How to Not Care

[Noor]

You are 24 with little management experience or training? This thread is more understandable.

The problems you are having are probably a combination of things some of which you can eventually control and some you can't. Pick what you can and let the rest go.

I think you would feel better about yourself and life in general if you were consistently nice in all aspects of your life online as well as real life.

Nice does not mean a push over but it does mean trying to find systems/processes that work for you and the people you work with.

I should mention that I have found most therapists have NO idea about workplace interactions such as you are experiencing with workers whose pay is so vastly different than yours, to be honest most therapists don't understand people who have absolutely no disposable income and no hope of having any.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

You are 24 with little management experience or training? This thread is more understandable.

The problems you are having are probably a combination of things some of which you can eventually control and some you can't. Pick what you can and let the rest go.

I think you would feel better about yourself and life in general if you were consistently nice in all aspects of your life online as well as real life.

Nice does not mean a push over but it does mean trying to find systems/processes that work for you and the people you work with.

I should mention that I have found most therapists have NO idea about workplace interactions such as you are experiencing with workers whose pay is so vastly different than yours, to be honest most therapists don't understand people who have absolutely no disposable income and no hope of having any.

Mental health centers are probably more hostile and toxic than the average workplace. Nice people don't do therapy. Theyre like the Arthur Murray dance instructors who kissed your ass and flattered you into more dance lessons.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I trained from the time I was 18-23 years old. I've been a pharmacist since the age of 24, almost a year. Let me just tell you that the growing process doesn't start when you begin organic chemistry nor does it end the day you walk across the stage at graduation. REAL training begins the day you step foot in front of verification and have to direct traffic, which is something I was never taught in school.

And when I graduated, I began work as a pharmacist at a store that filled 5,000 scripts per week. For those of you who do not know, a typical pharmacy fills anywhere from 1,000-2,000 scripts per week. We had three pharmacists on duty at any given time and I had a lot of help for the first chapter of my professional life.

I am now a solo pharmacist for the first time and I'm on my third month. My techs are a mix of veterans who have been working for the place for over a decade and some techs who don't even know what Tylenol is used for... I work along side people who get paid just above minimum wage. (That's why I buy them things... It's hard to buy whatever I want making 120K per year and then see them pinching pennies to buy a snickers bar. I have a little bit of heart and they really are appreciative. Plus, when they're happy, they tend to be happier to go the extra mile to help you out.)

It's not all bad. My experiences at work aren't ALL negative. There are a lot of positives, too. But overall, at the end of the day, it's one of the most stressful jobs. Just this past week, a young pharmacist in Augusta shot herself in the head because she couldn't cope with whatever was going on with her life. Now, I can't say for sure that it was totally the job... but I'm pretty sure it played a huge part in the reason to kill herself.

At times, I consistently say to myself as I'm at verification, "I need a bridge. I need a bridge. I need a bridge." Would I jump? Probably not. Does the weight of the stress make me fantasize about it?

As far as my return is concerned, I'm not necessarily back. I'm just in a transitioning phase to another forum. I just have to find one. I'm sorry that you were offended by my history. I'm not really sure what to say because I don't know specifics about what offended you. But certainly, you shouldn't take it personal. Maybe you're frustrated with me or maybe you in fact do take it personally. I'm not sure why... but regardless, there are worse posters out there. Just look at JBJ or any of the GBers out there. Either way, I don't have any position about you as a person or a poster simply because I've never really read your posts. So I don't know really what else to say about it.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I've agreed with your advice. I've apologized for my history. So... back to playing Max Payne 3 and getting something to eat.

Chris youre a pathetic toad no princess will ever kiss.

 

[Christopher2012]

Chris youre a pathetic toad no princess will ever kiss.

Haha thanks for the breaking news Captain Obvious.

 

[SmileyGirl]

Well no, I haven't really tried CBT yet but my doctor nor my therapist has really brought it up. I do know that CBT is the primary therapy for anxiety but with my situation, I'm not really sure it would be as beneficial as drug therapy simply because I lack the drive to achieve life goals (diet, exercise, etc.). I do have motivation but it's directed by fear instead of goal priorities. For example, I became a pharmacist because I was afraid of not being able to pay the bills. I live mediocrely so it's hard to get me to stick to something, especially if I have little interest in it.

