How to deal with separation...

[FaeLover]

Well, I just lost my gf of over two years. We were each other's firsts, and now I feel very, very alone...she cheated on me while she was on vacation in Mexico. With three different guys, although she only slept with one of them. The problem is that this isn't the first time this has happened, she cheated on me last summer too. I think that all my friends yelling at me finally made me realize that I might deserve better, and I think she knows it too. So now we're apart.
The only problem is that I can't stop thinking about her. Everything I am today I am in part because of the wonderful relationship we had, and for me, the good far outweighed the bad. I just don't know how to deal with being on my own after being in such an intimate place for two years...I don't even know if I have a point to this post! Bah.

 

[bisexplicit]

Its a one step at a time sortof process.

And distractions. Going out with friends, doing other things. Only way things will feel better is time.

But, you made the right decision in breaking up.

 

[FaeLover]

Well, thanks. I'm just drowing right now, I'm in mid-term exams at University, have to work tonight as well, not much time to go out with friends over the next couple of days, and I'm not looking forward to having to go back to my house and take down all the memories...but, kudos on the best avatar around, hun. Thanks for listening.

 

[bisexplicit]

My best advice is just throw yourself into studying and work then. Don't think about it right now.

And thanks. Its self-proclaimed the best avatar, though.

 

[FaeLover]

Yeah, I guess I'll have to agree then, because it really is the best! And yeah, I'll throw myself into work and study, it's the only thing I have left in my life right now...that, and Lit, I guess.

 

[bisexplicit]

You still have your friends. You still have your family.

And there are other girls out there.

It will work out, even though it doesn't feel that way right now.

 

[FaeLover]

Well, what makes me sad is that naturally, over the past two years, I've done a lot of things with my gf that have put me slightly further away from my friends, just out of necessity...I can't be everywhere at once, you know? And now I'm at a University where yes, I have a lot of friends here, but I don't have people close enough to me that I can really trust them to keep me on the right path right now. My gf was my moral compass for so long but it looks like she was slightly askew herself...

 

[bisexplicit]

Well, for right now, don't worry about all of that. Just make it through to the holidays - relax and have a good time with your family then.

And then, when you come back to school, try working on developing some of your friendships.

 

[silverwhisper]

faelover: not to sound like an insensitive bastard, but trusting someone else to be your moral compass is probably not a good idea, as a general rule. :>

that sucks, man. i know you don't wanna hear this, but when you come right down to it, i don't think anybody finds "the one" their first time.

and re-connecting w/ your friends might be a good idea. :>

ed

 

[FaeLover]

Oh crap...family...my mom was practically in love with my gf just as much as I was...what do I tell her?! She even had all these framed photos put up and ughhhhhhhhh, crap. *sigh*. Well, hurray for Christmas. And now what do I do with all the Christmas presents? Mom even bought my gf things that are already under the tree...oh well. I should get back to studying before I have a breakdown in the Library.

 

[FaeLover]

faelover: not to sound like an insensitive bastard, but trusting someone else to be your moral compass is probably not a good idea, as a general rule. :>

that sucks, man. i know you don't wanna hear this, but when you come right down to it, i don't think anybody finds "the one" their first time.

and re-connecting w/ your friends might be a good idea. :>

ed

Yeah, I've already started reconnecting with some of my friends...and she wasn't my first gf, not by a long shot, but she was the one I was with the longest, and we shared so many firsts, cultural and sexual, and she was my conscience, my sounding board, my place where I could truly be myself and not worry about anything else but being happy.

 

[bisexplicit]

If you explain to your mother the situation, I'm sure she'll understand - and be very supportive.

 

[M's girl]

.....we shared so many firsts, cultural and sexual, and she was my conscience, my sounding board, my place where I could truly be myself and not worry about anything else but being happy.

This is a very typical just-after-reaction to breaking up. You tend to see only the positive things for a while. Trust me, I've been there many times, even though I was the one to break things off and was convinced I was doing the right thing.

I know that does not help you very much at this moment but it's all I can say. This feeling will pass. And then you will also see more clear why you broke up. I can understand that it's hard to swallow if everything else in your relationship felt so damn good. But the fact of life remains that she apparently didn't see it the same way. Your friends were right, probably.... you deserve better, and you will see this in time as well....

 

[LadyJeanne]

You're in the worst of the post-break-up blues right now. It's natural. It's ok to feel bad.

What sometimes helps me is to find my anger and get good and pissed off. If I focus on why we broke up and the behavior that brought it about, I can get mad enough to ride it out. Somehow, the anger makes me feel stronger.

She cheated on you, more than once. She hurt you and your feelings. She is not the good guy. She would have continued to hurt you if you stayed with her.

Hang out with all those friends that were yelling at you that you deserve better. Tell your mom that she cheated on you - moms get plenty mad when someone hurts their kids. She'll be on your side.

Eventually, the anger will fade, but you'll be past this bruised and battered feeling you have now

I'm sorry and hope you start feeling better soon.

 

[TBKahuna123]

LaeLover, you just gave me some serious Deja Vu!!! This is almost exactly what I went through with my ex. We were together for 4 years, minus a few months one summer. My friends told me she had cheated on me but I didn't believe em until I found out from myself. When I finally gave her the heave ho it was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. I truly thought my life was over. I even considered trying to patch things up.

The good news is I didn't. Now after years of marital bliss wiht the perfect woman, I look back and am relieved I didn't do it. For her part she married a really great guy, salt of the earth, whom she promptly spent the next 4 years fucking around on until he finally had enough and threw her out too! Some women, like some men, are just prone to cheating. Slip up once, fine I could see taking her back, but twice is a pattern.

It sucks dude, especially at this time of year, and when it's someone you are deeply attached to it feels like the whole world is crushing in on you. That feeling does go away, and life does carry on. If it didn't work then it wasn't meant to be. Reconnecting with friends is good, that support will help get you through the worst of the blues. You family will support you all the way, no matter how much they like her.

I know it feels like you'll never find anyone like her again, because that's exactly how I felt. Just look aorund though, you might see something or someone that you never saw before because your vision was clouded by your ex. You never know who may be right there under your nose the whole time.