Ladies what might you try if

[4x4in]

Bravo, bravo! Well said, WW.

My vote: A different position. To elaborate, the different position I'd take is the one in my head, a metaphorical change in position. Maybe doing it in another geographic or psychic location, perhaps?? Sometimes just the fantasy of doing something differently is enough to make plain ol' Tuesday night sex in bed vewwy, vewwy hawt.

Of course, actually "doing it" somewhere else such as in a public park, in the bathroom at a party, etc., ends up not being the complete erotic thrill you think it might be, but then again trying it is a lot of good, clean, giggly fun -- something to tell your grandkids about someday.

Thanks, Eudaemonia. You have sure hit the nail on the head. Routine, gotta break it. Thanks for reminding me.

 

[Mazuri]

Thanks, Mazuri, Your point about the sleeves is point taken, plus I can't keep the cyberskin ones on, even without sex.

The rest of your post sounds soooo much like us, all the way down to penetration. I always try to be sure that she has already come at least once before I penetrate her.

Your communication seems a bit better than ours and I'm going to work especially hard on the amazing second paragraph, that I marked in red. I find it filled with personal wisdom acquired through a process similar to what we trying.

Thanks, Mazuri, soooo much for sharing something so personal. I can assure you that your experiences will be of benefit to us.

It took me years to feel comfortable communicating what I wanted and needed to my husband. I was raised to believe that toys were for perverts and, if you're (the female) not getting pleasure through plain vanilla PiV sex, something was wrong...with you. When I finally realized and admitted then accepted that I was just not wired that way, I still hesitated talking with my husband because I worried he'd think I was discounting the years of pleasant but not wow sex we'd already had. That I preferred the toys over him because they could give me something he couldn't. And that's not true. My toys may be the quickest route to an orgasm for me, but they can't hold me and love me and make me laugh. They aren't him, and so they can never take his place. I made sure to tell him this as well when we began talking about it.

We talked initially through emails, so I could compose my thoughts and give them to him in a way that I felt secure. It only took a few weeks after that before we were physically talking, usually snuggled in bed as I feel most secure wrapped in his arms. Later, we took a day to ourselves (left child with friends), went on a date (dinner and a movie), then home to break out my 'not so secret' stash of toys and experiment and re-learn the joys of simply discovering each others' wants and needs. It changes as time goes on...what I liked 6 months ago, I now love or could live without. What he thought was just so-so a while back, he now initiates. Before he was shipped to Korea, we were having our "dates" at least once a month...I think it's made a lot of difference.

He still has to reassure me from time to time that he doesn't mind bringing the toys along, that he loves watching me and helping me orgasm. I am an insecure creature at times. He's said that, in some ways, he likes it more as he can turn his entire attention to my pleasure and I get to do the same for him. I love watching his face and body react to the things I do to him I'd like to think we're both better lovers, now, because we're more in tune to what each other wants and needs and likes. We're more relaxed around each other now, in the bedroom and out, far happier, and very very much closer.

 

[MaryAnn70]

My 2¢

I am always looking for ways to make sex better for my wife. She worries more than I about PIV not working for her and doesn't want to suggest anything that will make me feel deficient. She only climaxes when I go down on her or when I rub her clit with the head of my cock. Penitration does nothing for her and she has always tried to be tight by trying to keep dry and having me try to penetrate before she is really ready. I think that she worries that she is too big. I know that I'm not going to get any bigger and she isn't going to get smaller so if you were married to a guy who has a dick like a thumb tack but without the head, short and skinny 4 inches long and less than 4 inches around maybe 1 inch across, on a very good day, which of the following might you like to try for more variety?

In my opinion, on her first post, WW hit the nail on the head. In erotica it is great when the woman comes easily and almost automatically but I am not sure that is reality for the majority of us.

Toys are a personal preference and initially you may find it better to have some "hands on" to fully understand the size, feel and how the toy operates. I expect a lot of us have toys that didn't do what we expected. IMO SweetErika made some good suggestions about toy selection.

Try putting her hips on a folded pillow to give you better access to her clit. While you are between her legs and giving her oral sex you can insert your middle and index fingers and reach up under her pubic bone and search for her G-spot on the outer wall. Your thumb and or tongue on her clit and fingers may give a pleasant surprise.



MaryAnn

 

[lovemonster]

I'm like your wife, never been able to orgasm through piv.....so me and hubby bought a clit stim vibrator that he wears over his cock, so when we're making love, my clit is getting stimulated and more often than not I cum that way.....

We have plenty of toys.....sometimes we use them, sometimes we don't....the important thing is enjoying the sex, whether you orgasm or not....I don't always have to cum to have enjoyed it, and sometimes I'll finish myself off after we have sex while hubby watches....

