smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
wally2450 said:
How to make people laugh
- Thread starter MagicFingers
- Start date
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
A couple had been married for many years, and their son had gotten old enough to date. One day the boy brought a girl over to dinner. The mother was thrilled with her son's choice and couldn't wait for the wedding. However, the father was upset and, eventually, the boy asked, “Dad, why don't you seem happy with her. Mom likes her a lot.”
The father explained, “No son, there's nothing wrong with the girl. It's just that I cheated on your mother a long time ago, and the girl you've been dating is my daughter by that woman.”
So the boy dumped her and found himself another girl. Again, he brought her home to the mother's delight, but the father again told him this girl was actually his half-sister. The boy lost his temper and told his mother what his father had said.
Furious, the mother shouted, “Don't listen to him, sweetheart! He isn't even your father!”
The father explained, “No son, there's nothing wrong with the girl. It's just that I cheated on your mother a long time ago, and the girl you've been dating is my daughter by that woman.”
So the boy dumped her and found himself another girl. Again, he brought her home to the mother's delight, but the father again told him this girl was actually his half-sister. The boy lost his temper and told his mother what his father had said.
Furious, the mother shouted, “Don't listen to him, sweetheart! He isn't even your father!”
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
A very unattractive, mean actin' woman walks into Walmart with her two kids.
The Walmart Greeter, asks "Are they twins"?
The ugly woman says "No, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7.
"Why?........ Do you think they really look alike?"
"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice"!
The Walmart Greeter, asks "Are they twins"?
The ugly woman says "No, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7.
"Why?........ Do you think they really look alike?"
"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice"!
pleasteasme
*Endangered Species*
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2001
- Posts
- 16,389
Adult Fairy Tales:
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the
Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a ..44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
____________________________________________
MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy."
___________________________________________
SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me!
Lie to me!"
LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the
Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a ..44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
____________________________________________
MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy."
___________________________________________
SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me!
Lie to me!"
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
Importance of Walking
I LIKE THIS ONE ESPECIALLY THE FIRST SENTENCE
-----Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.
The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
.............And last but not least,
You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail it to them!
I LIKE THIS ONE ESPECIALLY THE FIRST SENTENCE
-----Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.
The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
.............And last but not least,
You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail it to them!
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
>Smile Ladies!
>
> 1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has
>a job.
>
> 2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
>
> 3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't
>lie to you.
>
> 4.. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
>
> 5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
>
>
> 1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has
>a job.
>
> 2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
>
> 3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't
>lie to you.
>
> 4.. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
>
> 5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
>
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
Subject: Now You Know
Medical Distinctions
We've all heard about people having GUTS or BALLS. But do you
really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is
listed below...
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you
still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping
your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since
both ultimately result in death.
Medical Distinctions
We've all heard about people having GUTS or BALLS. But do you
really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is
listed below...
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you
still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping
your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since
both ultimately result in death.
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
On the theory that what's good for the goose is good for the gander,
the San Francisco Chronicle reports that a drug company in Mountain
View, California has patented a rub-on cream that is designed to
combat sexual dysfunction in women. Vivus Inc. will now ask the US
Food and Drug Administration for permission to begin testing the
drug, alprostadil, on the female genitalia. The drug is applied
topically and enhances orgasm by dilating the blood vessels that feed
the clitoris... And it comes with a handy nine-inch ribbed, battery-
operated applicator.
the San Francisco Chronicle reports that a drug company in Mountain
View, California has patented a rub-on cream that is designed to
combat sexual dysfunction in women. Vivus Inc. will now ask the US
Food and Drug Administration for permission to begin testing the
drug, alprostadil, on the female genitalia. The drug is applied
topically and enhances orgasm by dilating the blood vessels that feed
the clitoris... And it comes with a handy nine-inch ribbed, battery-
operated applicator.
weespanner
Lim-erotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2006
- Posts
- 23,379
my fav joke
overseas translations first!
dustman=garbageman
wheely bin= http://images.google.ch/images?q=tbn:E_lFj10sMrU67M:http://www.britisheco.com/%3FimageID%3D3%26op%3DimgLib-viewImage
now read on .........
A dustman is going along the street picking up the wheely bins.
He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick look for it, and then knocks on the door. Eventually a Japanese man answers...
"Harro", he says.
"Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman.
"I bin on toiret" replies the Japanese bloke, looking perplexed.
