Just joined and getting a lot of attention

[MaggieTheUnicorn]

I'm here just to say, yeah, *same*.

But most people so far have been good to interact with, so I consider myself fortunate.

 

[55ChevyBelAir]

looks like you are getting a lot of advice and suggestions.
but like any social site, once you get some experience interacting here, you will feel more and more comfortable.
and have the awareness to filter out people who push too hard or fast

 

[MaraschinoCherry]

Don’t be afraid to form female friendships, as well. Can be a big big help at times.

 

[IrisAlthea]

but like any social site, once you get some experience interacting here, you will feel more and more comfortable.
and have the awareness to filter out people who push too hard or fast

Don’t be afraid to form female friendships, as well. Can be a big big help at times.

Reading these posts, I’d also like to point out that some people are here just to find answers to some questions or for other reasons than friendship or partner search.
Some are happy to mostly interact on the boards.

So, its hard for a guy to stand out and capture a woman's interest, and sometimes we try too hard and come off not how we want.

The thing is that you can be brilliant and super hot and stand out in any crowd and still not get an answer or the contact you were hoping for because the person you are trying to interact with is happily partnered and not looking or looking for something completely different than you have to offer.
Thinking that if you just get it right you’ll get the desired outcome must be rather bad for confidence in the long run, because not everyone is avaliable just because they are here.

I mean, we're guys, so we just are not as smart as women anyways,

Could we please not generalize?

 

[Primalex]

This is the first thing I have posted, but I already had a bunch of guys messaging me beforehand

Maybe not using a picture of porn actress Anastasia Hagen would have helped.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Maybe not using a picture of porn actress Anastasia Hagen would have helped.

I didn’t at the time I wrote this. Then I decided to go with the flow.

 

[Bbl87]

I didn’t at the time I wrote this. Then I decided to go with the flow.

Honestly, I don't think much of avatars anyway. I think based on the fact that you have an obviously female sounding name it wouldn't make a big difference as far as the messages you get.

Hope you're at least able to enjoy yourself without being to inundated with messages, haha.

 

[Bbl87]

95% of messages I got were from older men with straight-up offers. So, its hard for a guy to stand out and capture a woman's interest, and sometimes we try too hard and come off not how we want. I mean, we're guys, so we just are not as smart as women anyways, so try to be patient. However, some guys are better off just not responding to!

Honestly, I've found that not leading with dirty/sexy talk along with being polite and expressing interest in getting to know someone does wonders and tends to make you stand out on Lit as a guy. Just based on the responses I've gotten. I'm not sending out a bunch of messages or anything, but my response rate is higher than I would have expected, guessing that is why.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Honestly, I don't think much of avatars anyway. I think based on the fact that you have an obviously female sounding name it wouldn't make a big difference as far as the messages you get.

Hope you're at least able to enjoy yourself without being to inundated with messages, haha.

I have less of the disturbing stuff now thanks.

Em

 

[Bbl87]

I have less of the disturbing stuff now thanks.

Em

Glad to hear it!

 

[EmilyMiller]

Honestly, I've found that not leading with dirty/sexy talk along with being polite and expressing interest in getting to know someone does wonders and tends to make you stand out on Lit as a guy. Just based on the responses I've gotten. I'm not sending out a bunch of messages or anything, but my response rate is higher than I would have expected, guessing that is why.

I am likely to talk to someone being polite. Not someone who thinks that anyone with submissive tendencies is therefore their property.

Em

 

[Bbl87]

I am likely to talk to someone being polite. Not someone who thinks that anyone with submissive tendencies is therefore their property.

Em

Ya, discussed that recently in another thread but people coming in like that show pretty clearly they don't understand what a Dom/sub dynamic really is/entails. Don't understand the trust and actual caring that goes into it. I honestly didn't when I started to explore it, always thought my caring/empathic nature would make me a bad Dom, but found out its quite the opposite.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Ya, discussed that recently in another thread but people coming in like that show pretty clearly they don't understand what a Dom/sub dynamic really is/entails. Don't understand the trust and actual caring that goes into it. I honestly didn't when I started to explore it, always thought my caring/empathic nature would make me a bad Dom, but found out its quite the opposite.

Yup. Like I’m going to trust some douche to tie me up. It’s illogical isn’t it?

 

[Bbl87]

Yup. Like I’m going to trust some douche to tie me up. It’s illogical isn’t it?

One of the reasons it's easy to spot a fake Dom, for sure.

 

[ericalauren]

Hi all,

This is the first thing I have posted, but I already had a bunch of guys messaging me beforehand Is this just how it goes round her?

Em

Hi Em! Welcome. Some of the users on this website are great! Others are some of the creepiest, jerkiest men I've met. I use my gut, and also check their profiles and their posts before I engage with them. You are never under any obligation to respond to anyone. I hope you enjoy using this website.

 

[ericalauren]

Maybe not using a picture of porn actress Anastasia Hagen would have helped.

