How do I ask him to tone it down?

[Miss_Pixie]

My boyfriend and I were having sex, and he got a bit to rough. He didn't mean to, and I guess vigorous would be a more apt description lol.

But, I have sever back problems and alot of presseure in the area of my hips and lower back can become very painful, very fast.

It was the first time I'd ever had to fake it, or say no when he wanted to go again...

How can I ask him to be more gentle and tell him he hurt me without hurting his feelings?

 

[DormantEvil]

*light hearted answer first* You could carry a tazer with you, and each time he goes to hard and it hurts you, you can zap him so he knows the pain.

Might deter him.

Or just simply have a conversation with him. If he knows about your back and hips, then he should be understanding. It might mean you have to compensate by doing other things if he usually needs to go hard to finish.

But, if he doesn't accept your back as a good excuse, I'd try the tazer. If he cares for you, he'll listen. If not, he deserves to feel the same pain.

Just my two cents. Hope this works out for you.

 

[Cattypuss]

If a lover is doing something that makes you uncomfortable, the time to raise it is in the heat of the moment, in my opinion.

I have never hesitated to say "ouch, my back!" or "ouch, my neck" or whatever. And no lover has ever taken offence or been hurt.

 

[Miss_Pixie]

well he knows, I just don't think he understands how bad it is, I have 3 fractured vertebe all right on top of eachother and my hips sit back at an angle.

He's very caring, he spends alot of time when we're out and about babying my back, he just didn't think it would translate into how we have sex as well lol.
I just don't want to hurt his feelings, he's really sensitive about certain things

 

[fuckmeat]

Instead of telling him you faked it or whatever, I don't think there's anything wrong with speaking up next time you get down to foreplay. Saying something like 'Can we be gentler this time because my back and hips were sore after we last made love?' I can't imagine why he'd take offence to that. There's also no shame whatsoever in refusing sex if your back and hips are already painful that day or whatever.

On a more serious note, 3 fractured vertebrae and hip problems? You must find a way to speak up. Pain is your body's way of telling you that damage is occurring and sex can put you in all manner of taxing positions. I'm sure it will have been worth not hurting his feelings if the poor man puts you in a wheelchair one day. What you have to remember is that he is trusting you to tell him when you're in pain. If he found out you were suffering so he could get his jollies I'm sure he'd feel wretched, never mind if he really hurt you. Put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself what he would want you to do if he could read your mind. My guess is that he would want you to tell him about this.

 

[micky4play]

should be easy...

My boyfriend and I were having sex, and he got a bit to rough. He didn't mean to, and I guess vigorous would be a more apt description lol.

But, I have sever back problems and alot of presseure in the area of my hips and lower back can become very painful, very fast.

It was the first time I'd ever had to fake it, or say no when he wanted to go again...

How can I ask him to be more gentle and tell him he hurt me without hurting his feelings?

a "sweety - you need to take it a little easier - I'm not as tough as you..." or somesuch.....

 

[IrisAlthea]

If a lover is doing something that makes you uncomfortable, the time to raise it is in the heat of the moment, in my opinion.

I have never hesitated to say "ouch, my back!" or "ouch, my neck" or whatever. And no lover has ever taken offence or been hurt.

Seconded.

 

[oxphocker]

Or to flip the issue around...maybe get on top and take the lead? Might not work depending on your back issue...but would certainly put you in control of how hard/fast...

 

[wicked woman]

Instead of telling him you faked it or whatever, I don't think there's anything wrong with speaking up next time you get down to foreplay. Saying something like 'Can we be gentler this time because my back and hips were sore after we last made love?' I can't imagine why he'd take offence to that. There's also no shame whatsoever in refusing sex if your back and hips are already painful that day or whatever.

On a more serious note, 3 fractured vertebrae and hip problems? You must find a way to speak up. Pain is your body's way of telling you that damage is occurring and sex can put you in all manner of taxing positions. I'm sure it will have been worth not hurting his feelings if the poor man puts you in a wheelchair one day. What you have to remember is that he is trusting you to tell him when you're in pain. If he found out you were suffering so he could get his jollies I'm sure he'd feel wretched, never mind if he really hurt you. Put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself what he would want you to do if he could read your mind. My guess is that he would want you to tell him about this.

Great answer. I think back pain trumps worrying about hurting him especially when a concerned partner should want to know that you're in pain.

 

[Reba67]

Seconded.

If a lover is doing something that makes you uncomfortable, the time to raise it is in the heat of the moment, in my opinion.

I have never hesitated to say "ouch, my back!" or "ouch, my neck" or whatever. And no lover has ever taken offence or been hurt.

This is me as well. We all do things to our partners that sometimes cause pain, even when we don't mean to.

 

[Miss_Pixie]

Thanks for the advice all, It's much appriciated!

 

[NippleMuncher]

well he knows, I just don't think he understands how bad it is, I have 3 fractured vertebe all right on top of eachother and my hips sit back at an angle.

He's very caring, he spends alot of time when we're out and about babying my back, he just didn't think it would translate into how we have sex as well lol.
I just don't want to hurt his feelings, he's really sensitive about certain things

I believe that a good majority of men do care about their lovers health and pleasure, and your comments here support that. I'm certain that no offense will be taken by telling him that his methods are hurting you and that as a couple, you need to seek other positions or methods that are more accommodating to your needs.

IMHO, this isn't any different than if he wanted to perform antics that you were not comfortable with. The only way he's going to know is if you tell him and you work together to find a solution or compromise.

 

[susankimlover]

My boyfriend and I were having sex, and he got a bit to rough. He didn't mean to, and I guess vigorous would be a more apt description lol.

But, I have sever back problems and alot of presseure in the area of my hips and lower back can become very painful, very fast.

It was the first time I'd ever had to fake it, or say no when he wanted to go again...

How can I ask him to be more gentle and tell him he hurt me without hurting his feelings?

Bad back. Tell him then. He's kinda dumb for not being more careful.