"No mate, where's ya dust bin?"
"I dust bin on toiret I told you" says the Japanese man.
"Mate", says the dustman..."you're misunderstanding me... Where's your wheely bin?"
"OK, OK", says the Japanese guy. "I wheely bin having a wank".
overseas translations first!
dustman=garbageman
wheely bin= http://images.google.ch/images?q=tbn:E_lFj10sMrU67M:http://www.britisheco.com/%3FimageID%3D3%26op%3DimgLib-viewImage
now read on
.........A dustman is going along the street picking up the wheely bins.
He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick look for it, and then knocks on the door. Eventually a Japanese man answers...
"Harro", he says.
"Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman.
"I bin on toiret" replies the Japanese bloke, looking perplexed.
"No mate, where's ya dust bin?"
"I dust bin on toiret I told you" says the Japanese man.
"Mate", says the dustman..."you're misunderstanding me... Where's your wheely bin?"
"OK, OK", says the Japanese guy. "I wheely bin having a wank".
KokopelliRises
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2006
- Posts
- 547
wally2450 said:
I'll buy it!
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."
Leah57
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2006
- Posts
- 403
It's a bit (up)dated, but......
Who's on First - 2006 version
George : Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new
leader of China.
George : Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China .
George : That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George : That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new
leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George : I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George : The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George : The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George : The main man in China!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George : Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.
George : Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George : That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George : Will you, or will you not, tell me the name
of the new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought
he's dead in the
Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George : Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George : Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George : Look Condi. I need to know the name of the
new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George : No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George : No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George : No. But now that you mention it, I could use
a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George : Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George : Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China
George : Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me
the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George : All right! With cream and two sugars.
Who's on First - 2006 version
George : Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new
leader of China.
George : Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China .
George : That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George : That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new
leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George : I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George : The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George : The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George : The main man in China!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George : Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.
George : Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George : That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George : Will you, or will you not, tell me the name
of the new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought
he's dead in the
Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George : Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George : Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George : Look Condi. I need to know the name of the
new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George : No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George : No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George : No. But now that you mention it, I could use
a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George : Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George : Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China
George : Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George : And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me
the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George : All right! With cream and two sugars.
Saucyminx
High heels and attitude
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2005
- Posts
- 6,251
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:
"Two Prostitutes -- $50.00."
A policeman, seeing the sign,
stopped them and told them
they'd either have to remove the sign
or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:
"JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the officer,
"How come you don't stop them?!"
"Well, that's a little different,"
the officer smiled . .
"Their sign pertains to religion."
So the two ladies of the night frowned
as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following night found the same police officer
in the area when he noticed the two ladies
driving around with a large sign on their car again.
Figuring he had an easy arrest,
he began to catch up with them
when he noticed the new sign which now read:
"Two Fallen Angels
Seeking Peter -- $50.00."
"Two Prostitutes -- $50.00."
A policeman, seeing the sign,
stopped them and told them
they'd either have to remove the sign
or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:
"JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the officer,
"How come you don't stop them?!"
"Well, that's a little different,"
the officer smiled . .
"Their sign pertains to religion."
So the two ladies of the night frowned
as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following night found the same police officer
in the area when he noticed the two ladies
driving around with a large sign on their car again.
Figuring he had an easy arrest,
he began to catch up with them
when he noticed the new sign which now read:
"Two Fallen Angels
Seeking Peter -- $50.00."
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
wally2450 said:
LMAO ......
What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ??
At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.?
At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.?
At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
A t 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!
At 78 -- What story??? ?What bed??? ?Who the hell are you???
At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.?
At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.?
At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
A t 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!
At 78 -- What story??? ?What bed??? ?Who the hell are you???
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
Two Trees
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word
or two in it, but, here is one:
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in
the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them,
and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a
beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker
lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert.
Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a
birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He
replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of
a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have
ever put my pecker in.
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word
or two in it, but, here is one:
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in
the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them,
and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a
beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker
lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert.
Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a
birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He
replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of
a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have
ever put my pecker in.
