Kim's poly/kink thread reinvented ...

[KimGordon67]

Yup, very common I’d say. I do the same.
And I think that it balances out less than it used to, in many jobs these days.

Annoyingly, the most productive people I know are those who tend to be very good at sorting their weeks in 'work time' and 'not work time'. I guess they just work during their work time, instead of faffing about. I keep promising myself I'm going to be more disciplined, but it just never actually happens.

 

[Bramblethorn]

An he was what? 15?

Most likely. It was via online chat so no way to know for sure, but that was the vibe.

Annoyingly, the most productive people I know are those who tend to be very good at sorting their weeks in 'work time' and 'not work time'. I guess they just work during their work time, instead of faffing about. I keep promising myself I'm going to be more disciplined, but it just never actually happens.

There's some research around suggesting that working more than 40 hours/week tends to reduce total productivity, at least in "thinky" kinds of jobs. The brain only has so much focus to go around and trying to stretch it beyond that results in lots of faffing-around time trying to fill the hours.

 

[KimGordon67]

There's some research around suggesting that working more than 40 hours/week tends to reduce total productivity, at least in "thinky" kinds of jobs. The brain only has so much focus to go around and trying to stretch it beyond that results in lots of faffing-around time trying to fill the hours.

This makes a lot of sense.

I've also found my productivity has diminished since the internet was invented ... apparently I'm incredibly distractible. I really should just put some systems in place, and actually stick to them.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Annoyingly, the most productive people I know are those who tend to be very good at sorting their weeks in 'work time' and 'not work time'. I guess they just work during their work time, instead of faffing about. I keep promising myself I'm going to be more disciplined, but it just never actually happens.

Yes, I know what you mean.
Personally, I’m a deadline surfer. When I try to plan ahead and spread the work out, I find that I just end up spending that inordinate amount of time before deadline and that I mess about ineffectively when I’m early in a project or end up taking on more work than I should to fill the time.
It’s better for me to plan my hours based on actual work load rather than som idea of healthy average working hours.

Sorry for the off topic hi-jack…

 

[Paul_Chance]

Well, I am sure there is enough collective wisdom here at Lit that we could provide a whole series of "how to be productive" tips. They're kind of like dating tips though, there is no one size fits all.

Personally, I work with a plan and I segment my day into topics, and then during each segment when I am working, I work (no distractions). I "work" probably only 4 or 5 hours a day, I think about "work" another four or five.

Fortunately, a large of part of my job is knowing things - so that means reading and talking count as working, and talking (just plain old socializing with work contacts and colleagues) counts as "relationship building" which is a "live or die" skill in my field.

During the pandemic, partly the nature of the pandemic, partly due to how and where it fell my life (in the shadow of a wave of personal losses), I've really struggled with procrastination.

 

[KimGordon67]

Well, I am sure there is enough collective wisdom here at Lit that we could provide a whole series of "how to be productive" tips. They're kind of like dating tips though, there is no one size fits all.

Personally, I work with a plan and I segment my day into topics, and then during each segment when I am working, I work (no distractions). I "work" probably only 4 or 5 hours a day, I think about "work" another four or five.

Fortunately, a large of part of my job is knowing things - so that means reading and talking count as working, and talking (just plain old socializing with work contacts and colleagues) counts as "relationship building" which is a "live or die" skill in my field.

During the pandemic, partly the nature of the pandemic, partly due to how and where it fell my life (in the shadow of a wave of personal losses), I've really struggled with procrastination.

I think a large part of the problem I have is that my job is divided into three core areas. One of those areas is something I really enjoy and am good at; the second is something I'm good at and sort of enjoy; the third is something that requires a lot of long term self motivation, and that I just struggle to feel super passionate about. Unfortunately it's achieving things in the third area that is seen as 'being productive' in my field. Being good at the other two things doesn't really get you a lot of recognition, and being really slack at the third thing will result in management chastising you a bit. Yet all three things are equally important to the functioning of everything.
My new years resolution is to try and be more disciplined and organised with my time, and I probably need to be better with my use of the spaces I work in as well. And maybe not put so much energy into making some things perfect, just because they happen to be the things I enjoy.

