userid_unknown
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my pleasure
Humor Me
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userid_unknown
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Q: What's green and carries a bull whip?
A: Kermit the Flog
A: Kermit the Flog
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userid_unknown
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Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives.
Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?" Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M." Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that."
"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."
Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?" Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M." Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that."
"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."
userid_unknown
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damn telemarketers
userid_unknown
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Q: What's the difference between Sensuous and Kinky?
A: Sensuous they use the feather,
Kinky they use the whole chicken.
A: Sensuous they use the feather,
Kinky they use the whole chicken.
jameslewis
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this is so outstanding! Until now I hadn't subscribed to any threads. Love this stuff.
Mockingjay
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Hmmm...
userid_unknown
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Q. What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery guy have in common?
A. They can smell it but they can't eat it.
A. They can smell it but they can't eat it.
Brilliant!
userid_unknown
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One day Mom was cleaning junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her.
She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
userid_unknown
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stand by
greeneyedvirgin
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The Cardiologist's Funeral
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.
When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry. I was just thinking of my own funeral....I'm a gynecologist."
That's when the proctologist fainted.
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.
When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry. I was just thinking of my own funeral....I'm a gynecologist."
That's when the proctologist fainted.
userid_unknown
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Oh my! ROFLOL
userid_unknown
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Q. Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
A. In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
A. In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
Sundayschild
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A lady asked if the barman could make a cocktail called a double entendre so he gave her one.
userid_unknown
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This is a grenade joke.....takes a little time.
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
WearMeWell
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LMAO!!!
WearMeWell
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userid_unknown
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He: I got a $2 hand job from your sister.
She: She's charging a buck an inch now?
She: She's charging a buck an inch now?
Weaseldiesel
a fuck i give not
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What's green and smells of pork?
Kermits dick!
Kermits dick!
jeff_is_smiling
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A drunk in a bar looks out the window across the street and sees a man walk down the hotel parking lot driveway to the curb. A pretty red haired woman walks by, and as she does the man leans towards her and says something, upon which the woman immediately twirls around and slaps him in the face - hard. The man says something else, then the woman appears to apologize and walks arm in arm with the man to the hotel lobby.
Thirty minutes later, the man returns to the curb. The drunk is curious as he saw the woman leave the hotel a few minutes earlier. That's when the brunette walks down the street. Again as she approaches, the man leans into her and says something, and again he gets slapped. He says something else to her and she appears to apologize and they walk arm in arm to the lobby.
A little while later, the drunk sees the woman trying to arrange her hair again as she walks out of the hotel. Sensing something is up, the drunk walks across the street to see the man and ask what he is doing when he emerges from the lobby.
"Exxcusse me sir, but I couldn't help noticing that women are slapping you and stuff, but you still get them to go to the hotel with you....what's your shhecret?" the drunk asks.
The man sizes him up and says, "Well, I guess I can tell you - you are not too much competition. What I do is this - when the pretty woman comes close, I lean into her and say in a whisper, "Tickle your ass with a feather?"
The woman usually slaps me for being so forward, but I beg forgiveness by saying that she obviously misheard me. What I said was, "particularly nice weather." The women get so embarrassed that they immediately take up my offer to buy them a drink. Once inside, I have it made."
The drunk says, "Thaths great idea there son.....can I try?"
"Sure," says the man. "Here's comes a beautiful blond now - give it a try." Then the man leaves to give the drunk a chance.
As the woman approaches, the drunk leans in and says,
"Pretty fuckin' windy, you know?"
The woman says, "Say what?"
To which the drunk says, "And cold too."
Thirty minutes later, the man returns to the curb. The drunk is curious as he saw the woman leave the hotel a few minutes earlier. That's when the brunette walks down the street. Again as she approaches, the man leans into her and says something, and again he gets slapped. He says something else to her and she appears to apologize and they walk arm in arm to the lobby.
A little while later, the drunk sees the woman trying to arrange her hair again as she walks out of the hotel. Sensing something is up, the drunk walks across the street to see the man and ask what he is doing when he emerges from the lobby.
"Exxcusse me sir, but I couldn't help noticing that women are slapping you and stuff, but you still get them to go to the hotel with you....what's your shhecret?" the drunk asks.
The man sizes him up and says, "Well, I guess I can tell you - you are not too much competition. What I do is this - when the pretty woman comes close, I lean into her and say in a whisper, "Tickle your ass with a feather?"
The woman usually slaps me for being so forward, but I beg forgiveness by saying that she obviously misheard me. What I said was, "particularly nice weather." The women get so embarrassed that they immediately take up my offer to buy them a drink. Once inside, I have it made."
The drunk says, "Thaths great idea there son.....can I try?"
"Sure," says the man. "Here's comes a beautiful blond now - give it a try." Then the man leaves to give the drunk a chance.
As the woman approaches, the drunk leans in and says,
"Pretty fuckin' windy, you know?"
The woman says, "Say what?"
To which the drunk says, "And cold too."
WearMeWell
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Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?
A: Liquor in the front, and poker in the back!
A: Liquor in the front, and poker in the back!
userid_unknown
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If love were breath mints I'd keep you in my mouth.
userid_unknown
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userid_unknown
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Oral sex is like being in the military; the closer you get to discharge the better you will feel.
