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Laughter is Contagious

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FOR THOSE WHO ENJOY LANGUAGE (or Severe Distortions, thereof):

a. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

b. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before

c. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

d. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

e. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris must be in Seine.

f. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

g. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

h. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

i. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

j. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

k. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

l. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

m. Definition of a will: A dead give away.

n. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

o. She was engaged to a b oyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

p.! A chic ken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

q. If you don't pay your exorcist, you'll be repossessed.

r. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

s. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

t. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

u. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

v. Every calendar's days are numbered.

w. A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

x. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

y. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

z. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

aa. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

ab. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

ac. Santa's helpers are subo rdinate clauses.

ad. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
 
The Middle Wife


(By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher)



I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have 2 kids myself, but

the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade

classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always

have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness &

usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model

airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever

place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in

to school and talk about it, they're welcomed to.



Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,

takes her turn & waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow

stuffed under her sweater.



She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother,

& I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom & Dad made

him as a symbol of their love, & then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach,

& Luke grew in there. He ate for 9 months through an umbrella cord."


She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, & I'm trying not

to laugh & wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching

her in amazement.


"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going,

'Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.


"She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'"


Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.



"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't

have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down

in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.


"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in

case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed,

like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little

hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!


"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.'

They started counting, but never even got past 10. Then, all of a sudden,

out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was

from Mom's play-center!, so there must be a lot of st uff inside there."



Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow & returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell

day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.

 
take this one in the spirit it's meant ...

Just got my new Lexus RX400h and returned to the dealer the next day, complaining that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. "Watch this," he said. "Nelson!"

The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"


"Willie!" he continued. And "On The Road Again" came from the speakers. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, when I'd say "Beethoven!" I would get beautiful classical music, and if I said "Beatles!" I would get one of their awesome songs.


One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled "ASSHOLES!" The French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Michael Moore, backed up by John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums and Bill Clinton on sax.

Damn, I LOVE this car!
 
one more ...

GONNA BE A BEAR

In this life, I'm a woman.
In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you get to hibernate.
You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children
(who are the size of walnuts)
while you're sleeping & wake to partially grown
cute, cuddly cubs.
I coul definitely deal with that.

If you're mama bear,
everyone knows you mean business.
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs.
If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.
I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup. Gonna be a bear!
 
Harley-Davidson

Harley-Davidson


The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?" Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...." God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?" Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, " Ah, yes." "Well ," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:


1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion



2. It chatters constantly at high speeds


3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much


4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust


5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!


"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.
 
Your Chevy

Q: How do you double the value of a Chevy?
A: Put gas in it.

Q: How is a golf ball different from a Chevy?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

Q: Why are there sidewalks beside streets?
A: So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.

Q: How much wood could a GM truck haul if a GM truck could haul wood?
A: As much as the Ford towing it.

Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a Tampon?
A. A tampon comes with its own tow rope

Q. Why do Chevys have magnetized bumpers
A. To pick up the parts that fall off other Chevys

Q How do you make a Chevy accelerate 0-60 mph in less than 15
seconds?
A. Push it off a cliff.

Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Chevy's owners manual?
A. The bus schedule.

Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said,
"I'll take a set of wiper blades for my Chevy"?
A. Sounds like a fair trade.

Q. What do you call a Chevy at the top of a hill?
A. A miracle?

Q. What do you call two Chevy's at the top of a hill?
A. A mirage.

Q. What do you call a Chevy with brakes?
A. Customized.

Q. How do you make a Chevy go faster down hill?
A. Turn the engine off.

Q. Why don't Chevy's sustain much damage in front end collisions?
A. The tow truck takes most of the impact.

Q. What do you call Chevy passengers?
A. Shock absorbers.

Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?
A. Park it between two Fords

Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a shopping cart?
A. A shopping cart is easier to push.

Q. Why did GM put heaters in the tailgates of their new trucks?
A. To keep their hands warm when they are pushing the truck into the
shop

Q Why are the new GM trucks more aerodynamic?
A. So they will save the Fords gas when the Ford tows them away.

Q. What did the Ford say to the Chevy?
A. Would you like a tow home?

Q. How can they improve the new Chevy truck?
A. Put a Ford engine in it.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To push his Chevy into the shop

Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. Because his Silverado got stuck.