 

[KimGordon67]

A message I literally just sent to someone on Tinder - I deliberately matched with him for this:
"Hi there ... I've really on swiped right on you to suggest that you might want to seriously reconsider that profile photo. Possibly I'm out of touch with what most women like, but honestly, holding the HEAD of a dead animal is just deeply unsexy for pretty much every woman I know personally. I really am just saying this to be helpful."

It's a dead stag's head. Horns and all. (I guess without horns would actually be worse.)

 

[cascadiabound]

A message I literally just sent to someone on Tinder - I deliberately matched with him for this:
"Hi there ... I've really on swiped right on you to suggest that you might want to seriously reconsider that profile photo. Possibly I'm out of touch with what most women like, but honestly, holding the HEAD of a dead animal is just deeply unsexy for pretty much every woman I know personally. I really am just saying this to be helpful."

It's a dead stag's head. Horns and all. (I guess without horns would actually be worse.)

wow. just wow.

You are too kind. If he has not figured out the inappropriateness of that pic for himself, I would say that the pic is an accurate advertisement of his clue-lessness

 

[KimGordon67]

wow. just wow.

You are too kind. If he has not figured out the inappropriateness of that pic for himself, I would say that the pic is an accurate advertisement of his clue-lessness

Apparently my comment was evidence that I'm a 'townie', and he isn't looking for a posh chick. And he assures me he gets plenty of right swipes ... so what do I know?

 

[IrisAlthea]

Apparently my comment was evidence that I'm a 'townie', and he isn't looking for a posh chick. And he assures me he gets plenty of right swipes ... so what do I know?

I guess it can work as kind of a filter or dog whistle perhaps.

Taking a course to get a hunting licence has been ”trendy” for both men and women here in some circles, to the point where I think the poor teachers of the course probably have to start with ”this is a tree”, ”this is an animal”.

 

[KimGordon67]

I guess it can work as kind of a filter or dog whistle perhaps.

Taking a course to get a hunting licence has been ”trendy” for both men and women here in some circles, to the point where I think the poor teachers of the course probably have to start with ”this is a tree”, ”this is an animal”.

I feel like these people probably don't get to the point of being able to decapitate a deer. And then put the photo on Tinder.

 

[Paul_Chance]

LOL - that would definitely fall into the category of "weird profile pictures" - but to a degree there is truth in advertising there. If a person is in (and enjoys/values) the hunting community, that would be something to get out front right away, rather then sneak up at some later point in the relationship.

I grew up sustenance hunting and that environment is rare (but not unusual). It's like my rural ranch background - that came with all sorts of skills and experiences that people not from a rural background can't/don't understand. I think the rural/urban split in experiences is more significant than people give credit too.

 

[KimGordon67]

LOL - that would definitely fall into the category of "weird profile pictures" - but to a degree there is truth in advertising there. If a person is in (and enjoys/values) the hunting community, that would be something to get out front right away, rather then sneak up at some later point in the relationship.

I grew up sustenance hunting and that environment is rare (but not unusual). It's like my rural ranch background - that came with all sorts of skills and experiences that people not from a rural background can't/don't understand. I think the rural/urban split in experiences is more significant than people give credit too.

I don't have a problem with people who hunt ... and I'll happily enjoy the fruits of their endeavours. But to have a literal dead animals head (not even the bit you eat) in your hands in the photo you're using to attract a prospective partner just seems ... well, a tiny bit psycho, to be honest. I feel similarly about profile photos of guys holding guns - this does not say 'well balanced dude that I want to hang out with' for me. Again, no problem with the use of the guns for the hunting (which is the only reason people are meant to have guns here), but to promote your gun ownership as the thing you think makes you sexy is ... well, I guess you're right in that at least it's truth in advertising.

