Daddy's Little Girl - Fourth Edition

I was feeling wobbly yesterday, and spent hours working out a genealogy problem. It helped to focus. It would have been just as good to pull out my colored pencils and my mandala books.

Has anyone tried the kind that are "patterns"? I may get a new one for the summer.
Yes!!! Sometimes a pattern or mandala is just more relaxing than something else. I'm still pretty picky with mine, especially depending if I want to use colored pencils versus crayons versus markers.

I actually started designing my own coloring book where I could feel like I could have the option for any of the above with almost every design. So, I'm hoping that that actually turns out how I want it to
 
I've discussed with my D that we should ask one sex shop (that is very bdsm friendly) to carry adult colouring books.

I'm always surprised at what I can find online. Everything "ddlg" comes up everything except what I'm looking for.

Yes!!! Sometimes a pattern or mandala is just more relaxing than something else. I'm still pretty picky with mine, especially depending if I want to use colored pencils versus crayons versus markers.

I actually started designing my own coloring book where I could feel like I could have the option for any of the above with almost every design. So, I'm hoping that that actually turns out how I want it to

I usually use colored pencils, but I might try my markers. I got them for a book journal and they bleed through because the paper is too thin.
 
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There is something so special about forehead kisses. The tenderness. The way it makes me feel little. The way it expresses deep caretaking.

Such a simple gateway into sub space. Kiss my forehead, stroke my hair and murmur "good girl" - such a reliable recipe to make me melt.

Of course it only works if I already love and trust him.
 
I am probably a bit late with this, but feel like sharing it anyways. Hope you guys don't mind.

Last friday was the Valentine's day as you all know. Well, mine started on thursday already. I mean, the crying started on thursday already. For those who doesn't know, I live with my bf, but I have a Daddy Dom as well. On thursday my bf gave me jar of chocolate hearts. Well gave, he was playing on his PC and told me to take it over there from the cabinet. I bought him his favorite steak and chips, few beers and chocolates I know he loves. I gave it to him, planted gentle kiss on his head, took the chocolates from the cabinet and ran to my room to hide, so he wouldn't see that eventho he DID give me a gift, I still cried after. There was no hug, no kiss, no love you or things like that. My bf is not very affectionate while I am all about showing my feelings. So yes I've cried after, cuz eventho I thought my love for him is long gone, I guess I was wrong, because only love can hurt like THIS...

I went to work later that night and was looking forward to hide in my Daddy's arms right after my nightshift. That was the plan. That and spend a nice Valentine's day with him. Later that night Daddy messaged me they changed his shifts, so we won't see each other till evening. I was very emotional that day. For some stupid reason I always am on days like this, on Xmas, bday, Valentine's day etc. On days that should be special, but are not. Not for me. Well, when Daddy messaged me I can't see him right after my work I was so sad. I felt restless, hurt and so fucking alone. I cried immediately when he told me they changed his shifts. It wasn't cool, cuz I was at work, but oh well shit happens I guess. I went home when my shift ended, but left very early, cuz I couldn't stand being around my bf on that day and him being uhm, I don't know how to say it nicely. Well him being him. Whatever it means. So I ran away and spent 5 hours waiting near by Daddy's work, but hiding far enough, so his work mates couldn't see me. It was a long exhausting day. I couldn't wait to see him and hide in his arms.

One thing I do for Daddy is that I write for him. I like to write and he loves to read whats on my mind. I wrote for him a lot that day, cuz there was so much going on inside of me. More than anything it was very sad story that day. It was about me and my bf. It was about man who says he loves me, but yet he refuses to touch me. It was about relatioship that feels like we are oceans apart. It was about all my efforts to fix it and being blamed for only complaining instead. It was about man who refuses to communicate with me about our problems, but calls it love. It was about me falling asleep alone every night and him thinking it's love. It was about my tears and him pretending he doesn't see them, but still calls it love. It was about girl who was hoping for being missed by man she loves just to find out he never misses her back. It was about wanting being around someone who means the world to you just to find out you mean so very less to him. Oh yes my bf says he loves me, BUT I can't feel it and I can't sure like hell touch it. I've spent so many nights and days hoping he would miss me back, but he never does. He needs to know I am alive, he check on me if I am home and breathing, but thats it. He doesn't need more than that, while I need sooo much more than that. I won't bore you with more details, you have the picture.

