Game (i dont have it, but want it)

[Lord Pmann]

overall the point/goal here isnt necessarily sex.

Since you don't just fancy a hookup, I think that some of the advice here regarding being an asshole is off.

I'll preface this by saying I am not a guy who has game. I have not struggled with having girls like me, but I'm not one who would just be hitting on every girl or anything like that. I wouldn't be one who could just get a girl and take her home. I have never just walked up to a random girl and talked to her. I'm not made that way at all. I'm slow, cautious and... Safe. I'm like the girl next door. But a boy.

But I think, in the settings you describe, I understand what you need. Being that this isn't some huge club where you really have to make yourself stand out so much, I think maybe I can offer some advice.

You've got to give the girl a reason to want to talk to you. If you're trying to get her attention, some cheesy pickup line isn't the way to go, in my opinion. Those things may work when you're trying to "cold cock" a girl in a club or something. I don't really know. But in a setting where you are just one degree separation from a friend, you've got to do more than that. Your setting will not be too difficult, as it's not completely strange and you probably have some commonality with her. You have mutual friends and such.

You must be interesting. This could include funny, mysterious, charming, etc. For me, it's always been my massive, magnificent, big black cawk that attracts women. After that, probably my sense of humour. Or confidence. If she notices that you're making people laugh, she may have reason to want to see what you're about. If she sees people hanging on your every word, then she will want to know more.

I guess being in your circle of friends may help or hurt you. If your friends know you as a dipshit (an affectionate dipshit), then it may suck. If your friends respect you and all, then it will help.

I can't stress the importance of eye contact. Rainshine and others mentioned it earlier in the thread. For me, as a guy, nothing would be sexier than a girl who could hold her own, act confident and command a crowd, while exchanging glances back and forth. I think the same would go for a girl, concerning a guy.

If getting the affection of a girl is your end result, then you need to let her know you're interested without looking like a creep. Half smiles. Slightly raised eyebrows (this one seems to work wonders for me, with the hottest girl I've ever encountered). Not creepy like. But confident.

Don't be cheesy. Don't be lame. Don't be obnoxious. Don't be creepy. Be confident. Interesting. Put yourself in her heels (not literally). What is it about you that would make you, if you were her, talk to you? What are your good qualities? What are your bad ones? Are you self aware?

 

[ShyNerdHere]

Don't be cheesy. Don't be lame. Don't be obnoxious. Don't be creepy. Be confident. Interesting. Put yourself in her heels (not literally). What is it about you that would make you, if you were her, talk to you? What are your good qualities? What are your bad ones? Are you self aware?

well there's the hard part

cheesy, lame, creepy are my strong suit..

 

[Loverskitten]

Pmann's right, those half smiles make panties fly off.

 

[NightL]

So Mr ShyNerdHere, what points are you going to take away from all this advice?

No more saying "but" and "well" - Be a pug and jump on that pony - whoops - that was from another thread.

OK - you asked for advice - and you have had a good sound spanking of it - all good stuff - up to you now

 

[ShyNerdHere]

Overall, i'd say

Dont be creepy or act guilty: this one is hard. not acting guilty is the easier of the two. not being creepy is harder since im not the one deciding what is or isnt creepy.

Dont friend zone your self : this one is hard because its contrary to my nature. i have to completely reformat my behaviors

Improv, never say 'no': despite the terminology 'game', iv been thinking of it as the wrong game.

practice practice practice : limited opportunity is a problem here. obviously practice is important to get good at anything.

we just got back this afternoon short trip that involved one of these parties.

i believe i did much better with not acting guilty. no idea about being creepy, dont think i was... but who knows. maybe if we get uninvited to the next parties we'll know for sure

rooms were crowded, not really much 'across the room' moments due to room volume and occupancy.

i think i performed these 'new' behaviors properly, but to no real effect.

practice practice practice

 

[satindesire]

sounds very reasonable.

Really? Because to me and pretty much every girl I know, that's asshole behavior that'll get a guy shot down or cursed out for being an inappropriate pervy bastard.

No, women don't invite you to look at their tits if they're showing clevage. Women dress for themselves, not for men. Contrary to many male's beliefs, we weren't put on this earth for your viewing pleasure.

Eye contact. Smile. RELAX, don't try to get inappropriately sexual with her on first meeting, because that's fucking slimy.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Here is my primary suggestion:

Never get advice on how to attract women from women. It's not that they're stupid--it's that they have never tried to do it themselves.

