Do you think submission is a gift?

[SissySalina]

I wonder if people say that their submission is a gift is because they don't submit to just anyone, but to those they want to? Or that because being submissive puts the sub in a really vulnerable position open to abuse and that safe words are mostly to protect subs? (FWIW: I strongly believe that Dominants are also in a vulnerable position and can be abused by their subs and should also have the ability to call a scene off)

I do agree with you that we don't hear someone's dominance is a gift (maybe because it's assumed that their dominance is for everyone?) and it really bothers me as I consider a Dominant's dominance a gift to me, but I'm a bit of a romantic that way lol

Real Dominants are not abusive, they care about the submissive and their symbiotic relationship and will protect that relationship.

 

[AGENTX23]

But Are People Willing To Uphold Responsibility?

There are NO gifts or blessings in life -- just the lingering burning question of whether people are willing to be responsible for their choices in life.

Far too many are far too eager to occupy the role of 'victim,' the true cancer and the true addiction running throughout the culture at large and within the lives of the countless many .....

Sub versus Dom means nothing at all IF those involved are NOT willing to accept the responsibilities of their chosen 'position'.

You will ALWAYS reap what you have chosen to cultivate. If you have chosen to cultivate shite then shite it shall be until Jesus doesn't return. If you have chosen to cultivate Self-Respect and Self-Love then you will be WILLING to receive the Respect and Love you have CHOSEN to sow.

The ONLY GIFT that MATTERS would be whether you have chosen to Respect and Love whom you ARE and AREN'T. This would be what Truth has always been -- As an individual, are you willing to cultivate what would be the best for you based upon the levels of Self-Respect and Self-Love you have chosen to ascend towards and to.

With this most fundamental Truth then being a 'Sub' OR 'Dom' will matter very very so very little.


When the Moon and Stars have come to pass,
Will you chose to like the face you see
Staring back into your eyes?

 

[ian370]

I wonder if people say that their submission is a gift is because they don't submit to just anyone, but to those they want to? Or that because being submissive puts the sub in a really vulnerable position open to abuse and that safe words are mostly to protect subs? (FWIW: I strongly believe that Dominants are also in a vulnerable position and can be abused by their subs and should also have the ability to call a scene off)

I do agree with you that we don't hear someone's dominance is a gift (maybe because it's assumed that their dominance is for everyone?) and it really bothers me as I consider a Dominant's dominance a gift to me, but I'm a bit of a romantic that way lol

It is no doubt all about desire. Which truly has to always be mutual. I like what you share here about vulnerability within such an extreme. Not to mention how both partners are in a sense giving a part of his or her deepest self. Feeling perhaps in some sense outside of this more misunderstood. There are few generalities with anything. One who likes to take control can feel in some deep ways unconfident. While that individual who allows this his or her own control to be guided outwardly might actually be most confident of all.

 

[nobodyridesforfree]

As I read replies and think about my own experience, it occurs to me I've only heard the gift analogy from men.

Is it a guy thing?

I don't think it's a guy thing per se. However, the word is def mostly mis-used by males.
Submission ≠ ‘gift.’
Some of us just don’t fit into the bell curve of a bell curve, but c’mon – this much needs to be understood.
Don't ever assume to tell me what my intention or reason is.
That doesn't fly.
Communication means clear definition, and that means addressing semantic twists, aka BS.
Same here> I've yet to hear a domme describe submission as a 'gift.'
Maybe I'm just not 'worldly' enough yet

Personally, I understand submissive preference as a matter of granting another the privilege.
This, in essence, is the real 'gift' that is given. As a Switch, I choose to give another the privilege to be the Top/In control, or I am being granted the same.

Privilege can be revoked at any time. Contracts are merely a symbol of this privilege. In revocation, all privilege are null and void. This is the core of any life relationship.

 

[TheWhiteBull]

I don’t want to echo too much what I’ve seen others say here and elsewhere but, sure, it can be. As with most things it simply depends on the people involved and the context. Personally, I’m not interested in doing anything with someone who thinks that their part is a “gift”. I’m only interested in sexually connecting with other individuals whose desires mirror my own and just want to connect for the purposes of meeting our own needs together.

 

[FeelingLikeMyself]

This is something I hear quite often.

The whole gift thing feels a little like the Hallmark version D/s. My submission isn't a pretty gift, all wrapped up to hand someone.

But then, I feel all cranky and cynical these days so I could be way off base. Maybe it is a precious thing?

What do you think?

Yes. Willingly submitting to someone shows that you have enough trust in them to put you in a vunerable position or situation and not end up a police report. (Extreme example, sorry.) It's not enough to show up and say "I'm in charge, you're mine to do with as I want." Fuck that noise.

It's got to be earned. How that happens is between you and your sub. I personally like the soft hands, firm voice approach to start with. The real kinky stuff comes out after safe words are exchanged, agreed upon and memorized.

 

[Goldenfinger]

It’s a responsibility. And I don’t mean mine.

 

[xdresssissytoes]

Being very submissive by nature, I get a thrill in offering myself to the desires of my partner. I've always felt this way since I discovered my sub side soon after puberty. I get off as I satisfy my "dom's" needs. So, it's as much of a gift to myself.

