PinkOrchid
Anal Whore™
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General bitch followed by a question
- Thread starter Mstrskey
- Start date
Re: " Lemme 'splain...no is to much, lemme sum up"
Thank you for that clarification! I do believe that even if the restriction went farther than just a few weeks, your husband needs to honor that and discuss with you how to maintain physical intimacy without jeapordizing your health. As is, 4 weeks is not that long at all when it involves the health and well-being of one's spouse and the life of the couple's unborn child. In light of the short time involved in abstinence, it only makes his actions more incredulous.
I do wish you well, and will hold your unborn baby in my thoughts for a healthy and uneventful pregnancy and birth.
Mstrskey said:
Thank you for that clarification! I do believe that even if the restriction went farther than just a few weeks, your husband needs to honor that and discuss with you how to maintain physical intimacy without jeapordizing your health. As is, 4 weeks is not that long at all when it involves the health and well-being of one's spouse and the life of the couple's unborn child. In light of the short time involved in abstinence, it only makes his actions more incredulous.
I do wish you well, and will hold your unborn baby in my thoughts for a healthy and uneventful pregnancy and birth.
entitled
the quiet one
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*stops lurking long enough to drop a short post*
i agree with Chele in that you're lucky it's such a short amount of time. It's a little rougher when those restrictions apply to the full term of a pregnancy and beyond - trust me.
Hoping for the best for all involved and checking in from time to time...
i agree with Chele in that you're lucky it's such a short amount of time. It's a little rougher when those restrictions apply to the full term of a pregnancy and beyond - trust me.
Hoping for the best for all involved and checking in from time to time...
Mstrskey
Nicely Naughty
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Munching down some supper as I post
having just been told it's a perfect illustration of something discussed in counseling.
Tonight was the hubby's night to cook, The menu was planned, pork chops, green beans, and noodles and as soon as we walked in from our session he hopped into the kitchen to start and I followed talking. He asked me where some spice was and I walked over , picked it up and proceeded to start seasoning the chops and then cook them and do the veggies and noodles and drinks and...well you get the point. Well my husband is just standing there watching me and as I put the final touches on the chops he asks if he can put it on the plates or if I needed to take that over too??
...yup I just barged in and took it over without even realizing I was doing it. He basically went on to say that I've been doing that sort of thing for a while now and then getting pissed because I feel like I always do everything.
Anyway todays session was good. We talked about my using sex as a relationship pacifier. Why I do it, and why my husband accepts it. Can't he tell genuine desire from grudged willingness? Why would I allow what had once been a sacred time between us to be reduced to something less intimate then porno sex? The therapist says he's not buying my explanantion of, " it's just easier then fighting over it." and asked me to think on it a bit harder for the next session. He also said that he's having a hard time understanding why if my husbands chief complaint is a lack of intimacy why he would settle for sex when he knew I wasn't enjoying it.
Entitled~ sounds like you had some experience in this area yourself hun!
Chelle~ no problem. Sometimes when I ramble I forget that those reading aren't living in my psycho little world and privy to all the details.
Sheath and Orchid~ quit all this talk of holding peeps down nekkid yer killin me here!! Ooops that wasn't the part I was 'sposed to notice...lol! Seriously, thanks ladies. And Sheath hun...you do know you are my goddess after the cucumber salad story!!
Well, I'm off to troll the boards a bit, just thought I'd update.
having just been told it's a perfect illustration of something discussed in counseling.
Tonight was the hubby's night to cook, The menu was planned, pork chops, green beans, and noodles and as soon as we walked in from our session he hopped into the kitchen to start and I followed talking. He asked me where some spice was and I walked over , picked it up and proceeded to start seasoning the chops and then cook them and do the veggies and noodles and drinks and...well you get the point. Well my husband is just standing there watching me and as I put the final touches on the chops he asks if he can put it on the plates or if I needed to take that over too??
