smoothdevil
devilishnice
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test ..................
How to make people laugh
- Thread starter MagicFingers
- Start date
smoothdevil
devilishnice
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[URL=http://img172.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=14723_lawyer_122_349lo.jpg][IMG]http://img172.imagevenue.com/loc349/th_14723_lawyer_122_349lo.jpg[/URL][/IMG]
wally2450
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Carol and Sabith were discussing the date Sabith had the night
before. "Carol, he was so erudite, clever, and sophisticated, I just
couldn't believe it. He speaks several languages, drives a
Lamborghini, took me to a Parisian restaurant and then ordered our
meal and wine courses in French, Then he took me back to his
penthouse apartment and while we looked over his Russian book
collection by the fireplace, he took my shoes off and told me to
relax while he served me some expensive cognac" "Wow," Sab, said
Carol, " he sounds fabulous! Just how far did he get?" Sabith sighed,
and whispered conspiritally, "Well, I'd really rather not say, but
let me just say, he was quite a cunning linguist!"
before. "Carol, he was so erudite, clever, and sophisticated, I just
couldn't believe it. He speaks several languages, drives a
Lamborghini, took me to a Parisian restaurant and then ordered our
meal and wine courses in French, Then he took me back to his
penthouse apartment and while we looked over his Russian book
collection by the fireplace, he took my shoes off and told me to
relax while he served me some expensive cognac" "Wow," Sab, said
Carol, " he sounds fabulous! Just how far did he get?" Sabith sighed,
and whispered conspiritally, "Well, I'd really rather not say, but
let me just say, he was quite a cunning linguist!"
wally2450
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A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young
couple was engaged in oral sex. "Back ladies, back!" cried the
leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!" But it was too
late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed
happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing.
"Well, err... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new
form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial
respiration!" "WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which
merit badge I'm gonna try for next!"
couple was engaged in oral sex. "Back ladies, back!" cried the
leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!" But it was too
late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed
happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing.
"Well, err... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new
form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial
respiration!" "WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which
merit badge I'm gonna try for next!"
smoothdevil
devilishnice
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[url=http://www.freeimagehosting.net/][img]http://img3.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/305dd40d6f.jpg[/url][/IMG]
smoothdevil
devilishnice
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smoothdevil said:
lol ... where did the image go ????
smoothdevil
devilishnice
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try this one ...
[URL=http://imagecloset.com][IMG]http://imagecloset.com/1/c756c3cf6b1931ae92093ad5cfa98b4b/shark-joke.jpg[/URL][/IMG]
[URL=http://imagecloset.com][IMG]http://imagecloset.com/1/c756c3cf6b1931ae92093ad5cfa98b4b/shark-joke.jpg[/URL][/IMG]
MagicFingers
Literotica Guru
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Yes, that list is very old
And this line shows that it was changed from the Quantas reincarnation, which has been around over 10 years now.
"By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident."
It's Quantas, not UPS, who are not even an airline.
But, still funny, and probably a compilation of truths.
Back when I worked on F4's, and the failure symptom was ridiculous, we signed off several jobs as, "Found loose nut in rear cockpit."
That was where all our equipment was.
Now my favorite is "EEOC Error", which I have used for computer repairs.
(Equipment Exceeds Operator Capability)
Weird Harold said:
And this line shows that it was changed from the Quantas reincarnation, which has been around over 10 years now.
"By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident."
It's Quantas, not UPS, who are not even an airline.
But, still funny, and probably a compilation of truths.
Back when I worked on F4's, and the failure symptom was ridiculous, we signed off several jobs as, "Found loose nut in rear cockpit."
That was where all our equipment was.
Now my favorite is "EEOC Error", which I have used for computer repairs.
(Equipment Exceeds Operator Capability)
wally2450
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Irish Golfer
An 80-year old Irish man goes to the doctor for a
check-up.
The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in
and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical
condition?"
"I'm Irish and I am a golfer," says the old guy, "and
that's why I'm in such good shape." I'm up well before
daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways." "I
have a glass of whisky, and al l is well."
"Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but
there's got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when
he died?
"Who said my Dad's dead?"
The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and
your Dad's still alive. How old is he?"
