How to Not Care

[SmileyGirl]

Are you having CBT? It can really help with your anxiety and thought process. I think not caring atall can be just as detremental as caring too much. It's trying to get you to a place where you don't have to care about everything and are able to 'let go' of the unimportant things. I hope you can get to that place

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm going to just take my therapist's advice concerning this post.

Chris youre a fraud.

 

[Christopher2012]

Chris youre a fraud.

Psh... please... I wish. If I were a fraud, I wouldn't be $183,000 in student loan debt right now. Haha

 

[NightL]

Chris you are constantly seeking approval and whatever justification for your actions that can be gained from that.

STOP

You are doing it yet again in this very thread - just like you used to do. I will remind you here that you promised this time not to attack the very people you asked advice from - not talking of myself (go for it).

You appear to be desperately seeking approval but hating every bit of advice comes your way (yet again). You are even rejecting your psych - you have come here once again for answers (attention).

Seriously Chris, it come across as monumental attention seeking. Your psych said "grow some balls" or take up a "don't give a fuck" attitude - so? So why even start this thread if you are willing to follow the advice you are paying for?

You have expressed a total bulls-up of communication with your colleagues (OK as much as I usually wipe my boot muck off on uncle Jiblet - he may have an obtuse point here.) You don't buy favors or friendships with coffee and lunches (they will actually belittle you) and if you are in a supervisory role you never "scold" - good grief these are adults not naughty children. Actually who is actually displaying child like behavior? They look to you to guide and direct, if you behave like a child then they will have zero respect for you.

Attention seeking? Attention seeking through pity? Stop it. But don't don't flip to JBJ's technique of self absorbed attention seeking - that is just icky.

 

[imemkay]

I'm going to just take my therapist's advice concerning this post.

Told ya that therapist knew what he was talking about!

 

[Christopher2012]

Are you having CBT? It can really help with your anxiety and thought process. I think not caring atall can be just as detremental as caring too much. It's trying to get you to a place where you don't have to care about everything and are able to 'let go' of the unimportant things. I hope you can get to that place

Well no, I haven't really tried CBT yet but my doctor nor my therapist has really brought it up. I do know that CBT is the primary therapy for anxiety but with my situation, I'm not really sure it would be as beneficial as drug therapy simply because I lack the drive to achieve life goals (diet, exercise, etc.). I do have motivation but it's directed by fear instead of goal priorities. For example, I became a pharmacist because I was afraid of not being able to pay the bills. I live mediocrely so it's hard to get me to stick to something, especially if I have little interest in it.

It may not make sense but I'm known for that. Ha!

 

[NightL]

In Christopher's defence, I feel like he is genuine in starting this thread and in seeking advice and help. It can be really difficult to admit you need help, and can be even harder to look at yourself and try and reflect on who you are, who you want to be, and who you are in the eyes of others even more-so.

I think everyone should cut him a little slack and let him be who he is right now. He's asking for help, he might not take it all but at least he is asking.

OK Chris - here is an example of how someone can empathize with you - and look who it is coming from... So how much do you really empathize with those around you? Rainshine is not needing you to like her - and she probably does not care, actually has a very good reason to be dismissive of you... but here she offers a chance - an offering - and it is not about her trying to gain acceptance. Think about it - how do you compare?

 

[NightL]

OK - Chris you come across to me as a self absorbed prat... tell me how I am wrong.

I am actually serious here - I want you to tell me how you are not. Buying coffees and lunches, whatever, for those who you admit are taking advantage of you is actually not an example of you offering out of the goodness of your soul - they are just taking and you are being ripped.

Tough love

 

[Christopher2012]

Chris you are constantly seeking approval and whatever justification for your actions that can be gained from that.

STOP

You are doing it yet again in this very thread - just like you used to do. I will remind you here that you promised this time not to attack the very people you asked advice from - not talking of myself (go for it).

You appear to be desperately seeking approval but hating every bit of advice comes your way (yet again). You are even rejecting your psych - you have come here once again for answers (attention).

Seriously Chris, it come across as monumental attention seeking. Your psych said "grow some balls" or take up a "don't give a fuck" attitude - so? So why even start this thread if you are willing to follow the advice you are paying for?