When it was finaly 6pm and Daddy finished work, I picked him up and we went to his place. I ended the story I wrote to Daddy that day like this. I will just translate what I wrote to him.

"Every birthday, every holiday, Christmas and even that stupid Valentine's Day reminded her of her loneliness and the fact that she wasn't good enough for him. She was hurt by her own expectations and idea of what a loving relationship should look like. Her relationship has never been like this, or at least not for a long time. She hated these days of the year, because they only reminded her of something she wanted to forget from the bottom of her heart.

Daddy… she whispered softly as she cowered in his arms. Could you please give me pain?? Please... A LOT OF PAIN.. Please, help me forget.. Beat it out of me or something. I know you understand me, I know it still hurt you too. Please spank me and make it FUCKING HURT!! I want it to hurt. I NEED it to HURT. But elsewhere and differently. I LOVE the pain from you, but the pain I'm feeling right now? That one I hate it from the bottom of my heart. I don't want to feel like this, please…” she whispered, pressing herself even tighter against him."

Well thats what I wrote to Daddy, well some of it. We went to his place and uhm I don't know what I was expecting, but I sure like hell knew what I needed and I did my best to explain that to him. I was very quiet that day, for some reason I always am when I hurt. I was so quiet it was maybe a bit akward. I took my clothes down, took shower and went to bed waiting for Daddy. He went to his PC and told me he will join me in a while. I fell asleep and maybe it was a good thing. When I woke up Daddy joined me in the bed asked me if I feel better. He knew I felt like shit, cuz I act differently when I am alright. I nodded I was ok. He wrapped me in his arms and was ready to go to sleep. I think it took me 5 minutes until I burst in tears. I didn't want too and I did my best not too, but I couldn't hold in me anymore, so I just kinda broke down. Like bloody house of cards. I cried and I cried a lot. I felt such tense, hurt, pain, anger, sadness and dissapointment. I mean, my bf who claims he loves me didn't even hug me or kiss me and here I was with my Daddy and I was sure like hell he will tell me Happy Valentine's day you mischief or something like that. Anything really. But he didn't. He didn't spank me either which I understand, cuz he was tired from work, but still. I needed something and I felt like they both failed me that day and that did hurt. So yes I cried and I cried a lot and for a long time. I didnt want expensive presents or anything like that, I just wanted simple reasurement that I mean something to them. And maybe I get it, but I couldn't see it. Don't think I've ever cried like THAT infront of anyone. There was so much hurt in it. Daddy felt it too and asked me "what's bothering you?" I couldnt tell him it's me and my own expectations. Couldn't tell him it hurts me to love someone so much and see I am always the one who loves more and gets hurt the most. Be it by my bf or even by him that night. Sometimes I seriously think I am too hard to love, or something. Those tears I've cried, I usualy cry like THAT only when I am alone, cuz I HATE showing people how hurt I truly am. I just don't do that, I never show it if I can help it. I couldn't help it this time for some stupid reason, so instead of nice romantic evening with Daddy I made it this teary night where I was crying like someone just died and Daddy holding me in his arms not sure what to do with me. I could tell by his deep sighs that he didn't know what to do and I couldnt tell. I did try in the story I wrote to him, but maybe he didn't get it or I don't know. So we just lay like that until I ran out of tears and fall asleep.

Well, so much for my Valentine's day. If these days like Valentine's day, bday, Xmas etc didn't exist it would make my life sooo much easier. I am always teary mess on these days. Wonder if that will ever change. I've apologized to Daddy in the morning. He wasn't mad at me, but I still felt stuoid for crying like that infront of him. He said there was pain that needed to get out, so it did and it's a good thing it did. I was hoping for diferent way how to get that hurt out, but the Universe had difrent plans with me that night I guess. I am a bit still pissed with myself, cuz I simply don't do things like this. I don't cry like this infront of ANYONE. I did cry infront of Daddy before yes, but that was few tears and it was diferent. This night was simply embarasing and won't happen again IF I can help it. He so didn't need to see me like that.. And I hate he did see me like that, cuz those tears showed him how much I am still in love with my bf. Why else would I cry like that? Idk. But I know it made us both feel uncomfortable. Is it possible I love them both? Cuz I sure like hell love Daddy. As for my bf, I don’t know anymore. Theres so much hurt it's hard to tell sometimes, but I still need to know he is alright and happy. As much as possible in our very strange relatioship. I need them both content and HAPPY. I am so confused with what I feel sometimes. I've never thought I could fall in love outside relationship with my bf, but I did. I've never thought I could love two men at the same time, but guess I do...
 
