Female Lit authors: How much unsolicited sexual advances have you dealt with as a result of your writing?

[Kelliezgirl]

No it's that they wanna find people to do IRL things with on here. Maybe some of them even have in the past. Not sure. Just something I've noticed.

Our two statements are complimentary, they want to find people to do IRL things with and they assume that the people here will be more...receptive is perhaps a nicer way of putting it.

 

[vanmyers86]

No one thinks that. I think most of them want to see if you live the life you erite in your stories

One guy told me exactly that, then got peeved when I said no.
I will say that using a headshot of what appears to be either a nun or the Virgin Mary has led to a steep decline in propositions.

 

[Bramblethorn]

By the way the insinuations that having a "sexy" profile pic or our locations in our profile is inviting such behavior is the same vibe as "Well, what were you wearing?"

My location has always been listed as "My imagination, usually" and my last profile pic was literally a neon L and M overlapping on a bright green background accented with a black lip print in the background. I think that pfp was used for well over a year when I got most of the communications I mentioned. If not longer. Don't remember what it was before that.

I don't think I've ever had a humanoid PFP here. I still got a few horny PMs in the early days, though it's been quite a while since the last one.

The ones who go straight to "wanna fuck a complete stranger" are obnoxious but worse, IMHO, are the ones who do some sort of "hi, I really liked your story/that thing you said on the forum/etc." and then as soon as they get a polite reply take that as their invitation to start yankin' it.

 

[Bramblethorn]

No one thinks that. I think most of them want to see if you live the life you erite in your stories

I was getting wannafuck PMs from dudes at a time when the only stories I'd posted here were lesbian.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Well, that was odd... It looked like my response to this posted twice (on the bottom of pg 3 and again after Madeleine's on. Pg 4) so I moved to delete one and both poofed.

The display is a little confusing that way - if you're reading a page that's not the last in the thread, and you post a reply, you'll see the reply at the bottom of the page you replied from, even though it's actually on a later page.

 

[StillStunned]

So, this is the guy I blocked the other day for the "forced cuckold" private message that ended with this:

I saw his "Still interested?" post above and wondered whether I was seeing it right, that someone was hitting on you in this thread of all places.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

another shoutout to proton mail - I migrated there from gmail after one too many "fuck you you can't log in because you're from a new ip address and we're going to force you to doxx yourself to gain access"

Proton is very low effort. I like it.

Yea, gmail won't let me see my email anymore unless I give them my cell, so fuck that. Lost some contacts and other shit. Fucking fuck fuck google, fucking hate those fuckers.

P S - fuck google.

 

[onehitwanda]

fuck google

with a walrus, backwards.

 

[onehitwanda]

Nor, going by what I see guys paying for, do they even have to be clean.

well, that's my nightmares sorted for tonight then.

 

[BBlaketbv]

As a man who has just been active here for a few months (4 stories posted so far), I have received nothing. And that's fine for me.

On the forum so far I am quite happy to see most people are respectful towards eachother, and that there aren't a lot of creeps.

But something else: in my direct family I have two females who have written stories and posted those online (not Literotica, not spicy, as far as I know). They did receive some creepy responses, idk how many or the exact details. They still get contacted by total strangers with weird proposals, and that does have a negative impact on their social behaviour.
The problem of this kind of harrassment is something I really want to understand better. Atm I feel like I just don't know enough about it.

 

[onehitwanda]

The problem of this kind of harrassment is something I really want to understand better. Atm I feel like I just don't know enough about it.

The problem is multifaceted.

1. the internet is a great anonymiser. People feel safe expressing the things they (probably) wouldn't say in public for fear of censure. There's literally no downside for the behaviour.
2. some people just view themselves as the main character and therefore what they want is most important - attractive people should want to be with them because that's the Narrative they deserve for being them
3. some people have no filters
4. some people are just arseholes
5. some people do it specifically to hurt or anger the recipients

 

[AwkwardlySet]

A general rule of conduct should be to act the same as you would with real-life people, yet anonymity and complete lack of consequences of online interactions make people act like assholes and creeps - their true selves that they can't be in real life because it would earn them a punch to the face at the very least. I've always argued that the internet lets people be their truest selves.

 

[StillStunned]

A general rule of conduct should be to act the same as you would with real-life people, yet anonymity and complete lack of consequences of online interactions make people act like assholes and creeps - their true selves that they can't be in real life because it would earn them a punch to the face at the very least. I've always argued that the internet lets people be their truest selves.

They say character is what you are in the dark, or how you act when no-one can see. I think the modern version is that character is how you act online.

 

[GrushaVashnadze]

I'm curious to know how much of this solicitation other female authors have dealt with (guys are welcome to chime in with relevant anecdote as well, I suppose).

