How do I convince my husband to try oral again, and to dominate in bed?????????

[Fun4UsHere]

Sounds like you are having a bad time. If he is young and starting to have anykind of ED then that would explain his reactions... try playing with things lightly while he is asleep if it responds quickly then I have no idea other than to wonder if he isn't either deppressed or getting it somewhere else on the other hand if his penis dosen't respond in a reasonable amount of time then there is your answer and I recomend rechargable batteries.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Before we got married, he would go down on me all the time, without me ever asking. We have been married for almost 8 months, and he has done it ONCE the entire time. I beg and plead, and make it obvious I want it, but nothing. He says that the more he thought about it, the more it grossed him out. REALLY???

There is far more going on here than what he's telling you. It has nothing to do with your hygiene and everything to do with what's going on between his ears.

Judging from the other questions and answers throughout this thread, you're very young and he in particular wasn't ready to get married and is now having "buyers remorse". That doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, but the impact of now being a "kept man" has him scared and rebelling. I also suspect that he's now feeling and loathing a deep sense of loss of freedom, trapped, if you will, and secretly blaming you, hence not wanting to fulfill your needs. If you look closely, I'm certain you'll see a change in his overall demeanor post marriage than while you were dating.

As hard as it may be, emotionally, physically, and financially, it is imperative that you seek counseling for at least yourself, but preferably as a couple to root out his sudden and drastic change in behavior. Things are not going to get better on their own and will compound exponentially if kids or finances get tossed into the mix. You will both be far better off to end things now and move on than to waste your time and life on a situation that isn't going to change - at least not without outside help and a willingness from both sides to rectify the issues.

Honey, I feel for you. I've been through more than a few similar relationships myself and can absolutely say with conviction that life is WWWAAAAYYYYYYY too short to be stuck in a situation like this! There is nothing you can do to change the people around you, but you can change yourself, meaning find the assistance you need to either get him to communicate with you or find the strength to dissolve the marriage and move on.

 

[SweetErika]

Sounds like you are having a bad time. If he is young and starting to have anykind of ED then that would explain his reactions... try playing with things lightly while he is asleep if it responds quickly then I have no idea other than to wonder if he isn't either deppressed or getting it somewhere else on the other hand if his penis dosen't respond in a reasonable amount of time then there is your answer and I recomend rechargable batteries.

Did you post this to the correct thread? I didn't see Neko say anything that hinted at her husband having trouble getting aroused, much less having ED. Plus, it's very unusual for a 21-year-old to have ED; even if he did, that still wouldn't explain why he's totally opposed to pleasing her in ways that don't involve his penis and is generally disinterested in sexual interaction.

 

[Fun4UsHere]

Did you post this to the correct thread? I didn't see Neko say anything that hinted at her husband having trouble getting aroused, much less having ED. Plus, it's very unusual for a 21-year-old to have ED; even if he did, that still wouldn't explain why he's totally opposed to pleasing her in ways that don't involve his penis and is generally disinterested in sexual interaction.

ED is the only tbing I could think of to explain why a married straight guy who loves his spouse and has no kids to inturupt wouldn't want to fuck the hell out of his wife untill the neighbors call the cops to complain about the noise.

 

[SweetErika]

Things are not going to get better on their own and will compound exponentially if kids or finances get tossed into the mix. You will both be far better off to end things now and move on than to waste your time and life on a situation that isn't going to change - at least not without outside help and a willingness from both sides to rectify the issues.

Honey, I feel for you. I've been through more than a few similar relationships myself and can absolutely say with conviction that life is WWWAAAAYYYYYYY too short to be stuck in a situation like this! There is nothing you can do to change the people around you, but you can change yourself, meaning find the assistance you need to either get him to communicate with you or find the strength to dissolve the marriage and move on.

Ah, truer words have never been spoken!

ED is the only tbing I could think of to explain why a married straight guy who loves his spouse and has no kids to inturupt wouldn't want to fuck the hell out of his wife untill the neighbors call the cops to complain about the noise.

OK, just clarifying.

And we don't know he's straight. I think all we (including Neko) can say is he has enough attraction to women (or this particular woman) that he's able to have sex at least a couple of times a month. I don't like to pull out the "maybe he's gay" card, but in this case, I think it's an option worth considering seriously. At least it seems he's not been fond of pussy for the past eight months.

 

[hottchic]

I hate to suggest this, because it sounds bad. But I am beginning to wonder if he has a seducer mentality.

Before you were married it seems like he was prepared to do anything, go down on you, try different positions and have sex at regular intervals.

Now it appears as if sex is down to twice a month and all the creativity has gone out the window.

It makes me wonder, could it be that all the creative sex and eating pussy was just designed to get you to marry him, and now he is married he is not prepared to work at it.

Or, that before you got married he was turned on by the taboo aspect of it or the possibility of getting caught or something, and now you are free to do what you want he is not turned on anymore.

Either way it seems like he needs to really tell you what has changed about his attitude and why. Maybe he doesn't know himself and is not being honest with himself, maybe he needs therapy or you need couples therapy.

I hope you can resolve something.

