Discreet Bi Women...

[Macy02]

anyone there??????

hello????????????????

 

[fae_bella]

I don't know if I'd be ready yet to be with another woman alone. I'm bi-curious, but at this point would feel more comfortable with my hubby taking part as well. (He's fully aware of my curiousity and very open to the idea... Its been in our "talks" for months since I told him.)
At this point, I'm not really sure what I'd be looking for in another woman to share our bed... Aside from a few things like age range (early 20's), about the same size as me, and open to my hubby taking part...

 

[SweetErika]

I'd like to know what some of you consider the most important issues with how you choose your potential partner and the relationship that follows.

Especially if you have already had a bi experience, but those of you considering it too. What's going through your mind as you think you are ready to have this type of experience?

Macy

My relationships start as friendships, then deepen. Attraction doesn't develop until I get to know someone and connect on an intellectual and emotional level, and those factors will make or break the physical attraction for me.

Potential partners have to be smart, kind, honest (which includes not lying, hiding, cheating on their significant other; if they can do that to someone they love, I fear what they could do to me), funny, affectionate, reliable, responsible in all ways, thoughtful, a giver (because I am, and the giver-taker dynamic doesn't work for me), open-minded, a communicator, mentally/emotionally healthy, STI and hardcore drug free and always tries to treat people the way they want to be treated. Physically, I prefer healthy curves and am mainly attracted to faces. Good hygiene in all ways is an absolute must.

I know that's a laundry list, but I'd rather have fewer quality relationships than more superficial/shorter ones. I need to care deeply for the person (and vice versa) before sex, so at least a strong friendship is necessary.

 

[Macy02]

wow what a list...

Sweet Erika, I agree that is some list.... but it shows you have integrity too. I'm impressed.

I know alot of people like sex with strangers,etc...but I have a lot of fears and concerns that I think can probably only be addressed with really getting to know someone. It requires trust...and if i'm going to be discreet I expect my partner/potential partner to do the same....getting to know someone would be essential.

Macy

 

[DorothyleftOz]

I'm back

Hi ladies!
It's been a while, but I'm back and have enjoyed reading the posts. I agree with Sweet Erika...I'd really have to get to know someone before anything physical would happen. I've had one friend that I felt close enough to, to want to kiss her. Fear definitely took over and we have always remained good friends. A few of my friends and I will rent a cottage this winter for some time away from our DHs. I'm scared because of these new desires that I've been having. I know nothing will happen, because I'm sure they don't feel the same way. I wouldn't even know how to bring it up--or if I should.

Thanks again for the posts. I try to visit this site as often as I can.
Dorothy

 

[fae_bella]

Hi ladies!
It's been a while, but I'm back and have enjoyed reading the posts. I agree with Sweet Erika...I'd really have to get to know someone before anything physical would happen. I've had one friend that I felt close enough to, to want to kiss her. Fear definitely took over and we have always remained good friends. A few of my friends and I will rent a cottage this winter for some time away from our DHs. I'm scared because of these new desires that I've been having. I know nothing will happen, because I'm sure they don't feel the same way. I wouldn't even know how to bring it up--or if I should.

I have the exact same feeling for a friend of mine!
I'm afraid to say anything to her because she has told me things that give me contradicting opinions of what SHE thinks of that.. (Does that make sense?)

I'd like to meet with someone before actually doing anything. I mean, I didn't sleep with my hubby on our first date- I don't think I'd be able to do that with another relationship, either. It would be far better to know the other person's personality, get to actually know each other... not just a quick bed buddy. A few friends of mine have had those- and regretted them. I don't want that...

 

[DorothyleftOz]

Same here, bella. I wonder why men are so quick to "do it" instead of getting to know the other person. I like that we, as women, take the time to listen to each other. Although I have never been with a woman, I know it would be wonderful because she and I would have spent time together talking, laughing, playing and it would probably feel right. That's just my two cents.

 

[fae_bella]

I think that's why I feel the way I do about my friend. We share so many intimate secrets abut each other, and know so many things about each other that we probably wouldn't have told people- Aside from this one thing I'm afraid to tell her. She doesn't know about my curiousity at all. I suppose its from TELLING her so many secrets and such that I feel close enough to feel this way about her.
As for guys... I think a high percentage of them are afraid that getting to know even a little about someone would mean they're settling into commitment- knowing their name, or at least remembering something close to their name, is just enough info to have. (Mine's not like that, thankfully.)

