Corrupt Wish

[Edward Teach]

Granted, you can type with impecible (rather ironic that I can't spell it right) spelling, unfortuntely this only occurs when you type with your nose and therefore it takes you a week to type out a single sentence.

I wish my lemonade popcicle was chocolate mousse instead. (notice that I spelled correctly therefore no chocolate mooses please)

Granted but it is made with bitter chocolate and no sugar plus a bit of the lemon flavor remains from the popcicle plus you are alergic to chocolate.

I wish I was walking on the beach with a beautiful girl

 

[RebeccaLeah]

Granted but it is made with bitter chocolate and no sugar plus a bit of the lemon flavor remains from the popcicle plus you are alergic to chocolate.

I wish I was walking on the beach with a beautiful girl

Granted...the beach is covered in stinging jellyfish and the girl jumps on you to get away from them, knocking your naked butt over right on top of a pile of them.

I wish I was in Salem right now.

 

[Weird Harold]

I wish I was in Salem right now.

Granted: You're in Salem Township, Massachusetts Colony. It is Oct 31 1620 and you're naked except for a pointy hat, a black cat draped over your shoulder, the wart on your nose, and the broom you're sitting on.

The local citizens seem upset. They have torcehes and pichforks.


I wish I was healthy and fit.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Granted: You're in Salem Township, Massachusetts Colony. It is Oct 31 1620 and you're naked except for a pointy hat, a black cat draped over your shoulder, the wart on your nose, and the broom you're sitting on.

The local citizens seem upset. They have torcehes and pichforks.


I wish I was healthy and fit.

Granted. You are a fit, healthy 90 year old.

I wish I had a pepperoni pizza from Peppino's.

Shanglan

 

[doormouse]

I wish I had a pepperoni pizza from Peppino's.

Shanglan

Granted, but they've just been done by the health regulations board for serving ox tongue and rat brains instead of pepperoni. Bon appetite

I wish life wasn't so complicated.

 

[carsonshepherd]

I wish life wasn't so complicated.

Granted... life sure is simple in the mental institution you're locked up in! Craft time is the most challenging part of the day.

I wish I hadn't drunk too much last night.

 

[doormouse]

Granted... life sure is simple in the mental institution you're locked up in! Craft time is the most challenging part of the day.

I wish I hadn't drunk too much last night.

Granted, but instead you can't stomach alcohol what so ever and you're forced to drink aunty vera's herbal tea.

I wish work wasn't so damn demanding!!!!

 

[doormouse]

Changing my wish.

I wish anal sex was a wham bam thankk you mam experience instead of the Ooooommmmmm Goddddddd Slooowwwwwwwww ouchhhhhhhh slowwwwerrrrrrrrr mmmmmmphhhhhh OMGGGGGGG yessssssss yessssssss YESSSSS YEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 

[BlackShanglan]

Granted, but instead you can't stomach alcohol what so ever and you're forced to drink aunty vera's herbal tea.

I wish work wasn't so damn demanding!!!!

Granted. It's not demanding at all. It also pays 25 cents per hour.

I wish I could compose stories five times faster without losing quality.

Shanglan

 

[carsonshepherd]

Changing my wish.

I wish anal sex was a wham bam thankk you mam experience instead of the Ooooommmmmm Goddddddd Slooowwwwwwwww ouchhhhhhhh slowwwwerrrrrrrrr mmmmmmphhhhhh OMGGGGGGG yessssssss yessssssss YESSSSS YEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I really can grant this one: do it more often!

But you do it so often you lose control over your bowels... no, that's too bad, and it really can't happen anyway. I'm too nice to corrupt this one.

I wish I could compose stories five times faster without losing quality.

Granted, but your output is so high, you keep your editor so busy that he loses quality and you end up sounding like Yoda.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Granted, but your output is so high, you keep your editor so busy that he loses quality and you end up sounding like Yoda.

Oh, I really can't have such a wonderful, kind, insightful and in all ways fabulous person suffer such a fate.

I will grant him, for free, his unspoken wish that that not happen. After all, he needs time to work on his own beautiful retro-porn.

I wish all my friends had a million dollars each.

Shanglan

 

[carsonshepherd]

I wish all my friends had a million dollars each.

