Dear X

[Chaingun]

Dear Son,

You have such a kind, caring, and giving heart. I hope that you continue to have one as you grow up. The fact that you want to donate 10.00 of your own money for the "Wear a Hat to School" Day makes me smile. I'm proud of you.

Love,

Mom

Nice to hear from a parent that doesn't want to strangle their kid. You're raising a good one, Sunny.

 

[sunshinegirl05]

Nice to hear from a parent that doesn't want to strangle their kid. You're raising a good one, Sunny.

Thanks, D....they drive me crazy....but I love them...and they both are good kids.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

Dear Wife,

So what's changed since you dropped the f-bomb at Christmas dinner? (And later, you actually slammed the bedroom door in my face. Wow! That was a first for both of us!)

Gosh, out of respect for you (and a bit of bitterness on my part), I've pulled back father than I ever have before, haven't I? It feels so strange to me that after being married for 26 years and being together (off and on) for 31 years that I don't know how to talk to you.

It's been over a year since I last had sex with you. Prior to that time? It was a year ago, too. Why did I pull away from you sexually? Some of it is because of your weight. It's very true that I have a self-imposed weight limit that you exceeded several years back. No, I can't tell you that. How do I know I can't tell you that? Well, you said as much. You called me out about our lack of sex and specifically said to me, "Why don't we have sex anymore and don't tell me it's because I'm fat." Um, okay.

So why am I still married to you? Because, believe it or not, I still give you credit for being my best friend. I still give you credit for knowing me better than anyone else. Because I'm still foolish enough to hold on the concept of love.

But here's where we're at: You no longer seem appreciate my sense of humor. You seem to resent most things about me. Hell, honestly, you feel like an employee who wants the boss to fire them so they can collect unemployment.

And it hurts. okay? It hurts bad.

So, I'll try to respect you in the only way that makes sense to me. I'll give you as much space as I can. Just don't complain to me that you feel lonely or abandoned. I don't know how to be close and distant at the same time.

A confused husband.

 

[Super-Surprise]

Santa did not deliver...

I have often wonder both at work and at play,
What great mysteries the polkadots do shroud.
Oh to see the beautiful orbs proudly on display,
If only for a fleeting moment allowed.

The gorgeous mammilla I would definitely ogle,
As I'm sure many a Litster would certainly agree.
My mind left only to dream in a boggle,
If only L would consider my hollow decree.

Her body a seemingly living temple of worship,
For which no words can accurately describe.
What I lack in tact and penmanship,
I hope to make up for with a complimentary bribe.

Oh diviner please deliver the promise of pleasure,
In the form of a most pleasant visual miracle.
Once I see the size, shape and the measure,
I will forever worship your bountiful oracle.

 

[LadyVer]

Santa did not deliver...

I have often wonder both at work and at play,
What great mysteries the polkadots do shroud.
Oh to see the beautiful orbs proudly on display,
If only for a fleeting moment allowed.

The gorgeous mammilla I would definitely ogle,
As I'm sure many a Litster would certainly agree.
My mind left only to dream in a boggle,
If only L would consider my hollow decree.

Her body a seemingly living temple of worship,
For which no words can accurately describe.
What I lack in tact and penmanship,
I hope to make up for with a complimentary bribe.

Oh diviner please deliver the promise of pleasure,
In the form of a most pleasant visual miracle.
Once I see the size, shape and the measure,
I will forever worship your bountiful oracle.

He speaks.

 

[Lorilei]

Dear X,

You'd be disappointed, trust me. They pretty much hang down to my bellybutton at this point.

Lovely, flattering post, though.

 

[aexoticgrl]

Dear X

Was today a sign? I dream about death, I get lost on the way to work, and then I spill my lunch.

I do appreciate the warehouse guys not commenting on what I am sure looked like a morning tryst with a foot fetish man all over my pants.

I'd like to do today over, please.

Thanks,
Agave

 

[aydana]

Dear X,

You'd be disappointed, trust me. They pretty much hang down to my bellybutton at this point.

Lovely, flattering post, though.

Dear L,

I doubt you'd disappoint anyone...look at ya!

 

[NotHisLady]

Dear Wives,

Please stop saying that I have stolen your husbands!
Be realistic, I only borrowed them for a little while. Besides, you weren't using them anyway. Think of it like loaning me a punch bowl or a blender. I returned them when I was finished, didn't I?
So if you could just stop saying I stole them?

Thanks!
That Woman

 

[newbiebabe]

Dear Reba,

Thanks for making a show that never fails to make me laugh, heartily!

Signed,

Love watching the re-runs

 

[flirtygirly]

Dear T: Reliving hot and sexy things that we did back then is such a turn on and temptation. I know you were not suggesting anything, but we had the perfect fwb arrangement, no strings, no clinginess, I wasn't attached to you with my heart strings. You were gentle when needed, and rough when we wanted that too. You helped me explore some things sexually, and our conversations today totally brought back some awesome and steamy memories. Thank you for the compliments and thank you for always being straight up and honest.

Dear Perverted Picture Taker: You were no help today either, but I loved it. You are the biggest fucking tease. Thank goodness you're on the other coast...I may not be able to resist you if you were here.

Dear Readers: Temptation is sometimes "hard".

