For those who dont belong...

[Throckmorton]

today is french day

french bread
french toast
french fries
french dressing
french's mustard
french maids


these are the only things i will eat today

tomorrow is Panapelisian day...

somebody else will have to do that one

 

[Throckmorton]

A woman wakes up in the middle of the night and niticed that her husband isn't in bed anymore.
She gets up and goes down to check out where he is. She finds him staring at the wall, tears in his eyes.
She askes: "what's going on, darling?"
After a while he answers: " Do you remember the first time we had sex in the back of my car and your father caught us?"
"Yes !" she answers. "Do you remember the fact that he putted a barrel of a gun in my mouth and said : Or you marry my daughter or you go to prison for at least 20 years !!!"
"Yes, I still remember" answers his wife, emotioned by his romantic memories.
"Well" he says, " today I would have been free... "

 

[olddevildog]

This seems to be a fun thread. Lots of nice people.

 

[Throckmorton]

This seems to be a fun thread. Lots of nice people.

it is..and welcome..i'm your host TM
stop by often...tell a friend


joke of the day
An airline pilot finishes talking to the passengers
just after his plane has taken off, and he forgets to
turn off the intercom.

He says to the co-pilot, "I think I'll go take a shit
and then try to fuck that new blonde stewardess."

The stewardess hears it, and as she goes running up
the aisle to tell him the intercom is still on, she
trips on the rug and falls on her ass. A little old
lady looks down at her and says, "There's no rush, honey.
He said he had to take a shit first."

 

[Throckmorton]

its no fun if you guys dont play along

 

[Throckmorton]

la la la la...

 

[Traveler32]

Where are the free drinks? Got any of those lil hot dog thingies?

Hard to believe, but another year has passed ... (For those who don't
know about it, the Darwin Awards are awarded every year to the
person(s) who voluntarily remove themselves from the gene-pool in the
stupidest way.)

The Nominees Are:

NOMINEE No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a
shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a
hole in his gut.

NOMINEE No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of
Alamo, Michigan, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what
police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive
the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could
ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on
something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the
drive shaft!"

NOMINEE No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record] Ken Charles Barger,47,
accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC.
Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he
reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith Wesson 38 Special,
which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

NOMINEE No. 4: [UPI, Toronto] Police said a lawyer demonstrating the
safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a
pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police
spokesman said Gary Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto
Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the
strength of the building's windows to visiting law students.
Hoy had previously conducted demonstrations of window strength
according to police reports. Peter Lawyers, managing partner of the
firm Holden Day Wilson told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was one
of the "best and brightest" members of the 200-man association".
-Don't you just love smart lawyers?

NOMINEE No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service] A terrible diet and room with
no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed
by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but an autopsy showed
large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted
primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was
just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in
his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his
bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't
have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his near-airtight bedroom.
According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for
creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was
hospitalized.

NOMINEE No. 6: ["News of the Weird"] Michael Anderson Godwin made News
of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South
Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his
sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in
his cell and attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire
and was electrocuted.

NOMINEE No. 7: ["The Indianapolis Star"]. A cigarette lighter may have
triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man
using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was
killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's
investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents'
rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators said Pryor was
cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle loader that had not been firing properly.
He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder
ignited.

NOMINEE No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario] A man cleaning a bird
feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto
> suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was
standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector
Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional police. "It appears the chair moved
and he went over the balcony," Honer said.

AND FINALLY: (now, actually these two guys don't count because they
aren't dead yet) [Arkansas Democrat Gazette] Two local men were
seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a
tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning.
WoodruffCounty deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after
midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis,
38, of Little Rock are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical
Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc
after a frog-gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's
pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the
headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. As a
replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the 22-caliber
bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the
steering wheel column After inserting the bullet, the headlights again
began to operate properly and the two men proceeded toward the White
River Bridge. After traveling about 20 miles and just before crossing
the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck
Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply right exiting
the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and
abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to repair the
other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and
released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his
balls off or we might both be dead" stated Wallis. "I've been a
trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but this is a first
for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident
happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia,
Poole's wife asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone
get them from the truck. (Way to go, Lavinia.)

 

[Throckmorton]

shameless bump

 

[Traveler32]

Blameless hump

 

[Throckmorton]

Food for Thought

- If you take an Oriental person and spin him around
several times, does he become disoriented?

- If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't
people from Holland called, "Holes"?

- If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?

- If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

- When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts,"
and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other
penny?

- Why is the man who invests all your money called a
broker?

- Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just
stale bread to begin with.

- Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist,
but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

- Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

- Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

- If horrific means to make horrible, doesn't terrific
mean to make terrible?

- Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

- "I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the
English language. Could it be that "I Do." is the longest sentence?

- Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

- Why is it that if someone tells you that there are
1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them,
but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will
have to touch it to be sure?

 

[dark gable]

Food for Thought

- If you take an Oriental person and spin him around
several times, does he become disoriented?

- If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't
people from Holland called, "Holes"?

- If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?

- If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

- When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts,"
and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other
penny?

- Why is the man who invests all your money called a
broker?

- Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just
stale bread to begin with.

- Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist,
but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

- Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

- Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

- If horrific means to make horrible, doesn't terrific
mean to make terrible?

- Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

- "I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the
English language. Could it be that "I Do." is the longest sentence?

- Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

- Why is it that if someone tells you that there are
1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them,
but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will
have to touch it to be sure?

Funny stuff!

 

[Throckmorton]

shameless self promoting bump

this thread had a good start and just seemed to die

 

[dark gable]

CLEAR!!!

Here's a shock to get this thread back to life then! How's it hanging?

 

[babydoll2u]

I'll help! this is funny stuff, let's get it going again!