Laughter is Contagious
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smoothdevil
devilishnice
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kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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Yes you do! 
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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A successful businessman flew to Las Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- if he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.
The cabbie said (pick an appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"
So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big.
Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well, who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line. "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked the driver?
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.
"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"
"What?! Get the hell out of my cab!" yelled the driver.
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, "How much for a ride to the airport?"
The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks."
The businessman said "ok" and off they went.
Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers....
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.
The cabbie said (pick an appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"
So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big.
Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well, who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line. "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked the driver?
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.
"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"
"What?! Get the hell out of my cab!" yelled the driver.
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, "How much for a ride to the airport?"
The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks."
The businessman said "ok" and off they went.
Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers....
kayte
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Science Exam ~ Answers that are so close to correct....
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Kowboy61
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This is evidence that men tend to think with their "little" head first. Thank you Kayte.
Kowboy61
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Kowboy61
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limiwa
Something new every day
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no offense meant...i grew up with this girl...
A Jewish woman says to her mother, 'I'm divorcing Jeff!
All he wants is anal sex, and my asshole is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be about the size of a nickel.'
Her mother says, 'You're married to a multi- millionaire businessman,you live in an 8 bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, you get $2,000 a week allowance, you take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away over 45 cents?'
A Jewish woman says to her mother, 'I'm divorcing Jeff!
All he wants is anal sex, and my asshole is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be about the size of a nickel.'
Her mother says, 'You're married to a multi- millionaire businessman,you live in an 8 bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, you get $2,000 a week allowance, you take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away over 45 cents?'
Kowboy61
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I love this. Thank you kayte.
kayte
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Gotta love the Church Bulletin!
HI {{{{{{{Kowboy}}}}}}}}Long time no see. I do love your AV sexy.
Glad you are enjoying the funnies. Have a marvelous Monday and a wonderful week.
kayte
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An 80 year old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with
normal results.
The doctor said, "Harry, everything looks great. How are you doing
mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
Harry replied, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so
he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the
bathroom, poof! The light goes on..When I'm done, poof! The light goes
off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor said.
A little later in the day, the doctor called Harry's wife. "Ethel," he
said, "Harry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in
awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the
night and poof the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done,
poof the light goes off?"
"Oh my God!" Ethel exclaimed. "He's peeing in the fridge again!
normal results.
The doctor said, "Harry, everything looks great. How are you doing
mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
Harry replied, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so
he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the
bathroom, poof! The light goes on..When I'm done, poof! The light goes
off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor said.
A little later in the day, the doctor called Harry's wife. "Ethel," he
said, "Harry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in
awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the
night and poof the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done,
poof the light goes off?"
"Oh my God!" Ethel exclaimed. "He's peeing in the fridge again!
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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no offense meant...i grew up with this girl...
A Jewish woman says to her mother, 'I'm divorcing Jeff!
All he wants is anal sex, and my asshole is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be about the size of a nickel.'
Her mother says, 'You're married to a multi- millionaire businessman,you live in an 8 bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, you get $2,000 a week allowance, you take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away over 45 cents?'
Hi {{{{{{limi}}}}} Thank you! That is hysterical!
curl4ever
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Just got back into town and found this hilarious story! Thanks, kayte!
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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Welcome back {{{{{Curl}}}}} Glad you liked it. Now that AV of yours is quite something. You make a marvelous model!
Have a terrific Tuesday.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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In a Vacuum
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
curl4ever
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Very nice!!! Thanks, kayte!
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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Hi {{{{{{{{Curl}}}}}}}}
Glad you liked it. Hope you are having a great week.Here is one that did have me grinning.
Visiting The Doctor
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred.
The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"
"No," he replied, "I've never done either."
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?" inquired the doctor.
"No, I've never done any of those things either," said the man.
"Well then," said the doctor, "why would you want to live to be a hundred?"
curl4ever
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Hi {{{{{{kayte}}}}}!Hi {{{{{{{{Curl}}}}}}}}
Amen to that!
Hope you have a nice Friday!
imnauti
Ready to go topless!
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Hi All....
Well I don't have a joke, but this seemed the appropriate place. I saw this in a personals ad and it made me laugh.
Now I know that's how it sounds if you say it out loud..... but wouldn't you look at it and say.... that doesn't make any sense!
Well I don't have a joke, but this seemed the appropriate place. I saw this in a personals ad and it made me laugh.
Now I know that's how it sounds if you say it out loud..... but wouldn't you look at it and say.... that doesn't make any sense!
curl4ever
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Very cute!Hi All....
Well I don't have a joke, but this seemed the appropriate place. I saw this in a personals ad and it made me laugh.
Now I know that's how it sounds if you say it out loud..... but wouldn't you look at it and say.... that doesn't make any sense!
Thanks, imnauti!
smoothdevil
devilishnice
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Smart Negotiator
Four men were playing golf...........One remarked how nice it would be to wake up every Saturday morning, roll out of bed, and without a nasty argument with his wife, go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies chimed in and said, 'Yeah, let's make it a priority to take this up with our wives and figure out a way to meet here every Saturday morning.'
The next Saturday morning arrives, and they're all together on the golf course.
The first guy says, 'Boy this cost me a fortune! I bought my wife a diamond ring so big that she can't take her eyes off it.'
Number 2 guy says, 'It cost me an arm and a leg, too. My wife is at home planning a cruise. She was up to her eyes in brochures when I left.'
Number 3 guy says, 'Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car and reading the manual.'
They turned to the fourth guy in the group who was staring at them like they'd lost their minds.
'I can't believe you all went to such expense!
I presented it to my wife, then slapped her on the ass and said, 'Well babe, it's either Saturday mornings of sex or golf.' 'Whatta ya think?'
She sneered and said.....'Don't forget to take a sweater, it might get cold.'
Four men were playing golf...........One remarked how nice it would be to wake up every Saturday morning, roll out of bed, and without a nasty argument with his wife, go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies chimed in and said, 'Yeah, let's make it a priority to take this up with our wives and figure out a way to meet here every Saturday morning.'
The next Saturday morning arrives, and they're all together on the golf course.
The first guy says, 'Boy this cost me a fortune! I bought my wife a diamond ring so big that she can't take her eyes off it.'
Number 2 guy says, 'It cost me an arm and a leg, too. My wife is at home planning a cruise. She was up to her eyes in brochures when I left.'
Number 3 guy says, 'Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car and reading the manual.'
They turned to the fourth guy in the group who was staring at them like they'd lost their minds.
'I can't believe you all went to such expense!
I presented it to my wife, then slapped her on the ass and said, 'Well babe, it's either Saturday mornings of sex or golf.' 'Whatta ya think?'
She sneered and said.....'Don't forget to take a sweater, it might get cold.'
smoothdevil
devilishnice
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Early Retirement
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a noncommissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my weenie to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed,
"Where are your testicles?"
The old Chief calmly replied, "Vietnam."
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a noncommissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my weenie to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed,
"Where are your testicles?"
The old Chief calmly replied, "Vietnam."
curl4ever
Literotica Guru
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Hi, smooth! I was happy to see your posts. Hope you're having a nice afternoon.
Very nice!
Very funny! Sad, scary, but well-played. Thanks again!
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