*coughLESBIANSANDBISEXUALWOMENEXISTcough*

 

[NightL]

*coughLESBIANSANDBISEXUALWOMENEXISTcough*

hehe and Ha!

 

[NightL]

The psychological literature is very clear that people are incredibly inaccurate in explaining WHY the did something.

list your sources - not implying you can't - but don't make broad statements without backing them up.

- Women are attracted to status the way men are to looks.

some women are shallow just like some men are shallow

...strange concept, but a lot of average everyday normal whatever people hook up - and sometimes those very same people hook up with - more intelligent - higher achievers - even with people who are deemed highly attractive - and how about this one, sometimes they hook up with partners who are super smart, high achievers and knock out good looking all in one - go figure.

So, my argument here is if you play the status game you may well just come across as a self-centred wanker - go figure.

 

[ShyNerdHere]

I am sure many of the ladies at these shindigs are wanting to be seen.

I think I have been overlooking that.

 

[Emerson40]

OK - you asked for advice - and you have had a good sound spanking of it - all good stuff - up to you now

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/spanking.gif

 

[NightL]

Rainshine - "you naughty naughty boy pmann..."

 

[NightL]

yeah - a young pmann would take that as another hump opportunity - well, wouldn't we all?

 

[satindesire]

*coughLESBIANSANDBISEXUALWOMENEXISTcough*

Oh come on, don't try and be LOGICAL now!

 

[Bramblethorn]

Dont friend zone your self : this one is hard because its contrary to my nature. i have to completely reformat my behaviors

On the dreaded FRIENDZONE:

Friendship is fucking awesome. It's what makes the world go round. Friends are the people who keep you together when your life is falling apart, they're the ones who show up with a trailer when you're moving house, they'll help you find a job when you're out of work, and they'll introduce you to the people who'll become your lovers.

If you're going to reject a friendship with a woman based on the theory that it might reduce your chances of getting lucky with her... you've just made the decision that whatever personal qualities she might be able to bring to a friendship (loyalty, good advice, interesting conversation) are less important than maybe a 1% shot at getting into her pants.

And yeah, if she figures out that a 1% chance of fucking her is worth more than all the rest of it, that will zero your chances. But let's call it what it is: not a "friendzone", more like a "pretending to be friends for strategic purposes zone".

I'm not even convinced that friendship (as opposed to strategic-friendship-simulation) really does get in the way of having a relationship. Every good relationship I've had has started out as a friendship, including some that stayed as friendships for years before we got interested in taking it in that direction.

 

[shiny5437]

The friendzone is a tricky one and (like everything) is a bit more complex than people give it credit. Just because you can't be friends with someone doesn't automatically make you a bad person. We're only human - we can't be friends with everyone but somehow there is this expectation that we're meant to saint like and do this. Civil and respectful with goodwill - yes, but buddies with everyone, no.

To not be someone's friend because you just want to have sex with them is pretty lame.

To be someone's friend with the hidden intention of taking it further is also lame.

You can be attracted to someone and be friends, accept it, maybe even be honest about it but know that it probably won't go anywhere. That's not a bad thing at all.

The real question you have to ask yourself is whether you can handle sitting opposite the girl and her boyfriend and eat lunch. Recently I met a girl who was like the ideal girl I'd given up on ever meeting. We hit it off brilliantly but she wasn't interested in taking it further but still wanted to be friends. However despite how much goodwill and respect I have towards her I couldn't meet the boyfriend-lunch criteria. It would only remind me of what wasn't meant to be: the one that got away. In that situation I couldn't be honest with her and couldn't give my honest support. I'm not strong enough. So I decided it was better not meet again. I'm only human and it was sad but I feel it was necessary.

What I'm trying to say is the term friendzone is often used pejoratively to dismiss or oversimplify something which for some guys is actually quite emotionally complex.

 

[ShyNerdHere]

The friendzone is a tricky one and (like everything) is a bit more complex than people give it credit. Just because you can't be friends with someone doesn't automatically make you a bad person. We're only human - we can't be friends with everyone but somehow there is this expectation that we're meant to saint like and do this. Civil and respectful with goodwill - yes, but buddies with everyone, no.

To not be someone's friend because you just want to have sex with them is pretty lame.

To be someone's friend with the hidden intention of taking it further is also lame.

