How you became bisexual

[BlueChamisa]

‘I don't think anyone “becomes” bisexual. I think all bisexuals— maybe all people— are born that way.’

I was referring to the above statement on a previous post.

 

[JKinCT]

I'm not sure I became, but maybe I discovered. I considered myself straight, but loved straight porn with two men and a woman. Then I stumbled onto a bi video at an ABS, and new ideas opened up. It was a while before I acted on it, first just by getting sucked. One night, particularly frustrated by women I tried sucking. Haven't stopped over the last three decades or so.

 

[pudddjumper]

Would love to hear about your experience at 14

Camping out with a neighbor kid, he asked me to feel his cock, which was hard as a rock. That got me hard and I asked him to feel mine. Then he asked me to suck him, which I did for a minute, then I asked him to suck mine. He didn't really like it, but I sure did. I went back down on him and sucked him until he came in my mouth. It was weird AF but hot AF at the same time. I sucked his dick for a mouthful of cum every chance we could get away for the rest of high school.

 

[pudddjumper]

I waited until marriage for any sexual behavior. My wife is content to remain sexless from now on, so I started exploring options to get my needs met. Since I didn’t have much of a chance getting those met by a woman, I lowered my standards and took what I could reasonably get. Some might call this bi, some might say it’s opportunistic, I don’t really put a label on it, it’s just simply how it had to be to ever have the experience of getting a blowjob.

I hope you do it now because you like it!

 

[JackWilson0715]

I hope you do it now because you like it!

Actually, I think I’m probably labeled for life, but not done anything since and doubt I will

 

[pudddjumper]

Actually, I think I’m probably labeled for life, but not done anything since and doubt I will

Labels only matter if you let them.

 

[none2_none2]

I'd like to push back a bit on the whole "born this way" explanation.

While I have no doubt that genetics (i.e. nature) partially explains one's sexuality, there remains no data establishing a clear link, and it's simply incomplete to assert that "nurture" has nothing to do with it.

Despite having been molested as a boy, I never played with other boys and never had an inkling of my bisexuality until I was 20, when I read a Penthouse Variations letter about a cocksucking cowboy that turned me on.

That was also the first time as an adult that I had seen another hard cock other than my own — in a black-and-white photo accompanying the story. I knew immediately that I was, at minimum, interested in sucking cock.

But I hid that fact from the world, and tried desperately to hide it from myself, until decades later when I decided to stop trying to be someone I thought others expected me to be.

I also happen to believe that "born this way" is both defensive and somewhat homophobic. Here's why: Insisting that all LGBT people are inevitably, genetically programmed to be who they are completely invalidates the idea that any person can choose how to express their sexuality, within the bounds of what they find interesting. Why would choosing to explore outside one's previous sexuality be a problem? It wouldn't; but the scolds and religious authoritarians would like us to think that it is.

I also am no fan of anyone who thinks it's their job to tell me what I think, what I feel, what my motivations are, who I am and what labels I "should" use. I am the sole proprietor of myself, and nobody is a mind reader.

As someone else noted, each human gets to explore their own sexuality, with or without labels, without regard to someone else's notion of what they "should" be, or who they "really" are. It's just fine if we're not "born that way," but eventually become interested and choose to explore.

Flatly declaring that all LGBT people ARE born with the precise map for the sexuality they now have is, in my opinion, both invalidating and potentially dangerous.

Though now that I think of it, hard determinists would say yes, one could ONLY be exactly as they are in this moment, because the placement and motion of each atom in the history of the universe was in PRECISELY that state, and no other. But that's a whole different discussion!

I'm not a big fan of "born this way" theories either, but I understand why some do. Some of the strongest anti-gay/bi sentiment comes from the religious right. Their attitude is that it is a sin and one must change and do the right thing -- be asexual or "go" straight. So if someone wants to shut down that segment of the population, there is a push to say one cannot "go" straight if one is born with a different nature.

My feeling is that it seems absurd that for other preferences that someone may frown upon ( perhaps a relationship where one partner is extremely tall and the other extremely short, or a couple where one is very old and the other very young - things that some might view as an unacceptable oddity). Such out of the norm relationships don't seem to need to use the "born this way" mindset to get people off their case.

My personal feeling is we will never have one down pat way that we can figure out who is interested in same-sex and who is not, because the factors are two numerous to say those of us who enjoy same sex stuff got to that point by some identical, repeatable course of physical, environmental, etc processes to get to that end result. There simply is no one single receipt to get to that end result.