I suspect the rural/urban split here isn't quite so marked. The whole country rests on the rural economy, and literally the longest running TV show here is Country Calendar, which each week features a different farmer/agricultural worker/fishing family/beekeeper/whatever. (One week it was the actor Sam Neil, who happens to run a vineyard. He is honestly the most charming man you could ever hope to meet.) Maybe it's similar to the 'western' myth of the US - it's just all a bit closer here

 

[Paul_Chance]

I think you're right about the different country thing about the rural/urban split.

I understand hunters being proud of their skills (more than I understand the gun-nuts thing), LOL, but I don't think I'd post either on a Tinder profile. (But, from the stories I've heard all kinds of weird things make it into Tinder profiles.)

People are strange. That's my generic answer to all the weirdness out there. Sometimes, if people are lucky, they meet other people who have their same strangeness and ride off into the sunset, so hope springs eternal in the human breast.

 

[KimGordon67]

I find myself in a quandry ... having sworn off anyone under under 40 (45, really), I was mucking around in the local swingers site the other day, and thought I'd have a look to see who had profiles who was actually in my tiny beach town (or at least, admitted to being here), in case anyone new had turned up since I last looked. And found a profile of this 37 year old, and for some reason I messaged him ... I think I was thinking that maybe a random hook up would be OK because it's been SEVEN MONTHS. And now I've been messaging with him a bit - nothing particularly meaningful, and not very often - and he seems normal, not pushy ... so do I meet him for a drink? Or is that just ridiculous? And if anything DID happen, how on earth do I negotiate the fact that he has the body of a 37 year old and I ... well, I don't have the body of a 37 year old?

 

[Scareltt]

One of the reasons I don’t use tinder.

A message I literally just sent to someone on Tinder - I deliberately matched with him for this:
"Hi there ... I've really on swiped right on you to suggest that you might want to seriously reconsider that profile photo. Possibly I'm out of touch with what most women like, but honestly, holding the HEAD of a dead animal is just deeply unsexy for pretty much every woman I know personally. I really am just saying this to be helpful."

It's a dead stag's head. Horns and all. (I guess without horns would actually be worse.)

The crazy world of dating applications. Let’s go back to speed dating!

 

[LizVegas79]

The crazy world of dating applications. Let’s go back to speed dating!

Weren't those fun?!! You got to carry your drink from table to table. You knew pretty much instantly right when you sat down that you would get up again when they called out "Switch!" but sometimes, sometimes you were very pleasantly surprised and didn't get up. So much easier and with so much less disappointment. I agree Scarlet, bring back speed dating!!

I guess it's not very pandemic sensible, but hopefully by next summer it will be again?

 

[KimGordon67]

I have thought more than once about organising a dating event (maybe speed dating, maybe just a 'singles mix and mingle' night at the pub) in my small town. The problem being that, with the exception of me (because I've only lived here three years), everyone knows everyone, so it would just be a bit awkward.

Unless I mandated introductory tequila shots.

 

[cookiecat]

I know I brought this up before, but a couple women started holding dildos like guys hold up fish in their profile pics.

look at how big my dildo is!

What IS the deal with fish and dead things?

 

[KimGordon67]

I feel I need to repost my quandry, because we've kicked over into the next page, and really, who ever rolls back on these threads to see what posts they might have missed on the previous page ...?

I find myself in a quandry ... having sworn off anyone under under 40 (45, really), I was mucking around in the local swingers site the other day, and thought I'd have a look to see who had profiles who was actually in my tiny beach town (or at least, admitted to being here), in case anyone new had turned up since I last looked. And found a profile of this 37 year old, and for some reason I messaged him ... I think I was thinking that maybe a random hook up would be OK because it's been SEVEN MONTHS. And now I've been messaging with him a bit - nothing particularly meaningful, and not very often - and he seems normal, not pushy ... so do I meet him for a drink? Or is that just ridiculous? And if anything DID happen, how on earth do I negotiate the fact that he has the body of a 37 year old and I ... well, I don't have the body of a 37 year old?