...yup I just barged in and took it over without even realizing I was doing it. He basically went on to say that I've been doing that sort of thing for a while now and then getting pissed because I feel like I always do everything.Anyway todays session was good. We talked about my using sex as a relationship pacifier. Why I do it, and why my husband accepts it. Can't he tell genuine desire from grudged willingness? Why would I allow what had once been a sacred time between us to be reduced to something less intimate then porno sex? The therapist says he's not buying my explanantion of, " it's just easier then fighting over it." and asked me to think on it a bit harder for the next session. He also said that he's having a hard time understanding why if my husbands chief complaint is a lack of intimacy why he would settle for sex when he knew I wasn't enjoying it.
Entitled~ sounds like you had some experience in this area yourself hun!
Chelle~ no problem. Sometimes when I ramble I forget that those reading aren't living in my psycho little world and privy to all the details.
Sheath and Orchid~ quit all this talk of holding peeps down nekkid yer killin me here!! Ooops that wasn't the part I was 'sposed to notice...lol! Seriously, thanks ladies. And Sheath hun...you do know you are my goddess after the cucumber salad story!!
Well, I'm off to troll the boards a bit, just thought I'd update.
lovechild27
EricsCocksucker
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Hugs for mstrskey....glad you guys are stickin with things and trying to mend your relationship
entitled
the quiet one
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Re: Munching down some supper as I post
Fortunately, my Husband was very understanding about it all.
Glad to see you two are talking (or is that argueing?) about things more - even if it is just who cooked the pork chops. It's a good start!
Just a little experience. The youngest of three is two weeks old as of today, and i was stuck with the 'no sex' thing from day one with all thrtee of them.Mstrskey said:
Fortunately, my Husband was very understanding about it all.Glad to see you two are talking (or is that argueing?) about things more - even if it is just who cooked the pork chops. It's a good start!
lost5pints
Really Experienced
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just checking in
Sorry been out of town for a couple of days, just reading in to see how things are going for you mstrskey. It looks like you are both starting to get to the root of some of the problems. I wish more people would do the same.....take care.....and good luck.
Sorry been out of town for a couple of days, just reading in to see how things are going for you mstrskey. It looks like you are both starting to get to the root of some of the problems. I wish more people would do the same.....take care.....and good luck.
Mstrskey
Nicely Naughty
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Thanks guys...
Entitled hun I'll start by congratulating you on your latest arrival and then say WOW!!!!! Girl you have more patience then me any day! I don't think I could give up anything for 9 months and not go screaming mad!!
I've had to give up caffiene for the whole pregnancy and I'm already impossible to live with 3 months in.
Love~ ty sweets. We are giving it our best shot. I always said if I did it I'd only marry once and that I'd work my ass off to keep it in tact. Both of us have always marveled at the fact that our daughters are all to often in the minority in having a two parent household. That we have both always thought people divorce to quickly and to easily these days. We live in a fast food world and we've made our relationships the same way. Don't take the time to know your spouse just slap on that ring and then if things don't work out hell just get a divorce and try again. I've never wanted my marriage to be that way and neither has he. We agreed when we got engaged that we would only think of divorce after we'd exercised all our other options; and then we'd think long and hard before we did anything.
lost5pints~ I agree. I also wish more couples would take the time to try and work on relationships rather then just abandoning them. It's not alot of fun, and it does mean having to face some of your own flaws and demons as well, but I think if you love the person it's worth the sacrifices.
Wizard~ when you take your hat off toss it my way...havin a seriously bad hair day here...lol! Seriously though I do thank you for your words of support. Now if you could just get me to Pittsburgh this October....
Entitled hun I'll start by congratulating you on your latest arrival and then say WOW!!!!! Girl you have more patience then me any day! I don't think I could give up anything for 9 months and not go screaming mad!!
I've had to give up caffiene for the whole pregnancy and I'm already impossible to live with 3 months in.
Love~ ty sweets. We are giving it our best shot. I always said if I did it I'd only marry once and that I'd work my ass off to keep it in tact. Both of us have always marveled at the fact that our daughters are all to often in the minority in having a two parent household. That we have both always thought people divorce to quickly and to easily these days. We live in a fast food world and we've made our relationships the same way. Don't take the time to know your spouse just slap on that ring and then if things don't work out hell just get a divorce and try again. I've never wanted my marriage to be that way and neither has he. We agreed when we got engaged that we would only think of divorce after we'd exercised all our other options; and then we'd think long and hard before we did anything.
lost5pints~ I agree. I also wish more couples would take the time to try and work on relationships rather then just abandoning them. It's not alot of fun, and it does mean having to face some of your own flaws and demons as well, but I think if you love the person it's worth the sacrifices.
