Laughter is Contagious

[wally2450]

An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods.

Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.

Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.

"I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says.

"Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?"

"Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want anything. I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize." And the golfer walks off.

"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want...a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."

A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the American golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

"T'was me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"

"My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. I'm a famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're doing all right."

"Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?"

"Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out the exact amount every time. I didn't even know were there!"

"I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's OK."

"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?"

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, sometimes twice a week."

"What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or twice a week?"

"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.

_________________

ROFLMAO!

 

[wally2450]

Funnies

Life's greatest pleasures are the simple ones, like
seeing the driver who cut ahead of you on the freeway
pulled over by the police 3 miles down the road.

========

Bill had been quite the ladies man and player all his
life, but now that he was getting up there in age, his
doctor was getting concerned about him.

"Bill," advised the doctor, "I can add 15 more years
to your life if you will just quit your old routine of
wine, women, and song."

Bill thought for a few minutes, then said, "Tell you
what doc, I'll settle for five more years and just
give up singing.

 

[wally2450]

Funnies

 

[Gypsybyrd]

THE LORDS PRAYER.

my vibro, which brings me heaven, rabbit be thy name.
til kingdom come, thy makest me cum, on earth with eyes rolled to heaven.
give me this day my daily thrill, and forgive me my screams as i forgive flat batteries.
lead me not into temptation but deliver me from frustration.
for thine is the rotation, the power and the buzzing, for ever and ever. no men.

ROFL ....



And thanks to everyone for the laughs!

 

[techsan]

Pigs Are Smart


A farmer in Macon, Georgia, had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.

...

"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."

{{{{kayte}}}}} I love this...LMAO.

 

[techsan]

THE LORDS PRAYER.

my vibro, which brings me heaven, rabbit be thy name.
til kingdom come, thy makest me cum, on earth with eyes rolled to heaven.
give me this day my daily thrill, and forgive me my screams as i forgive flat batteries.
lead me not into temptation but deliver me from frustration.
for thine is the rotation, the power and the buzzing, for ever and ever. no men.

ROTFLMAO!

 

[techsan]

I am probably far from the first one to say this but:

You know that you have been at Lit too long when you look at the title of this thread and see...

Laughter is Cuntagious



It's been happening a LOT!!!

LMAO! I wish I had been thinking like that when I started the thread...LOL

 

[techsan]

This morning on the Interstate,
I looked over to my left and there was a
Woman
In a brand new
Cadillac
Doing 65 mph
With her
Face up next to her
Rear view mirror
Putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away
For a couple seconds !
And when I looked back she was
Halfway over in my lane,
Still working on that makeup.
As a man,
I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much;
I dropped
My electric shaver,
Which knocked
The donut
Out of my other hand.
In all
The confusion of trying
To straighten out the car
Using my knees against
The steering wheel,
it knocked
my cell phone
away from my ear
which fell
into the coffee
between my legs,
splashed,
and burned
Big Jim and the Twins,
ruined the damn phone,
soaked my trousers,
and disconnected an
important call.
Damn women drivers!! ​

 

[poppy1963]

LMAO! I wish I had been thinking like that when I started the thread...LOL

I am glad you think it's funny...I laughed hard too when I realized it did NOT say that!!!

 

[wally2450]

 

[kayte]

Daily Humor
October 30, 2006


Lonn and I were involved in a petty argument, both of us unwilling to admit we might be in error.

"I'll admit I'm wrong," I told my husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right."

He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted I go first. "I'm wrong," I said.

With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!"

- submitted to Reader's Digest by Jeannine Buckley

http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/engel/d020.gif

Shaking my head! LMAO!

 

[kayte]

THE LORDS PRAYER.

my vibro, which brings me heaven, rabbit be thy name.
til kingdom come, thy makest me cum, on earth with eyes rolled to heaven.
give me this day my daily thrill, and forgive me my screams as i forgive flat batteries.
lead me not into temptation but deliver me from frustration.
for thine is the rotation, the power and the buzzing, for ever and ever. no men.

sweetslut ~ Thank you! That is perfect!

 

[kayte]

I am probably far from the first one to say this but:

You know that you have been at Lit too long when you look at the title of this thread and see...

