funny sayings

[AlexBailey]

Marriage to a good spouse is like a harbor in the tempist. Marriage to a bad spouse is like a tempest in the harbor.

 

[RustyIron]

My computer has Miley Virus, it stopped Twerking

 

[bone251]

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

 

[bone251]

This 50th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles. They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high, with the widower throwing admiring glances across the table and the widow smiling coyly back at him.

Finally, during one dance, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?”

After about 6 seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes, yes I will!"

Needless to say, the evening ended on a happy note for the widower. However, the next morning he was troubled. Did she say “Yes" or did she say ‘No‘? He couldn't remember.. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over-and-over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him could not recall her response.

With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say“Yes" or did you say “No”?

"Why, you silly man." she replied, I said Yes. Yes, I will! And I meant it with all my heart!"

The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued. "And I'm so glad you called. I couldn't remember who asked me!"

 

[Weird Harold]

This 50th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles. They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high, with the widower throwing admiring glances across the table and the widow smiling coyly back at him.

Finally, during one dance, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?”

After about 6 seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes, yes I will!"

Needless to say, the evening ended on a happy note for the widower. However, the next morning he was troubled. Did she say “Yes" or did she say ‘No‘? He couldn't remember.. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over-and-over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question, but for the life of him could not recall her response.

With fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say“Yes" or did you say “No”?

"Why, you silly man." she replied, I said Yes. Yes, I will! And I meant it with all my heart!"

The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued. "And I'm so glad you called. I couldn't remember who asked me!"

 

[jehoram]

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Woman who slide down bannister got no hair by cracky.

 

[bone251]

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

 

[R. Richard]

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you WHY the person died.

 

[Lori_the_Hoosier]

When we lived in Oxfordshire, one of our elderly neighbors used to say "well I be go to the foot of our stairs!" whenever she was stumped or astonished by something, or just plain disbelieving, and no, I have no idea what it means, ditto hubby, whose head is normally crammed with reams of useless trivia.

 

[Handley_Page]

When we lived in Oxfordshire, one of our elderly neighbors used to say "well I be go to the foot of our stairs!" whenever she was stumped or astonished by something, or just plain disbelieving, and no, I have no idea what it means, ditto hubby, whose head is normally crammed with reams of useless trivia.

My Yorkshire Mother-in-Law used to say, when surprised :-
"Well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs".

 

[bone251]

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

 

[bone251]

I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe.

 

[Handley_Page]

I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe.

You mean - it wasn't ?

 

[TarnishedPenny]

When we lived in Oxfordshire, one of our elderly neighbors used to say "well I be go to the foot of our stairs!" whenever she was stumped or astonished by something, or just plain disbelieving, and no, I have no idea what it means, ditto hubby, whose head is normally crammed with reams of useless trivia.

I'd thought World Wide Words might have that one, but no.

The Phrase Finder did rather better with this:

What's the meaning of the phrase 'I'll go to the foot of our stairs'?

An exclamation of surprise.

What's the origin of the phrase 'I'll go to the foot of our stairs'?

This originated in the North of England. It did travel to others parts of the UK during the 20th century, notably the Birmingham area where it was commonplace, but not much further, and is little known in other parts of the English-speaking world. It is now less used than previously, although it is still staple fare for any writer wishing to write a part for a stage northerner.

There are also less well-known alternatives with the same meaning - 'the back of our house' and 'the bottom of our garden'. All the variants were too low-status and colloquial to have been written down and I can find no printed examples of it until the late 20th century. The expression is certainly older than that and I have a clear recollection of my parents using it in the West Midlands in the 1950s and I would guess that it is older still.

Beyond that there's little more to tell. Exactly when the phrase was coined, by whom, and what it refers to, I don't know.

That's backed up by The Urban Dictionary.

I'll go to the foot of our stairs

Expression of amazement. To be astounded by something. Commonly used in the Yorkshire area

Comment: "I've just won the lottery"

Reply: "Well I'll go to the foot of our stairs!"

 

[mfan2112]

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."

OH MY! I am stealing this. It describes the scumbag who stole my MC wife and is actually the father of his child.

 

[Lori_the_Hoosier]

Hubby's dad is a no-nonsense Scotsman with a fund of (mostly incomprehensible) sayings and descriptions; my two favorites are when he tells an annoying person "Och, awa' wi' ye and bite yer arse!" and calling someone a "Glaekit", which he says is someone who, when they walk in the room, you get the feeling someone just walked out...

 

[Handley_Page]

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. Because all those men already have boyfriends.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

An equal opportunity sexist joke. Change one word to the answer to please your audience.


Q: Why do doctors spank babies when they are born?

A: To knock the dicks off the dumb ones.

OR!!!!!

A: To knock the dicks off the smart ones!

 

[bone251]

I'm so happy I could just fart glitter!!!

 

[bone251]

Just another flash in the bedpan.

 

[bone251]

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

 

[TxRad]

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If they were real psychics, they would already have my credit car number.

 

[Handley_Page]

If they were real psychics, they would already have my credit car number.

Sign on the door of a psychic:-

"Closed due to unforeseen circumstances,"​

 

[jehoram]

Found on the internet:

"She doesn't have enough class for a one-room schoolhouse."

 

[TheUmp]

If assholes could fly this place would be an airport!

You can’t fix stupid.

It’s like being a guest speaker at an asshole convention.

If assholes could fly he’d be a jet!