Wizard~ when you take your hat off toss it my way...havin a seriously bad hair day here...lol! Seriously though I do thank you for your words of support. Now if you could just get me to Pittsburgh this October....
entitled
the quiet one
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Who ever said i -didn't- go start raving mad? 
It sure would explain a lot, anyway... *laughs*
That caffeine thing gets easier as you go along (had to do that one, too, among many others). Especially when decaf coffee is readily available. Just make sure everybody knows to avoid you like the plague most of the time and things will be just fine. Really!
Did you hear about the bill that almost passed some time ago in one of those states that i can't remember off the top of my head? It was on the radio a couple of days ago. Basically the deal was that the people in one or two states wanted people to have to renew their marriage license every two years. If they didn't go in and get it renewed it would be considered a legal divorce. The point behind it was to clear up all the docket space being tied up by the divorces from the marriages people rush into or are too lazy to try and maintain. Isn't that horrible? It didn't pass, but the point is that it COULD have. Kudos to you for being one of those that doesn't want to add to the problem.
It sure would explain a lot, anyway... *laughs*That caffeine thing gets easier as you go along (had to do that one, too, among many others). Especially when decaf coffee is readily available. Just make sure everybody knows to avoid you like the plague most of the time and things will be just fine. Really!
Did you hear about the bill that almost passed some time ago in one of those states that i can't remember off the top of my head? It was on the radio a couple of days ago. Basically the deal was that the people in one or two states wanted people to have to renew their marriage license every two years. If they didn't go in and get it renewed it would be considered a legal divorce. The point behind it was to clear up all the docket space being tied up by the divorces from the marriages people rush into or are too lazy to try and maintain. Isn't that horrible? It didn't pass, but the point is that it COULD have. Kudos to you for being one of those that doesn't want to add to the problem.
lovechild27
EricsCocksucker
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Mstrskey is one smart lady...think I want to be like her one day...lol
gravyrug
Jesus for Weird People
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PinkOrchid said:
Understood, actually bodily harm was my first reaction, too (to both the husband and the guy who suggested that she should;ve volunteered a bj to get out of it). I just kinda figured that with the counseling already begun, it might be a good time to tone it down a bit. I have daughters, so I'm a bit sensitive myself to bodily and emotional harm to women, but I have had to learn to avoid the initial rush to bloodshed so as not to further compound the problems. It ain't easy tho.
gravyrug
Jesus for Weird People
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talking is good...
VERY glad to hear your counseling is doing some good, even if all is not hunky-dory. Also pleased that you're able to see your own difficulties as well as his...that will help enormously. I hope he's as able to see his own.
Divorce has never actually been a consideration in my own marriage. There have been difficult times, but it never ocurred to me to leave. My wife was divorced once, and she says she never wants to do it again. I just never considered it an option. Told her she would have to literally drive me away to get rid of me. I'm glad I've stuck with it.
VERY glad to hear your counseling is doing some good, even if all is not hunky-dory. Also pleased that you're able to see your own difficulties as well as his...that will help enormously. I hope he's as able to see his own.
Divorce has never actually been a consideration in my own marriage. There have been difficult times, but it never ocurred to me to leave. My wife was divorced once, and she says she never wants to do it again. I just never considered it an option. Told her she would have to literally drive me away to get rid of me. I'm glad I've stuck with it.
Mstrskey
Nicely Naughty
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" and once again we thank you for your support"
remember that old Bartles and James slogan...okay I've just dated myself...lol!
Love~ sugar I swear I'm gonna kidnap you and keep you in a little box and feed you bon bons. You do more for my ego then is right!! I'm afraid you can't be like me though sweetie. When God made me he not only broke the mold he beat the crap outta the moldmaker!