 

[Macy02]

friends

I think that's why I feel the way I do about my friend. We share so many intimate secrets abut each other, and know so many things about each other that we probably wouldn't have told people- Aside from this one thing I'm afraid to tell her. She doesn't know about my curiousity at all. I suppose its from TELLING her so many secrets and such that I feel close enough to feel this way about her.
As for guys... I think a high percentage of them are afraid that getting to know even a little about someone would mean they're settling into commitment- knowing their name, or at least remembering something close to their name, is just enough info to have. (Mine's not like that, thankfully.)

I think it is awesome that you have a friend that you are so close to. Even if she is just a friend you are very lucky.

I don't have anyone in my life right now like that and so while I would love to experience the ff thing it will be some time because I too think I would need a friendship before I trusted someone enough to make that step.
But we never know who we might meet today. I just hope I'm ready when I do meet her.

M......

 

[ellsbells1]

Hey Macy-

I know what you're saying. I actually had a few experiences when I was younger, but I was too uncertain at the time and mostly felt bad about it. I wish I would have just relaxed and enjoyed the moments..

Anyways, I'm in the same boat as you, and glad that there are lots of others as well who feel this way.. I've often wondered how to go about it now, many years later. Now that I'm married and not out there w/lots of other singles exploring life/sexuality, the opportunities don't seem to present themselves and I'm not sure how to go about it..

That said, I too want to live life to the fullest and experience everything - ok well almost everything and have few regrets.....when I was a teenager I was sleeping over at a friend's house, she tried to kiss me but I was afraid and backed off....always regretted that and wondered what it would have been like......



Yes let's! It continues to amaze me that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

i don't know how discreet i am, but i'm bi

 

[SweetErika]

<snip> I've often wondered how to go about it now, many years later. Now that I'm married and not out there w/lots of other singles exploring life/sexuality, the opportunities don't seem to present themselves and I'm not sure how to go about it..

You're right, women generally don't just fall in our laps. We have to create those opportunities for ourselves. There are so many curious and bi women out there, many of them in LTR with men; the trick is letting them know you're in the same boat, whether that's through personal ads, online communities like Lit, LGBT/bi women's events or groups, or starting friendships with other open women. Results require putting ourselves out there, in my experience.

 

[fae_bella]

I want to find another friend... Like the friendship I currently have- but with someone who knows about my "other side". I feel so close to my current friend, but am hesitant to say anything to her. I've been debating on using the personals here to ask if anyone's looking for a friend to talk to, get to know, and possibly in time have something more. It would be far easier to just get that into the open first than later into a friendship say "Oh by the way... I'm bi-curious, and think you're very attractive."

 

[Macy02]

I agree

Sweet Erika is right. But it is hard too, being married with kids certainly puts restraints in some cases but it is also about putting oneself out there. And that's I think where I have the most difficulty.

As for being discreet -I have found that various parts (not just sexual) of my life require it, though I have been known to throw caution to the wind if the situation was just right. But mostly I'm discreet about many things just because I value my privacy.

And I'm so glad to have all of you here to talk to about this...At least i'm not alone and it makes me feel good that I can speak freely here with you all.

Macy

 

[WildchildSC1]

It's a process, admitting one's desires and dealing with them. Take ur time.

Couldn't have said it better myself. My hubby knew when I started admitting to these feelings and was very understanding. And, it has taken a lot of that! Just like with any other relationship you're looking for, there have been a lot of forks in the road. Many relationships that never work out, meetings that seem to have potential and don't pan out. Many tears. The longing never stops, although the relationships aren't always available. Sometimes they are far and in between and much heartache has resulted. He has been very good about listening to my despair. I only "come out" in the right situations. I have taken risks w/ it, and if the subject comes up w/ the parents and others that don't know I will handle it at that time. I wouldn't be surprised if they disowned me. My children are adults, but I am sure they would be shocked. I have known for ten years now. Took a long time to accept the feelings as I was brought up very strict and my religion taught against it. I can look back now and see things in my past where I denied there was longing. When I am in situations where I can just be myself, it's great! I love to be with accepting people. But, even then, there have been times where a handful of attendees weren't accepting and threw slurs and such at me and whoever I was with. The main thing is to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons, that your urges are your own and not to "please" someone else like a spouse. That kind of thing can do real damage to all involved. Being with a woman is a beautiful, wonderful thing. When I am with them, they are all I can think about regardless who else is present.

 

[katiebaby]

This thread makes me feel much more empathetic to people struggling with the bi issue. I'm really glad I worked this out in my early 20s, and everyone knows I'm bi. Makes life much easier, I'll tell ya what.

