Daddy's Little Girl - Fourth Edition

[Endless_Night]

Um... okay.
First - we didn't figure it out immediately. In fact it took several tries at various styles of stating connected over the years. Our current system evolved over a couple of months and quite a few conversations. As with many on line relationships, we also navigate being in different time zones.
In the morning we have a series of three emogis that we send each other shortly after we wake up. No matter how crazy things are, or how distracted we get, that set of three emojis gets sent before noon. It's a quick way to say... without words- good morning. I love you. Have a good day. I'm thinking of you.

Sometimes it's hard to end a text conversation, you know? You just wanna say one more thing. You don't want to be the 1st to let go. So, we picked an emogi to use as a sign off. It's helped a lot. I know he's done talking for now, or going to sleep etc. It means I don't wonder- is there going to be one more thing to tell me? I would point out that we never use it in a passive aggressive way - we never use it to walk away from a difficult conversation.

Speaking of that... we also choose an emoji (we use the telephone emogi) to indicate we need to talk. Have a talk. Work something out. Whatever. It means I don't have to screw up my courage to say I need his time to work something out between us. It's kinda like putting up the bat signal. And then we make sure to have a voice chat soon. To get stuff cleared up. Whatever it is.

Idk if that helps anyone. I think everyone has their own dynamic and their own expectations of how things work, what we need on each side. And, in my experience, it bears having periodic conversations to check in and see if your system is still working. And for us, one of the keys to success is flexibility.

This whole thing is amazing! Clever.

Certainly tweaks for different people and situations, but this will be so helpful if I decide to ever try to wade back in the fray. Flexibility is so important. People have to be willing to put in the effort to figure out what works in their situation.

Seriously, thank you so very much for sharing such personal stuff.

 

[cascadiabound]

This whole thing is amazing! Clever.

Certainly tweaks for different people and situations, but this will be so helpful if I decide to ever try to wade back in the fray. Flexibility is so important. People have to be willing to put in the effort to figure out what works in their situation.

Seriously, thank you so very much for sharing such personal stuff.

I guess the other thing that we are committed to is some kind of daily check in. Real life stuff. What we are doing. All the regular stuff - chores, meals, good things, bad things, what we are thinking about, worrying about, working on. It makes me feel connected. He knows what I'm doing. I know what he's doing. We don't wonder.
I spend a few weeks off grid every year. He knows exactly when I'm going to be off grid and for how long. Most days I take a hike to someplace I can get a half bar and send a raft of messages and get his. I keep my phone in airplane mode and I write notes through the day as I can. It keeps me connected, and he knows I'm thinking of him too.

 

[Endless_Night]

I guess the other thing that we are committed to is some kind of daily check in. Real life stuff. What we are doing. All the regular stuff - chores, meals, good things, bad things, what we are thinking about, worrying about, working on. It makes me feel connected. He knows what I'm doing. I know what he's doing. We don't wonder.
I spend a few weeks off grid every year. He knows exactly when I'm going to be off grid and for how long. Most days I take a hike to someplace I can get a half bar and send a raft of messages and get his. I keep my phone in airplane mode and I write notes through the day as I can. It keeps me connected, and he knows I'm thinking of him too.

I think it's the feeling of being connected that keeps me steady. The submission dynamic is such a tricky balancing act for me. There's that part of me that's always looking for verification that my insecurities have some basis in fact. It triggers that bolt reflex.

That steady contact is like having a calming hand on my back, keeping that anxiety at bay.

Thank you, again, Cassie. That was all very helpful.

 

[Strixaluco]

I'm incredibly sensitive in submission. It takes little to trigger my fear of rejection. So strange. Outside the dynamic, I'm a completely different person. Not remotely insecure, and certainly not high maintenance. The difference in emotional stability leads to a lot of mental confusion on my part.

Oh the same. I was basically brought up to be independent and definitely not high maintenance - the way many kids were for decades after the war, at least here. I took pride in it.

And yet there was this silent hidden need: to be taken care of. Which is why reading this thread (or it was version 3) hit home and I recognised myself.

And since then I've luckily only had relationships with dynamic. Online for a while and then offline.

My second attempt at power-exchange play evolved naturally into a morning and before bed routine. We often played at night, but even if we didn't, he *tucked* me in with a bedtime message. I always messaged a good morning. No matter what. Even if the day was so busy there was no further contact.

That worked well for me. It had a strong affect on my sleep pattern. I slept like a baby, and it created a steady start to my day.