Gravy~ I understood the sentiment behind what you said and I appreciated it. I too had the urge to maul, but for my own girls I reigned it in. I appreciate your suggestions to allow cooler heads to prevail and also that you understand that sometimes a persons outrage and indignation can drive them to serious hostility.
Tony~ as a person who has driven around twice in 13 years on an expired drivers license only to have a friendly fan in blue remind her as she was issued a citation for said offense I don't think the marriage license renewal may be the greatest idea! I do however think the sentiment behind it is fantastic! I think having to exercise some type of recommitment to marriage would help people keep it more in the forefront of their minds. It becomes easy after a while to not think of the person in the bed beside you as your life partner but rather just another body in the house. I don't think many couples do it intentionally, it's just that as you get familiar and comfortable with a person you stop doing the little things that keep marriages fun and alive and before many realize it one or both partners are feeling alone or slighted.
Don't know what the right way is, but I do know people in this country marry and divorce waaay to readily. I mean for gods sake we have reality shows to hook people up in six weeks or less!!!
remember that old Bartles and James slogan...okay I've just dated myself...lol!
Love~ sugar I swear I'm gonna kidnap you and keep you in a little box and feed you bon bons. You do more for my ego then is right!! I'm afraid you can't be like me though sweetie. When God made me he not only broke the mold he beat the crap outta the moldmaker!
Gravy~ I understood the sentiment behind what you said and I appreciated it. I too had the urge to maul, but for my own girls I reigned it in. I appreciate your suggestions to allow cooler heads to prevail and also that you understand that sometimes a persons outrage and indignation can drive them to serious hostility.
Tony~ as a person who has driven around twice in 13 years on an expired drivers license only to have a friendly fan in blue remind her as she was issued a citation for said offense I don't think the marriage license renewal may be the greatest idea! I do however think the sentiment behind it is fantastic! I think having to exercise some type of recommitment to marriage would help people keep it more in the forefront of their minds. It becomes easy after a while to not think of the person in the bed beside you as your life partner but rather just another body in the house. I don't think many couples do it intentionally, it's just that as you get familiar and comfortable with a person you stop doing the little things that keep marriages fun and alive and before many realize it one or both partners are feeling alone or slighted.
Don't know what the right way is, but I do know people in this country marry and divorce waaay to readily. I mean for gods sake we have reality shows to hook people up in six weeks or less!!!
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SlickTony
Literotica Guru
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I agree that people divorce too readily, but I am totally unconvinced that making the marriage license something that you have to renew periodically is the way to fix this problem. Especially since we're dealing with State offices that close at 4:00, are never open on Saturday, and this country doesn't even give us paid time off to go vote every 2-4 years.
lovechild27
EricsCocksucker
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lol...well I can try...hahahahahhaha
hugs~
congrats to entitled and her new little person!
hugs~
congrats to entitled and her new little person!
sunfox
Gangbang Girl
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Another mom's two cents..
I'm relatively new, although I've been around reading the boards and the stories for a long time. I just wanted to say to Mstrskey, congratulations on the incoming baby.. I have a young one myself, my first, and I am completely insanely in love with her. It's a tough business being a mom, and you are balancing a lot of things, and maintaining a good sense of humor.
Secondly, it's wonderful that you're trying to repair your relationship, and it's great that your husband would go to counseling. It shows that he too wants to fix things between you, regardless of previous thoughtlessness and his taking you for granted. What he did was terrible. But he's trying, and that should count for something.
Lastly, I wish you all the best, and I hope you have a perfect, healthy baby.
I'm relatively new, although I've been around reading the boards and the stories for a long time. I just wanted to say to Mstrskey, congratulations on the incoming baby.. I have a young one myself, my first, and I am completely insanely in love with her. It's a tough business being a mom, and you are balancing a lot of things, and maintaining a good sense of humor.
Secondly, it's wonderful that you're trying to repair your relationship, and it's great that your husband would go to counseling. It shows that he too wants to fix things between you, regardless of previous thoughtlessness and his taking you for granted. What he did was terrible. But he's trying, and that should count for something.
