satindesire
Queen of Geeks
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2005
- Posts
- 13,101
I don't think you understand the point that I'm trying to make. My problem with you isn't that you are bitchy. You're inconsistent and you hold different standards for others than yourself. I'll give you an example:
1. I post a form that has the words "girly man" and "queer". You tell me that's offensive. That's totally fine. You're okay to find that offensive and to point it out.
2. You post to someone who mentions having an affair and you wish cancer on them. Someone points out that this is offensive and you basically tell them to fuck off because you think it's an appropriate response, based on your last experiences.
Both of those are actual events that took place. This is what I mean when I talk about your inconsistency. You expect others to bow to your wishes and make adjustments based on how certain words make YOU feel, yet if someone else points something out to you, you tell them to basically fuck off.
So no, I'm not inconsistent in what I've said. I've apologized in the past when I've offended people here. In fact, I have gone back and edited posts based on the comments of others. I've spoken to you in a respectful manner ever since we called a truce. You use the example of me posting something that was homophobic and dismissing it. I specifically asked HOW that was homophobic. I was basically given a lecture by another user that the word "queer" is okay to be used by the gay community, but not everyone. That's bullshit and hypocritical.
I clearly admit I can be offensive. The difference is, I don't go around every time I see something that is offensive to me and bitch at them or roll my eyes for being offensive. If I'm going to say things that are offensive or irreverent, I have to be willing to accept the same. And that's what people seem to find so off-putting about you. You will be a total cunt (your own words), but you expect people to put up with your offenses. Am I guilty of being rude sometimes? Absolutely. But every time someone else says something I don't like, I don't bitch at them for it. Or give them a snarky reply. I can't say I've never done it. I'm sure I'm guilty as such. But I imagine if that was the case, you would be getting loads of support messages about the subject.
A perfect example is the member JBJ. That guy is a fucking nutter and he posts some awful stuff. But do you know why he's more tolerable? Because he doesn't post his shit and then jump on someone else when they post something that offends him.
As far as your looks...
Again, I never said you were ugly. I never said you weren't attractive. I said I wasn't attracted to you. I do think it's brave of you to put your pictures up. My pictures in my avatar/profile are actually me, you may be surprised to know. The reason I was saying I find you unattractive is because you seem to be convinced that I was flirting with you at some point. Your definition of flirting is extremely different than mine.
I don't think that you should play coy or pretend to be unattractive. I think it's good to have a healthy self esteem. It is the way you come across about it. You come across as your own biggest fan. That's probably the single biggest comment I've gotten from people, is how highly you speak of yourself. It's considered unflattering by most. Perhaps you don't care about that. And if that's the case, then I get it and this is useless. But the fact that you said you would consider your behaviour in the future leads me to believe that you maybe do care some.
Consider this... I'm a musician. I play several different instruments. By most standards, I'm extremely gifted. I would be far better than most at what I do. I've played on several albums (nothing that is huge or anything) and I've made decent money from it. It's one thing for me to admit that I'm good and that I play. It's another to constantly talk about myself and how good I am. Do you see the difference?
For instance, if someone compliments your looks, there's nothing wrong with saying thank you and that you modeled or acted in the past. But it's the constant self promotion that drives people crazy. And when I say you're delusional, it's because you don't see how awful that looks. Again, the number of people who have messaged me about this tells me that I'm certainly not alone. The way you speak of yourself... It's not normal.
You consistently reference this about being a woman. It has nothing to do with you being a woman. If a guy acted like this, it would be just as unflattering.
"Again, fuck cultural norms."
This is the hypocrisy that I think drives people crazy. You tell me I can't post something with the word "queer", because it's not culturally acceptable. Yet you don't have to behave the same? I've listed several things that you do that are outside of cultural norms. So which is it?
Take someone like George Carlin. He's offensive. But for the most part, he was acceptable for the venue in which he played. He certainly was offensive, but he had a time and a place. However, consider how absolutely ridiculous it would be if be talked like he did and then acted holier than thou about things that offended him.
Sorry for any typos, this was on a mobile.
I asked about 6 different people what the meaning of "hagbeast" would be in the terms of an insult and every single one of them said "It means he thinks you're ugly." Admittedly, my sample size is pretty small, but when over a half dozen people think it means ugly plus another person jumps in to agree with you over how unattractive I am, what did you think the word "hagbeast" meant? Whether you like it or not, that's what a LOT of people are going to think you're commenting on.
About "Self-promotion": For that, I don't get it. I really don't. Being open about my own self confidence, my past work and what I did and how that relates to why I post here, talking about how attractive people have social privileges...THAT is NOT self promotion. Self promotion would be for me to go into unrelated threads and talk about how awesome I am and how everyone should friend me on facebook or follow me on twitter or come see my picture threads. Talking about related things on related posts is not delusional self promotion, that is me sharing myself openly without being shamed into silence because I'm afraid of people thinking I'm arrogant.
A fact of the world is that attractive people have social privileges.
http://feministgal.blogspot.com/2008/07/beauty-privilege.html
I don't understand how talking about this is somehow "bad". I'm aware of this facet of our culture today, and I try not to take advantage of my place within it. I try REALLY HARD to be socially aware and educate myself about our culture today and the things I can do to improve it. Being aware of my privilege is one of the ways I have attempted to evolve and grow as a person. This thread is another example, me owning my mistakes, explaining why I made them, and being open and honest about myself regardless of whatever "slings and arrows" come my way because of it.
Whether you enjoy the premise or not: Straight people cannot use the word "Queer" and let me use this as an example: Non-blacks cannot use the word "Nigger". It's the same thing. They're words that certain privileged groups cannot use and certain minority groups can. The minority community in question takes back the word for THEM to use, in order to take back some sliver of power that was stolen from them by the people in power...but everyone else is not allowed to use it without looking like a bigot. It's not hypocritical, it's a marginalized group taking back some modicum of power. You are a straight cis-gendered male, one of the easiest groups in the world to belong to. You have privileges that the rest of the world will never live to see just because of the luck of your birth, getting to use the offensive word in question is one tiny privilege in a very small selection that the minority community has.
Let them have it, don't use language of the group you don't belong to. I "read" as white. I KNOW why I can't use the word "Nigger" nor would I complain that "Well black people can so I should be able to, that's so hypocritical!" I am married to a man, so that means I "read" as straight. I know why I can't use the word "Queer" without looking like a bigot. I don't have the time or frankly, the energy to explain everything in this thread about why you can't use the term "Queer" or for example the word "Nigger" or any other offensive slander word, if you really don't know why and you want to understand, you might consider doing some research outside of Lit. Here's a good starting point:
http://chronos-tachyon.net/mirror/io.com/s3chap5.html
The thing is, you're not breaking a cultural norm by using words like "Queer". The cultural norm is straight people using words like Queer to describe other people in an insulting way. If you want to go against cultural norms, then you wouldn't use words like "Queer".
Also, about my posts: I go after trolls and people that openly admit to hurting other people, like cheating on their partners. I have never attacked, cursed at or wished ill on anyone who hasn't hurt someone else or used bigoted, offensive language. That might not mean anything to you personally, though. I've made a promise here to try and be more compassionate in the future, and I intend to keep it.