Oh, and like Sweet Erika (my new hero) said, lots of it is about putting yourself out there, feeling "vibes" with people, and then taking a risk. More often than not, I find these things work themselves out.

I'm sure having kids makes it much harder.

 

[DorothyleftOz]

thoughts

I really do enjoy reading everyone's posts to know that I am not alone and that there are so many mwc moms out there. It's nice to be able to talk about this, even if it is just on this board. I don't think I would even recognize if my friend was interested in anything else other than our friendship. Many moons ago, I wanted to kiss her, but held back. It's not that my dh doesn't please me...well, okay, he doesn't...but I long for a soft, gentle touch, a kiss with small, soft lips, and the feel of a woman's breasts against mine. Now that I have these feelings, I often wonder if other people can tell? Does it show? Probably not. Since I've had this curiosity and then found this board, I now look at other women to see if I can "tell". Nope. I guess there is no certain look. I have kids, too, so if there are any women here, it would be hard to know.

Sweet Erika, I like your comments, too. I wish my dh was open enough so I could talk to him about this. I definitely know that will never happen. Lunch is over, so I'd better get back to work. Ya'll have a great day.
Dot

 

[lady*laura]

finally!

...a place where I can talk about my bi feelings. I have had them for years but was in denial due to upbringing and social acceptence. But the older I get the more relaxed I am about who and what I am and well maybe all those outside negative influnces are just ignorance speaking. I love men. I love women. Someday I will meet the right woman. In the meantime....Sweet Erika....has anyone told you lately that you are absolutely beautiful? .....wow....

 

[wickedeyes32]

Same body of water: Slightly different boat

Hi Ladies! New chic here, well sort of...new to the forum section of this site. I've been coming here for years for the awesome stories. Anyhoo...Macy02 I'm in quite a similar spot, difference is that it was actually my husband who sparked the idea in me and it's been becoming something akin to obsession over the years. I had never acted on it because I wasn't quite sure how I felt about going through with it. I had no compunction admitting that thought of having sex with another woman turned me on, extremely I might add. I just wasn't sure in regards to my marriage, kids, ect. Also, I stayed hm to raise my kids so the opportunity never had a chance to appear. Didn't go out much in those days. Tell you what though. Now that I have a little more time on my hands, if said opportunity presents, I'm all over it! I just have to find out what that's like. Hell. I might even find out that it's not for me, who knows? Dying to try though. Have you made any progress since your post?

 

[1bicuriousmom]

Glad to read there are others out there like myself. For me my hubby doesn't exactly know, but he knows I like girl on girl porn so that should give him an idea I'd think. For me, being discrete, being a mom, and working where I work, I can't even post pics of myself on the online dating sites. I have actually seen someone I recognize on there and wouldn't want them seeing me. I have never been with a woman but really want to experience it.

I don't have any idea how I am going to ever meet someone. I don't think any of my friends are into it and actually I don't think I'd want to cross that line with any of them.

 

[lady*laura]

so....back to basics

How does one approach another woman and bring it up in conversation?
"oh by the way...those jeans make you look hot and I would love to peel them off you...."

I have no experience with pick up lines. Very old school here and never even asked my guy out. He asked me first.

 

[Macy02]

No progress.

Hi Ladies! New chic here, well sort of...new to the forum section of this site. I've been coming here for years for the awesome stories. Anyhoo...Macy02 I'm in quite a similar spot, difference is that it was actually my husband who sparked the idea in me and it's been becoming something akin to obsession over the years. I had never acted on it because I wasn't quite sure how I felt about going through with it. I had no compunction admitting that thought of having sex with another woman turned me on, extremely I might add. I just wasn't sure in regards to my marriage, kids, ect. Also, I stayed hm to raise my kids so the opportunity never had a chance to appear. Didn't go out much in those days. Tell you what though. Now that I have a little more time on my hands, if said opportunity presents, I'm all over it! I just have to find out what that's like. Hell. I might even find out that it's not for me, who knows? Dying to try though. Have you made any progress since your post?

I haven't made any progress. I'm still trying to work out so much...but I do agree if the opportunity presents it self I will jump on it. The problem is how to get the opportunity to present. I'm not naive enough to think some woman will show up on my door step and say "hi, i know what you've been wanting.." But like one of the other posts (Lady laura) I'm trying to figure how to bring it up....and I"ve considered my circle of friends (small that it is -) and I don't think there is anyone that I'm close to that I would want to do it with. So that means making new friend (s). And that's hard because it means going to the city which is 1 1/2 hours away.