 

[aexoticgrl]

Dear X,

Please fill out this form to inquire about molesting Y.

Please answer in essay format with proper punctuation, be creative with nouns and verbs. Describe what you'll do to me to win my orgasm.

Again thank you for applying. Please be aware not all applications will be accepted.

Y

 

[sunshinegirl05]

Dear you,

You have grown more hateful and defensive as time goes by.

You jumped my shit tonight all because I told you that the picture was not humorous. Comparing a person to a monkey in a derogatory manner is not funny. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT IS YOUR FAMILY MEMBER. I told you I found it in poor taste then...and I still do now.

We're trying to teach our kids tolerance, acceptance, kindness no matter the child's skin color, looks, etc. While I know they did not see the picture......you still need to practice what you preach.

Telling me to shut the fuck up......telling me that I think of myself as better than you and other stuff....isn't helping you.

I think you know I am right.

Maybe I am better than you....but you know what? I don't see myself like that. But I do know the importance of the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

I am sad. Family does not mean anything to you.

You will lose out in the end.

 

[Azuldrgon]

Dear Asshat that pissed off my friend.


Keep treating her like that and you'll get carpal tunnel permanently.

me.

 

[luvu4ever]

Dear M,

What you said to me and how I feel about you, scare the living shit out of me.
-C.

 

[themilf]

Dear X,

It was only following recent surgery that I found "storage wars".
I cannot begin to tell you how absolutely freaking hot I think Hester is.
"Yup".
Incongruous if you know me!

 

[aexoticgrl]

Dear Porsche boxster owner,

Thank you for the entertaining and exciting commute this morning. Your prowess in water and speed rivals my own. See you again on Monday.

Falken lover

 

[IhateClowns]

Dear Family in Climax,

Yeeeehaw. Seriously please understand it is difficult for me to feel sorry for you when you got robbed. Yes i suppose it was sad you lost your big screen TV, but the $7500 they stole out of your shoe I cannot shed a tear over. When you live in a lnadfill because you are hoarders and you choose to ignore that silly building they call a bank because your shoe seems like a safer place to put your scratch off money, well by golly this was bound to happen.

I am trying to figure out how the "community" you live in wasn't able to catch a glimpse of the perpetrator(s). I know you guys were down by the creek doing some fishing, but I know you do not own a car and so I would think that your neighbors might get suspicious when a vehicle pulls up in front of a double wide and starts loading shit into it.

I assume that there are not many places for a vehicle to hide if you are in a double wide trailer smack dab in the middle of a community park. My only guess is that because you got some rain folks assumed Katrina 2 was about to hit and decided to start looting. Since you folks are the only ones with a TV that actually had color in it my guess is that was the best place to start. Sucks to be the right side of the trailer park tracks.

We are all sending our condolences as we continue to question exactly how you even had $7500 much less in a shoe. I think you should do a telethon to help raise money for your missing artifacts. Maybe you can get a celebrity like Honey Boo Boo to do a song and dance number. Get Bravo down there to film it all, lord knows that fucking channel will put any bullshit on tv with missing teeth that it can.

It is funny enough that you live in a town called Climax, now it is even funnier that your shit got stolen because you wanted to go noodling. I suppose you are right I should feel bad, but fuck you live in Climax. I cannot say the word Climax without smiling, so unfortunately you won't be getting any sympathy from me.

Signed,

Climax *giggle*

 

[Lorilei]

Dear X,

You're so dumb and verbose it almost makes me feel sorry for you.

But not really. Because your particular brand of stupidity is offensive and dangerous.

So bless your heart, you've earned what is coming to you.

Smiling sweetly,
Me

 

[aexoticgrl]

Dear X,

It has now been 10 hours since I left the hands of the
anesthesiologist. Thank you for offering to be my driver. However, had I known that you wanted to eat out twice, drop me at the library to which I am not a member for 3 hours while you "ran an errand", and then dragged my nauseous ass to the grocery store to discuss appropriate delicacies that you think you'll cook this weekend. I would have walked home, uphill. Your inconsiderateness has been duly noted.

P.S. I'm sorry you feel dizzy. I don't think that should mean I get to unload the truck myself. Maybe it's Asshatitis.

 

[newbiebabe]

Dear X,

You have not seen me drink a soda that wasn't diet for over six months and know that I am off fried foods for the duration... so then why did you bring home dinner with fries and a real coca cola?

Signed,
Please pay attention

 

[PutMeInCoach12]

Dear M...

It's not nice to make mg cry and not console her.

Mg's Keeper

 

[flirtygirly]

Dear Pissy Pants:

so frustrated...can't even have a convo with you. i understand your week has been shit, but when you get like this, you barely say a word, and i don't even know what to say to you. you are short and abrupt when we do talk or text. i'm not the one causing you the grief, i shouldn't have to be affected by your crap attitude. yes, i will be here for you, and yes i've offered to help you try and get things going in the right direction. but get off of facebook, turn off the tv and get the paperwork started. you deserve better than you have there. but i also deserve to be treated better.

 

[stan_man13]

Dear 1%
Pay up bitches!
Formerly the middle class

 

[stan_man13]

Dear deranged delusional person with a gun,
Let's try it this way for a change. Turn the gun on yourself FIRST.
Peace loving public