You have expressed a total bulls-up of communication with your colleagues (OK as much as I usually wipe my boot muck off on uncle Jiblet - he may have an obtuse point here.) You don't buy favors or friendships with coffee and lunches (they will actually belittle you) and if you are in a supervisory role you never "scold" - good grief these are adults not naughty children. Actually who is actually displaying child like behavior? They look to you to guide and direct, if you behave like a child then they will have zero respect for you.

Attention seeking? Attention seeking through pity? Stop it. But don't don't flip to JBJ's technique of self absorbed attention seeking - that is just icky.

Who said that I was rejecting advice given in this thread? GorgeousGeekGirl said that I needed to "man the fuck up." What, you think I'll just flip a switch, walk right into that pharmacy, and say "ALRIGHT BITCHES, HERE'S HOW THIS SHIT'S GOING DOWN!"

Nah, it doesn't work like that. All the advice that has been given here has been helpful and I have thanked everybody. But that does not mean that I'll just automatically become Man of Steel Balls (Haha Superman movie reference) in two seconds.

I admitted that the advice was sound and spot-on but that it would be incredibly hard. It will be. But I never rejected the advice. I just said it would be difficult, that's all.

And besides, why am I arguing with you out of all people? Your posts are always some ancient Chinese proverb that you came up in your own head and expect a reasonable response. I've already told you that your posts were over my head and that I didn't know how to respond to them. So I ignore your posts completely. Does that piss you off? Because honestly, it's coming across as if that's the case...

Bottom line, I've accepted and agreed with all the advice given to me except CBT. And I gave a reasonable response as to why I have rejected that advice. If you disagree, then fine. Whatever.

 

[Christopher2012]

OK - Chris you come across to me as a self absorbed prat... tell me how I am wrong.

I am actually serious here - I want you to tell me how you are not. Buying coffees and lunches, whatever, for those who you admit are taking advantage of you is actually not an example of you offering out of the goodness of your soul - they are just taking and you are being ripped.

Tough love

Okay, I refuse to argue anymore. You can have the last word and then I'll just not post in this thread again because that's obviously attention seeking.

Though IRONICALLY, I'm actually letting you bother me. If I could honestly follow the advice of my therapist and all of the people here who have posted, I'd have the mentality of "Fuck NightL" and completely disregard your posts.

But I have an inability to do that. Because for whatever reason, your posts have created anxiety in me and I can't let it go. That's why I posed the question. How do I not give a fuck about stupid shit like this? This is why I fight with you people... because I can't just let it go. I'm bothered by it. So I beg the question, "How do I not care?" Because I do care... unfortunately.

 

[Christopher2012]

Just to lighten the mood a bit, no one understands Nights posts. I think it's by design, Night's a little enigma, but I can usually *translate if necessary. Sometimes there's a real gem hidden in there.

*$4.95/minute have your credit card ready.

I actually laughed out loud when I caught the credit card disclaimer. And I only spell out "laugh out loud" when I actually do it. So, you can take that seriously right there! Ha!

 

[NightL]

Your posts are always some ancient Chinese proverb that you came up in your own head and expect a reasonable response.

I am not offering any subterfuge meanings in my offerings - they are quite clear. I respect your professional standing and the journey to achieve that. I take it that you are very analytic, yet interpretation is always individual. There are no hidden messages in what I have said - take what first comes to mind and it will be probably what was intended.

 

[imemkay]

OK - Chris you come across to me as a self absorbed prat... tell me how I am wrong.

I am actually serious here - I want you to tell me how you are not. Buying coffees and lunches, whatever, for those who you admit are taking advantage of you is actually not an example of you offering out of the goodness of your soul - they are just taking and you are being ripped.

Tough love

First, I can tell you that Christopher is NOT a self absorbed prat. He's listened to some seriously heavy shit from me, stuff that I'm not really comfortable letting people know, and he's been nothing but kind and compassionate in return.

Second, if he's not trying to be nice to these people that are taking advantage of him out of the goodness of his heart, why else would he be doing it? What would he stand to gain from buying lunches for those people - the opportunity to continue wasting his money?? He's genuinely a nice guy.

Honestly, the kid asked a genuine question. You offered no advice, instead taking the opportunity to give him shit. Seriously, that seems pretty prat-like to me.

 

[Christopher2012]

you pluck obstacles as if they were leaves fluttering in front of you...

