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Dear X

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Dear Winter,

Go away!! I'll help you pack...dont worry about forgetting anything, it can all be sent north. Just please leave before I go insane from these dreadfully cold days.

I'm ready to pull out my flip flops and go running through the grass in shorts again. Also, I have a very important date with him, his truck, and of course some beer out by the pond...:devil:


Your Barefoot Bluejean Girl
 
Dear X,

I know you think you're hurting me, but you're only hurting yourself. Good luck with that and I hope you get the results you so richly deserve.

Resigned,
Agave
 
Dear, Guy behind me at Starbucks this morning......

I know you see it, you do not have to make a sound to let me know you see it.....


Sincerely, wiggling it as I walk out the door......
 
Dear X,

I thought it was funny how uncomfortable you get when I sit next you, to show you stuff. I admit, I was doing it on purpose.....just to watch you squirm.

Signed,
Me...the sweet nice one. :D
 
Dearest Cable Internet Provider.....

While I appreciate the vacation you provided me since your lack of service caused me to not be able to work... I truly prefer my vacations to include lil drinks and relaxing days... But I am glad it took your redneck techs SIX days to figure out that the node down the street had been hit by lightening and that was why I was having inconsistent signal issues. Now let's all take a stand and give them a round of applause....

Back to work today Litster
 
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Dear Sleet,

While you are pretty shining like glass on the trees, you need to realize what you make my drive into work like.

I don't have time to admire the beauty of the ice on the trees as I'm busy trying to keep my car on the road.

Please stop until I can get to work and admire you from the tops of the trees from my highrise office window.

I could appreciate you more that way.
 
Dear X,

I am so happy that I terminated out consulting agreement. You did nothing for my little company and the blowback from you in the aftermath of the immediate severing of the agreement is telling. It tells me that you are full of shit. No amount of your trying to make me feel guilty will make me think that I made the right decision.

Fact is: you suck. I'm infinitely better off without you.

To paraphrase what was once said to Ralph Kiner when he was going to hold out after leading the league in home runs, "We finished in last place with you, we sure can finish in last place without you."

This is to you: I sold nothing with you, I sure as fuck can sell nothing without you.

~ the happy little sauce maker.
 
Dear X,

You're getting right on my last nerve.
There are more important things in life than you.
Give it a fucking rest.

Lots of love,
Pissed off and grumpy :kiss:
 
Dear X

I got the hint even if that's not what you meant it as. I know what you "said" wasn't supposed to be taken the way I have taken it, but it actually is a good thing and made me realize something I knew I was doing, and shouldn't have been.

Thanks for the unintentional wake-up call. :)

From

Me
 
Dear Baby Wipes,

You are a God send and why I haven't been using you since I was a baby I have no idea. Now instead of grabbing the shower curtain rod and going through a half a roll of toilet paper, I can now use your gentleness to wipe my bum extra clean without having to hop in the shower to do so.

I have always thought of you as being used on babies or for right after I have eaten hot wings and need a good clean up tool. But now? Well now i know you are not just made for babies. Tou are made for my adult heniy as well. Aloe vera never felt so good as it does today.

Now I can wear my underwear proudly without worrying like my ass sneezed in them. I don't have to worry about having itchy ass anymore. No more chaffing. No more smelly finger. Why no more smelly finger? Well because you don't rip like toilet paper does. There is no worse ending to a relaxing event then wiping your dirty heiny and having your finger do a prostate exam in the middle of it.

Now I don't have to worry about that anymore.

Signed,

Cleanest browneye I have had since my mom wiped me.
 
Dear X,

Most days I care for you and love you as a good friend should... and other days I want to smack you upside the head with a fuckin' semitruck. Cause it's fun to joke around with you, it's fun to go out drinking with ya- but I can't depend upon you for a damned thing when the shit hits the fan. And yet, I'm supposed to always be there to catch you? *sighs*

Sincerely,
Tired
 
Dear Local Government,

So, no plows and no salt? Probably being used on all the corrupt politicians in this area's homes. No doubt their roadways home were pristine.

Asshats.
 
IhateClowns said:
Dear Baby Wipes,

You are a God send and why I haven't been using you since I was a baby I have no idea. Now instead of grabbing the shower curtain rod and going through a half a roll of toilet paper, I can now use your gentleness to wipe my bum extra clean without having to hop in the shower to do so.

I have always thought of you as being used on babies or for right after I have eaten hot wings and need a good clean up tool. But now? Well now i know you are not just made for babies. Tou are made for my adult heniy as well. Aloe vera never felt so good as it does today.

Now I can wear my underwear proudly without worrying like my ass sneezed in them. I don't have to worry about having itchy ass anymore. No more chaffing. No more smelly finger. Why no more smelly finger? Well because you don't rip like toilet paper does. There is no worse ending to a relaxing event then wiping your dirty heiny and having your finger do a prostate exam in the middle of it.