It may not make sense but I'm known for that. Ha!

You do know you can combine both along with Exposure Therapy. But yes the most important part is your commitment to want to change. I suppose you have to weigh up if the effort would improve your quality of life or if you're happy with where you are It may be worth the effort.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I will say this... Your presumption is 1,000% wrong. How I treat people in real life is not even remotely close to how I treat people on forums. On a daily basis, I buy my coworkers whatever they ask for no matter the cost, I allow them to pretty much do as they please, and I never scold them for making mistakes. Last night, I bought a Spongebob Squarepants blow up ball just because she wanted it so badly and I have ZERO physical attraction to her. Daily, I announce to my team that I'm going to get something to drink up front and ask if anybody wants anything. I daily spend money on my techs just to be nice.

I never scold them. I never say bad things about them. I honestly just go out of my way to make sure they're taken care of at work. I buy them lunch, I never buy anything for myself without considering them, and I try to empathize with their situation.

So I'm not some bad guy that you think I am. I care genuinely.

I think you are an unhappy person. There are very few people I consider bad people.

I'm curious as to why you would treat us so poorly. (I'm referring to the past... You seem to have come here with a different attitude this time, which is appreciated) You've had a lot of people here root for you. And you've consistently been dickish. That's not an attack, just a statement.

About caring too much... When it comes to your career, I will give you this advice. Don't mistake your career with your life. I've never met anyone who, at the end of their life, said, "If I had only worked more and made more money." You are young and, by monetary measures, successful. Money can't buy happiness.

Also, note that not caring as much and saying "fuck 'em all" are two different things. You need to care about certain things. I'm certain you've seen Office Space. Don't bring in a trout and start scaling it there at work. But at the same time, don't be defined by the occupation you have.

Despite the mean things you've said in the past, I think you're genuine in your request and anything I can do to help you is offered. I've tried to give advice before and it wasn't necessarily well received, but perhaps your attitude is different now.

 

[Lord Pmann]

*$4.95/minute have your credit card ready.

I'll just say... She's worth WELL more than $5 a minute. I'd pay twice that.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Chris youre a pathetic toad no princess will ever kiss.

You're such a shithead.

 

[imemkay]

You're such a shithead.

This may be the understatement of the year. However, I can think of no other word in the English language to sufficiently state what a giant piece of flaming shit this scumbag is. Shithead will have to do.

 

[Lord Pmann]

^^^^
Yeah. I've got nothing worse that I can call him.

 

[Christopher2012]

I think you are an unhappy person. There are very few people I consider bad people.

I'm curious as to why you would treat us so poorly. (I'm referring to the past... You seem to have come here with a different attitude this time, which is appreciated) You've had a lot of people here root for you. And you've consistently been dickish. That's not an attack, just a statement.

I absolutely refuse to address this. Final say in the matter.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I absolutely refuse to address this. Final say in the matter.

Okay. It was a legit question and not an attack. Whatever. I was trying to draw attention to something that you may want to consider. You've got people here who genuinely try to help you, despite it all.

If you don't want to address it here, consider in private why you act as you do here, as opposed to work.

 

[sweepthefloor]

How not to care: I am a fan of figuring out what I can control, and what I can't control. If I can't control it I don't worry about it.

 

[box13]

No disrespect intended, but did anyone think of...Fridays?

It sounds like a very stressful job, so I'd have to conclude that the shrink is just helping you with finding where the waterline is, where you should worry about it...or not...for you. We all could use that. I know I could.

Like today.

Take it easy. And seriously, thanks for giving a shit where it counts most of all.

 

[GorgeousGeekGirl]

Wow Chris, only 24 years old? Then I've got great news for you: there is far less wrong with you than you think. 5 years is naturally going to fix about 80-90% of what's wrong with you.

