Let's Talk About 'Gentle' FemDom

[LeaHaven]

That makes getting what you want kinda hard. Unless you just take it.

Are you shy? Or can you put him on his knees. Inches away from your pussy and "make" him talk.

I personally can't do that. Hubby learns what I want by reading what I have posted. I try to talk, but I can't find the words.

That and being ADHD, I can't finish a
HEY squirrel!.

We are both shy about it. Him more than me, but I don't want to sit down at some random time and discuss sex. i have started sending him text messages. They are not like hot and steamy or anything. They are mostly about when we might get together. Things go better if I plan them out.

 

[LeaHaven]

I guess I picked up on that somehow. It can be difficult but I think it really improves a relationship. Maybe you can start reading stories on this site together. Start with "normal" ones than branch out.

He does not know I am on here

 

[SPARTAN047]

GFD with a girlfriend experience could be both cute and sexy. Everyone loves to be romanced.

 

[nothingatall27]

Are you talking to me? If you are, thank you. But my frustration is not nearly as bad as it used to be. I read these forums and if I read something that sounds like it fits us, I try it. I don't worry anymore that he might not like it. He has told me so many times that he wants me to be the boss, so I have become the boss (in the bedroom. I was already the boss in everything else.) Ima selfish boss, tbh. It has been going well so far. I like being the boss. (or should I say "boss-boss"? "Top boss"? since I'm now boss in everything?)

I think you are getting the hang of it because that sounds prerty hot

 

[LeaHaven]

I think you are getting the hang of it because that sounds prerty hot

I think I am getting the hang of it, but in a way I feel kind of bad. When I think back I can see that he's been telling me what he wants since forever. But that didn't fit the picture I had created in my head so long ago, so I never really listened to him. I kept trying to make our marriage fit the picture in my head. But the picture in my head wasn't necessarily what I wanted either. It was a picture that had been painted by my upbringing. People on here were telling me things that were exactly like what my husband was saying, and that really caught my attention. I wondered, "How could they know so perfectly?" But where my husband jokingly tossed out innuendo, people on here came right out and said, "He wants you to..." They even told me how to do it.

One day we had a really bad fight, and I was beginning to honestly think we were not meant to be married. I kept wondering, "what happened? How could we go from being the best of friends to enemies? All we did was get married. What changed?" I gave that question real thought, and the only thing that changed was that we had begun having sex. As soon as that hit me, I remembered people on here saying, "He wants you to..." I was at my wits end, so I tried what people on here said I should try. It would be more accurate to say I dipped a toe in, and I don't even remember specifically what I did, but I remember thinking, "I think that worked." But it didn't just work, it seemed so effortless.

Here I am writing a whole story again. Sorry.

If I look back only a year ago, this marriage was in serious trouble. We are having fun now. It is like now we have a this secret world we live in, that no one knows about, and it gives us a desire to be together. Each day is like a new opportunity to see what happens next. We can't wait to see what happens next. It is so much fun!

OK, I will stop writing now.

 

[whenagain]

I think I am getting the hang of it, but in a way I feel kind of bad. When I think back I can see that he's been telling me what he wants since forever. But that didn't fit the picture I had created in my head so long ago, so I never really listened to him. I kept trying to make our marriage fit the picture in my head. But the picture in my head wasn't necessarily what I wanted either. It was a picture that had been painted by my upbringing. People on here were telling me things that were exactly like what my husband was saying, and that really caught my attention. I wondered, "How could they know so perfectly?" But where my husband jokingly tossed out innuendo, people on here came right out and said, "He wants you to..." They even told me how to do it.

One day we had a really bad fight, and I was beginning to honestly think we were not meant to be married. I kept wondering, "what happened? How could we go from being the best of friends to enemies? All we did was get married. What changed?" I gave that question real thought, and the only thing that changed was that we had begun having sex. As soon as that hit me, I remembered people on here saying, "He wants you to..." I was at my wits end, so I tried what people on here said I should try. It would be more accurate to say I dipped a toe in, and I don't even remember specifically what I did, but I remember thinking, "I think that worked." But it didn't just work, it seemed so effortless.

Here I am writing a whole story again. Sorry.

If I look back only a year ago, this marriage was in serious trouble. We are having fun now. It is like now we have a this secret world we live in, that no one knows about, and it gives us a desire to be together. Each day is like a new opportunity to see what happens next. We can't wait to see what happens next. It is so much fun!

OK, I will stop writing now.

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you’ve had a lot to process.

 

[LeaHaven]

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you’ve had a lot to process.

It is getting easier, but when I first started in these forums I had never heard of half of everything I read. Much of it sounded totally bonkers. One time I was in here and saw a picture of a guy's stuff in a cock cage, and I was like, WTF!!?? But now most of the shock value has worn off. I think it is bc I kind of "get" the context. A cock cage doesn't seem insane anymore. It looks more like an option.

 

[emme8]

It is getting easier, but when I first started in these forums I had never heard of half of everything I read. Much of it sounded totally bonkers. One time I was in here and saw a picture of a guy's stuff in a cock cage, and I was like, WTF!!?? But now most of the shock value has worn off. I think it is bc I kind of "get" the context. A cock cage doesn't seem insane anymore. It looks more like an option.

The cage is great. Even for short play times. Especially for the short term when they think they are going to be locked up for the long term.