Lastly, I wish you all the best, and I hope you have a perfect, healthy baby.
Mstrskey
Nicely Naughty
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Hi ho all!
sorry it's been a spell since my last post. Work is driving me nuts and what with the Long holiday weekend our schedules here got kinda muddled a bit.
I guess I should say things are going well, which is to say that my husband and I have basically stopped casting blame on each other for the present situation. People in glass houses and all that crap. In that respect I think it's a big step. That we BOTH acknowledge that we BOTH screwed things up and that's what got us here.
We've been discussing the sex issue in therapy which is about as much fun as a root canal w/o the anethesia. I think alot of it is focusing on how it has become more of a pacification tool in the marriage then a moment of intimacy and why I'm allowing that to happen, but that may just be me being hormonal and hypersensetive. My husband on the other end thinks that it's all focusing on him asserting what he percieved to be his last bit of masculinity by "forcing" sex. Hitting nerves on both sides I guess...either way when our therapist asked us the last time either one of us had been fully satisfied- physically and emotionally- by a sexual encounter we both sort of drew a blank. He asked if that wasn't throwing up some sort of warning flag for us?
He then gave us each time to air our gripes on the situation. My husbands was that I always find a way to make time for everything...the kids...their schedules...work...school...PTA...the 30 kids at my daycare...just about everything but him. The only time he ever felt/feels like he has my attention is during sex, if for no other reason then until he comes I'm sorta stuck there. That's why it was such a big thing for him. And then of course I got the schpeel about how he was a man and even if I thought it was cromagnon men needed sex every so often to keep from getting nutty.
My gripe was that I HAVE to make time for all the things I make time for because we live in the real world and here these things all take priority over a quick and- yes I said it!- BORING romp in the sack with him. That maybe if he made sex worth my dropping everything for I'd be more inclined to but that when it involves him bouncing around on my body unimaginatively for 5 minutes and then going to bed why waste the 5 minutes? I also said that it may sound all girly to him but I was a woman and we needed a little more then a hard cock to keep our interest, put a little effort into it...spice it up...act like it means something to you instead of humping like some 12 yr old boy on a porno bender.
Needless to say it was a long car ride home!
Thanks for the goodwishes Sunfox...and congrats on your new lil one.
sorry it's been a spell since my last post. Work is driving me nuts and what with the Long holiday weekend our schedules here got kinda muddled a bit.
I guess I should say things are going well, which is to say that my husband and I have basically stopped casting blame on each other for the present situation. People in glass houses and all that crap. In that respect I think it's a big step. That we BOTH acknowledge that we BOTH screwed things up and that's what got us here.
We've been discussing the sex issue in therapy which is about as much fun as a root canal w/o the anethesia. I think alot of it is focusing on how it has become more of a pacification tool in the marriage then a moment of intimacy and why I'm allowing that to happen, but that may just be me being hormonal and hypersensetive. My husband on the other end thinks that it's all focusing on him asserting what he percieved to be his last bit of masculinity by "forcing" sex. Hitting nerves on both sides I guess...either way when our therapist asked us the last time either one of us had been fully satisfied- physically and emotionally- by a sexual encounter we both sort of drew a blank. He asked if that wasn't throwing up some sort of warning flag for us?
He then gave us each time to air our gripes on the situation. My husbands was that I always find a way to make time for everything...the kids...their schedules...work...school...PTA...the 30 kids at my daycare...just about everything but him. The only time he ever felt/feels like he has my attention is during sex, if for no other reason then until he comes I'm sorta stuck there. That's why it was such a big thing for him. And then of course I got the schpeel about how he was a man and even if I thought it was cromagnon men needed sex every so often to keep from getting nutty.
My gripe was that I HAVE to make time for all the things I make time for because we live in the real world and here these things all take priority over a quick and- yes I said it!- BORING romp in the sack with him. That maybe if he made sex worth my dropping everything for I'd be more inclined to but that when it involves him bouncing around on my body unimaginatively for 5 minutes and then going to bed why waste the 5 minutes? I also said that it may sound all girly to him but I was a woman and we needed a little more then a hard cock to keep our interest, put a little effort into it...spice it up...act like it means something to you instead of humping like some 12 yr old boy on a porno bender.