My online DDlg relationship had this, too, and it definitely cured my daily rhythm. I had a reason to be in bed in time, as I felt very disappointed if I wasn't when we had a little text chat.

It's maybe the only thing that I don't have now, that I'd want to have. One good night text is enough to keep me connected and my brain straight - but not my schedule. And morning chat would definitely do me good, especially when I'm not working.

He knows what I'm doing. I know what he's doing. We don't wonder.

With my Dom we have the same. We always know when we'll meet next, even the 1-3 following times. We never leave without having the next time agreed upon. And it's very regular. He also has a yearly occasion when he'll be gone, but it's of the type which you can guess (or check online) months ahead which weekend it is.
We don't necessarily know all the daily and weekly things the other one does, but anything that affects us.

And it effectively makes me forget that I might feel very differently without knowing. This way I feel secure. He's very regular on his habits, and it helps me a lot in many ways.

I think it's the feeling of being connected that keeps me steady.

For me, definitely. I remember what a difference it made to have the nightly short messages. And they are indeed the length of 1 old-school sms (at least from his part, I may write 1-3...) Even knowing when the message will come.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

We have developed some little text short-hands that help keep us connected. They only take 5 seconds to send it is reassuring to both of us. No matter how busy we are, that sequence calms me. And it reminds each of us of the dynamic we have agreed to. Something like that might be helpful? Idk

I love this idea, and I'm stealing it. My anxiety still peaks when he has to go out of town, and because of his hours, we can't always talk before I go to bed. That leads me to worry about him, how is he, is he safe, has he thought about me today? I think quick little check-ins would go a long way toward relieving my bunny brain from overthinking.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

I just came across a YouTube channel for a D/s couple. I've only listened to one episode, Mindless Obedience, and it really spoke to me. It's about getting beyond your ego, your fear, and your need for control. I love it because it's in podcast format, so it's like a conversation between them and you're listening in.
One of the things he said was "A submissive can't surrender into a void", meaning the Dom has to be there and stand in the sub's place when control is given up. She talks about getting beyond her ego and truly surrendering to him. I'm struggling a bit with that right now, in this holiday season. I'm used to being so in control of what we're doing, how the house is decorated, and things like that. He and I are trying to transition that control to him but I'm struggling. Submitting in the bedroom is so much easier than submitting 24/7.

https://www.youtube.com/@infinitedevotion

 

[barefootgirl69]

One thing that was a bit hard to get used to was the idea that if he gave me control of something, he was still in control.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

One thing that was a bit hard to get used to was the idea that if he gave me control of something, he was still in control.

Yes! It’s like that with decorating the house for the holidays. I’m never really finished, I’m constantly tweaking the decoration. He said that there has never been a year where he was disappointed with what I did, but I need to pick a point and stop. So this year I’m in charge of decorating, but he’s the one who will decide when it’s done. I have to prioritize things to make sure I get what I want included before he declares that I’m done. He says, and rightly so, that I have to prioritize my mental health and stop obsessing about the decoration. He says that he has full confidence in my ability to make our home beautiful, and that makes me happy. I’m going to try to stop before he tells me to. That will make him proud.

 

[Endless_Night]

One thing that was a bit hard to get used to was the idea that if he gave me control of something, he was still in control.

Giving up control is something I struggle with constantly. To the point I've had it questioned as to whether submission is what I really want. It seems I'm always looking for an out. On alert for any hint of problem as a reason to disrupt or run.

It's odd, as being in submission is such a happy place. I'm so relaxed. Less anxious, serene even.

I'm not sure if there's something in my nature to test or if my subconscious is just certain the situation will end badly. Whatever the reason, it's a lot to put either party through. Too much, really. Eesh.

 

[FreckledSprite]

Can a relationship between a Little and a non-Caregiver personality ever work? Long term?

Even when it hasn’t been a DDlg arrangement, my best relationships were with men who I could take more of a daily sub role and they’d be more Daddy-like. It’s where I feel I can truly be myself.

I’ve somewhat patented the Daddiless Little lifestyle. I turn to accountability groups to keep me in line on things like exercise, water, all self care.

And I have been with an Anxious Avoidant for the past year and I think my mental health has been wrecked because of it.

 

[Strixaluco]

And I have been with an Anxious Avoidant for the past year and I think my mental health has been wrecked because of it.

I spent over 10 years with one. Definitely does no good for a little soul! But you CAN heal after it.

