Laughter is Contagious

[techsan]

From pleaz_me ...

Why African women run so fast ...

(she didn't say whether that was running FROM or TO ...!)

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/A-E/African.jpg

 

[techsan]

When Insults Had Class


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
-- Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
-- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
-- Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
-- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
-- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... If you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... If there is one."
-- Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
-- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
-- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
-- Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
-- Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
-- Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
-- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination."
-- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-- Billy Wilder

 

[done_got_old]

New Seat Belt LAW

The national Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed. Correct installation is illustrated below.......

This is very Important, please pass on to friends and family.

THIS MAY SAVE A LIFE!​

http://www.literacyrules.com/lit/seat%20belt%20law.gif​

 

[techsan]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/K-O/Maxine67.jpg

After starting a new diet I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and as I approached, there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed ... "Lord, it's up to you, if you want me to have any of those delicious goodies, create a parking place for me directly in front of the bakery." And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block, there it was! God is so Good

 

[SexSweetheart]

Daily Humor

October 26, 2006


Last October, after a six-month hike along the Appalachian Trail from Springer Mountain, Ga., our group reached the end, the summit of Maine's Mount Katahdin. After picture-taking and backslapping, we climbed down the mountain and dropped our 50-pound packs. Brad reached into his gear and pulled out a four-color map of the entire 2100-mile trail. Everyone wanted a copy. "Did you pick it up at the park entrance when we came in?" I asked. When Brad said he'd got it in Harpers Ferry, W.Va., over 1000 miles back down the trail, we all groaned in disappointment. "What's the matter?" he teased. "It's within walking distance."

- submitted to Reader's Digest by Jimmy Martin
http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/engel/cowboy.gif

 

[techsan]

From pleaz_me ...

20 reasons why not to get drunk in public. The pictures say it all......

REASON 1:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends01.jpg

REASON 2:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends02.jpg

REASON 3:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends03.jpg

REASON 4:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends04.jpg

REASON 5:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends05.jpg

REASON 6:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends06.jpg

REASON 7:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends07.jpg

REASON 8:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends08.jpg

REASON 9:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends09.jpg

REASON 10:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends10.jpg

(continued)

 

[techsan]

From pleaz_me ...

Continuation: 20 reasons why not to get drunk in public. The pictures say it all......

REASON 11:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends11.jpg

REASON 12:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends12.jpg

REASON 13:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends13.jpg

REASON 14:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends14.jpg

REASON 15:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends15.jpg

REASON 16:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends16.jpg

REASON 17:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends17.jpg

REASON 18:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends18.jpg

REASON 19:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends19.jpg

REASON 20:
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/F-J/Friends20.jpg

 

[wally2450]

Those are all great

Roflmao!

 

[wally2450]

Funnies

 

[done_got_old]

http://www.literacyrules.com/lit/Alabama%20Death%20Penalty.jpg

 

[keiffers]

http://www.literacyrules.com/lit/Alabama%20Death%20Penalty.jpg

LOL that must be the daughter that took enough crap from her dad and ended the relationship

 

[techsan]

TO: GOD:
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1 . I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of aying "hello".

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

 

[done_got_old]

After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window. The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.

As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic. "Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?" she says.


"We were just playing church mommy," he said. "And I was just baptizing him..... In the name of the Father, the Son and in...the hole-he-goes."

 

[kayte]

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he
quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit hisback, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less


NOW ............

Enough of that crap . . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.


MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

 

[kayte]

After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window. The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.

As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic. "Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?" she says.


"We were just playing church mommy," he said. "And I was just baptizing him..... In the name of the Father, the Son and in...the hole-he-goes."

That is so funny! Thank you DGO!

 

[kayte]

TO: GOD:
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1 . I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of aying "hello".

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

Good afternoon {{{{{{{techie}}}}}}

That is such a laugh! Thank you sweetie!

 

[kayte]

Thank you wally! Especially for the "monster".

 

[SexSweetheart]

Daily Humor
October 27, 2006


Last summer, my husband, Steve, took me camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore. One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. Steve tried the usual tactics to determine direction -- moss on the trees (there was no moss), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day). Just as I was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off in the distance. Steve pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and led us right back to our campsite.

"That was terrific," I said.

"How did you do it?"

"Simple," my favorite boy scout replied. "In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south."

- submitted to Reader's Digest by Virginia Grudzinski
​

http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/engel/smily1065.gif​

 

[wally2450]

After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window. The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.

As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic. "Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?" she says.


"We were just playing church mommy," he said. "And I was just baptizing him..... In the name of the Father, the Son and in...the hole-he-goes."

ROFLMAO!

 

[wally2450]

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he
quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit hisback, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less


NOW ............

Enough of that crap . . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.


MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

 

[wally2450]

Daily Humor
October 27, 2006


Last summer, my husband, Steve, took me camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore. One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. Steve tried the usual tactics to determine direction -- moss on the trees (there was no moss), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day). Just as I was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off in the distance. Steve pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and led us right back to our campsite.

"That was terrific," I said.

"How did you do it?"

"Simple," my favorite boy scout replied. "In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south."

- submitted to Reader's Digest by Virginia Grudzinski
​

http://www.addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/engel/smily1065.gif​

Crafty fellow!

 

[wally2450]

For the guys-Do You Speak Womanian?

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?te...93610995951153
To begin, hit next.

 

[wally2450]

No1 Xmas Gift in Afghanistan this Year

 

[wally2450]

American Education

 

[wally2450]

For the ladies-Do You Speak Manian?

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=4755673374262459498