Vary what you do, have nights where you don't have piv sex, just concentrate on stimulating each other's bodies and giving each other orgasms without penetration....

 

[4x4in]

It took me years to feel comfortable communicating what I wanted and needed to my husband. I was raised to believe that toys were for perverts and, if you're (the female) not getting pleasure through plain vanilla PiV sex, something was wrong...with you. When I finally realized and admitted then accepted that I was just not wired that way, I still hesitated talking with my husband because I worried he'd think I was discounting the years of pleasant but not wow sex we'd already had. That I preferred the toys over him because they could give me something he couldn't. And that's not true. My toys may be the quickest route to an orgasm for me, but they can't hold me and love me and make me laugh. They aren't him, and so they can never take his place. I made sure to tell him this as well when we began talking about it.

We talked initially through emails, so I could compose my thoughts and give them to him in a way that I felt secure. It only took a few weeks after that before we were physically talking, usually snuggled in bed as I feel most secure wrapped in his arms. Later, we took a day to ourselves (left child with friends), went on a date (dinner and a movie), then home to break out my 'not so secret' stash of toys and experiment and re-learn the joys of simply discovering each others' wants and needs. It changes as time goes on...what I liked 6 months ago, I now love or could live without. What he thought was just so-so a while back, he now initiates. Before he was shipped to Korea, we were having our "dates" at least once a month...I think it's made a lot of difference.

He still has to reassure me from time to time that he doesn't mind bringing the toys along, that he loves watching me and helping me orgasm. I am an insecure creature at times. He's said that, in some ways, he likes it more as he can turn his entire attention to my pleasure and I get to do the same for him. I love watching his face and body react to the things I do to him I'd like to think we're both better lovers, now, because we're more in tune to what each other wants and needs and likes. We're more relaxed around each other now, in the bedroom and out, far happier, and very very much closer.

Copying your idea, I'm going to email your comments to my wife, today. As I said before, our situation is very much like yours. Thank for sharing more details. You have a very lucky husband.

 

[4x4in]

In my opinion, on her first post, WW hit the nail on the head. In erotica it is great when the woman comes easily and almost automatically but I am not sure that is reality for the majority of us.

Toys are a personal preference and initially you may find it better to have some "hands on" to fully understand the size, feel and how the toy operates. I expect a lot of us have toys that didn't do what we expected. IMO SweetErika made some good suggestions about toy selection.

Try putting her hips on a folded pillow to give you better access to her clit. While you are between her legs and giving her oral sex you can insert your middle and index fingers and reach up under her pubic bone and search for her G-spot on the outer wall. Your thumb and or tongue on her clit and fingers may give a pleasant surprise.



MaryAnn

Thanks, Mary Ann. Yes we do exactly that and her only complaint is that she comes too fast. She doesn't seem to be multi-orgasmic although we have tried but that is yet another issue.

Have a great day, Mary Ann.

 

[4x4in]

I'm like your wife, never been able to orgasm through piv.....so me and hubby bought a clit stim vibrator that he wears over his cock, so when we're making love, my clit is getting stimulated and more often than not I cum that way.....

We have plenty of toys.....sometimes we use them, sometimes we don't....the important thing is enjoying the sex, whether you orgasm or not....I don't always have to cum to have enjoyed it, and sometimes I'll finish myself off after we have sex while hubby watches....

Vary what you do, have nights where you don't have piv sex, just concentrate on stimulating each other's bodies and giving each other orgasms without penetration....

Hi, LoveMonster,

I really like the clit stimulation vibrator idea. I assume it is a cock ring with an integrated minivib? I've always wondered if those work or not. Now all I have to do is find one small enough to stay on and not rotate, I would think.

We will also give the no piv sex night a try. My wife thinks that I don't enjoy a no piv night and won't believe that i do. I'm gonna keep trying. Thanks for reminding me.

 

[lovemonster]

Hi, LoveMonster,

I really like the clit stimulation vibrator idea. I assume it is a cock ring with an integrated minivib? I've always wondered if those work or not. Now all I have to do is find one small enough to stay on and not rotate, I would think.

We will also give the no piv sex night a try. My wife thinks that I don't enjoy a no piv night and won't believe that i do. I'm gonna keep trying. Thanks for reminding me.

Yes, they stay on just fine, the one we have is a stretchy ring with a long vibe pointing upwards from the top.....takes a bit of time to get it right for you so you get the right pressure in the right place but once you do.......

They generally fit most sizes and they stay put once on, we've never had a problem with ours.