@dreamysub
I'm just so sorry you are hurting so much and the people in your life you are counting on seem to be letting you down. You deserve more than that.

I want to question whether or not your sobbing over your inadequate asshole of a bf means that you love him. The times I've cried the hardest have been when I am having to give up on something I desperately want. When I have been hurt and betrayed and I am coming to the realization that I really am NEVER going to have the thing/relationship/whatever that I wanted. They have been tears for the loss of what could have been. What should have been. What I thought I was going to be able to have if I did all the right things and was good enough.

The loss of a dream, a hoped for future is a special kind of terrible grief. I wonder if those were the tears you were crying.

I'm grateful you are not married to your bf. It is easier to decide it's time and to leave when there are no contracts involved. Please think about whether it's time to leave him. He isn't your person. He's not able to be the partner you need. You may well still hold love for him in your heart. But I doubt you are still "in love" with him. You have given him a lot of yourself and made a home with him. He is part of you and part of your past and for the moment a part of your present. You do not owe him your future. He will always have a corner of your heart. But he is clearly not your person. Start thinking about how to move on.

I have thoughts too about hanging so much significance on these "special" days. They are always a two edged sword. And they get a lot of expectation and baggage tied up with them. The right person/ your person, will help you figure out how to celebrate the times, the days and the seasons of your life, but also love you and celebrate you and do special things for you on days that Hallmark sells no cards for. When you feel loved every day, the freight of the days when you are *supposed* to feel extra special and beloved start to loose some of the epic power/necessity to be perfect.

Just know there are lots of people here who feel your pain and wish we could make it go away.

Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
 
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@dreamysub
I'm just so sorry you are hurting so much and the people in your life you are counting on seem to be letting you down. You deserve more than that.

I want to question whether or not your sobbing over your inadequate asshole of a bf means that you love him. The times I've cried the hardest have been when I am having to give up on something I desperately want. When I have been hurt and betrayed and I am coming to the realization that I really am NEVER going to have the thing/relationship/whatever that I wanted. They have been tears for the loss of what could have been. What should have been. What I thought I was going to be able to have if I did all the right things and was good enough.

The loss of a dream, a hoped for future is a special kind of terrible grief. I wonder if those were the tears you were crying.

I'm grateful you are not married to your bf. It is easier to decide it's time and to leave when there are no contracts involved. Please think about whether it's time to leave him. He isn't your person. He's not able to be the partner you need. You may well still hold love for him in your heart. But I doubt you are still "in love" with him. You have given him a lot of yourself and made a home with him. He is part of you and part of your past and for the moment a part of your present. You do not owe him your future. He will always have a corner of your heart. But he is clearly not your person. Start thinking about how to move on.

I have thoughts too about hanging so much significance on these "special" days. They are always a two edged sword. And they get a lot of expectation and baggage tied up with them. The right person/ your person, will help you figure out how to celebrate the times, the days and the seasons of your life, but also love you and celebrate you and do special things for you on days that Hallmark sells no cards for. When you feel loved every day, the freight of the days when you are *supposed* to feel extra special and beloved start to loose some of the epic power/necessity to be perfect.

Just know there are lots of people here who feel your pain and wish we could make it go away.

Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
Thank you, cascadiabound. 🌹

You might be right about why I cried the way I did. I know my bf can't really make me happy. Not because he is a bad person, but simply because I need diferent things than he does. I want his company - he want his peace and quiet. I need those hugs and kisses - he doesn't seem to miss those one bit. I wanna go wild, do silly things, explore things, go adventures - he is pretty happy with his PC and beer. And it's alright of course, but how do you say someone after 17 years I am sorry, but we are not a good match? I think in a way we both know it and we both don't know what to do about it. Theres kids involved which makes it even harder. So the thing I do is that I found me Daddy and I simply dissapear for few days a week. I have too. My bf doesn't really ask with whom I am and what are we doing. I think he kinda figured out I need things he can't or won't give me. For whatever reason. He is okay to be around, but he is more like an old friend than bf. We don't fight or argue, but maybe it would be easier if we did. It's a strange place to be and nothing I was hoping for when it comes to him, so yes you might be right the lost dream is why I cried.

