Emily’s things I don’t advise you to do thread

[onehitwanda]

I fricking did it again .

Em

Told you, hon. Get a proper coffee machine. Join the dark side. We have corsets and cookies.

https://dam.which.co.uk/IC18024-0602-00-front-2000x1500.jpg

 

[MediocreAuthor]

I fricking did it again .

Em

That is a mistake I've never made in my entire life

(Hold your applause, I don't drink coffee... and also I probably did it at least once back when I used to make coffee for the office)

 

[MrPixel]

I fricking did it again .

I suggest you might want to have a cup of coffee before making the coffee.

 

[StillStunned]

Making that first pot of coffee in the morning is too important a job for someone who hasn't had their morning coffee. The number of times I've forgotten to put water in the machine, or coffee in the filter, or to switch it on, or on a few occasions that I'd even made the coffee...!

 

[Bamagan]

That is a mistake I've never made in my entire life

(Hold your applause, I don't drink coffee... and also I probably did it at least once back when I used to make coffee for the office)

There's a limerick very loosely based on you in another thread, just FYI. Moreso on your corpus of works than you, really.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

There's a limerick very loosely based on you in another thread, just FYI. Moreso on your corpus of works than you, really.

Well let me see!

 

[EmilyMiller]

I am such a klutz .

Em

 

[TxRad]

No, a klutz would drop the coffee pot on her foot.

 

[EdwardsOtherSide]

Told you, hon. Get a proper coffee machine. Join the dark side. We have corsets and cookies.

Do you have some pamphlets about your beliefs? I'd like to know more.

 

[SimonDoom]

I am such a klutz .

Em

In time, one comes to accept that this is a feature, not a bug.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Told you, hon. Get a proper coffee machine. Join the dark side. We have corsets and cookies.

https://dam.which.co.uk/IC18024-0602-00-front-2000x1500.jpg

I don’t have enough counter space as it is!

Em

 

[AchtungNight]

Some things I don’t advise you to do?

- Invite a slutty girl into your dorm room to have a three way with you and your roommate _without_ discussing it with the roommate beforehand. This actually happened to me in college- I was the roommate. I thought the girl was hot but was not into the guy who invited her to our room and given that he would not leave the room, she was more into him than me, and I was tired and uncomfortable with what they wanted, I decided to just turn my back and sleep as best I can in one bed while they had an erotic coupling in the other bed. The next day I arranged to be transferred to another room for the rest of the semester. I had consensual enjoyable group sex encounters later, but they did not involve that crazy couple.

- kinkshame your relative when he is honest about his sexual orientation with you. Especially not in a public environment where children might be listening. Yes, a relative did this to me recently. I am an out and proud smut enthusiast with a lot of people- life is too short for me to be ashamed of it long term- but after this I am strongly considering disowning the offending relative. Thankfully another relative to whom she made the kinkshaming behind my back told me about it and is on my side in the matter. We are addressing the issue and would appreciate any good will.

- I’d add a satirical statement about not letting your children grow up to be adult entertainers, but given that I am such a person, I’m good at it, and I like being such… I will just encourage honest conversations about it between consenting adults and leave it at that.

 

[onehitwanda]

I don’t have enough counter space as it is!

Em

Get rid of

• The statue of me. I know you have it. Get rid of it or sell it on Ebay or something.
• The old coffee machine

Plenty of space next to the tentacle stand then.

 

[Deleted member 6666935]

I only know that from Stranger Things.

Em

Way to make me feel old….

 

[Fatdog25]

I fricking did it again .

Em

This is why I now set it up before going to bed.

The third time was the charm.

 

[Bamagan]

I don’t have enough counter space as it is!

Em

What you really need is a coffee wench.

https://porngipfy.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/milk-with-your-coffee.gif

 

[EmilyMiller]

What you really need is a coffee wench.

https://porngipfy.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/milk-with-your-coffee.gif

It would take ten of my breasts to make hers. Maybe twenty .

Em

 

[SimonDoom]

What you really need is a coffee wench.

https://porngipfy.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/milk-with-your-coffee.gif

Another addition to my growing list of "Things I didn't realize I need."

 

[EmilyMiller]

Get rid of

• The statue of me. I know you have it. Get rid of it or sell it on Ebay or something.
• The old coffee machine

Plenty of space next to the tentacle stand then.

Maybe I could move the vibrators and fleshlights to the basement.

Em

 

[Bamagan]

It would take ten of my breasts to make hers. Maybe twenty .

Em

I didn't realize you had twenty or more breasts! I can only assume that you've got them scattered all over your body instead of concatenated like the coffee wench.

 

[MrPixel]

Would it be politically incorrect to opine that I find XXXL breasts like that to be unattractive if not grotesque?

Or, rather, will my ‘Merican manly-man certification be revoked? It boggles. Or maybe jiggles.

 

[TxRad]

If you have no room for that big old coffee maker, where are you going to put the, uh, coffee wench?

 

[Djmac1031]

Would it be politically incorrect to opine that I find XXXL breasts like that to be unattractive if not grotesque?

Or, rather, will my ‘Merican manly-man certification be revoked? It boggles. Or maybe jiggles.

You're entitled to your opinions and preferences, of course.

Me? I like them all sizes. Big n bouncy? Great!

Tiny and perky? Beautiful!

Boobs are awesome. So are the people they're attached to.

 

[SimonDoom]

What you really need is a coffee wench.

https://porngipfy.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/milk-with-your-coffee.gif

About the coffee wench: Does she actually make the coffee, or just deliver it? I'm good either way, but I need to know for shopping/planning purposes.

 

[Bamagan]

About the coffee wench: Does she actually make the coffee, or just deliver it? I'm good either way, but I need to know for shopping/planning purposes.

It depends on the model you select. The stripped down version only delivers the coffee, but, she's naked.
The one in the picture is on the deluxe end of the spectrum, and she grinds and brews in addition to delivering. Her endowments also allow her to offer you cafe au lait in bed, if that's your happy drink.