How Do You Guide Yourself On Sex / Relationships

[Rosa2019]

the OP also said no humor, so that means I can't - '

No, I didn't say that. Those are your words, not mine.
What I said was “ Nothing funny” --meaning “I was not trying to be funny”.
Humor is only a part of being funny. You narrowed it down and had it twisted.

All in all, 'Complex' is my response to your comment.

BTW, your user name is rather inspiring.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

The problem is the attitude about the problem... Yeah and I don't agree; the problem IS the problem, dudes.

It's rooted not in the subject's attitude, it's rooted in the dissonance coming from the object - what someone looks like, versus what they ARE like in the passing instance. They can change, but they generally don't over the whole of their lives, and so people are stuck with wanting something that EASILY could be 'given' but regularly isn't even available.

People, such as the OP, want what they want, not some modification of outcome and modified sensations and set of feelings and pleasure pay-offs; they want exactly what they actually are seeking.

Today's society specializes in forcing adults to think and to behave like very ignorant dependent children. You can pretend all you like but most 'women' are fake in everything they think, say and do, and most 'men' do not have the mindset tools to overcome the insistence on social conforming 'ideals' that social and political leaders push onto everyone.

But...

...there ARE a tiny handful of people here and there who are not bitter and twisted by what modern society has become, and who are much wiser than the rest of the population. There is a false sexual pretension that many women exhibit these days. They are lying to themselves but that's where you get one example of 'individual attitude altering perceptions.' They are apparently quite satisfied being the way they are, and good for them. I won't stop them.

But they are not women. And they are not females. They are socially-programmed automatons.

Same with many 'males.' Both of them are uninteresting to me. And I'm not sure why they would be interesting to the OP other than that superficially they might 'look' attractive, or sexually attractive.

They're useless in bed.

And they end up being quite unattractive after a while. A LOT of people today are commercially-programmed consumers for product marketing. And that is all they are. They respond to fears, and to irrational fears more than to dangers that are indicated by actual rational thinking and authentic perceptions.

 

[Comshaw]

Looks like your last paragraph responds to the rest of your statement. Seems to me at the end you found relief from “fixated” sexual craving. Am I correct?
******
Many people equate the absence of sex with being hungry for food or thirsty for water and oblivious to the fact that sex is more fluid and adjustable . It involves the psyche. It's more about 'want' than 'need' (not saying we don't need it at all).

I found this in your profile: "The problem is not the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem." Captain Jack Sparrow

Your first paragraph is convoluted, confusing and makes no sense at all. I am happy to discuss anything AS LONG AS I understand the questions posed and comments made. Perhaps you'd like to back up and try to clarify your thoughts, put them in a logical understandable order before you type them out?

Additionally your citing of the quote from JS is without context or explanation. Perhaps you'd like to be a little less oblique and much more plain in your remarks? doing that, you might elicit more serious comments and less sarcasm and puzzlement.



Comshaw

 

[Comshaw]

The problem is the attitude about the problem... Yeah and I don't agree; the problem IS the problem, dudes.

It's rooted not in the subject's attitude, it's rooted in the dissonance coming from the object - what someone looks like, versus what they ARE like in the passing instance. They can change, but they generally don't over the whole of their lives, and so people are stuck with wanting something that EASILY could be 'given' but regularly isn't even available.

People, such as the OP, want what they want, not some modification of outcome and modified sensations and set of feelings and pleasure pay-offs; they want exactly what they actually are seeking.

Today's society specializes in forcing adults to think and to behave like very ignorant dependent children. You can pretend all you like but most 'women' are fake in everything they think, say and do, and most 'men' do not have the mindset tools to overcome the insistence on social conforming 'ideals' that social and political leaders push onto everyone.

But...

...there ARE a tiny handful of people here and there who are not bitter and twisted by what modern society has become, and who are much wiser than the rest of the population. There is a false sexual pretension that many women exhibit these days. They are lying to themselves but that's where you get one example of 'individual attitude altering perceptions.' They are apparently quite satisfied being the way they are, and good for them. I won't stop them.

But they are not women. And they are not females. They are socially-programmed automatons.

Same with many 'males.' Both of them are uninteresting to me. And I'm not sure why they would be interesting to the OP other than that superficially they might 'look' attractive, or sexually attractive.