 

[Vixandra]

I got married at 19 and it is a challenge. Not only are you changing, but he is too, as you both grow into yourselves. It is a difficult road that requires a lot of flexibility, communication, and a strong friendship to get past those changing years. I know this because I got married at 19 to a man that was 22. Nine years later and we're still happily married.

That said, you should NOT feel stupid/dumb/moronic/whatever for how you feel about your sex life. Sexuality is a huge part of a marriage (one of the funnest parts to me) and should not be downplayed or disregarded like that. If you've only been married a short time and he's already ignoring you for some self-loving, imagine what it will be like in five years. Ten years down the line?

Love is wonderful but without compatibility it doesn't conquer anything. Sad to say it, but it sounds like you two aren't sexual compatible in a married state.

 

[NightL]

If you dare... Strike a pose in 'that outfit' and say "You pathetic excuse of a man... you wouldn't know how to get a woman off if you tried... your tongue has become as limp as your dick".

...you will get your definitive answer one way or another...

OK... not game for that...

"Time to talk... this is what we had... this is want I need... what the F%$# is going on?"

Be assertive... it may make him rise to the challenge... dominate him and tell him what to do... challenge his masculinity...

In his own stupid way it sounds like he is attention seeking... so... "Stop the F^%$ing Nonsense and be a Man!!!"

 

[Tmmldr]

If you dare... Strike a pose in 'that outfit' and say "You pathetic excuse of a man... you wouldn't know how to get a woman off if you tried... your tongue has become as limp as your dick".

...you will get your definitive answer one way or another...

OK... not game for that...

"Time to talk... this is what we had... this is want I need... what the F%$# is going on?"

Be assertive... it may make him rise to the challenge... dominate him and tell him what to do... challenge his masculinity...

In his own stupid way it sounds like he is attention seeking... so... "Stop the F^%$ing Nonsense and be a Man!!!"

I tend to agree but I think maybe stronger action is needed than words.

He's been a bad boy.

He needs a good spanking. Best to tie him up first, but maybe not. He knows he's been bad. Get him on his stomach and arouse him, then start spanking him.

Mix in a bit of cock sucking, then more spanking, then scold him for being a bad boy.

When he begs and promises to be good, get him off. Make him show you with his tongue that he means it.

Well that's one idea, your mileage may vary. Never insult a brittle male ego.

 

[hmmm__]

Judging from the other questions and answers throughout this thread, you're very young and he in particular wasn't ready to get married and is now having "buyers remorse". That doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, but the impact of now being a "kept man" has him scared and rebelling. I also suspect that he's now feeling and loathing a deep sense of loss of freedom, trapped, if you will, and secretly blaming you, hence not wanting to fulfill your needs. If you look closely, I'm certain you'll see a change in his overall demeanor post marriage than while you were dating.

I was JUST going to post this! That is the impression I got, the "OH SHIT, NOW I'M STUCK!!!"

Please, please DO NOT GET PREGNANT! That will not change his mind. If anything he will feel more trapped.

I am sorry you are going through this. Keep in mind, the future is open.

 

[laozmo2]

Here are a couple things to think about. You probably should have dated a lot longer than you did before getting married. You may need to divorce and find a more suitable mate.

Your husbands behavior sounds to me like he could be an extreme control freak.
Your begging and pleading with him to give you sexual attention probably makes him feel like he owns and controls you like a personal slave. If you can do it I suggest you change your attitude 180 degrees. Act like you don't care about sex any more and don't care if you ever touch him again. If this doesn't shock him and get his attention in 4 to 6 weeks I'd give up and walk out.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I highly recommend NOT playing control games, that will only make matters worse. If you can't get him to communicate, he's a lost cause and you need to move on. If you truly care about him, which appears to be the case, then seeking personal and couples counselling will benefit the relationship - even if that means ending it and setting yourselves free.

 

[DrHappy]

If I had to guess, I’d think that maybe he just doesn’t have much of a natural libido. How often does he initiate regular sex? Some people tend to have a higher libido early in the sexual relationship. During this time, they tend to be more adventurous and wiling to try new things in bed, however, this feeling falls for them later on in the relationship. People with a naturally high libido will have a high libido that doesn’t drop as the relationship matures.

The bad news is that if his libido is naturally low, then there’s not much chance that it will ever increase again long term. If you suspect that this is a libido issue, I’d suggest that you take a look at the ivillage forum for mismatched libidos.

 

[subwannabe]

Unfortunately this is being overanalyzed too much. It seems like this relationship doesn't have much hope and it may be time to slap yourself in the face, wake up, cut your losses and move on. Definetly don't get pregnant because if you think it is bad now, the worst is yet to come if you add a baby into the picture.

 

[MicknTrixie]

Been married almost 18 years and we had sex 9 times between Fri nite n sat nite. Quit with the fem deodorant Crap. Quit wearing panties. My wife quit wearing panties about 10 years ago and she tastes like heaven. She also hasn't had a yeast infection in 10 years.