 

[tristantrotsky]

Being very submissive by nature, I get a thrill in offering myself to the desires of my partner. I've always felt this way since I discovered my sub side soon after puberty. I get off as I satisfy my "dom's" needs. So, it's as much of a gift to myself.

It is an undeniable gift to be able to give others pleasure in the most basic and satisfying way, orally or anally...

 

[xdresssissytoes]

It is an undeniable gift to be able to give others pleasure in the most basic and satisfying way, orally or anally...

Thanks! You know me well, Tristan!!!!

 

[xdresssissytoes]

Thanks! You know me well, Tristan!!!!

It's a gift to have you as my first Lit. chat friend who "got me"....sharing so many common primal urges.....

 

[IrisAlthea]

Yes. Willingly submitting to someone shows that you have enough trust in them to put you in a vunerable position or situation

It's got to be earned.

This is what doesn’t compute for me.

A gift that I have to earn, is not a gift to me.
Trust is not something I gift people with, but rather something I arrive at.

It's not enough to show up and say "I'm in charge, you're mine to do with as I want." Fuck that noise.

Perhaps what people mean when they talk about submission as a gift, is that it is not to be taken for granted?

 

[Rob_Royale]

My wife and I are both naturally dominant types. It did lead, to some seriously explosive, nearly combative sex early in our marriage. After a while, we both learned that it's okay to let the other have their way and be the sub for the evening. We've even learned to enjoy it. We've never thought in terms of dom/sub but that's what it is.

 

[sweettalk4u]

My wife and I are both naturally dominant types. It did lead, to some seriously explosive, nearly combatant sex early in our marriage. After a while, we both learned that it's okay to let the other have their way and be the sub for the evening. We've even learned to enjoy it. We've never thought in terms of dom/sub but that's what it is.

Congratulations! Submission is a gift of learning you give to yourself

 

[Rob_Royale]

Congratulations! Submission is a gift of learning you give to yourself

Yes. I agree and it's how my wife and I both see it.

 

[sweettalk4u]

Yes. I agree and it's how my wife and I both see it.

That’s awesome!!!!

 

[writerzblok92]

I do believe that submission is a gift as well. Surrendering something of yourself, what ever it may be, to someone else takes a lot of courage and is a symbol of trust. The trust you place in the person that you are submitting to, to treat your submission (again, for you to define what you are submitting) as a delicate gift. Submitting to someone else creates a vulnerability that if misused or mistreated can damage the Submissive's ability to trust someone else.
It's a difficult enough thing already to build up the courage to submit to someone and to have them misuse it would make building back up that. courage doubly difficult.

Just my $.02 as a submissive.

 

[SheisFaye]

My submission is a gift.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I haven’t read through the entire thread but if submission is a gift that I give to someone I care for, then I would also consider his dominance to be a gift to me.


You can't have one without the other. You can't give a gift to someone who refuses to accept it.

 

[sweettalk4u]

I haven’t read through the entire thread but if submission is a gift that I give to someone I care for, then I would also consider his dominance to be a gift to me.


You can't have one without the other. You can't give a gift to someone who refuses to accept it.

Exactly. It’s a mutual exchange of gifts that makes the relationship
Desire, obedience, honesty and communication

 

[sweettalk4u]

I haven’t read through the entire thread but if submission is a gift that I give to someone I care for, then I would also consider his dominance to be a gift to me.


You can't have one without the other. You can't give a gift to someone who refuses to accept it.

And belated happy birthday

 

[anniebaby10]

I do believe that submission is a gift as well. Surrendering something of yourself, what ever it may be, to someone else takes a lot of courage and is a symbol of trust. The trust you place in the person that you are submitting to, to treat your submission (again, for you to define what you are submitting) as a delicate gift. Submitting to someone else creates a vulnerability that if misused or mistreated can damage the Submissive's ability to trust someone else.
It's a difficult enough thing already to build up the courage to submit to someone and to have them misuse it would make building back up that. courage doubly difficult.

Just my $.02 as a su

Exactly. It’s a mutual exchange of gifts that makes the relationship
Desire, obedience, honesty and communication

great sex always comes when each person gives of themselves totally to the other..... being totally vulnerable and allowing your self to be messy, sweaty, totally "Naked" and open. Why I think men need to know what it is like to be penetrated..... an anal plug or being pegged allows them to be as vulnerable as a woman and wow, does that open up their minds.

 

[firmbutgentle]

I haven’t read through the entire thread but if submission is a gift that I give to someone I care for, then I would also consider his dominance to be a gift to me.


You can't have one without the other. You can't give a gift to someone who refuses to accept it.

This is it, thank you! It is a gift but it’s one that has to be reciprocated. A gift that receives no reciprocation or appreciation was badly given. Whoever you are if your partner doesn’t feel like they’ve been given something special, you’re doing something wrong.

 

[sweettalk4u]

Very true. Consideration is a must

 

[JamieJ424]

I don’t think of submission as a gift.

It’s part of what you bring to the table. It’s one of the things about you that makes you unique and wonderful and interesting, and attractive to a certain type. It’s part of you.

Whatever you offer in any relationship, there’s someone else offering something, and whatever you accept, the other person is accepting something also.

Submission is an offer of control. Dominance is an assumption of control. Offering and accepting. It’s a mutual exchange of trust, and hope, and support and care. the power exchange is much more complex and wonderful than one person giving a gift.