Now I don't have to worry about that anymore.

Signed,

Cleanest browneye I have had since my mom wiped me.
Click to expand...

Dear Clean Brown Eye...

Don't flush 'em though...never flush, they clog your pipes and then someone has to fish 'em out...not a nice job...you don't need to be revisiting those hot wings in 6 months time...:cool:

Yours,

Plumbing tips R us...
 
Dear X

I swear I could kick your teeth in and walk away like nothing had ever happened,

Really,

Me
 
Dear X,

I thought of you today while dancing to Remember When by Chris Wallace while I did the dishes. I still remember that night we "borrowed" your dad's Lincoln and used it to tow your Bronco. You're the craziest friend a girl could have. Thank you for all the life lessons we experienced together. I hope you're having a fantastic year. I can't wait to see you for the reunion.

Love,
Agave ...testing limits daily.
 
Dear X,

I read your obituary today. I know, I was too late again. I have always wondered who you became and if you were happy. Was your life happening the way you dreamed. Your obituary said you were a soprano, performed at the Kennedy Center in Washington DC, in opera in NYC as Lady Desmona. It made me smile as I read. I always have searched for you, lately on the web and Facebook. I finally found you. I am not ashamed to say that I cried as I read those lines that only briefly described your life. I'll always remember the last time I saw you at 13 in your flowered dress as I let you hold the new born kittens. The many letters we wrote and shared, until finally, one never returned. I'll always remember walking hand in hand to our first day of kindergarten, making mud pies on the "island" and letting each see what our underwear looked like. Your mother didn't much like that last bit of sharing. We learned to walk together, laugh together, and start life together. You were my first friend, my best friend, and first broken heart. I've always missed you and now I miss you more. Rest peacefully my forever friend.

Yours in loving memory,

J
 
Dear Kind Sir,

Thank you for thinking I was 19 today. I know your wife didn't appreciate the compliment but it was cold and this tennis skirt doesn't cover much.

Sincerely,
Forever Young
 
Dear Flash:

you seem to be doing quite well now. a week ago it was all boohoo, sorry, etc. the past few days it has been cold with polite text or chat. today would have been zero contact if i hadn't had a breakdown and needed to vent. this isn't the amicable break up you were hoping for. everyone thinks this is what we agreed on together. i didn't want this. i have been wanting to help you with your shit for ages. i offered, asked, sent you info...and still i wasn't good enough to be of assistance. you had to wait til you were in panic mode, get rid of baggage (me), and now you are trying to improve your life. and we can still be friends. oh yay. right now i am pissed like i've never been before. i know your emotions before were true, but right now it feels like you are relieved. you haven't even tried to see if i was ok. you contact me when you feel obligated. shutting off the switch is not easy to do. i still have fucking feelings for you. and i cannot see you, talk to you, touch you, be near you. yet you linger in every room of my apartment. i cannot erase you. i am caught between wanting you to hold me and wanting to bitch slap you upside the head. we 'left the door open' on a possible future, after you get some things accomplished for yourself and get your life organized. how long will that be? three, six, or nine months? longer? the longer we are apart the more i feel you are quite happy with yourself. and i still sit here in tears, like a freeking moron. crying over you. day after day. night after night. if there is a possible future, and after i have my head examined, there will be changes, or there won't be a future. i know i will read this sad note in the future and wonder wtf was i thinking. but right now, i just need to get it out. i need you to know that you have left me shattered and lost. i hope you find your happiness. because mine can't be found anywhere.

~Broken
 
Dear Friend,

I have missed you so much today. It has been so long. I hope you are well and that life has been kind to you and your family. Take care of yourself. Maybe we'll chat over coffee someday.

~Your biggest fan
 
Dear Maternal Unit -

While I have often times gone above and beyond because well you were my mother. Its not tolerable for you to say the things you say to me when I can't help you. I am sorry that you have made irresponsible decisions in your life, I am sorry that you are not happy, I am sorry you are sick. But I am not sorry for the boundaries that I have had to place in order to protect my sanity.

Your reactions have consequences and sadly my reaction today to you was inappropriate and I took my irritation out on someone who has been there for me on more than one occasion and didn't deserve my lashing out. So once again you got under my skin.

So to address your comments, you are right I am sorry I was born too... but you know what I sorta didn't have a choice in the matter .... SO deal with it!

Your Bitter Ass Daughter
 
Dear boss:

Thanks for taking your goddamn valium today. I appreciate not having my soul ripped out every time I talk to you. But I'm still gonna poke about in you past and see why you've been lying to customers.

Because I'm a bitch like that.
 
Dear peach of a friend,

Thank you for letting me vent my frustrations and sadness tonight. And thank you for helping me smile and laugh despite them. It's much appreciated.

Sincerely,
Not your sex slave, still your friend....Kate :rose:
 
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