As for my Daddy, I know he doesn’t do bdays and these "special" days. He told me long time ago. I don't know why I thought he would say or do something. It was just my simple silly wish. Daddy always treats me with lots of gentleness and care and I feel happy around him. Guess it just wasn't my day. I should have stay at home and I will next time, cuz I know how much these days means to me, but aparently it doesn't mean a thing to him. Lesson taken.
 
My awakening to ddlg was fairly recent actually. My whole life Ibe been very put off by the idea (and age play still is a squick for me)

Life, never at a loss for irony had other plans. A series of events led me to acknowledging and accepting this part of myself. And its only been a month but I feel so much more free and easy going. A lot of my sex hangups have slowly gone away and in general I feel like a blockage has been removed in me and now Im flowing freely.

I never knew calling my husband daddy would give me such a feeling... 😭 ❤️
 
Theres kids involved which makes it even harder.
It does make it more complicated. However... The best "home" for kids is a happy relationship of their parents, which isn't happening there. Don't kids deserve to see a healthy model for a relationship? Couples caring and trusting each other? Your bf isn't making that happening. What your kids now see is you unhappy and their father mostly neglecting you.

I wholeheartedly second everything @cascadiabound already wrote (and she did it better than I would have).

You see... My relationship with my late husband was all too similar. He was definitely having an avoidant attachment style - definitely not even chocolate for Valentine's. He wasn't ready to even try changing. And it was slowly killing me. Sure, I bawled my eyes out when he died, but it was, after all, a relief. Freedom. Having a normal, healthy relationship feels like a dream after that. My whole mental health has improved greatly, I feel like myself again.
 
My awakening to ddlg was fairly recent actually. My whole life Ibe been very put off by the idea (and age play still is a squick for me)

Life, never at a loss for irony had other plans. A series of events led me to acknowledging and accepting this part of myself. And its only been a month but I feel so much more free and easy going. A lot of my sex hangups have slowly gone away and in general I feel like a blockage has been removed in me and now Im flowing freely.

I never knew calling my husband daddy would give me such a feeling... 😭 ❤️
You're not alone. My realisation came less than 3 tears ago, at 43. And I find age play.... Well just foreign to me. In my native language even calling my partner Daddy doesn't roll of my tongue (though I could do it in English.)

The feeling more free and easygoing is definitely something I recognise - in a major way! It just might be able to even keep depression at bay!

So you found this within your marriage? I'm so happy for you! Sounds like you had chosen a better fit for a partner than you even knew back when you met!
 
You're not alone. My realisation came less than 3 tears ago, at 43. And I find age play.... Well just foreign to me. In my native language even calling my partner Daddy doesn't roll of my tongue (though I could do it in English.)

The feeling more free and easygoing is definitely something I recognise - in a major way! It just might be able to even keep depression at bay!

So you found this within your marriage? I'm so happy for you! Sounds like you had chosen a better fit for a partner than you even knew back when you met!

Weve been together 13 years and weve both done a lot of growing. Nothing happens fast, it takes time for two to grow together, and once Id reached that point of complete trust in being vulnerable about him, I told him everything and hes been nothinf but supportive. Truly 1 in 1000 that man.
 
Also, the colouring is more free. My mind easily thinks of realism when the picture presents something (and then I ran out of shades), but with mandalas the colours can be anything.
Yes!!! Sometimes a pattern or mandala is just more relaxing than something else.
I do color by number! I do like mandalas, too, but I find color by number to be even more relaxing. For me, the vision and pressure of picking the right colors gets a little stressful. Too many small decisions. When I’m coloring I just want to zone into the activity and follow the directions, watching it come together to a planned final product. I get a similar feeling from building Lego sets or cross stitching. I love watching it come together without having to make the creative choices.
 