You're generous spirit is commendable, but it would be better professionally if you did something like brought in a box of donuts, or ordered a pizza and shared. Buying personal request items like a spongebob whatever isn't good.

You were raised in a generation where everyone has a disorder. If you have active temperament, you're ADHD and need drugs and therapy. If you have a shy temperament, youhave social anxiety disorder and need drugs and therapy. If you're fussy and tidy, you're OCD and need drugs and therapy. If you're an easygoing slob, you're depressed and repressed and need drugs and therapy. You get where I'm going with this?

Experience and taking a few lumps will do far more for you than drugs and therapy. Thank goodness you have a shrink with good sense instead of some pill dispensing plastic head spewing psychobabble.

I'm going to give you more solid therapy: go to the doctors without borders website and see what you can do to volunteer. Go on to the VA website and see how you can volunteer. Go find out about local clinics that give low cost or no cost medical care to the poor and disabled and see how you can help. Log onto websites for Shriners hospital, st Jude's hospital, or any other medical based charity and see how you can help.

You want empowerment? Taking your skills and volunteering to help people in a desperate situation will "man you the fuck up." You will have had a permanent positive impact on lives. After reading stories of pain and heartbreak, then being able to help with impossible problems, you will get that shot of self esteem that doesn't exist on any forum board or therapists couch.

And for pity's sake, quit arguing on forum boards. Fuck em and ignore em; you're not in high school. And once you've logged 20 volunteer hours, you will be amazed at how petty this shit is, and you will finally learn not to care.

 

[Christopher2012]

Wow Chris, only 24 years old? Then I've got great news for you: there is far less wrong with you than you think. 5 years is naturally going to fix about 80-90% of what's wrong with you.

You're generous spirit is commendable, but it would be better professionally if you did something like brought in a box of donuts, or ordered a pizza and shared. Buying personal request items like a spongebob whatever isn't good.

You were raised in a generation where everyone has a disorder. If you have active temperament, you're ADHD and need drugs and therapy. If you have a shy temperament, youhave social anxiety disorder and need drugs and therapy. If you're fussy and tidy, you're OCD and need drugs and therapy. If you're an easygoing slob, you're depressed and repressed and need drugs and therapy. You get where I'm going with this?

Experience and taking a few lumps will do far more for you than drugs and therapy. Thank goodness you have a shrink with good sense instead of some pill dispensing plastic head spewing psychobabble.

I'm going to give you more solid therapy: go to the doctors without borders website and see what you can do to volunteer. Go on to the VA website and see how you can volunteer. Go find out about local clinics that give low cost or no cost medical care to the poor and disabled and see how you can help. Log onto websites for Shriners hospital, st Jude's hospital, or any other medical based charity and see how you can help.

You want empowerment? Taking your skills and volunteering to help people in a desperate situation will "man you the fuck up." You will have had a permanent positive impact on lives. After reading stories of pain and heartbreak, then being able to help with impossible problems, you will get that shot of self esteem that doesn't exist on any forum board or therapists couch.

And for pity's sake, quit arguing on forum boards. Fuck em and ignore em; you're not in high school. And once you've logged 20 volunteer hours, you will be amazed at how petty this shit is, and you will finally learn not to care.

If I could find a 25-year-old version of you, I'd ask her to marry me.

I'm actually 25, not 24. And I still need to give you formal responses to all of the advice you've given me. I will after my dentist and therapy appointments today.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Official Translation: WILL YOU BE MY NEW FOOL?

 

[NightL]

Official Translation: WILL YOU BE MY NEW FOOL?

Chris is seeking answers - but no one is fooled - even himself (confused yes)

...be posting any more baby photos Jibbles?

 

[Christopher2012]

How not to care: I am a fan of figuring out what I can control, and what I can't control. If I can't control it I don't worry about it.

Very true. And that's kinda where I'm at right now. So hopefully I'll get to a point where I can subconsciously do that instead of having to tell myself it over and over again.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[Christopher2012]

Official Translation: WILL YOU BE MY NEW FOOL?

JBJ, thanks for the quality post.