Now, My dh has had some time off lately and I thought maybe we'd talk about it but it hasn't happened. I just cant seem to get the conversation around to it and frankly our sex life has been well - it hasnt.

So basically I"m frustrated. I want him to know, I want him to share or at least not feel abandoned. i also want to have a discreet experience, I don't know how to make both happen. Any ideas?

Macy

 

[lady*laura]

I want him to share or at least not feel abandoned. i also want to have a discreet experience, I don't know how to make both happen.

I have had this type of conversation with a very good friend of mine. He's exploring his bi side too and wants his gf to participate she isn't having anything to do with it. I think anytime you introduce another person into the equation there is room for some emtional issues like abandonment or rejection. I felt a bit threatened when my bf mentioned how he would like to see me with another woman and then the conversation eveloved and he asked if I would be ok with him being with another woman in order for him to bring the two of us (me and the other woman) together. I didn't like the idea at all. I mean- I really don't want to SHARE him. I do want to explore. Maybe I have built this up in my head and when reality comes it won't be at all what I thought it should be. Ok let me rethink that. I also thought sex wasn't really all it was cracked up to be when I was married to my ex. It was like...WHAT is the BIG DEAL!!! Then I met my boyfriend. I know better now. The right partner is very important. And I am rambling now....

 

[hotncmom]

For me, being discreet is simply trying to just keep between those involved whether it be the two women or the women and any husbands who may just like to be informed. I come from a family that would dis-own me if they knew I was bisexual so the fear of them finding out definately makes me want to be discreet. My 2 sisters and one brother are prudes! My other brother does know I'm bi and thinks it great that I have "options" as he puts it! Lol! But he is the only one who understands besides my husband. The first time I told my husband I was bi I was terrified. My ex-boyfriend used it against me when we argued and told me I was basically a filthy whore for enjoying other women and my ex-husband basically said if I loved him I'd find a woman for us to share and it became all he'd talk about during sex. So I was afraid once my current husband found out he 'd either be disgusted or start hasseling me for a threesome. It was a long time before I told my husband and when I did, he thought it was cool, but now he's always on guard worrying about who I'm friends with. He says it's hard enough being worried about another man taking your woman but he has to worry about men and women! I told him he has nothing to worry about;however, I'd love to find a new female friend (with benefits) to be my friend to do the usual friend things with as well as someone to have fun behind closed doors with. Someone who understands it's JUST a special friendship and that I've no intention of leaving my husband. Preferably someone who is also very in love with her husband but would like the little something more on the side. I told my husband this and he's for that as long as he gets details later! The problem is finding a woman that also just wants a friendship with benefits. Plus, I'm not completely sure hubby would be as okay with it as he says he would be. He also says he doesn't mind if I flirt with men and women online too but once in a while he'll make a jealous comment about it, so who knows

I agree totally. My ex-bf never knew nor did he ever need to. I wasn't with a woman while we were together for 3 yrs anyway. I didn't want him to think that I was interested in a 3 way with him. I wasn't into that.

My current hunny is bi and knows that I am, though neither of us have indulged in same sex sex since we've been together. We are having so much fun with each other now.

Regarding losing a friend...yes. I know one of my best friends and I are attracted to each other but never "went there."

As far how to meet other women of the same persuasion...I met one young woman online and we had a blast together for about 4 months. Another lady picked me up at wine tasting. That was one heck of an Atlanta weekend!

I don't frequent gay bars so I too see fulfilling my gal pal side as a challenge.

 

[Macy02]

some thoughts....but no time...

I want him to share or at least not feel abandoned. i also want to have a discreet experience, I don't know how to make both happen.

I have had this type of conversation with a very good friend of mine. He's exploring his bi side too and wants his gf to participate she isn't having anything to do with it. I think anytime you introduce another person into the equation there is room for some emtional issues like abandonment or rejection. I felt a bit threatened when my bf mentioned how he would like to see me with another woman and then the conversation eveloved and he asked if I would be ok with him being with another woman in order for him to bring the two of us (me and the other woman) together. I didn't like the idea at all. I mean- I really don't want to SHARE him. I do want to explore. Maybe I have built this up in my head and when reality comes it won't be at all what I thought it should be. Ok let me rethink that. I also thought sex wasn't really all it was cracked up to be when I was married to my ex. It was like...WHAT is the BIG DEAL!!! Then I met my boyfriend. I know better now. The right partner is very important. And I am rambling now....

I'll be around later or tomorrow with some thoughts....busy busy busy....

I'm so glad there are people who understand...
M.