Weve been together 13 years and weve both done a lot of growing. Nothing happens fast, it takes time for two to grow together, and once Id reached that point of complete trust in being vulnerable about him, I told him everything and hes been nothinf but supportive. Truly 1 in 1000 that man.
That's partly personal. If someone doesn't gain my trust quickly, they won't get it late either.

But growing together, if that is about to happen, will continue. Sometimes it doesn't even start, I've seen how some people just won't (not even as an individual). I've also been in a situation where growth would have taken me a different way, so my growth unconsciously stalled until we separated. Growing together just wasn't an option, I couldn't discard parts of myself.

I was in recovering from my late partner when I discovered my little side (and even the existence of CG/l dynamic) and subbyness, so I found my current partner with that logic in mind. I hoping for us to have plenty of time to grow together. I can see that in 2,5 years it has already started
 
Trust is very important for me. I can't be vulnerable without it, and without that vulnerability I can't be me entirely.

Even if it's established, it only takes a break in trust to ruin it all. I never fully let myself be vulnerable again with that person.

I was married almost twenty years and still had two little children at home, but there came a time when I decided they needed a better example of what relationships are. If I wanted my son to treat his wife with care and love, he needed to see it. If I wanted my daughter to not be someone's... if I wanted her to stand up for herself and demand to be treated right, she needed to see that.

What I knew at the end was I'm never settling for less. If I can't be little, even if there's no dynamic, I don't think we'll be in a relationship. I want to be true to myself.
 
Trust is very important for me. I can't be vulnerable without it, and without that vulnerability I can't be me entirely.

Even if it's established, it only takes a break in trust to ruin it all. I never fully let myself be vulnerable again with that person.

I was married almost twenty years and still had two little children at home, but there came a time when I decided they needed a better example of what relationships are. If I wanted my son to treat his wife with care and love, he needed to see it. If I wanted my daughter to not be someone's... if I wanted her to stand up for herself and demand to be treated right, she needed to see that.

What I knew at the end was I'm never settling for less. If I can't be little, even if there's no dynamic, I don't think we'll be in a relationship. I want to be true to myself.
Well said. RP'ing and having fun here on Lit is only showing more and more what an integral part of my sex life this dynamic is. True acceptance of self comes slow, but knowing youre at least on the road is so comforting.
 
One of the best feelings in the world is when your kind of weird isn't going to scare him off. "He gets me!"

I'm totally smitten.
So true!

When I started seeing my PYL it was to get lots of pain and try out bondage. He was rigger and sadist I found on FetLife and since my vanilla relationship is what it is I started craving lots of pain. We went to BDSM club near my town together and I thought I am gonna get the pain I need to kill the pain I felt. I know it sounds strange, but it works like that somehow with me. I went there to kill one pain with another. I did get my pain yes. But more than that, I get so much care and gentleness as well. I didn't expect that at all. There I was with this sadist I knew only for few weeks and he made me feel so cared for and loved. I felt so good and safe in his arms.

I will never forget our first time together! I was so shy. He treated me like a princess the whole night. It was simple things like when he held my hand on the stairs, so I wouldn't fall and things like that. Things that showed me he genuiely caress for my well being. He was true gentleman that night and he still is whenever we are together. Even during the play he kept asking me if I was alright and if I want to go on etc. He did give me the pain I craved, but he also gave me so much of such beautiful gentleness! Being with someone so gentle and caring like him felt like a dream.

Yanno, when you are in relationship where theres no touches or kisses is really hard. Especially for someone so physical as me whos love langue is touch. It’s how I show love. It's how I comfort and help those who are sad. Lots of touches. Lots of hugs. Lots of affection. It's the way I am. And here he was, giving me the exactely same kind of treatment back. I came there to get pain and he covered me in gentleness. I came there to forget for a while what I was missing at home and he swept me away with love. When the play part was over and I was shaking like a leaf in the wind in his arms and he was giving me so much gentleness, I hide my head in his arms and started crying. He told me "I understand", wraped his arms around me even tighter and planted gentle kiss on my forehead. And I was smitten. I felt so loved and so cared for. I felt special and understood, but more than that, I felt accepted. Completly. And I felt SAFE. Being in his arms felt like home. It felt like something I've been waiting for my damn whole life!