Now, I don't crave labels. I see them as a short-cut to really getting to know a person. If all you know about someone is that they are supposedly gay, bi, str8, then you really don't know the person. Now I completely disagree with the love-cock-not-men mindset that so many hold so dear on lit. Why? It isn't because I feel cheated on potential mates, as I have my partner, and that is all "I" need. Rather it is because it assumes to be gay or perhaps even bi means that there is both a homo-romantic component as well as a homo-sexual component where as a hetero-sexual man may also crave homo-sexual interactions yet as long as there is no homo-romantic feelings ANS/OR the homo-sexual interactions are centered solely on the cock, then the str8 label is fine to use... Well, I have interacted with many men before my partner over the decades, and there are plenty of "gay" (maybe some bi) who freely choose to use those labels, yet have no desire to be homo-romantic with any other man. They just want cock too. So while some think labels are fine for anybody to choose for themselves, it becomes absolutely meaningless when the the labels mean anything you want it to mean. Why bother having language if no one can agree with what the words in a language mean.

To avoid hurting someone's feelings, I'll switch to analogy. I have been going to other sites over the last several months. I have seen things I completely don't understand. For lack of a better term I will call it genital-dysphoria to distinguish it from gender-dysphoria. (In my mind this has nothing to do with transgender individuals.) Meaning in the case of men, there are CIS males who have genital-dysphoria. Some choose to have orchiectomy (castration), some chose to have a penectomy (removal of the penis), some chose to have a Vulvoplasty, also known as zero-depth vaginoplasty where they will appear to have a vagina for looks, but no place to insert anything, some get a full fledge vaginoplasty where they will be able to be penetrated, there is also nullification which is a combination of castration and penectomy to end up with a non-genital smooth look in the crotch - like you find on a Ken doll. There are also some who want to add a vagina, but keep their cock. Sometimes, they remove the testes, sometimes they have them put them in the medically created vulva so that they are close to the body yet continue to be the source for testosterone. (I'm sure there are umpteen other variations, but the point is that they still want to present themselves as male even if their genital configuration is no longer the typical male genitals.

Well imagine my surprise that some of these individuals are identifying themselves as trans men. Now the classical meaning of a trans man is a AFAB (assigned female at birth) individual whose gender identity is that of a man. Their default configuration would be to have female genitals -- some may chose at some point to get bottom surgery. They are NOT AMAB (assigned male at birth) with genital-dysphoria who want their male genitals modified in some fashion.

(NOTE: I know there is also non-binary, but I confess, that I hear that term thrown out so often, that I find it hard to pin down exactly what it means.)

I will add that I did see a trans man post the same confusion as I have with CIS men (mainly gay) who want a vagina, yet using the label trans man. It is just not the same thing. That is what happens when labels get thrown out willy-nilly.

 

[Danskos44]

For my first time giving a blow job, I met someone nearby on the old yahoo m4m chat room, in the mid-nineties... I was very nervous - the adrenalin rush of finally crossing the line, the combined feelings of excitement, embarrassment, lust and shame all at once. I wasn't even sure of the etiquette - made small talk for ten minutes before he smiled and gently suggested we get started. He dropped his jeans, revealing a semi erect cock that would stretch to what seemed like several inches when hard. I put a pillow on the floor and quickly dropped to my knees in the classic legs-under-the-coffee-table position. I wet my lips and slipped his stiff cock across my soft, trembling lips and into my mouth. I loved the gurgling "Gluk-gluk-gluk" sounds his cock made as it slid in and out of my mouth, and I knew in that instant that I would be doing this again! That was almost 30 years and countless cocks ago, but I still remember it fondly.

 

[Silverfish1099]

For me it was straight curiosity and teen hormones with my first guy.
Just in the YMCA showers after a swim session in the late mornings. He was jacking in front of all the guys where he dared anyone who wanted to touch it and pull it. There ware few who tried and laughed as a joke and ran off to the locker rooms.
I stayed longer as i was fascinated by his 8 inch uncut as he was a Latino with darker skin.
I jerked it a while and then we turned off the shower room lights and he pushed me down to my knees under the shower and then took his cock down.
It just felt normal and natural as I licked his shaft and balls, we then did 69 on the shower floor until the next swim session was starting.
We were interrupted but we continued our curiosity many time later.
Been married for a long time now and still have many bi experiences after.
Hard not to feel the passion and hook.

 

[dingdongditchding]

I didn't become bisexual I've always been bisexual i believe i was born this way.

same here, just started to act on them recently and am glad I did. Sucking cock is so hot!!! Especially his cum.

 

[Britva415]

I understand why a blanket claim that "people are born that way" gets push-back, but so should the "nuh uh" counter-argument. It shouldn't matter whether someone's born to suck dick or not, and if someone says they believe they were, there's no reason to doubt them.

