might want to reconsider the compatibility of the relationship as a whole.

Where's that God damn flame button?!?!?!?!?

I hadn't thought of it from the "quid pro quo" point of view, though IMHO there's a very fine line between the two.

I've always approached sex from the point of view that partners must be open (and mature enough ) to each others wants and needs, with a little experimentation along the way. And while I may not be into some of her desires, I'd do them, at least periodically, for her benefit. Thankfully, munching nipples and eating pussy are two of my favoritestest things in the whole world! And I'm equally thankful that I've never had a partner who didn't appreciate my oral talents.

 

[bailadora]

I hadn't thought of it from the "quid pro quo" point of view, though IMHO there's a very fine line between the two.

Eh, that's how the tone of most of the posts seemed to be going: if he won't do you, you shouldn't do him. So quid pro quo is how it came across to me.

I've always approached sex from the point of view that partners must be open (and mature enough ) to each others wants and needs, with a little experimentation along the way.

In general, I think that's a good POV to have. After all, who wants to be with a selfish lover? But I also think it's important to realize and respect that some activities are going to be a no-go for some people. Even if we don't quite understand or agree with their reasoning. That's why I think people contemplating LTR's should give more weight to sexual compatibility than they do. Granted, sex isn't the be all, end all of a relationship, but it's pretty damn important. Otherwise we wouldn't see so many people here trying to figure out how to get their sexual needs met after the fact.

And while I may not be into some of her desires, I'd do them, at least periodically, for her benefit. Thankfully, munching nipples and eating pussy are two of my favoritestest things in the whole world!

Honestly: I have mixed feelings on this. On the one hand, I think it's very generous of you. On the other: there is quite a difference when someone does something with enthusiasm vs when they do it just because the other person wants it. Luckily for you, your interests seem closely aligned.

 

[bb4ls]

You could always mention the line of guys out the door here on LIT that would love the privelege of being your first oral experience. I for one know it's just an amazing thing to give, and give as often as possible. Good luck!!!

 

[NippleMuncher]

Eh, that's how the tone of most of the posts seemed to be going: if he won't do you, you shouldn't do him. So quid pro quo is how it came across to me.

Gocha! I suppose if game playing is the route one prefers to take, then this tactic may work, but IME, all that happens is the people involved just get pissed off.

In general, I think that's a good POV to have. After all, who wants to be with a selfish lover? But I also think it's important to realize and respect that some activities are going to be a no-go for some people. Even if we don't quite understand or agree with their reasoning. That's why I think people contemplating LTR's should give more weight to sexual compatibility than they do. Granted, sex isn't the be all, end all of a relationship, but it's pretty damn important. Otherwise we wouldn't see so many people here trying to figure out how to get their sexual needs met after the fact.

Agreed on all accounts.

Honestly: I have mixed feelings on this. On the one hand, I think it's very generous of you. On the other: there is quite a difference when someone does something with enthusiasm vs when they do it just because the other person wants it. Luckily for you, your interests seem closely aligned.

Sure, but I don't think it's asking too much of someone you love and who loves you, to do something special once in a while, particularly if there's no pressure and the asking partner is completely willing to reciprocate.

Going back to the topic at hand with the OP's boyfriend not wanting to do oral on her, barring nasty flavors or odors, this is a very small thing to ask your SO to do for you. How many times have we had women posting that they don't particularly like giving head, but they do it for their lovers and learn to enjoy it because their partner enjoys it? I believe that this is just such an instance where having a willingness to please your partner comes in. He's missing out on many things that the OP has to offer because of his refusal to be open, honest, and intimate with her. He's building a barrier between himself and her needs that she's very likely going to tire of and send his dumbass to the curb. I'm just hoping that she does it sooner than later, before the relationship gets any more serious. Being with someone who cannot fulfill your needs emotionally and/or physically seriously takes it's toll on your ability to tolerate their shit.

 

[bailadora]

Sure, but I don't think it's asking too much of someone you love and who loves you, to do something special once in a while, particularly if there's no pressure and the asking partner is completely willing to reciprocate.

I guess that all depends on how you define willing. There's a big difference between, "Oh ok, but only because you asked me too" and giving it the old college try.