Q. Why are the Chevy dealerships giving away a dog with every purchase
A. So the owners have someone to walk home with.

CHEVROLET= Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy
Engineering Techniques

CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.

CHEVROLET= Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.

CHEVROLET= Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.

CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks, Engine Ticks.

CHEVROLET= Cheap Heavy Equipment, Very Rusty, Overly Loved, Eventually
Towed

CHEVY= Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet

GMC= Garage Man's Companion

GMC= Garbage Manufacturing Company

GMC= Gotta Mechanic Coming

GMC= Gay Mans Chariot

GM= General Mistake

GM= Glued Metal

GM - Mark of Ignorance

A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and
said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking.
Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with
me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the
sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in with me and
I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned
and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Chevy, YOU ride in it!!!"

Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
If it wasn't for our Chevy's,
our tools would rust.

>From the past 10 years, about 95% of Chevy trucks are still on the
road. The rest made it home.

Have you seen the new speed limit signs? They say "Speed limit 65,
Chevys-do the
best you can"

Thats not a leak, my Chevy's just marking its territory.

Buy a Chevy and you buy the best. Drive the first mile and walk the
rest.

I could never keep a Chevy under me, I was always under the Chevy.

Speed Kills, Drive a Chevy and live forever.

You can Ford a stream, you can Dodge a stream, but a Chevy will sit
and rust in a stream.

A Texan was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he
had, how
many women he had been with and how much land he owned. A young man,
growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan, "Just how
much land do you actually own"? The Texan tipped back his cowboy hat
and said to the young
man " Well sonny let me put it to ya like this, I can get in my pickup
at sunrise, drive all day long, skip lunch and still not get to the
other side of my property by sundown". The young man shot back
quickly, " Oh yeah, I know what you mean, I used to own a Chevy truck
too"!

Here I sit brokenhearted
Wishing that my Chevy started
But it didn't so thats a wrap
I think I'll shoot this piece of cr@p

"Chevy, built like a rock and runs like one too."
 
Mr Duncan 001 said:
Q: How do you double the value of a Chevy?
A: Put gas in it.
...
"Chevy, built like a rock and runs like one too."
Click to expand...

HOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWLLLLLL!!!
 
A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs.

"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow said. "Just look at you ... you have no legs!"

The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"

"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and asked! intently, "Are you still good in bed"

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I"

The wedding is scheduled for Saturday! ...
 
A Heartwarming Story

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5 year old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us." "My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fucking sheetrock..."

Kind of brings a tear to the eye...
 
Thank you everyone!! Such wonderful laughs...and I needed them!!! :D

And now one from me!!!!


A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.

"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"

"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."

"How about transportation?" the father asked.

"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"
 
Grading Papers in a Catholic School

Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.


1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
 
 
 
Teacher/Kids lines ...

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
___________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
____________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
___________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
___________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
 
Gypsybyrd said:
GONNA BE A BEAR

In this life, I'm a woman.
In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you get to hibernate.
You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children
(who are the size of walnuts)
while you're sleeping & wake to partially grown
cute, cuddly cubs.
I coul definitely deal with that.

If you're mama bear,
everyone knows you mean business.
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs.
If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.
I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup. Gonna be a bear!
Click to expand...
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I LOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEE IT! :nana:

*Raises hand* Can I be a bear too???? :D
 
Mr Duncan 001 said:
Harley-Davidson


The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?" Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...." God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?" Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, " Ah, yes." "Well ," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:


1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion



2. It chatters constantly at high speeds


3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much


4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust


5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!


"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.
Click to expand...
LMAO!!!!!​
 
done_got_old said:
A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs.

"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow said. "Just look at you ... you have no legs!"

The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"

"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and asked! intently, "Are you still good in bed"

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I"

The wedding is scheduled for Saturday! ...
Click to expand...
:p :p :D
 
techsan said:
A Heartwarming Story

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5 year old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us." "My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fucking sheetrock..."

Kind of brings a tear to the eye...
Click to expand...
TOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAYUM FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D
 
copperbutterfly said:
Thank you everyone!! Such wonderful laughs...and I needed them!!! :D

And now one from me!!!!


A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.

"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"

"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."

"How about transportation?" the father asked.

"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"
Click to expand...
OMG! I just choked on my lunch.... that is absolutely hilarious Copper!
 
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