Laughter is Cuntagious



It's been happening a LOT!!!

I think you are on to something poppy!

 

[kayte]

Life's greatest pleasures are the simple ones, like
seeing the driver who cut ahead of you on the freeway
pulled over by the police 3 miles down the road.

========

Bill had been quite the ladies man and player all his
life, but now that he was getting up there in age, his
doctor was getting concerned about him.

"Bill," advised the doctor, "I can add 15 more years
to your life if you will just quit your old routine of
wine, women, and song."

Bill thought for a few minutes, then said, "Tell you
what doc, I'll settle for five more years and just
give up singing.

You've got it {{{wally}}} Thanks for sharing those!

 

[kayte]

{{{{kayte}}}}} I love this...LMAO.

Good evening {{{{{{{{techsan}}}}}}}} Glad you liked it.

 

[kayte]

This morning on the Interstate,
I looked over to my left and there was a
Woman
In a brand new
Cadillac
Doing 65 mph
With her
Face up next to her
Rear view mirror
Putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away
For a couple seconds !
And when I looked back she was
Halfway over in my lane,
Still working on that makeup.
As a man,
I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much;
I dropped
My electric shaver,
Which knocked
The donut
Out of my other hand.
In all
The confusion of trying
To straighten out the car
Using my knees against
The steering wheel,
it knocked
my cell phone
away from my ear
which fell
into the coffee
between my legs,
splashed,
and burned
Big Jim and the Twins,
ruined the damn phone,
soaked my trousers,
and disconnected an
important call.
Damn women drivers!! ​

ROTFLMAO!!!

 

[kayte]

Wally ~ I love that one! Kids learn language from everyone!

 

[limiwa]

lmao, too funny wally

 

[done_got_old]

an oldie

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day, Ethel, was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"

Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.

"OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down thehall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"

Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am."

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt-Naked, and holding his "You-Know- What" in his hand.

"Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again !!!"

 

[limiwa]

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day, Ethel, was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"

Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.

"OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down thehall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"

Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am."

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt-Naked, and holding his "You-Know- What" in his hand.

"Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again !!!"

too darn funny DGO,

 

[SexSweetheart]

Daily Humor
October 31, 2006


Lunching at a local eatery, I overheard a conversation between a mother and daughter about plans for a wedding. The young woman protested that she was the one being married and should be allowed to make the decisions. "After all, Mother," the bride-to-be said, "you had your wedding 23 years ago." "No, dear," came the reply. "That was my mother's wedding."

- submitted to Reader's Digest by L. C. Sah
​

http://bestsmileys.com/halloween1/23.gif

 

[kayte]

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day, Ethel, was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"

Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.

"OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down thehall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"

Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am."

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt-Naked, and holding his "You-Know- What" in his hand.

"Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again !!!"

Oh my DGO ~ That is great!

 

[kayte]

Daily Humor
October 31, 2006


Lunching at a local eatery, I overheard a conversation between a mother and daughter about plans for a wedding. The young woman protested that she was the one being married and should be allowed to make the decisions. "After all, Mother," the bride-to-be said, "you had your wedding 23 years ago." "No, dear," came the reply. "That was my mother's wedding."

- submitted to Reader's Digest by L. C. Sah
​

http://bestsmileys.com/halloween1/23.gif

Hi SexSweetheart ~ Yes that about sums it up!

 

[techsan]

Daily Humor
October 31, 2006


Lunching at a local eatery, I overheard a conversation between a mother and daughter about plans for a wedding. The young woman protested that she was the one being married and should be allowed to make the decisions. "After all, Mother," the bride-to-be said, "you had your wedding 23 years ago." "No, dear," came the reply. "That was my mother's wedding."

- submitted to Reader's Digest by L. C. Sah
​

http://bestsmileys.com/halloween1/23.gif

LOL ... so true, SS. What happened to the days when the wedding was for the couple getting hitched, instead of the bride's mother????? What happened to the days of a great wedding for $200, instead of $20,000? These days people put more work into wedding plans than in making their relationship work. Ah, well, but that's not funny, is it?

 

[wally2450]

"Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again !!!"
LMAO!!