I don't see how serious relationships last like this

[satindesire]

Somewhere along the line someone said something to the effect that BDSM was not some sort of "gimmick." Well, this is where the little red light goes off for me. I see it as a gimmick, maybe not as a whole and I'd never write it completely off as such. It's just that it seems to have at least become, somewhat of a gimmick.

So you're either a Bottom or a Top, instead of a Dominant or Submissive, or a Master or a Slave.

There's no shame in only being interested in BDSM "a little bit".

However, just because you're only interested in BDSM "A little bit", doesn't mean that everyone who is into BDSM has the same BDSM orientation as you.

This thread in a nutshell:

"I'm heterosexual. I can't imagine why anyone would want to be homosexual. I'm a guy and I only like women, and I think anyone who would try and only have sex with men would get bored after a while and HAVE to fuck a woman, because I just don't "get" homosexuality."

Replace BDSM orientation with sexual orientation, then go back and re-read your posts.

Now you have your own answers to your own questions.

 

[Beth12345]

Satindesire... GREAT answer!

 

[satindesire]

Satindesire... GREAT answer!

Thanks!

I got a PM in which my answer was deemed "ANGRY" and I was told to "calm down", so that lets me know that not everyone read "angry" in my reply.

I appreciate that a lot, actually.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thanks!

I got a PM in which my answer was deemed "ANGRY" and I was told to "calm down", so that lets me know that not everyone read "angry" in my reply.

I appreciate that a lot, actually.

"angry?" really?

Projection, litster be thy name.

 

[satindesire]

"angry?" really?

Projection, litster be thy name.

I dunno.

I have my own thought process about the situation. We'll see what his next reply is.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I dunno.

I have my own thought process about the situation. We'll see what his next reply is.

Oh, that other thing.

See, I try and be charitable, and my charity is drop kicked into the gutter again.

 

[satindesire]

Oh, that other thing.

See, I try and be charitable, and my charity is drop kicked into the gutter again.

It really makes it hard to get up in the morning sometimes, doesn't it?

*shared commiseration moment*

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Thanks!

I got a PM in which my answer was deemed "ANGRY" and I was told to "calm down", so that lets me know that not everyone read "angry" in my reply.

I appreciate that a lot, actually.

I know more than a wee bit about angry; your post wasn't in the same county as angry. It was thoughtful and amusing.

'Twas, as Beth said, a

GREAT answer!

 

[satindesire]

I know more than a wee bit about angry; your post wasn't in the same county as angry. It was thoughtful and amusing.

'Twas, as Beth said, a

You've seen me angry. You know better than most. *nods*

 

[graceanne]

You've seen me angry. You know better than most. *nods*

This. Only someone who's never seen you angry would think that your reply was angry.

Newbies.

Don't worry, they'll learn.

 

[satindesire]

This. Only someone who's never seen you angry would think that your reply was angry.

Newbies.

Don't worry, they'll learn.

I have to agree, it's not someone who's well known on this board or on the How To boards.

 

[Kurokami]

So you're either a Bottom or a Top, instead of a Dominant or Submissive, or a Master or a Slave.

There's no shame in only being interested in BDSM "a little bit".

However, just because you're only interested in BDSM "A little bit", doesn't mean that everyone who is into BDSM has the same BDSM orientation as you.

This thread in a nutshell:

"I'm heterosexual. I can't imagine why anyone would want to be homosexual. I'm a guy and I only like women, and I think anyone who would try and only have sex with men would get bored after a while and HAVE to fuck a woman, because I just don't "get" homosexuality."

Replace BDSM orientation with sexual orientation, then go back and re-read your posts.

Now you have your own answers to your own questions.

I'm glad you said that, because I would have been far, far more uncharitable in my assessment.

Basically this: the OP's ignorance of this subject and unwillingness to learn before saying things does not have an effect on reality. It just makes them look like an uninformed loudmouth.

Maybe that's mean, I don't care. I get twitchy when people make blanket statements about things in the same breath as saying they haven't really investigated it.

 

[Acktion]

Hmmm

Echo, I've read your response and I must say that I am even more puzzled.

I think, maybe, part of the issue is that bondage, sadomasochism, fetishism, and dominance-submission tend to get lumped together. Or perhaps, I am misunderstanding some of your phrase choices.

First, let's focus on the line item "it's a gimmick". Honey, it's ALL a gimmick. Oral sex, anal sex, sensual massage, toys... you name it and it is a "gimmick" to keep the embers burning. It is basically the same thing as eating food. You don't eat the same food for every meal every day. If you don't like Thai Food, then pick another restaurant. But, it's still some combination of food. In this particular instance, some people just like some extra spice.

Second, it is not a clear cut boundary. On this side of the line you are a fetishist and on the other side of the line, you aren't? Um, not so much. It's a spectrum. I don't just mean from a light tug on the hair while you take her from behind versus swinging a flogger. I mean in how you use the flogger alone, there can be an infinite number of variations. Very, very few people that do employ a flogger, to stick with this example, actually use it in a manner that breaks the skin. Perhaps a "love stripe" or three. Perhaps light taps. Perhaps it never actually touches their skin at all, but is made to pop close by, so that they can feel the air, but not the flogger as it "snaps". In "vanilla" sex, do you always use the same stroke, the same depth, the same rhythm?

Finally, I will say that as I and my partner have aged, that yes, we have had to tone it down a notch or three. But, hey, I can't fold myself in half and have sex in bucket seats any more either. Nor can I thrust as hard with my hips while inside her just in missionary position. We haven't quite reached the "break a hip" stage yet, but other mounting issues keep us from being as... vigorous in virtually any "gimmick" which we choose to employ. Do we miss being that vigorous? Sure, sometimes. But, we also miss remembering what it was we got up to do and "why the hell am I peeing in the refrigerator? And what the hell is in that glass I brought with me and where'd I get it from?"

Anyway, I don't know if I even came close to answering your actual question or if I completely misunderstood. Many moons ago, I actually studied this subject in college during that time period I thought I might actually want to be a sex therapist. But, I went back for a degree in something else because I got tired of saying "for fuck's sake, just TALK to your partner and, more importantly LISTEN". But, I still know the tune well enough to hum a few bars. While "Shades of Grey" might be a good, fun read I wouldn't stop there if you are really curious. Peter Master's has a pretty good starter book out, or if you want the nitty gritty psychological analysis, there are some published research studies.

Salute and, whatever you choose to do, have a little fun with it. Life is too short NOT to enjoy sex with the one you are with. Whatever the flavor.

 

[Acktion]

And I'll just add to my earlier reply that it suited me and her just fine for the two and a half decades we were together before her death. Suited us so well that I can confidently say, it would not have lasted so long without it.

***shrug*** I don't see just how it matters if it was "all a gimmick" or not if it helped to maintain a healthy and happy relationship for all the rest of the days of her life.