Feminine guys, masculine girls

[BitterIchor]

I find different things attractive about different people. I've had girlfriends who were butch and I've had ultra-femme ones. I myself am probably a bit of a tomboy (I never wear dresses, skirts or makeup...things like that) but I've been told I'm still fairly feminine at times.

One thing that I think many people doesn't understand is that the butch dykes and queens out there doesn't "choose" to be overly feminine or mascule. They simply are who they are. In this context, I don't think it can ever be wrong to be who you are.

With that said, I realize that this isn't everyones cup of tea and that I didn't mean for anything I've written to seem judgemental in any way.

 

[CuriousNiceGuy]

I kinda seem to fall in the same category as Harrowborg.
I like masculine women as friends, as they usually have a lot of humour and are very open minded, but I think they intimidate me sentimentally and sexually.It's the aggressive part of them that makes me feel like that.
Then again, I'm kinda shy and I can't really stand too much masculinity(is this a word? )
I also somewhat like feminine guys and I realised it when I saw some pictures of a japanese rock star named Gackt Camui, where he wore make up.
Lol he was the hottest chick I'd ever seen!
I even showed the pics to my friends, without them knowing he was a guy, and they were all like 'OMG!!Who's that hot woman??'.Of course they couldn't believe it when I said it was a guy.
I like it when life plays 'cruel' games to straight people!

 

[Jagged]

Taking care of ones appearance is on thing but looking like a member of the opposite sex is completely different.....I look back on the manly images I grew up with...the role models.......cowboys, soldiers, firefighters. Don't think any wondered about what their nails looked like or if they smelled good. They were rough and tough and that was their appeal to the ladies as well I thought.

Femine is not merely confined to makeup and long nails and high heels when it comes to women I think. It is more complex....


I guess it is what comes down to is if your secure with who you are but you have to know others won't warm up to you in the same way. My Grandfather a mans man who sees the world in an older view. When he met a woman who was a member of the Marine Corp he so cherishes he was polite and respected her as a Marine.....even if in private he was wondering what happen to the corp and how butch she was...


Personally men should act and dress like men and women like women.....and those who don't should still be respected.

 

[Etoile]

Personally men should act and dress like men and women like women.....and those who don't should still be respected.

What about people who are in between male and female?

 

[GuitarRocker]

I totally agree with you. I like gay men who acts like an actual man. Gay men who are feminish turns me off.

 

[revolution724]

I guess it is what comes down to is if your secure with who you are but you have to know others won't warm up to you in the same way.

I wonder if this is a little bit like saying that sure, it's okay to be [whatever race you are that isn't Caucasian], but you ought to know that white people are going to treat you differently. Would you feel just as comfortable making a statement like that?

 

[Jagged]

People like who they like........Interesting how you managed to bring race into it. I personally try to get to know people. Broad sweeping judgements don't work very well.

I have an image of what men should be like.....I follow that image as I dress act and live. Women like it but I am sure that there are women that don't and ones that are attached to other looks.

Men act like men....not morons. The greatest complement I had was being called a real gentlement by a lesbian who was being disrespected at a bar. Being a man is alot more then just looking like one.

 

[CuriousNiceGuy]

You are right, and a woman can be more of a 'man', than many men are.
But I was especially talking about liking the whole package.I mean, I may like the character of a feminine gay friend of mine, but most times I won't be turned on by a fantasy with him because of his whole femine-thing.
And with a butch woman, whenever I try to fantasize, I end up laughing because of all the funny scenarios with her suddenly grabbing a whip, or getting on top and starting jumping up and down on me like crazy, while I look at her panicked..

Ok..
That was a lame fantasy..

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

How many of you are totally ok with having feminine boyfriends or masculine girlfriends?Or even in a friendly base.

Personally, people who don't fit predistined gender roles are a huge turn on for me. I love femmy boys and diesel grrls, always have.

Not to say that I don't understand why others wouldn't be able to deal with it in a romantic way, but I like the surprise of a hot butch or soft boy type. (Though recently, my girl's have run more to the femme end of the spectrum..but the boys are still way more femme than I am)

 

[CJontherocks]

Interesting discussion. Too bad I have nothing interesting to add. I can't really classify whether I like butch girls, femme guys, manly men or girly girls. Some butch girls do it for me. Some don't. Some manly men get my attention. Some twinkish guys turn my head. Mostly I like the conventional appeal from either sex... could be the paradigm I grew up with. But every once in a while, I'll surprise myself by being attracted to someone I wouldn't normally expect to be. Go figure.

 

[SilkVelvet]

I am bisexual, so I get the androgyny angle and the clothes as expression of self.. but looking at it another way.. ism't it a bit of a cliche for example, that butch women dress in mens clothes to attract women ??

 

[SophiaY]

By and large, butch women chose to dress the way they do because it feels right for them, not for the sake of other women.

(chuckling) I like to tease my best butch friend that she should get fashion tips from gay men -- butches are usually so not GQ.

 

[Etoile]

Some butch girls do it for me. Some don't.