"He's 100 years old," says the old Irish golfer. "In
fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went
to the topless beach for a walk. That's why he's still
alive ... he's Irish and he's also a golfer."
"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure
there's more to it than that. How about your Dad's
Dad? How old was he when he died?"
"Who said my grandpa's dead?" "He's still a kick'n."
Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years
old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible!
How old is he?"
"He's 118 years old," says the old Irish golfer.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So,
I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"
"No. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's
getting married today."
At this point the doctor is close to losing it.
"Getting married ?!!
Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?"
"Who said he wanted to?"
An 80-year old Irish man goes to the doctor for a
check-up.
The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in
and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical
condition?"
"I'm Irish and I am a golfer," says the old guy, "and
that's why I'm in such good shape." I'm up well before
daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways." "I
have a glass of whisky, and al l is well."
"Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but
there's got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when
he died?
"Who said my Dad's dead?"
The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and
your Dad's still alive. How old is he?"
"He's 100 years old," says the old Irish golfer. "In
fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went
to the topless beach for a walk. That's why he's still
alive ... he's Irish and he's also a golfer."
"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure
there's more to it than that. How about your Dad's
Dad? How old was he when he died?"
"Who said my grandpa's dead?" "He's still a kick'n."
Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years
old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible!
How old is he?"
"He's 118 years old," says the old Irish golfer.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So,
I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"
"No. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's
getting married today."
At this point the doctor is close to losing it.
"Getting married ?!!
Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?"
"Who said he wanted to?"
smoothdevil
devilishnice
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smoothdevil
devilishnice
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long way around
one time it works next .. nada
one time it works next .. nada
NippleMuncher
Masticatus Nipplicanis
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smoothdevil said:
If you're linking from another site, it's probably that site blocking the use of it's image. Try saving it to your hard drive then upload with the attachment feature which is in the "additional options" area just below the reply box where you type your message.
wally2450
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The Englishman's paramour told him she was pregnant, and said, "If
you do not marry me, I shall kill myself." "Oh I say!" replied her
lover, "You really are a decent sort."
SEX is like math. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs,
and pray you don't multiply!
you do not marry me, I shall kill myself." "Oh I say!" replied her
lover, "You really are a decent sort."
SEX is like math. Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs,
and pray you don't multiply!
smoothdevil
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NippleMuncher said:
the pics were uploaded from my hard drive ... normally there seems to be 2 options to display the selected pics on msg boards ... and the 1st time it worked and then the rest were only displaying as links or thumbnails ...
time for more coffee ... lol
wally2450
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wally2450
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A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience was different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in middle of the show,
"Look, it's not the same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table."
"Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another. On the third day, the parrot could not hold back any longer:
"OK, I give up. Where's the fucking ship?"
There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in middle of the show,
"Look, it's not the same hat!"
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table."
"Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another. On the third day, the parrot could not hold back any longer:
"OK, I give up. Where's the fucking ship?"
Cathleen
Summer breeze...
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A 2006 Darwin Award 'winner':
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staf that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for three days!
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staf that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for three days!
pleasteasme
*Endangered Species*
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Laugh? Read the GB and the garbage drama on it. Good grief *laugh*
smoothdevil
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wally2450 said:
LMAO ....
glynndah
good little witch.
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The Blonde Kidnapper ~ A Dastardly Story
>
>
> A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a
> child and demand a ransom.
>
> She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree
> and
> wrote a note.
>
> "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the
> money.
> Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park
> at
> 7AM." Signed,
> "The Blonde."
>
> She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go
> straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the
> $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had
> instructed.
> Inside the bag with the cash was the following note.
>
> "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to
> another."
>
>
> A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a
> child and demand a ransom.
>
> She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree
> and
> wrote a note.
>
> "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the
> money.
> Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park
> at
> 7AM." Signed,
> "The Blonde."
>
> She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go
> straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the
> $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had
> instructed.
> Inside the bag with the cash was the following note.
>
> "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to
> another."
glynndah
good little witch.
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A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!"
So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think ! you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex God he was.
The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon."
So, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican began screaming, "You got dem on de wrong feet!, you got dem on de wrong feet!".
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!"
So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think ! you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex God he was.
The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon."
So, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican began screaming, "You got dem on de wrong feet!, you got dem on de wrong feet!".
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