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
A man went to the tattoo parlour and had the words "yes" and "no"
tattooed on his penis. When he got home that night, he approached his
wife in their bedroom. He stripped off his pants and shorts,
revealing his aroused organ and its new tattoo. "What do you think,
honey?" he asked his wife. Deliberately she said, "You tell me how to
cook, you tell me how to clean the house, you tell me how to do the
laundry, and now you're going to put words in my mouth?"
tattooed on his penis. When he got home that night, he approached his
wife in their bedroom. He stripped off his pants and shorts,
revealing his aroused organ and its new tattoo. "What do you think,
honey?" he asked his wife. Deliberately she said, "You tell me how to
cook, you tell me how to clean the house, you tell me how to do the
laundry, and now you're going to put words in my mouth?"
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
A man walked into a very high tech bar,
as he took a seat he noticed that the bartender was a robot.
The robot clicked to attention and asked "what would you like?"
"A martini" the man replied
The robot clicked a few times and produced the best martini the man had ever had.
The robot then asked "What is your IQ?"
"about 164" the man replied
the robot proceeded to discuss the theory of realativity, interstellar travel, and the latest medical breakthroughs.
the man was very impressed, he left the bar but thought he should try with some different tact.
So the man returned, sat, and ordered a martini (again it was good)
Again the robot asked "What is you IQ?"
"About 100" the man replied
The robot began to discuss NASCAR racing, college basketball, and the upcomming baseball season.
Impressed again the man wanted to try one more angle
He returned, sat, ordered a martini, and again was asked "what is you IQ"
the man replied "um..bout 50"
the robot clicked, leaned in close and very slowly said "A-r-e . . y-o-u-r . .
p-e-o-p-l-e . . r-e-a-l-l-y . . g-o-i-n-g . . t-o . . n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e . .
H-i-l-l-a-r-y?"
as he took a seat he noticed that the bartender was a robot.
The robot clicked to attention and asked "what would you like?"
"A martini" the man replied
The robot clicked a few times and produced the best martini the man had ever had.
The robot then asked "What is your IQ?"
"about 164" the man replied
the robot proceeded to discuss the theory of realativity, interstellar travel, and the latest medical breakthroughs.
the man was very impressed, he left the bar but thought he should try with some different tact.
So the man returned, sat, and ordered a martini (again it was good)
Again the robot asked "What is you IQ?"
"About 100" the man replied
The robot began to discuss NASCAR racing, college basketball, and the upcomming baseball season.
Impressed again the man wanted to try one more angle
He returned, sat, ordered a martini, and again was asked "what is you IQ"
the man replied "um..bout 50"
the robot clicked, leaned in close and very slowly said "A-r-e . . y-o-u-r . .
p-e-o-p-l-e . . r-e-a-l-l-y . . g-o-i-n-g . . t-o . . n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e . .
H-i-l-l-a-r-y?"
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
wally2450 said:
LMAO .....
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
It was afternoon in the crowded cafeteria. The elderly matron sitting
at the counter was obviously upset at the cigarette smoke of the
young blonde woman beside her. Finally the older woman could take it
no longer. She turned to the blonde and bellowed with a loud voice,
"Young lady, I would rather commit adultery than smoke!" "So would
I," quipped the blonde, "but you know, there just isn't time enough
during a coffee break."
at the counter was obviously upset at the cigarette smoke of the
young blonde woman beside her. Finally the older woman could take it
no longer. She turned to the blonde and bellowed with a loud voice,
"Young lady, I would rather commit adultery than smoke!" "So would
I," quipped the blonde, "but you know, there just isn't time enough
during a coffee break."
smoothdevil
devilishnice
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2004
- Posts
- 14,521
Tips for us ladies in year 2007
>
1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.
>
2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour.
>
3. Take life with a pinch of salt... a wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.
>
4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!
>
5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).
>
6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
>
7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just my personality.
>
8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.
>
9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
>
10. Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing; and makes you walk funny.
>
11. When life gives you lemons in 2007 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.
>
12. Stay true, caring and loyal to your friends - when it comes to enemies remind yourself of 'opposite day' from primary school
>
13. Remember every good looking, sweet, single male is someone else's Ex boyfriend!
>
14. Enjoy this New Year!
>
1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.
>
2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour.
>
3. Take life with a pinch of salt... a wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.
>
4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!
>
5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).
>
6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
>
7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just my personality.
>
8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.
>
9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
>
10. Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing; and makes you walk funny.
>
11. When life gives you lemons in 2007 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.
>
12. Stay true, caring and loyal to your friends - when it comes to enemies remind yourself of 'opposite day' from primary school
>
13. Remember every good looking, sweet, single male is someone else's Ex boyfriend!
>
14. Enjoy this New Year!
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