But regarding your question... I'm doubtful it could work. Certainly for years (especially if you're stubborn), but it would bother you, even if you couldn't express the issue in words. ;I couldn't! Just not all caregiving people recognise or express themselves as such.

 

[Endless_Night]

Can a relationship between a Little and a non-Caregiver personality ever work? Long term?

I've been wondering about this in the short term.

But regarding your question... I'm doubtful it could work.

This, but lately I've been wondering if -

Just not all caregiving people recognise or express themselves as such.

This.

I've definitely known sexually dominant types that don't identify as Doms or Daddies, so - maybe?

* * *
I had to google the term Anxious Avoidant. It sounds an appalling situation for a submissive.

 

[Strixaluco]

I've definitely known sexually dominant types that don't identify as Doms or Daddies, so - maybe?

I'd count them as the dominant they are, not what they identify themselves as. Just like my Dom doesn't identify as a Daddy, but very much IS one, he's very caring indeed.

* * *
I had to google the term Anxious Avoidant. It sounds an appalling situation for a submissive.

Yep. Perhaps the most incompatible type you can encounter, is not talking about outright abusive people. Yet I suspect many littlest do end up with avoidant people at least at some point in their lives.

It is possible to fix your attachment style towards more secure one - but it can't really be done from the outside. It requires readiness to change. And the most difficult cases are the least likely... It's not something I'd stay waiting for. (Been there done that, as I realised too late what was going on.)

 

[cascadiabound]

Coffee dates. I love coffee dates with my daddy.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

I'm just a girl . . .
Owned by a Wolf

 

[Endless_Night]

I'm just a girl . . .
Owned by a Wolf

View attachment 2432868

Stunning visual!

 

[Strixaluco]

Thinks of posting, then finds out the realisation about some thing being a sign of her littleness has disappeared, and there's nothing to post about. Can only wish the realisation comes back.

 

[13Fantasies]

Happy Thanksgiving to all of the Littles in this thread. I'm sure all of your Daddy Doms are super thankful you are there in this dynamic with them.

When executed to the benefit of both partners, there is nothing better!

I hope you all have a great holiday.

 

[Strixaluco]

My Dom mentions his thankfulness almost every time we meet!

 

[Neanderthal247]

I wish I weren't someone who gets used to things or patterns of behavior, and feels vulnerable when they start changing. It's confusing. I start second guessing myself.

You shouldn't second guess yourself, it's a natural thing for patterns of behavior to change, as it evolves.

 

[Strixaluco]

Yule lights! 4/8 up (and I've also had a led-lantern and some led-candles for weeks already) - now I can just be here in cozy season lights!

Now if I put up the last hooks in the hall, they'll be ready for hanging after I put up the garland on the balcony, where the hooks have settled enough...

Then next ones on Tuesday when I have BIG help (I can't reach the balcony ceiling!), and Yule tree when I get it!

 

[Chloe_Harper]

Oh, I love that there's this support here for DDlg! Just reading through some people's worries and insecurities and how uplifting and insightful others are makes my heart so, so happy!

I miss having a Daddy. I miss this dynamic. I think it's so important to find someone who you can show this side of yourself to, even if it's not your full 24/7 relationship. Being able to have that outlet though, feel safe being little (or a Daddy), can seem like a daunting thing to find in the real world.

Bleh, rambling. I'm so happy this is here. All the littles who have those insecurities, I feel you. But, you've been given some really awesome advice. Figure out *with* your Daddy how to have those little check-ins and such in your relationship. The right Daddy will always be open to figuring out how to make you both feel safe.

 

[Strixaluco]

My little side just loves Yule!
(This is still just 50% of balcony lights!)

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

Time to take down the Autumn decorations and get into the Christmas spirit!

 

[cascadiabound]

Oh, I love that there's this support here for DDlg! Just reading through some people's worries and insecurities and how uplifting and insightful others are makes my heart so, so happy!

I miss having a Daddy. I miss this dynamic. I think it's so important to find someone who you can show this side of yourself to, even if it's not your full 24/7 relationship. Being able to have that outlet though, feel safe being little (or a Daddy), can seem like a daunting thing to find in the real world.

Bleh, rambling. I'm so happy this is here. All the littles who have those insecurities, I feel you. But, you've been given some really awesome advice. Figure out *with* your Daddy how to have those little check-ins and such in your relationship. The right Daddy will always be open to figuring out how to make you both feel safe.

Welcome Chloe! Glad you found this little corner of Lit.
There are several prior threads of Dlg in the archives you might want to peruse too.

This is a friendly place and lots of support here.