They're useless in bed.

And they end up being quite unattractive after a while. A LOT of people today are commercially-programmed consumers for product marketing. And that is all they are. They respond to fears, and to irrational fears more than to dangers that are indicated by actual rational thinking and authentic perceptions.

Damn! You sound very bitter, unfulfilled and disappointed in those around you. The OP (and it sound like to too) want what they want, with no modification or changes? In other words you're saying they are unwilling, or unable to accept others as they are, with pimples on their ass, a few ideas that don't jive with your's or some things that violate your standard? you would require them to change, be what ever it is you and the OP want? You think everyone else should metamorphosis into your and the OP's ideal of a perfect ...what ever it is you seek?

If that is the case, I pity you and the OP cause it ain't gunna happen and you will spend your life seeking something that will elude you and end with a bitter feeling towards everyone else for not being what you require.

As far as the JS quote, there is truth in it. Most of the time you can't change that which is the problem, no matter how hard you try or how much you want it. However, you have the power to change your own outlook, your attitude and the way to deal with a problem.

In fact I wouldn't want to change anyone. Each of us has our own foibles, eccentricities and flaws that make us who we are. when I make a friend or take a lover I accept them as they are, because that's what attracted me in the first place. you can spend a lifetime tilting at giants that are in reality windmills and in the end be a bitter disillusioned human, or you can accept them for what they are and live live a life content to enjoy those around you for who they are.

The choice is always a personal one, our own. Choose wisely.


Comshaw

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

'You sound very bitter, unfulfilled and disappointed in those around you.'

Well, I AM all of that et ceter et cetera except you missed out the bit I had already made clear: 'MOST' of the people around me. Most, and I do mean it. I cannot know FOR CERTAIN, that it really is 'most' but in terms of my own individual personal characteristics, well yeah, it is most...

Consequently, I am not at all 'bitter' (not even slightly and certainly not 'very') or 'unfulfilled' because in fact I don't think I would be able to have deep intimate and likely sexual relationships of a physical kind with 'most' people on the planet. I find that I am perfectly 'gruntled' by the tiny handful of people that I DO manage to have these sorts of relationships with.

Am I 'disappointed?' I am, for the expectations that I have for people at large - I mean, THEY for one thing, appear to be the noisiest at complaining about their lives, their sex lives, their violent and/or abusive partners, parents, children, government overlords, their banks, their employers.

And I absolutely DO want what I want with no modification whatsoever! But so what?

I never said anything even remotely along the lines that I would or might object to someone's pimple on their ass or anywhere else; that is exactly the kind of superficial attitude I don't find interesting or attractive. So no, I don't judge people by their outward appearance to any great extent.

Human beings come in all different sensibilities, really - you found what the OP said somewhere as 'confusing' but it wasn't confusing to me... So, there you go. We are different.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

No, I didn't say that. Those are your words, not mine.
What I said was “ Nothing funny” --meaning “I was not trying to be funny”.
Humor is only a part of being funny. You narrowed it down and had it twisted.

All in all, 'Complex' is my response to your comment.

BTW, your user name is rather inspiring.

LOL Yeah - I was joking, of course.

I found what you have been saying perfectly understandable and highly valid, and I don't understand the need that some people seem to have to jump down your throat over the slightest thing, but then, I've noticed they jump down more or less everyone's throat.

 

[Rosa2019]

The stance of the quote "The problem...." stands conspicuous and provokes opposition from the other side of polarity. If a debate breaks out, there would be a fire.

The word 'problem' itself is problematic----- it comes from a subjective point of view; a negative connotation is embedded in the word and it's likely an exaggeration or a distortion of a factual situation.

“what's the problem?” v. “what's happening?”
“What's your problem ? ” sounds like violence is imminent. Is it really a 'problem'? Do you know the other party's situation ?

The word 'situation' has no negative connotation and situations can change for the better whereas the negative connotation in the word 'problem' always stays.

Nevertheless, I do agree with the following if “problem” is replaced by 'situation'

.. Most of the time you can't change that which is the problem, no matter how hard you try or how much you want it. However, you have the power to change your own outlook, your attitude and the way to deal with a problem.
Comshaw

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