Okay so fine then... Let's go back to your first post in this thread. This post was regarding my response to GorgeousGeekGirl (GGG) who said that I needed to grow a pair and become a man.

Your response must mean that I choose which obstacles I want to take on and let the rest just fall past me.

Is that what you meant because if not then I have no idea. But what I can tell you is that I did NOT say that GGG's advice was not solid. I did not say that I would not follow her advice. I just said that it would be difficult.

And yet again, I let NightL's post bother me enough to recant my statement about posting in this forum. Yet again, I prove that I cannot just let shit go. I prove yet again that I have an inability to say "Fuck 'em."

I say "fuck it" out of frustration, not because I genuinely don't care. I wish I genuinely didn't care. That way, my mind wouldn't focus on it and I wouldn't have built-up anxiety because of it.

And even the smallest things do it. It's not an attention thing. I just really and truly can't let something go.

 

[Christopher2012]

First, I can tell you that Christopher is NOT a self absorbed prat. He's listened to some seriously heavy shit from me, stuff that I'm not really comfortable letting people know, and he's been nothing but kind and compassionate in return.

Second, if he's not trying to be nice to these people that are taking advantage of him out of the goodness of his heart, why else would he be doing it? What would he stand to gain from buying lunches for those people - the opportunity to continue wasting his money?? He's genuinely a nice guy.

Honestly, the kid asked a genuine question. You offered no advice, instead taking the opportunity to give him shit. Seriously, that seems pretty prat-like to me.

This chick knows me because we talk daily, btw.

 

[imemkay]

This chick knows me because we talk daily, btw.

Thank God for free Verizon to Verizon minutes or we'd both go broke!

 

[Christopher2012]

Maybe you care about what Night has said because in some place it has hit a nerve, but that's not always a bad thing though it stings at the time. You can dismiss JBJ for example, because you know as fact what he says about you to be entirely incorrect. It's easy to let that kind of shit go. The tougher stuff is the stuff that stings. THAT is the stuff you should care about, in my eyes, because it's the stuff that more often than not tells us about ourselves if we care enough to look.

I think if Nights comments have created anxiety in you, then you need to work through it. Don't run away from it with things like not posting in your own thread anymore or shutting down.

It's really easy to get our hackles up and respond with anger and frustration when you feel hurt or under threat. You've seen me do it with you, Chris, you've done it with me, we both know it's the easier path in the short term but the better path is to just take a breather and try and see it from the other persons eyes even for just a minute. Easier said than done, for all of us, I know.

Oooh yeah, I didn't even think about that. I haven't given 2 shits about JBJ's posts this whole time and I didn't even notice it! Wow... That's kinda cool. I didn't give a fuck. I said "FUCK 'EM"! Hahahaha!

So I wonder if that means I care about all of you other people in some way? Or maybe NightL is right and I'm just looking for attention. (not sarcasm)

See, there we go. We're getting somewhere here!

 

[Christopher2012]

Thank God for free Verizon to Verizon minutes or we'd both go broke!

No no, speak for yourself. I'm ballin'. I wouldn't go broke. Take a look at my videogame library for instance. hahahahahahahahah jk

 

[imemkay]

No no, speak for yourself. I'm ballin'. I wouldn't go broke. Take a look at my videogame library for instance. hahahahahahahahah jk

LOL I love ya, kid - videogames and all!

 

[NightL]

Re your work colleagues, offer favors to those who will do so in return, or to those who you can sneakily get a smile out of (often that is enough) - everyone else, well fuck them off. No more offerings of coffee, lunches or whatever.

I am sure in your work place there is a clear delineation of roles and hierarchy. Stand your ground to the level of respect that you should be offered. You trained for years - you gained the position based on your qualifications and experience. You are expected to fulfill a role that includes leadership. Leadership has nothing to do with wanting to being liked - purely respect for roles in an organisation.

Stand your ground and you may be very surprised how respect follows through friendship.

 

[Christopher2012]

Re your work colleagues, offer favors to those who will do so in return, or to those who you can sneakily get a smile out of (often that is enough) - everyone else, well fuck them off. No more offerings of coffee, lunches or whatever.