We didn't become Daddy and little girl straight away, but something happened that night. I knew I found my home. I knew I found a man to whom I wanna belong with all of my heart. I found someone who really "gets me" and that meant so much to me. He knew exactely what I needed and he gave me that and so much more too! We become Daddy and his little girl months later as our relationship grew and we grew closer and closer. I couldn't be happier than when it happened! He cannot deny the Daddy in him even if he wanted! Simply because of his genuiely caring and nurturing side. It's the way he is. So caring and gentle with me, I can't get enough of that!

When you live for years with a man whos cold and then you meet someone like THIS? Well, thats something else. I still have my emo days when the depression kicks in, but not when I am around Daddy. Most of the time when I am with Daddy I feel like a wild foal that dances around him. Our Valentine's day was a bit strange, but he still held me in his arms and stroke my head gently the whole time I cried and sobbed all over his chest and waited until I was alright again. Then he brought me handkies, so I could clean my nose and so he could clean his chest I made messy with my snot as I cried and then we went back to bed where he held me in his arms until I fall asleep like a pup.

When I have a bad day and it combines with the depression it's hard. I am hard to be around then, because I get very distant. I was miles away that day, but he was still there. I felt how hard it was for him to be there when I get like that, but he still covered me with his gentleness and was there and sometimes its all you need. For someone to simply "be there". It was tough for both of us that day, but I am still so grateful he was there and held me in his arms. I don't think he could spank me that day. Not when I was the way I was. I was already in lots of pain. So he did the only thing he knew he can do and he was simply there for me. Stroking my hair gently the whole time I cried and planting gentle kisses on my forehead. Men like this are TOP tier in my eyes!

Man who can't handle me on my bad days doesn't deserve me on my good days. Daddy definitely does deserve this happy me when we are together, because he cares and he loves when I am happy. As for my bf, I am still working on that. I know I am not giving my girls the best example of how healthy relationship should look like. I keep telling them it's definitely NOT how my relationship looks like. I know it doesn't help much probably, but don't think I am ready for another step just yet. I am working on it though! I will get there.

Thank you all for your advice and kind words, it's really apreciated. 🌹
 
I tried to nap but I miss my daddy a lot more than usual today. Loneliness sucks, even if tenporary. And all the more unbearable once youre used to having your daddy around. 😭
When I miss Daddy I try to keep myself busy. Read a book I like, watch a nice movie, take a long relaxing bath, or go out for a walk. Go for a walk works the best for me. I love the nature and animals, so I usualy take my dog and we goin for a nice walk together. When all of that fails I sleep a lot. Lame, I know, but sometimes when I miss Daddy I am not in the mood for anything or anyone, so I just sleep. Daddy told me I can come see him anytime I want, but sometimes life gets in the way, so it has to wait no matter how much I wish I could run to him in that very second. I think we all love being around our Daddies who genuiely gives us so much love and care.

One of my favorite things to do when I miss Daddy is to listen to his voice. I have one podcast where he speak about the DD/lg life style and I have also tons of audio and video records of our play time, so I listen to that. Hear his voice soothes and calms me and it simply helps.

One Dominant I know said on diferent website that he was reading a fairytale to his sub and they both find it very calming. Now that gave me some ideas! 😁 Think I will ask Daddy for the same soon, cuz I simply LOVE listen to his voice. His voice makes me purr. 😊

Maybe try ask your Daddy to make you a voice record for times when you are on your own? It really does help me.

*gentle HUGS sent * 🌹
 
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When I miss Daddy I try to keep myself busy. Read a book I like, watch a nice movie, take a long relaxing bath, or go out for a walk. Go for a walk works the best for me. I love the nature and animals, so I usualy take my dog and we goin for a nice walk together. When all of that fails I sleep a lot. Lame, I know, but sometimes when I miss Daddy I am not in the mood for anything or anyone, so I just sleep. Daddy told me I can come see him anytime I want, but sometimes life gets in the way, so it has to wait no matter how much I wish I could run to him in that very second. I think we all love being around our Daddies who genuiely gives us so much love and care.

*gentle HUGS sent* 🌹
Some days I cope better, some days Im fine, really. Its just everyonce in awhile a long lonely workday comes along, and Ive long since forgot how to be happy alone for too awful long. (Been together 13+ years)
 
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