Going back to the topic at hand with the OP's boyfriend not wanting to do oral on her, barring nasty flavors or odors, this is a very small thing to ask your SO to do for you. How many times have we had women posting that they don't particularly like giving head, but they do it for their lovers and learn to enjoy it because their partner enjoys it? I believe that this is just such an instance where having a willingness to please your partner comes in. He's missing out on many things that the OP has to offer because of his refusal to be open, honest, and intimate with her. He's building a barrier between himself and her needs that she's very likely going to tire of and send his dumbass to the curb. I'm just hoping that she does it sooner than later, before the relationship gets any more serious. Being with someone who cannot fulfill your needs emotionally and/or physically seriously takes it's toll on your ability to tolerate their shit.

I don't know enough about the relationship to say whether he's being a selfish ass or not.

I suppose I'm inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt because I once was where he supposedly says he is. By the time I'd met up with my husband, I'd had such negative experiences with giving head that the mere thought of letting a penis anywhere near my mouth made my gorge rise. I don't think my husband honestly believed me until I gave in to his request one night and started gagging the moment my tongue hit the head of his cock. Mind you, none of my negative experiences were my husband's fault, but the mental block was to such an extent that I just could NOT make myself do it - despite the fact that I very much loved him and I knew how important it was to him.

In the end, nothing he said or did changed my mind. What turned the tide for me came from within. I decided I wanted to change and get rid of this hangup - partially for him, but also for me, because I felt limited as a lover. And I'm happy to report that I was able to overcome it. But it did take awhile before I was able to do so.

 

[NippleMuncher]

In the end, nothing he said or did changed my mind. What turned the tide for me came from within. I decided I wanted to change and get rid of this hangup - partially for him, but also for me, because I felt limited as a lover. And I'm happy to report that I was able to overcome it. But it did take awhile before I was able to do so.

That's called maturity, to realize that you have a problem and choose to deal with it - sexual or otherwise.

I don't think the OP's guy is particularly bad, I'm just going where my Spidey sense directs me. He's certainly being immature, and I'm quite certain that his excuse is bullshit. I don't believe that he's being honest with himself or with the OP, and this is a path that is fraught with danger and heartache for both if it's not resolved.

I've never had a lover push my boundaries, but I have gently nudged the "no fly zone" of a couple of my partners. The tact I take is always the same, open and honest conversation, reassurance that while I'd like to explore a certain "thing" I won't pressure them about it either. And, if we can't do that "thing", is there a compromise to be had? Most of the time all it took was an honest conversation or two to build trust and for them to at least consider my request.

 

[mjar65]

you're kidding

There's no excuses for his stance on this - as someone else said, in this day and age it should be standard on all models.

Hate to say it but I agree with the advice to swap for a new model.

I have a female friend who about a year ago hooked up with a mutual acquaintance. Turns out he loves receiving oral but just does not want to provide it (also is not interested in offers to give her anal either).

I really feel for her cos I know she is a very sensual and sexual woman. I now make rude and suggestive comments about oral sex when we're out in a group just to let him know I know he is letting the side down.

I now regard him as having a personality disorder. And who wants to be in a relationship with someone like that?

 

[Noor]

some people just don't like oral. I find it less intimate than other forms of sex.

Men seem to get more into oral as the age.

I figure you take whatever someone has to offer if its what you want, sex in a relationship is about intimacy and communication as well as sexual release, people should do what makes them feel comfortable, specific acts are just part of the mix.

 

[Tmmldr]

..... I told him that I’ve always wondered what it would be like to receive oral sex and that hopefully it would give me an orgasm because I have never had an orgasm while with a guy (not sure why).

One of the problems is that we tend to have sex in his car or mine because of our living situations and his work schedule......

I wonder if some of the people posting suggestions may have missed this part of the story by Owl.

The lady's never got off when she was with a guy, and she thinks oral would do it, and the current guy won't do oral.

I say time to play around, because once you get those lips between your legs and go off like a rocket, things will look different.

 

[bailadora]

That's called maturity, to realize that you have a problem and choose to deal with it - sexual or otherwise.

I wouldn't go patting me on the back just yet, Nip. It was a couple of years into our relationship before I reached that conclusion. Fortunately for me, my husband decided I had other redeeming qualities and the pros of being with me outweighed that particular con.

I've never had a lover push my boundaries, but I have gently nudged the "no fly zone" of a couple of my partners. The tact I take is always the same, open and honest conversation, reassurance that while I'd like to explore a certain "thing" I won't pressure them about it either. And, if we can't do that "thing", is there a compromise to be had? Most of the time all it took was an honest conversation or two to build trust and for them to at least consider my request.

I'd say that's a good approach to have and sometimes an acceptable compromise can be agreed upon. But sometimes it can't. So where do you go from there?

