Humor Me

[Mockingjay]

Q: What do you call a turtle with a hard-on?
A: A slow poke!

Q: How can you tell a frog from a horny toad?
A: One says ribbit-ribbit the other one says rub it-rub it.

lol

Thanks for the laugh!

 

[greeneyedvirgin]

Do You Know Jack Schitt?

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children; Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deap Schit married Dumb Schitt, a high-school drop out. After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding.

The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.

 

[TheHornyHighlander]

Why do Anarchists drink herbal tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

 

[userid_unknown]

Q: How can you tell a frog from a horny toad?
A: One says ribbit-ribbit the other one says rub it-rub it.

I'm stealing this one. Too damned cute.

 

[userid_unknown]

http://www.vegtshirts.com/shirts/humor/hateveg.jpg

 

[userid_unknown]

http://www.crocktees.com/_images/life/beer_wine.png

 

[userid_unknown]

http://mama20.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/77392984.jpg?w=500&h=625

 

[userid_unknown]

http://pdxretro.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/chef-boyardee-logo_thumb.png
I don't care if your name is Chef Boyardee, you are get your balls out of my spaghetti!

 

[greeneyedvirgin]

Some Egg Jokes for Everyone.

The 5 worst things about being an egg.
1. You're only eaten once.
2. You're only laid once.
3. You come in a carton with 11 other guys
4. Your mother is the only one that will sit on your face.
5. It takes 10 minutes to get hard.


A chicken and an egg are laying on a bed together.
The chicken is smoking a cigarette and the egg has a disgusted look on it's face.
The egg says, to no one in particular, "Well, I guess that answers that question."

 

[userid_unknown]

http://d2tq98mqfjyz2l.cloudfront.net/image_cache/1374620803431439.jpg

 

[userid_unknown]

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the doorbell and run! He hates that!

 

[userid_unknown]

I was out for a drink with my boyfriend last night and I said, "I love you".
He asked me, "Is that you or the beer talking"
I said, "It's me........I'm talking to the beer"!

 

[userid_unknown]

http://cloudfront-assets.reason.com/assets/mc/ekrayewski/2012_05/internetcomments.jpg

 

[userid_unknown]

http://d2tq98mqfjyz2l.cloudfront.net/image_cache/139151568221639.jpg

 

[Mockingjay]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd....1.0-9/1509990_381958305278913_659806907_n.jpg

and this

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd....x720/1979615_708151409223566_2125644215_n.jpg

 

[Mockingjay]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd....6x395/1504088_599237370145446_598034243_n.jpg

 

[userid_unknown]

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/d7/d79d092622974b2eb9ab529fa843bcdc85d72b3d182f6656e74011aff249e533.jpg

 

[Stillstiff]

http://d2tq98mqfjyz2l.cloudfront.net/image_cache/139151568221639.jpg

That guy must still be using dail-up

 

[userid_unknown]

The Word FUCK
http://youtu.be/26UA578yQ5g

 

[userid_unknown]

http://blog.nola.com/gumbo/2008/05/medium_manogram.jpg

 

[userid_unknown]

http://quotes-lover.com/wp-content/uploads/if-he-only-wants-your-breasts-legs-and-thighs-send-him-to-kfc.jpg

 

[userid_unknown]

http://i.imgur.com/mWiPm3n.jpg

 

[userid_unknown]

How Men Wake up
Brain: "Oh f*ck."
Body: "Don't get up."
Dick: "THIS IS SPARTAA!!!"

 

[userid_unknown]

What is the lightest thing in the world?
A penis…even a thought can raise it.

 

[userid_unknown]

DO NOT READ THE NEXT SENTENCE.
You little rebel, I like you.