Needless to say it was a long car ride home!
Thanks for the goodwishes Sunfox...and congrats on your new lil one.
lovechild27
EricsCocksucker
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hugs~
Glad things are rolling along....if a little bumpy!
Hows the bebe? I hope your feeling better and your little person is getting bigger every day!
Glad things are rolling along....if a little bumpy!
Hows the bebe? I hope your feeling better and your little person is getting bigger every day!
Mstrskey
Nicely Naughty
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- Oct 17, 2002
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I can't believe I didn't mention earlier...
But today is our 10 year anniversary !! I think that's something of a record these days ya know!
The therapist asked us to ponder on that when we left the other day, the fact that we have been married for ten years and together as a couple for almost 15 years! He said regardless of the crap that's going on with us right now we should really give some thought to that because 15 years is a long time to just "put up" with someone you have no real feelings for, someone that you would treat the way we each feel the other has treated us as of late. He asked us to think about what it was that first attracted us to the other. I knew my answer right away; my husband was the first man in my life I ever felt saw me for who I really and truly was and was still crazy enough to love me anyway. I never felt like I had to pretend with him. I was sitting at dinner with him and the kids tonight when I got his answer. He asked if I knew what he first found so attractive about me and I shrugged and told him I had no clue. He was quiet for a minute and then said " You're not going to believe me, but the reason I was so attracted to you is that your the first woman I knew that I wanted to spend time with regardless of whether or not I ever slept with you." I was kinda struck dumb by that one. I'm ashamed to say I didn't even know how to respond other then to very nearly start bawling in the middle of the room like a kid.
Love~ and hugs for you sugar! Bebe is doing well though making his/her opinions on the four groups known most unpleasantly. Making it a challenge to feed the lil booger! As to it's growth...if my lil gut stretching the seams on all my clothing is a judge I'd say it's growing fine.
Noor~ That comment really struck me too...in alot of ways. It's one of those where I just sort of did a double take and wasn't to sure how to reply. I just kept thinking you think you have to hold me captive, literally, to get my attention? Christ have I really gotten that damn distant? and then getting angry, and to amy other emotions to mention.
Yup we're getting to the heart of the matter. I think that's actually really healthy. Sure we may have to air some dirty laundry but in the end it's all for the best.
But today is our 10 year anniversary !! I think that's something of a record these days ya know!
The therapist asked us to ponder on that when we left the other day, the fact that we have been married for ten years and together as a couple for almost 15 years! He said regardless of the crap that's going on with us right now we should really give some thought to that because 15 years is a long time to just "put up" with someone you have no real feelings for, someone that you would treat the way we each feel the other has treated us as of late. He asked us to think about what it was that first attracted us to the other. I knew my answer right away; my husband was the first man in my life I ever felt saw me for who I really and truly was and was still crazy enough to love me anyway. I never felt like I had to pretend with him. I was sitting at dinner with him and the kids tonight when I got his answer. He asked if I knew what he first found so attractive about me and I shrugged and told him I had no clue. He was quiet for a minute and then said " You're not going to believe me, but the reason I was so attracted to you is that your the first woman I knew that I wanted to spend time with regardless of whether or not I ever slept with you." I was kinda struck dumb by that one. I'm ashamed to say I didn't even know how to respond other then to very nearly start bawling in the middle of the room like a kid.
Love~
and hugs for you sugar! Bebe is doing well though making his/her opinions on the four groups known most unpleasantly. Making it a challenge to feed the lil booger! As to it's growth...if my lil gut stretching the seams on all my clothing is a judge I'd say it's growing fine.Noor~ That comment really struck me too...in alot of ways. It's one of those where I just sort of did a double take and wasn't to sure how to reply. I just kept thinking you think you have to hold me captive, literally, to get my attention? Christ have I really gotten that damn distant? and then getting angry, and to amy other emotions to mention.
Yup we're getting to the heart of the matter. I think that's actually really healthy. Sure we may have to air some dirty laundry but in the end it's all for the best.
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