Disclaimer: I am male. But I have never sent a dick pic in my life, nor have I ever approached anyone online for nudes or sex, cyber or otherwise.

However, since starting to write smut c. 3 years ago, two women have directly approached me for cyber-sex. One was relatively delicate about it, asking if I "enjoyed simultaneous masturbation". The other said, bluntly, "Wanna fuck?" Sadly, I didn't wanna fuck, not because of any great moral virtue on my part, but mainly because typing one-handed is something I find supremely unexciting. It didn't stop these ladies unilaterally sending me tit- and pussy-pics, though - which I accepted with gratitude, but did not reciprocate.

I think these ladies may perhaps have mistaken my very filthy mind (as expressed in my stories) for reality. However, in real life I lead a thoroughly conventional, not to say conservative, sexual lifestyle. But I enjoy talking and writing about sex in all its variety, both filthy and filthier, graphic and pornographic, and am always fascinated by other people's thoughts, experiences and fantasies.

Wanna chat? (No fucking, no dick pics - I promise...)

 

[Devinter]

I've always argued that the internet lets people be their truest selves.

It's entirely possible that you are correct, but I would like to believe that there is also an element of detachment at play. I'd imagine that when a person cannot see the fellow human they're interacting with, or gauge their emotional response to creepy actions in a direct manner, then things feel less "real" and some individuals are likely to be less empathetic and considerate towards their fellow human beings. Perhaps if they saw how uncomfortable they made people, they'd feel some sort of emotional negative response?

 

[onehitwanda]

they'd feel some sort of emotional negative response?

this would only be true for that subset of people who are capable of empathy, introspection and shame.

 

[Bamagan]

The problem is multifaceted.

1. the internet is a great anonymiser. People feel safe expressing the things they (probably) wouldn't say in public for fear of censure. There's literally no downside for the behaviour.
2. some people just view themselves as the main character and therefore what they want is most important - attractive people should want to be with them because that's the Narrative they deserve for being them
3. some people have no filters
4. some people are just arseholes
5. some people do it specifically to hurt or anger the recipients

I reckon that puts me at around 4.7 then... my highest rating at Literotica yet!

 

[Bramblethorn]

Dudes are turned on by lesbian stories

I've got no problem with dudes being turned on by lesbian stories. That's not what I was talking about.

But I get the impression reading's not your strong suit.

 

[Bramblethorn]

It's entirely possible that you are correct, but I would like to believe that there is also an element of detachment at play. I'd imagine that when a person cannot see the fellow human they're interacting with, or gauge their emotional response to creepy actions in a direct manner, then things feel less "real" and some individuals are likely to be less empathetic and considerate towards their fellow human beings. Perhaps if they saw how uncomfortable they made people, they'd feel some sort of emotional negative response?

For some, maybe. But there are also people for whom making others uncomfortable is the point.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

That post is why I put the screenshots up.

I literally CANNOT believe that a guy is using this thread of all places to continue harassing you.

Kudos to you for maintaining your composure.

 

[DomBombadil]

What? Non. Didn't want you

Stop being a fucking creep.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Stop being a fucking creep.

Excellent username.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

This case just shows how many people read our forum, even if we think we are the only dwellers here. Of course, one can never be sure that these aren't someone's alts. Nothing would surprise me anymore.

 

[yowser]

A general rule of conduct should be to act the same as you would with real-life people, yet anonymity and complete lack of consequences of online interactions make people act like assholes and creeps - their true selves that they can't be in real life because it would earn them a punch to the face at the very least. I've always argued that the internet lets people be their truest selves.

I'm unconvinced, although you are spot on with the anonymity/lack of consequences observation (same sort of behavior that shows up while driving as 'road rage'.) Or a pint or two over the limit at the pub.

Sherry Turkle has written quite a bit about online personas ('Life on the Screen' in 1995 and 'Alone Together' in 2011) and she notes that many folks present a 'curated' self, one of the peculiarities of online life, which can allow enormous distortion. I don't think I see people's 'truest selves' on the internet for the most part, unless said persons are unusually honest and articulate. Specific individual characteristics can certainly be magnified online.

It often ends up like the old 'house of mirrors' business at the carnivals and fun houses, where diffraction seems to be the norm, and the reader/correspondent needs to be alert and discriminating to understand what's really going on.

 

[alohadave]

I actually think there's a (unorganized) contingent of people who use this forum/website as a dating site. That's why you sometimes see "m" or "f" in their "interested in:" taglines on their profiles on story side, because they think it's asking for sexual preference instead of for literally what it is their interests are.

You see posts in the Story Ideas forum that are thinly veiled attempts at hooking up.