You can be attracted to someone and be friends, accept it, maybe even be honest about it but know that it probably won't go anywhere. That's not a bad thing at all.

The real question you have to ask yourself is whether you can handle sitting opposite the girl and her boyfriend and eat lunch. Recently I met a girl who was like the ideal girl I'd given up on ever meeting. We hit it off brilliantly but she wasn't interested in taking it further but still wanted to be friends. However despite how much goodwill and respect I have towards her I couldn't meet the boyfriend-lunch criteria. It would only remind me of what wasn't meant to be: the one that got away. In that situation I couldn't be honest with her and couldn't give my honest support. I'm not strong enough. So I decided it was better not meet again. I'm only human and it was sad but I feel it was necessary.

What I'm trying to say is the term friendzone is often used pejoratively to dismiss or oversimplify something which for some guys is actually quite emotionally complex.

the friend zone issue is not about being friends.

this Game is merely a dance, a few minutes of tension; attention.

once you achieve level friend zone your out of the game, or at least working with a severe handicap.

the idea is play the hand your dealt with skill. if you bust or clean everyone out, the game ends and nobody wants that. its better to keep it going... you may not get to play again. especially once your zoned, you might as well change games at that point.

 

[Bramblethorn]

the friend zone issue is not about being friends.

this Game is merely a dance, a few minutes of tension; attention.

once you achieve level friend zone your out of the game, or at least working with a severe handicap.

How do you tell the difference between "friendzoned out of the game" and "she was never going to sleep with you, but is trying to be nice about it"?

 

[ShyNerdHere]

with luck you should never know if you lost before you started

 

[sweetfanny]

I wrote this really long, essay like post, and then this stupid forum software ate it. That'll learn me.

What it boiled down to is:

1. Lose the predator-prey dynamic. I don't know why dudes think women want to be treated as sexual prey by strange men, but that'll get you creepzoned faster than just about anything. Mostly because we don't want to get rapezoned.

2. There are different kinds of attention. Women are bombarded with sexual attention. Give them something else. Steer the conversation to them. Listen to what they say about themselves, their thoughts and opinions. Ask them questions and really listen to and respect what they have to say. Women are used to having their thoughts, opinions, and feelings dismissed, corrected, or treated like something that has to be endured to access the punani.

In our ADD society, undivided attention is fucking sexy as hell. Having it will make her feel like the most fascinating person in the room. You do that by keeping the conversation focused on her. We're used to listening to men talk about themselves (and talk and talk and talk...) Keep her talking. If she's not giving you the attention back, if she's texting or looking for someone else to talk to, walk away.

3. It helps if you're hot and smell good.

 

[ShyNerdHere]

funny thing;

those things dont work well (see my OP)

 

[sweetfanny]

funny thing;

those things dont work well (see my OP)

I read your OP.

I don't see where you've been doing anything like I suggested.

What I see is "Me me me! How do I get a woman to behave the way I want her to? How do I get her to satisfy my goal?" (And if you are walking into a party with that attitude, the women there will pick it up.)

I said, talk to her and really listen to her. Are you asking for cheat codes here? There aren't any. Kind of my point. Are you asking how to have a personal conversation with another human being at a party?

 

[ShyNerdHere]

I dont have a problem starting a conversation... Smile, complement something and try to keep my eyes above the shoulders

no, i did not use a lot of words to say it;

lemme stretch out what i did say

'a conversation' : a friendly back and forth based on paying attention to what the participants are saying and responding politely in kind. politely

'try to keep my eyes above the shoulders' : dont be creepy, rude or disrespectful.

im not looking for a 'cheat code', im looking for better practices for better results.

 

[sweetfanny]

I dont have a problem starting a conversation... Smile, complement something and try to keep my eyes above the shoulders

See, that doesn't sound like a conversation to me; that sounds like small talk and basic manners.

And not the kind of thing that's going to engage anyone's interest for very long. Skip the compliment and make an observation about something going on in your environment or say something interesting that will give her an opportunity to respond with something other than "Thanks."

How are you attempting to involve the other person in the conversation?

 

[lovecraft68]

Sense of humor is a big part of "game".

Confidence(not cockiness)

Attention to detail (especially small ones, a woman has a freckle on her neck or face somewhere, remark on it)

and the ability to make her laugh, which sets them at ease

all that make a pretty decent "arsenal"