 

[BillyWalrus]

I understand why a blanket claim that "people are born that way" gets push-back, but so should the "nuh uh" counter-argument. It shouldn't matter whether someone's born to suck dick or not, and if someone says they believe they were, there's no reason to doubt them.

Yeah. The first time I saw a pretty girl with a dick, there was no thought process involved or time spent thinking about the idea. I wanted it even though nothing in my life prior to that point gave me any idea that I might feel this way.

 

[ColtonWrites]

I thought I was a straight woman, or maybe even asexual - I had sex as a woman with men, but it wasn't a good time. Just...very meh.
Then I transitioned, and I identified as exclusively gay - a man who only dated other men. Never did get far enough with a gay man to have sex.
I did say to my friends that if the right woman came along, I might change my mind.
Then I met the right woman! She happened to be trans too, and before she had gender-affirming surgery we had the same kind of PIV sex I had as a "straight woman". Except with her it was AMAZING. (Post surgery, sex was/is still really good. Just different.)

Been married 16 years now.

We have an open marriage in theory, though I've never seriously dated outside our relationship. (She has, a few times)

These days, I identify as pansexual and demisexual/gray-ace. I don’t ever remember looking at a person and going "wow, I'd like to have sex with you!" Its more like when I get to know someone, get close to them, then those desires develop.

I dont think I "became" bi/pan sexual - I just didn't know everything about myself. (In the same way that I didn't "become" transgender, even if earlier in my life I identified as a straight woman.) The biggest reason I think I didn't know earlier was that I was really, really sure I wasnt a lesbian, and I was a bit sheltered about the existence of other options.

 

[cubbyfire04]

As far back as I can remember, I've always been curious about naked bodies, regardless of gender. I just never really thought about if I was gay or straight or whatever. I wasn't afraid to push the boundaries of talking about my curiosity with friends. If one got weird, I'd play it off as a joke. I'd also spend a lot of time exploring myself. I recall my mom catching me naked, spread eagle, and definitely exploring my butt a time or two .

Finally one of my best friends continued to entertain my advances and one night it all came to be. We both had girlfriends but we both lost our virginity to each other. I had a dick cum in my ass before I even saw a woman naked. But that wound up being awesome too .

Needless to say most of my buddies weren't surprised when they found out I was bi.

 

[liqueur]

‘I don't think anyone “becomes” bisexual. I think all bisexuals— maybe all people— are born that way.’

I was referring to the above statement on a previous post.

I made a simplified statement because i didn't want to write a wall of text (although, you will note, I did say “i think”).

I will qualify my comment this far: I believe all bisexuals, and it seems reasonable to say, all people, are born with bisexual potential. How that actually plays out in any individual life is dependent on many factors, of course including enculturatization (“nurture,” to use popular but inadequate catchword).

That's all I really have to say about. I have no interest in debating what can't be proved, even less interest in debating with someone who, knowing absolutely nothing about me, descides I'm homophobic. Most of the corollary assumptions and presumptions that you've tried to credit me with have nothing to do with what I think. Nobody's trying to take your agency away from you.

 

[BlueChamisa]

I will qualify my comment this far: I believe all bisexuals, and it seems reasonable to say, all people, are born with bisexual potential.

I agree with you on this.

I didn't say you were homophobic; I have no reason to think that you are.

I said I think the "born this way" argument can be homophobic, in my opinion.

But as I said, I was "gently pushing back," and I make no judgments toward you.

Please forgive my imprecise words.

 

[liqueur]

I agree with you on this.

I didn't say you were homophobic; I have no reason to think that you are.

I said I think the "born this way" argument can be homophobic, in my opinion.

But as I said, I was "gently pushing back," and I make no judgments toward you.

Please forgive my imprecise words.

 

[BiGuy_64]

Always knew I was bi. Had to keep head down and be quiet in the 70’s and early 80’s. Back then I only knew about gay and lesbian so I felt like I didn’t quite fit. But, I did like to fool around with guys, rubbing it out with each other.

Had a buddy that would suck me off but would not let me return the favor. He actually got a friend of his to be my first woman.

 

[Rod_Love]

I am very bi-curious and very keen to experiment and have some fun. I have always been hetero-normative - always had girlfriends, reasonably happily married for 20 yrs. But our sex life has dried up significantly in the last few yrs and a few years ago had some TS experiences and really enjoyed them.
I’m on a dating site here and get tonnes of offers from men but I really want my first experience to be with a couple - not quite sure why that is - but I want a feminine presence when I lose my anal cherry.

I think bi-curious guys are at the lowest rung on the anonymous dating app ladder - most people think we’re only doing this because they’re not getting any at home. I’m it for me that’s wrong - I want to experience a hard cock but only under some conditions.

Am I chasing a dream here??