 

[Scareltt]

I’ve been looking at the wrong profiles

I know I brought this up before, but a couple women started holding dildos like guys hold up fish in their profile pics.

look at how big my dildo is!

What IS the deal with fish and dead things?

I think that’s awesome!

 

[KimGordon67]

I know I brought this up before, but a couple women started holding dildos like guys hold up fish in their profile pics.

look at how big my dildo is!

What IS the deal with fish and dead things?

I definitely think there's an element of 'this is one of the very few photos I have of myself'. Having seen the selfies some of these 50-something dudes take, I can see why others just pick something from their very tiny back catalogue. I also think that they think they're *doing something*, and chick dig guys who 'do things', right? And, as Paul pointed out, there's also the 'this is who I am - like it or move on'.

 

[Paul_Chance]

In regards to your quandary my advice would be "meet him for a drink". A couple of reasons behind it - first, it's just a drink(*). Second, it's a chance to get out, do a bit of socializing, and see and be seen. Third, you never know when you might get a good referral, by which I mean "we didn't connect, but hey, I have a friend who I think would be interested in meeting you". (LOL - Paul's rule of dating - always play it like a long game.)

(*) unless you're a person for whom a drink inevitably leads to sex...in which case, uh, meet me for a drink? (LOL - given our geographic separation that would be one expensive drink, with a dozen or so "pre-drink drinks" on crowded COVID infected airplanes.)

On the "singles night" - if you're up for, comfortable with, and good at, organizing such events, then I would say give it a try. Even if your town is tiny, there are bound to be people there you haven't met, or only know in passing. Having spent time in small towns, everyone knows who everyone IS - but they don't know everyone. Often there are people they see every day, but are just ships passing and they don't know anything about each other.

LOL - and as i have said before, I love the "holding a dildo" profiles, like the one Cookie shared, those just crack me up and would definitely get me to swipe just because of the sense of humor they demonstrate.

 

[KimGordon67]

In regards to your quandary my advice would be "meet him for a drink". A couple of reasons behind it - first, it's just a drink(*). Second, it's a chance to get out, do a bit of socializing, and see and be seen. Third, you never know when you might get a good referral, by which I mean "we didn't connect, but hey, I have a friend who I think would be interested in meeting you". (LOL - Paul's rule of dating - always play it like a long game.)

(*) unless you're a person for whom a drink inevitably leads to sex...in which case, uh, meet me for a drink? (LOL - given our geographic separation that would be one expensive drink, with a dozen or so "pre-drink drinks" on crowded COVID infected airplanes.)

I've suggested we could get a drink in the new year - I'm actually pretty busy until then. And I also realised that I kind of want to see where things sit with the guy I'm seeing on Sunday (let's call him 'the social worker', because that's what he is). If we're sexually compatible, it feels like this could be a fairly solid thing, and it might be good to establish how the non-monogamy situation works with that.

It's weirdly the first time I've felt like I've wanted to do that - everything else has been so casual and clear from the get-go, it just didn't seem necessary. (I think I said to the local guy, in the early days 'We're OK with seeing other people, eh?' and he laughed and said 'Sure - was it actually too late to be checking that?' It wasn't, but clearly he didn't care.) It's all new territory for me. Any advice on things we should make clear/discuss would be gratefully received.

 

[LizVegas79]

I have thought more than once about organising a dating event (maybe speed dating, maybe just a 'singles mix and mingle' night at the pub) in my small town. The problem being that, with the exception of me (because I've only lived here three years), everyone knows everyone, so it would just be a bit awkward.

Unless I mandated introductory tequila shots.

Now that's a mandate no one should have a problem with!