I am sure in your work place there is a clear delineation of roles and hierarchy. Stand your ground to the level of respect that you should be offered. You trained for years - you gained the position based on your qualifications and experience. You are expected to fulfill a role that includes leadership. Leadership has nothing to do with wanting to being liked - purely respect for roles in an organisation.

Stand your ground and you may be very surprised how respect follows through friendship.

You're right. Maybe it's my immaturity that has been my downfall so far. Maybe after exposure therapy, I'll become a better leader and manager. Maybe after trial and error, I'll become a good pharmacist. Maybe I'll know which battles to pick and maybe I'll finally have some peace in myself.

 

[NightL]

Your response must mean that I choose which obstacles I want to take on and let the rest just fall past me.

That is certainly an interesting take on what I said - maybe there is truth in that, however I was trying to allude to your appearance of clutching to any obstacles. I am basing this on past and current postings.

I will now take a moment to say, I was disappointed with how things left off - and I have a degree of uncertainty about your return. Caution. My offerings are indeed based on a combination of your past postings and your return. I did take offence to your past display, while not directed toward myself but to those who I respect.

My words so far have been of advice - take it or leave it or "just don't give a fuck" .

 

[NightL]

You're right. Maybe it's my immaturity that has been my downfall so far. Maybe after exposure therapy, I'll become a better leader and manager. Maybe after trial and error, I'll become a good pharmacist. Maybe I'll know which battles to pick and maybe I'll finally have some peace in myself.

Chris - stop that nonsense

How many years did you train to get your qualifications?

You walk in tomorrow and just lay it on the line - "this is how things are going to be done". No discussion - no argument - no buying lunches - fuck them!

Fulfill your responsibilities and you can be proud - beyond that - fuck them!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I find it useful to keep in mind that most people are like Judas Iscariot, and almost no one is like Jesus of Nazareth. And the more anyone submits their honesty and goodness and love, the further I back-up.

 

[Christopher2012]

Chris - stop that nonsense

How many years did you train to get your qualifications?

You walk in tomorrow and just lay it on the line - "this is how things are going to be done". No discussion - no argument - no buying lunches - fuck them!

Fulfill your responsibilities and you can be proud - beyond that - fuck them!

I trained from the time I was 18-23 years old. I've been a pharmacist since the age of 24, almost a year. Let me just tell you that the growing process doesn't start when you begin organic chemistry nor does it end the day you walk across the stage at graduation. REAL training begins the day you step foot in front of verification and have to direct traffic, which is something I was never taught in school.

And when I graduated, I began work as a pharmacist at a store that filled 5,000 scripts per week. For those of you who do not know, a typical pharmacy fills anywhere from 1,000-2,000 scripts per week. We had three pharmacists on duty at any given time and I had a lot of help for the first chapter of my professional life.

I am now a solo pharmacist for the first time and I'm on my third month. My techs are a mix of veterans who have been working for the place for over a decade and some techs who don't even know what Tylenol is used for... I work along side people who get paid just above minimum wage. (That's why I buy them things... It's hard to buy whatever I want making 120K per year and then see them pinching pennies to buy a snickers bar. I have a little bit of heart and they really are appreciative. Plus, when they're happy, they tend to be happier to go the extra mile to help you out.)

It's not all bad. My experiences at work aren't ALL negative. There are a lot of positives, too. But overall, at the end of the day, it's one of the most stressful jobs. Just this past week, a young pharmacist in Augusta shot herself in the head because she couldn't cope with whatever was going on with her life. Now, I can't say for sure that it was totally the job... but I'm pretty sure it played a huge part in the reason to kill herself.

At times, I consistently say to myself as I'm at verification, "I need a bridge. I need a bridge. I need a bridge." Would I jump? Probably not. Does the weight of the stress make me fantasize about it?

As far as my return is concerned, I'm not necessarily back. I'm just in a transitioning phase to another forum. I just have to find one. I'm sorry that you were offended by my history. I'm not really sure what to say because I don't know specifics about what offended you. But certainly, you shouldn't take it personal. Maybe you're frustrated with me or maybe you in fact do take it personally. I'm not sure why... but regardless, there are worse posters out there. Just look at JBJ or any of the GBers out there. Either way, I don't have any position about you as a person or a poster simply because I've never really read your posts. So I don't know really what else to say about it.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I've agreed with your advice. I've apologized for my history. So... back to playing Max Payne 3 and getting something to eat.