The "she was asking for it" shtick is alive in the year of our lords Zeus and Roxane in 2022. Fuck that.

 

[EmilyMiller]

One of the reasons it's easy to spot a fake Dom, for sure.

So I get stuff like this (not an actual PM, but based on several):

13 yo: You are a very bad girl and I am going to punish you.

Our heroine: Hi, I’m Emily. I can be very submissive for the right person. I like to be punished, on-line or IRL, but can we get to know each other first? I’d like to find out if you are the right sort of person. Also I kinda need to be turned on to take a proper punishment.

13 yo: Don’t talk back to Sir like that, or I will take my cane to you. In fact I’m going to cane you now. Bend over slut.

Our heroine: Whatever!

 

[EmilyMiller]

Hi Em! Welcome. Some of the users on this website are great! Others are some of the creepiest, jerkiest men I've met. I use my gut, and also check their profiles and their posts before I engage with them. You are never under any obligation to respond to anyone. I hope you enjoy using this website.

Thanks, I’d go as far as to say that a large majority of guys here are pretty cool and several have both made me cum hard and been very kind when circumstances dictate. A small minority have made me feel like vomiting.

 

[EmilyMiller]

The "she was asking for it" shtick is alive in the year of our lords Zeus and Roxane in 2022. Fuck that

I was tempted, then I remembered Elsa and let it go .

Em

 

[Strixaluco]

The thing is that you can be brilliant and super hot and stand out in any crowd and still not get an answer or the contact you were hoping for because the person you are trying to interact with is happily partnered and not looking or looking for something completely different than you have to offer.
Thinking that if you just get it right you’ll get the desired outcome must be rather bad for confidence in the long run, because not everyone is avaliable just because they are here.

Also if one is offering apples or pears for someone looking for oranges, it doesn't matter how perfect those apples or pears are, they just won't catch her interest.

 

[Bbl87]

So I get stuff like this (not an actual PM, but based on several):

13 yo: You are a very bad girl and I am going to punish you.

Our heroine: Hi, I’m Emily. I can be very submissive for the right person. I like to be punished, on-line or IRL, but can we get to know each other first? I’d like to find out if you are the right sort of person. Also I kinda need to be turned on to take a proper punishment.

13 yo: Don’t talk back to Sir like that, or I will take my cane to you. In fact I’m going to cane you now. Bend over slut.

Our heroine: Whatever!

Funny, but also not funny at the same time because I know it's 100% accurate.

 

[Strixaluco]

So I get stuff like this (not an actual PM, but based on several):

13 yo: You are a very bad girl and I am going to punish you.

Our heroine: Hi, I’m Emily. I can be very submissive for the right person. I like to be punished, on-line or IRL, but can we get to know each other first? I’d like to find out if you are the right sort of person. Also I kinda need to be turned on to take a proper punishment.

13 yo: Don’t talk back to Sir like that, or I will take my cane to you. In fact I’m going to cane you now. Bend over slut.

Our heroine: Whatever!

Oh yes. Those idiots who assume all subs like to be forced to submit to just anyone, without any kind of vetting.

 

[IrisAlthea]

The "she was asking for it" shtick is alive in the year of our lords Zeus and Roxane in 2022. Fuck that.

It’s really not different from all of us up there suggesting invisible mode. You should be able to use visible mode, have a pornstar look in our av or in life without people being asshats.
I don’t quite see 2022 as the year the world is as it should be though.

Even in a perfect world though, you’ll always have the problem of how to attract the ones you want without having the rest tag along, so to speak.

Oh yes. Those idiots who assume all subs like to be forced to submit to just anyone, without any kind of vetting.

This has nothing to do with BDSM - it’s just HNGs being HNGs, because if it works it works.

 

[Primalex]

The "she was asking for it" shtick is alive in the year of our lords Zeus and Roxane in 2022. Fuck that.

You don't get rid of cause and effect by being triggered by reality.

 

[UtilityCurve]

Hi all,



This is the first thing I have posted, but I already had a bunch of guys messaging me beforehand Is this just how it goes round her?



Em

I'm going to apologize for the assholes, but I will claw back some redemption for them: Big world and there are some people for whom bluntness, even crudeness, is a turn-on.



Yeah, they're far and few between, but lots of things that are uncommon (like homosexuality) are uncommon in the sense that assuming the contrary is a good bet in a vast majority of cases. Some people (men and women and the whole spectrum between and beyond) enjoy the "let's fuck" thing. You don't have to like it yourself, you're not obliged to respond to it or even acknowledge it, but you're  not free to diss it. It  is some people's thing and it's as worthy of respect as bringing flowers to her door on a first date.



Letting your freak flag fly means letting everyone else fly theirs. No double standards.



Incidentally, I'm the straight guy who looks up what the color of the roses mean that I leave on her doorstep in the morning before she wakes. I'm a teddy bear.