Shanglan

Granted, but they go out and blow it on booze, whores and gambling. You need a better class of friends.

I wish I could drink as much as I like and never get a hangover.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Granted, but they go out and blow it on booze, whores and gambling. You need a better class of friends.

I wish I could drink as much as I like and never get a hangover.

Bah. It's their million ... and the booze, whore, and gambling industries are hard hit by the recession and need the help of all patriotic Americans to make it through.

(Plus, I would look to supply at least two of those three needs myself. Now it's my millions )

And your wish is granted. You can drink as much as you like and never get a hangover. Go to town on the water and grape juice.

Oh. Did you want to drink *alcohol* and not get a hangover?

I wish I could assign all of my future hangovers to specific individuals I don't like.

 

[carsonshepherd]

I wish I could assign all of my future hangovers to specific individuals I don't like.

Granted. But because you corrupted me, I assign the one I have right now to YOU. (even though I like ya.)

I wish my sex partner didn't come so fast.

 

[Liar]

Granted. But because you corrupted me, I assign the one I have right now to YOU. (even though I like ya.)

I wish my sex partner didn't come so fast.

Granted. Your sex partner never comes, and blames you.

I wish I had said no to that extra glass or twelve last night...

 

[BlackShanglan]

Granted. Your sex partner never comes, and blames you.

I wish I had said no to that extra glass or twelve last night...

Granted. Unfortunately, you still drank what was in the glasses, and because you guzzled it straight from the bottle, you drank rather more.

I wish I hadn't really gotten what feels like the tail end of Carson's hangover. You git

Shanglan

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

... I wish I hadn't really gotten what feels like the tail end of Carson's hangover. You git
Shanglan

Granted. Instead you have what turns out to be the ass end of Carson's hangover.

That's the part which kills brain cells, as they pop like the air bubbles in bubble wrap when it is squeezed between the pincers of hangover pain.




I wish I knew how to plot my most recent story idea.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Your wish is granted, you can write the most fabulous plots. However you can't read, so it really doesn't matter, now does it?

I wish I could invent a pill that was like Viagra for women, I'd be filthy rich!

 

[fifty5]

I wish I could invent a pill that was like Viagra for women, I'd be filthy rich!

Granted, but it turns out to be totally irrelevant - women can already keep going all weekend; it's getting started that's their issue!

I wish I knew how to get them started...

 

[BlackShanglan]

Granted, but it turns out to be totally irrelevant - women can already keep going all weekend; it's getting started that's their issue!

I wish I knew how to get them started...

Granted. You learn how to get them started. Unfortunately, you don't learn how to stop them and you die in blissful exhaustion.

I wish I had solid gold horseshoes.

 

[smoochypig]

granted - but they weigh 40 lb's each.

[I wish I could get a wish corrupted like the one above!! damn.]

I wish the car didn't break down more often than I get to spank a pretty whore.

 

[fifty5]

Granted. You learn how to get them started. Unfortunately, you don't learn how to stop them and you die in blissful exhaustion.

My dying wish!

I wish I had solid gold horseshoes.

Granted, but gold crashes on the market - and horseshoes are just something to throw...

I wish one of the young lovelies I know would actually come across (as they say)!

 

[BlackShanglan]

My dying wish!

Granted, but gold crashes on the market - and horseshoes are just something to throw...

I wish one of the young lovelies I know would actually come across (as they say)!

Granted. She turns out to be a psychopathic bunny boiler who burns your clothing on the front lawn when you back out of a third date.

Originally posted by smoochypig
I wish the car didn't break down more often than I get to spank a pretty whore.

Granted. It only breaks down once. Permanently.

I wish I could retire and just write porn.

Shanglan

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Granted. She turns out to be a psychopathic bunny boiler who burns your clothing on the front lawn when you back out of a third date.




Granted. It only breaks down once. Permanently.

I wish I could retire and just write porn.

Shanglan

Granted, but you're in such demand that it starts to seem a lot like work!

I wish my house was self-cleaning.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Granted, but you're in such demand that it starts to seem a lot like work!

I wish my house was self-cleaning.

Granted. It is. Unfortunately, it swiftly realizes that if it just elimantes you, it will stay a lot more tidy.

I wish that gingerbread and whipped cream contained no calories.