 

[cumaholic21]

funny thing
has anyone asked if maybe there's something bothering him unrelated to sex?
lots of people asking if he's gay, but it sounds like a lot of wishful thinking

a lot of the time, sexual hang-ups have non-sexual causes.
I know he's a 21 year old guy, and according to the laws of smut sites, he's supposed to have zero psychological depth, but he may be an actual human being.

did anything happen to stress him out or upset him leading up to his withdrawal?

 

[bb4ls]

I was thinking the same thing Cum. Stress can really do it to you. I know when my stress level is high, I'm not necessarily always in the mood for sex.

On another note, just let him know that there is a line of guys waiting to go down on yuo Neko, and maybe he'll change his mind, hell, we'll all sign a petition

 

[cumaholic21]

I was thinking the same thing Cum. Stress can really do it to you. I know when my stress level is high, I'm not necessarily always in the mood for sex.

On another note, just let him know that there is a line of guys waiting to go down on yuo Neko, and maybe he'll change his mind, hell, we'll all sign a petition

If that doesn't work, tell him it's not JUST guys...

 

[bb4ls]

If that doesn't work, tell him it's not JUST guys...

That won't work, Cum, all he'll want to do is watch then!

 

[NekoMimi]

lol thanks for the support. i am going to talk to him in a bit, he is mowing the lawn before it rains, and when i got off work i just crashed ^^. he initiates about half the time, so that part is fine. and i don't think he would like it if i was with another girl bb4ls, lol he thinks thats a bit weird. hopefully it goes well. i told him last night i want to talk tonight, and he said ok. he even cuddled extra
wish me luck!

 

[bb4ls]

Good luck!!!!!!!

 

[geordiejen]

it could be he is just not that interested once he has married you.he may have been trying to please you until that ring is on your finger and now all he wants is a wife to mother him.which in my views is a really sad thought but i have been with my woman for over 20 years and i still cant get her to do things i would like but this has kept me on my toes and alway interested in sex.maybe you have done too many things too early.

 

[geordiejen]

oral

it could be he is just not that interested once he has married you.he may have been trying to please you until that ring is on your finger and now all he wants is a wife to mother him.which in my views is a really sad thought but i have been with my woman for over 20 years and i still cant get her to do things i would like but this has kept me on my toes and alway interested in sex.maybe you have done too many things too early.

 

[highlandlassie224]

Made me laugh, then cry!

Here is a simple way to handle this situation whenever it comes up, i.e., I want the Person I'm Having Sex With to do my Favorite Sex Thing.

You say: Hey, Person I'm Having Sex With, I would really, really cum hard if you would do My Favorite Sex Thing.

There are several possible responses.

If Person You're Having Sex With says: OMGWTFLOLBBQ! My Absolute Favorite Sex Thing is to PERFORM Your Favorite Sex Thing, quickly ask Person You're Having Sex With to marry you. *

If Person You're Having Sex With says: I Would Love To Do Your Favorite Sex Thing Because I Love You/Really Like You and therefore want you to cum really really hard, buy Person You're Having Sex With a large automobile.

If Person You're Having Sex With says: I guess I will do Your Favorite Sex Thing, but I don't really want to, therefore I will only do it reluctantly, rarely and without enthusiasm, start looking for a different or additional Person To Have Sex With.

If Person You're Having Sex With says: I am disgusted and repulsed by Your Favorite Sex Thing and/or I will never do Your Favorite Sex Thing, get the fuck out of Dodge.

Here endeth the lesson.

* Dr. O's Favorite Sex Thing is getting his dick sucked, and he once met a girl he really liked whose Favorite Sex Thing was sucking dick. Truly - she preferred giving head to anything else, including receiving multiple orgasms. Dr. O asked her to marry him. She said no because she was already engaged, but she sucked Dr. O's dick. Very well. And a lot. Then she got married. To the other guy. And she stopped sucking Dr. O's dick. Dr. O still misses her. The end.

This made me seriously laugh out loud....until I realized I should've gotten the fuck out of Dodge!! Husband REFUSES to go down on me and HATES blowjobs.....and my #1 turn-on/desire is oral sex. Nothing can make me cum like a really skilled tongue! Oh boy....I'm screwed.

 

[Tmmldr]

lol thanks for the support. i am going to talk to him in a bit, he is mowing the lawn before it rains, and when i got off work i just crashed ^^. he initiates about half the time, so that part is fine. and i don't think he would like it if i was with another girl bb4ls, lol he thinks thats a bit weird. hopefully it goes well. i told him last night i want to talk tonight, and he said ok. he even cuddled extra
wish me luck!

Can you get him to watch porn with you? That would give a context to talking with each other that isn't directly at each other? Like "oh, look at what they're doing, that's so hot" instead of "why don't you do ever do xyz to me?".

Watch your ego in this, would you get offended if something in a porn got him hard and he fucked you? It's the girl in the video that got him aroused, not you? And he was thinking about her when he went down on you?
Be ready to encourage him with where he's going with his emotions, instead of shutting them down or redirecting them.

"You're thinking you're fucking her, aren't you? she's so hot, you can't help it..."

"OH, look at her. I wish I had an ass like that. What would you do with that, honey"

NOT jealousy....you're playing, not in real life. After a couple dozen little sporting events like this, he's going to have opened up to you and you to him.