 

[Lord Pmann]

One thing I notice... You only talk about your job. And you often talk about what you make.

 

[Christopher2012]

One thing I notice... You only talk about your job. And you often talk about what you make.

Eh just chalk it up to the only thing I'm proud of about myself and at the same time the most miserable part of my life. Would you rather me talk about videogames? Because trust me... I can talk all day long about them.

For some reason, Max Payne 3 is having some serious frame rate drops on my PC and I can't figure out why. Maybe the game wasn't ported to the PC properly to handle dual video cards. I dunno... At one point, I reinstalled the drivers but that only helped for a little while.

Also, I'm making it my personal mission to play and finish every Final Fantasy. I just started the first one on my Vita. I'm kinda at a crossroads though because choosing and naming characters is harder than you think. So I'm testing some possible party options.

And also, I highly recommend The Last of Us on PS3. If you're not a zombie flick fan, it will turn you into one.

 

[GorgeousGeekGirl]

If I could find a 25-year-old version of you, I'd ask her to marry me.

I'm actually 25, not 24. And I still need to give you formal responses to all of the advice you've given me. I will after my dentist and therapy appointments today.

He he, that's so cute. Here's the funny part: the 25 year old version of me wasn't me. That is to say, I am the fabulous 43 now because of all the stuff I've been through and what I've learned. That is how I know that 5 years is going to pretty well straighten you out.

Now, back to you. You said in one of your replies here that you want to complete a game series, Final Fantasy I believe.

No.

I say no in that you need real life empowerment, and that comes from within. I've known a lot of gamers for a lot of years and I can tell you that it's not enough. Gaming as a hobby or stress reliever is ok, but not as accomplishment goals. I know you've seen friends who have stuck with a game longer than they enjoy it. You ask the logical question of "why keep playing a game you constantly bitch about?" It's because they have invested so much time and emotion to it, and it will disappear and be for nothing once the login ID is deleted.

So, tell Zelda she is only going to be your part time gf because you've got some real life goals. She will forgive you, I promise.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

JBJ, thanks for the quality post.

Its our 40 year age difference. Life isn't mysterious to me, its a collection of slogans and aphorisms that closely correlates with the verbal leg humping young folks are fond of. I blame my clinical training. FUCK THEIR STORY PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT THEYRE DOING.

 

[Christopher2012]

He he, that's so cute. Here's the funny part: the 25 year old version of me wasn't me. That is to say, I am the fabulous 43 now because of all the stuff I've been through and what I've learned. That is how I know that 5 years is going to pretty well straighten you out.

Now, back to you. You said in one of your replies here that you want to complete a game series, Final Fantasy I believe.

No.

I say no in that you need real life empowerment, and that comes from within. I've known a lot of gamers for a lot of years and I can tell you that it's not enough. Gaming as a hobby or stress reliever is ok, but not as accomplishment goals. I know you've seen friends who have stuck with a game longer than they enjoy it. You ask the logical question of "why keep playing a game you constantly bitch about?" It's because they have invested so much time and emotion to it, and it will disappear and be for nothing once the login ID is deleted.

So, tell Zelda she is only going to be your part time gf because you've got some real life goals. She will forgive you, I promise.

Okay, I'm breaking off our engagement. jk

I didn't mean that beating the Final Fantasy serious was a life goal. I just want to do it. But I see what you're saying. But I honestly don't want to give up gaming. What you're thinking of is MMORPGs like WoW and Final Fantasy 11 and 14. Now people who play THOSE games invest WAAAAAAY too much time in front of a PC. The games I play take a good bit of my time, but nothing like compared to people who play WoW.

Trust me, I played WoW for 6 days. Afterwards, I went into one of the biggest depressions of my life. I immediately uninstalled it from my computer and swore I'd never play it again.

I am going to play Final Fantasy 14 though just because I have a real life friend who wants me to. I tols him that I'd play with him on occasion but that I wasn't going let it take over my life like WoW did... Yes, for only six days. :/

For more on why we play games, check out the video below. Michael gives a great explanation for what games do for us.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5jDspIC4hY