I got a problem and don't you dare laugh.

[beths-virtue]

This is an adjustment time , no matter what you need to make priorities, is #2 more attractive simply due to proximity, or is number one should have been left alone a while ago , in one of the follow up posts you said you slept with number1 "way too soon"
its nothing we can really help you with , you could go rational and list every positive and negative for the respective males, or you can go with gut , which with NRE sounds like #2 would win , but then there is the fact that you work with #2, and if that's the case
that can cause issues too!
there is NO simple answers to any issues in life and less for love or sex life...
sorry... evaluate and still trust the gut , i think you seem to be leaning toward number 2

 

[njlauren]

There is nothing to laugh at you about, and I don't think anyone would laugh at you anyhow (always much better to laugh with people). I think you need to give yourself a break and realize that you are still going through the process of grieving and putting your life back together and also have other issues that might intrude. One of the first things they taught in support groups I was in was no judgement allowed, and that included self judgement, and therapists do much the same thing. It is very easy to jump and judge ourselves, which is what I read from your post. You are dating some guy long distance, have had some dates, had sex, but then you are finding someone intriguing whom you can have a 'real' dating relationship with. Among other things, #1 was your first relationship after a long term one, and it could be that represented simply wanting companionship, which is fine, but you haven't had any time to really figure out if that has any long term potential. Lots of single girls date around and even though you told #1 you are a person who believe in monogamy after sleeping with someone, it doesn't necessarily have to bind you here and IMO it would be quite unfair for #1, who is traveling all the time, to expect someone they barely have had time with, to expect her not to be out there dating. It would be quite different if you guys had been together a long time, had spent a lot of time together and made a long term commitment, but you didn't.

To be honest, your situation reminds me of the old Meat Loaf song 'Paradise by the Dashboard Light' where the kid promises the girlfriend he will love her forever if they have sex..then spends the rest of the song waiting for the end of time. You never even made that kind of promise and your statement about monogamy to me is kind of like the kid's promise, said in context that I doubt either person expected to follow.

To be honest, I agree with the others, it is too soon to commit. If #1 is any kind of person, he will realize that you are trying to get on with your life and need space to find things, and if in his position I would not expect you to be faithful to me, given the circumstances. It is obvious to me you are still out there looking, exploring (otherwise #2 wouldn't be interesting to you) and you should take the time to find what you are looking for, or even have an idea, before committing. If having sex with #2 bothers you, I would recommend when talking to #1 admitting that you think you need to see other people as well, that while you like him and still would like to have time with him when he can, that it is too soon for you to commit since you guys don't even know what the future is and so forth. To be honest, if I were in your shoes and the guy told me he expected me to date only him, I would not be very likely to want to see him any more, simply because he to me would be expecting me to make all the sacrifices of only being together once a month or so and him not respecting how new it was all to me (you).

Most important thing? Give yourself a chance to live a bit and don't be quick to judge yourself, you are learning to be yourself after a long stretch as a married women, and it is a very different landscape out there. You aren't setting out to hurt anyone, and if inadvertently you feel you have hurt someone give yourself a break,because it is likely that the hurt you perceive may not be real. Go after #2, see where that lies and realize that #1 is very, very unlikely at this stage to expect you to be 'his women', exclusively, and if he does it may be a sign he in the long run isn't a keeper.

 

[WynneWynneLife]

[/SIZE

Just a quick update, but I have to tell njlauren that their reference to Meatloafs song "Paradise by the dashboard light" was pretty cool as this was Pat's, my late husbands, favorite song. Here's now the update. I am ending my relationship with number one because it is not working for me and number 2 guy just got back together with ex-girlfriend. Now, I am really glad that I refused his kiss last week. By the way I met her and she is very nice and I hope the best for them. So back to the drawing board. Single and celibate again and maybe it's for the best. Thanks everyone for chiming in with fantastic advice. It helped me to see things objectively.

 

[wnt2cumnu]

Theres nothing wrong with seeing more than 1 person at a time
As long as your honest with them and just because you see/date
Someone that don't mean you have to have sex or even kiss them.
I live by the theory if it feels good go for it, if if feels wrong then don't.
As a man whom travels a lot for work, I have yet to have a relationship
That could handle the traveling. I don't belive any of the issues were
Related to sex,

 

[Paul_Chance]

Traveling Man

As a guy who travels extensively for work (six to nine months a year), I would recommend that, when you are in a comfortable space, sit down with Guy Number One and have a simple discussion about where the relationship is going to go - and ask yourself how you will feel if he is going to continue traveling for a living. I can tell you from experience that be a "traveling worker" is a pretty serious relationship limiter. If you need/want a traditional relationship (however you define it), then a relationship with a traveling person is only going to cause heartache down the line.

 

[subwannabe]

It can be a very delicate balance of getting out there and moving on versus being vulnerable and winding up with the wrong person. Try to keep your head screwed on your shoulders.