I would say this is true for everything, right? Nobody who likes hot Asian chicks is going to like all hot Asian chicks...nobody who likes tall dark men is going to like all dark men?

 

[Etoile]

I am bisexual, so I get the androgyny angle and the clothes as expression of self.. but looking at it another way.. ism't it a bit of a cliche for example, that butch women dress in mens clothes to attract women ??

Interesting thoughts. How does being bisexual lead to attraction to or understanding of androgyny for you? Most people don't usually equate gender expression with sexual orientation, so I'm curious to hear how this works for you.

I wouldn't say it's a cliché that butch women dress in mens' clothes to attract women. For one thing, not all butch women are trying to attract women, and not all of them dress in mens' clothes! It's not so much a cliché as a convention I guess...have you read Stone Butch Blues? It speaks well on the subject of clothes.

 

[Etoile]

butches are usually so not GQ.

Oh, I don't know about that! I have quite a few butch and FTM friends who are very slick-looking.

 

[kbate]

Oh, I don't know about that! I have quite a few butch and FTM friends who are very slick-looking.

and do they wear their required coveralls and workboots?

 

[SophiaY]

and do they wear their required coveralls and workboots?

Or Eddie Bauer flannel shirts, very loose cargo pants, muscle tees -- for those who work out religiously at the gym...

Okay, stereotyping is bad, but cliches do start with an undercurrent of truth.

 

[Etoile]

and do they wear their required coveralls and workboots?

Oh no! They slick their hair back and are very elegant looking. Most of them are into leather.

 

[knkycva]

Hmmm...this is a tough question.

.....

 

[Samuelx]

We have a lot of the same tastes. I'm bi too. I don't do "bottoming", though.

 

[PaganDyke]

Raises hands and says : PICK ME OH PICK ME!!!!!!!

Mmmmmm... Maybe I will, at that.

(Having an internal conversation with self):

Angel Self: Was that sarcasm? I mean, she did roll her eyes at me several times.
Evil Self: Who cares - sarcastic chicks are HOT.
Angel Self: Naaah, she likes you.
Evil Self: How about we just jump her when no one's looking and bring her to the dark side, before she has a chance to object?

Peace, Pagan Dyke.

 

[PaganDyke]

Stone Butch Blues & Stupidity

I wouldn't say it's a cliché that butch women dress in mens' clothes to attract women. For one thing, not all butch women are trying to attract women, and not all of them dress in mens' clothes! It's not so much a cliché as a convention I guess...have you read Stone Butch Blues? It speaks well on the subject of clothes.

Have you ever read "A Butch/Femme Reader"? I highly recommend it. Even more intense than Stone Butch, very eye-opening for those of us who weren't there in the 50's, 60's, 70's. It's a huge anthology of letters and articles written and orated by dykes, bi women and transmen (although closeted) about what it cost their generation, giving us the hard-won freedom (mostly for women) to express ourselves, and wear what we will. The price was too high and I have nothing but awe and respect for the queer women and men who put their lives at risk everytime they ventured outdoors in "non-gender appropriate" clothing. Anyone interested in gender roles or butch/femme identities should definitely read it. It's available in libraries. It's an important part of our herstory.

Peace, Pagan Dyke.

 

[gingermango]

Despite my avatar, 98% of the time I'm a very masculine-looking, "straight"-appearing guy. I'm married, I've got kids and a very traditional, professional occupation. Nonetheless, on occasion it's enjoyable to be something else and I tend towards the feminine (hence the AV). I'm also sub (surprise!) and married to a loving, kinky and very dominant feminine woman who loves nothing more than to make me into the flaming drag queen of her dreams and abuse me something terrible (or wonderful, depending on your tastes). When we play and swap with others, I'm usually happy and content to remain in the "male" role. Sometimes, however, my wife will have me "be the girl" and go play at least somewhat in drag - toe nails, sexy undies, whatever - and wants me to be the coy, submissive and feminine-acting partner to a dominant woman or couple. And I love it either way, I'm comfortable enough with myself either way that it's not a big mind-fuck to change roles. So personally, I go from "normal" to swishy, depending on who's involved and what we're doing.

Like many others, I'm bi and my own tastes run the gamut - from smooth, slender twinks to slick, tough dykes (my gay sister's preference as a matter of fact) to mysteriously sexy androgynous men/women/in-between. I even love t-girls and hot, hairy guys in drag on occasion. The thing is, my tastes vary from day to day, sometimes from hour to hour. And I'm okay with all that.

What I like is who I am.

 

[Baskin Robbins]

My wife has the masculine "upper-hand" on me many times but doesn't know/want it. I would love to be taken by her on occasion with a strap-on! We have our business and the busier we get, the more kinky I get. She just seems to get sleepy!

Not real sure what to do...

She is a bit overweight, I'm totally within my BMI. I'm 6'4", 185#. She's 5'6" 175 and hasn't worn lingerie since our wedding night almost 10 years ago. Needless to say my mind has wandered!

I have actually been fantasizing about one of our male friends quite frequently...

I'd love for him to take me...

Am I just displacing?!!!

 

[Shagly]