There's no excuses for his stance on this - as someone else said, in this day and age it should be standard on all models.

I'd agree with that....if people were robots or machines. But they're not.

I wonder if some of the people posting suggestions may have missed this part of the story by Owl.

The lady's never got off when she was with a guy, and she thinks oral would do it, and the current guy won't do oral.

Actually, none of her guys have, but I digress. While oral may be the preferred method for many folks, there are other ways of providing clitoral stimulation: fingers and vibrators just to name a few. That said - if Owl wants or needs to receive oral sex in order to be sexually fulfilled within her relationship - there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think it's good to have such an awareness of what's critical to one's happiness. It just might be time to face the difficult realization that they aren't sexually compatible and he isn't the one for her.

 

[infinity706]

Personally, that's one of the things I love about being polyamorous. Sure, that brings other problems with it, but multiple sex partners is awesome on the sex front as well as preventing boredom.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I wouldn't go patting me on the back just yet, Nip. It was a couple of years into our relationship before I reached that conclusion. Fortunately for me, my husband decided I had other redeeming qualities and the pros of being with me outweighed that particular con.

Then can I pat you a little lower?

Most certainly, one must assess the whole package to determine if a mate is going to be suitable over the long haul. The women that I've chosen to be with have all had deeper qualities that kept me interested regardless of what was going on in the bedroom. That is not to say that bedroom theatrics weren't important too, just that it's not the be all, end all of the relationship.

It's all about communication, open and honest communication. If either side cannot do this, then there is no "emotional bank" from which to draw strength from when there's a conflict, whether it's lack of oral sex or larger issues outside of the bedroom.

I'd say that's a good approach to have and sometimes an acceptable compromise can be agreed upon. But sometimes it can't. So where do you go from there?

Obviously, it depends on the situation of the conflict. In the case of getting a BJ or not, it's not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, as long as there is plenty of substance to other aspects of the sex and overall relationship. If the relationship is weak, then this can be one small thing among many that is indicative of the person and their way of being in general that can cause a wedge to form between the two sides. In the case of the OP, if he's refusing oral and it's the only way she can get off, there's a problem. If he's refusing to do ANYTHING for her in the bedroom to help her get her cookie, he's an insensitive, self-centered ass that needs to be shown the curb.

My own views in the bedroom specifically are that I'm there to have fun, and I'm only having fun if my partner is having fun, so no, I'm not going to push or force her to do anything she flat out doesn't want to do. I'm also going to do whatever I can to make sure that she's getting her cookies as much as I am. Will I be disappointed if I don't get something that I really want, depends on how fulfilling everything else is, and how strong the relationship is outside of the bedroom.

 

[highlandlassie224]

Thanks

wow...what a great post...

Thanks....no one should have to suffer the way I have! Receiving oral is one of the greatest things on earth and being denied it is one of the most torturous things on earth. And honestly, anyone worth being with should be willing to do whatever it takes to please their partner.

 

[bone251]

My wife will not allow me to give her oral as it is to kinky. I could go without a BJ if she would let me give her oral.

Found fuck buddy that will cum 15 to 30 times with oral and squirt on me too.

Future with wife is unknown at this time.

Keep a man in the dog house and you find him in the cat house.

Girls needing oral that live near North Metro Detroit MI my email is bone251@yahoo.com

Seriously. This is a major problem that any solution seems like a bad solution.

Want to take a chance?
If he still has some playful and is not a complete jerk.............
Offer to tie him to the bed.
Then tease him to the brink of orgasm so he needs it bad.
Explain ladies first.
Then ride his face.

 

[lauren26f]

I am a female who has never received oral sex. It is my number one fantasy, but I have yet to find a willing partner.

I mentioned this to the guy that I am currently with and he changed the subject. I let it go at that point, but brought it up again about a month ago because I wanted an answer.

He said that he used to have no problem going down on a girl, but the last girl he was with had a really bad hygiene problem which turned him off from the whole experience. He said that he doesn't know if he can do it again because of that bad experience.

While this is not a make or break issue for me, it is still important to me. Is there anything that I can do to make him change his mind? I was thinking of just asking him to start out by kissing my pussy over my underwear and *maybe* licking my pussy over my underwear.

I would make sure that this would take place after a shower or after I had cleaned myself up so there was little chance of any bad smell.

Is what I'm asking realistic, or am I just being ridiculous? Any other ways that you can recommend warming a guy up to giving oral sex?

TIA

Find a girlfriend. No problems there.