 

[nothingatall27]

I think I am getting the hang of it, but in a way I feel kind of bad. When I think back I can see that he's been telling me what he wants since forever. But that didn't fit the picture I had created in my head so long ago, so I never really listened to him. I kept trying to make our marriage fit the picture in my head. But the picture in my head wasn't necessarily what I wanted either. It was a picture that had been painted by my upbringing. People on here were telling me things that were exactly like what my husband was saying, and that really caught my attention. I wondered, "How could they know so perfectly?" But where my husband jokingly tossed out innuendo, people on here came right out and said, "He wants you to..." They even told me how to do it.

One day we had a really bad fight, and I was beginning to honestly think we were not meant to be married. I kept wondering, "what happened? How could we go from being the best of friends to enemies? All we did was get married. What changed?" I gave that question real thought, and the only thing that changed was that we had begun having sex. As soon as that hit me, I remembered people on here saying, "He wants you to..." I was at my wits end, so I tried what people on here said I should try. It would be more accurate to say I dipped a toe in, and I don't even remember specifically what I did, but I remember thinking, "I think that worked." But it didn't just work, it seemed so effortless.

Here I am writing a whole story again. Sorry.

If I look back only a year ago, this marriage was in serious trouble. We are having fun now. It is like now we have a this secret world we live in, that no one knows about, and it gives us a desire to be together. Each day is like a new opportunity to see what happens next. We can't wait to see what happens next. It is so much fun!

OK, I will stop writing now.

I'm glad things are going better for you. Enjoy and have a nice day. Hopefully someday I can improve my own situation.

 

[Blueeyes4u100]

I find this topic extremely interesting. I know I would love to explore gentle femdom and hot to please my "mistress". I have always been more focused on giving pleasure over my own pleasure and satisfaction.. let's see how this goes and always here to follow your lead.

Ben

 

[MsManagement]

Welcome - shall we begin?

I have a few questions, but it would be great if the gentlemen chiming in here could give us just the tiniest bit of an intro by way of including their age and how they became interested in FemDom (gentle or otherwise). Thank you!

**How do you see 'Gentle' FemDom being different from the more traditional type of feminine domination?

**Why is it appealing?

**What does a 'gentle' Domme look like to you? How does she behave?

**What do you look for in a GFD relationship? What do you hope to get out of it?

**How do you see it fitting into your life - bedroom only, or lifestyle?

I realise I'm coming into this really late. But I don't know what the difference is. I've only ever felt the thrill of toying with a man's psyche, his needs, teasingly denying him the pleasure of release, but also taking care that he does get the release. I think its a combination of seduction and infantilising the men.

Ultimately, GFD is just a lot more sensual. The pleasure of being loved is something dominant females enjoy as well, and the line seems to be that in GFD, one doesn't always take, or demand. Oh it is certainly a lifestyle...

 

[9to5]

I realise I'm coming into this really late. But I don't know what the difference is. I've only ever felt the thrill of toying with a man's psyche, his needs, teasingly denying him the pleasure of release, but also taking care that he does get the release. I think its a combination of seduction and infantilising the men.

Ultimately, GFD is just a lot more sensual. The pleasure of being loved is something dominant females enjoy as well, and the line seems to be that in GFD, one doesn't always take, or demand. Oh it is certainly a lifestyle...

yes its the teasing to keep him wanting more. and hoping for more. I admit I like to be kept on edge and wanting

 

[lehmankm]

My husband is lazy and clueless in and out of bed. He has a high-stress job that causes him to be moody and sarcastic when he gets home. His mother is always telling stories about how she disciplined him as a child and I am wondering if she is trying to tell me something. If so, I'm in. I love my husband and don't want to leave him, but can't take this anymore. I think he is giving me hints (I think), but can't be sure. Yesterday, we were yelling (again) I told him to get away from me, "go somewhere else". Then he said " Oh, so I suppose you want me to go to my room", then gave me a look and marched off to his room. The door was slightly open when I walked past and he was on the bed feet on floor in what looked like what the forums call "the position". If he does this again, should I go in and see if what he really wants is to be spanked? Forget talking about any thing sexual, he just walks away or tunes out.

 

[Erosfan]

I realise I'm coming into this really late. But I don't know what the difference is. I've only ever felt the thrill of toying with a man's psyche, his needs, teasingly denying him the pleasure of release, but also taking care that he does get the release. I think its a combination of seduction and infantilising the men.

Ultimately, GFD is just a lot more sensual. The pleasure of being loved is something dominant females enjoy as well, and the line seems to be that in GFD, one doesn't always take, or demand. Oh it is certainly a lifestyle...

I love the way you think!

 

[AlexBailey]

My husband is lazy and clueless in and out of bed. He has a high-stress job that causes him to be moody and sarcastic when he gets home. His mother is always telling stories about how she disciplined him as a child and I am wondering if she is trying to tell me something. If so, I'm in. I love my husband and don't want to leave him, but can't take this anymore. I think he is giving me hints (I think), but can't be sure. Yesterday, we were yelling (again) I told him to get away from me, "go somewhere else". Then he said " Oh, so I suppose you want me to go to my room", then gave me a look and marched off to his room. The door was slightly open when I walked past and he was on the bed feet on floor in what looked like what the forums call "the position". If he does this again, should I go in and see if what he really wants is to be spanked? Forget talking about any thing sexual, he just walks away or tunes out.

Wow! This sounds like a great prompt for an erotic story.

Apologies if that feels insensitive, but really, how can you know? Stoic strong men can have deep fantasies they would never talk about, his browsing and posting may be his only loose ends leading the way to a whole new and more fulfilling life experience.

I’d probably try testing his interest through humor. You’ll have to judge for yourself how it might land, but next time he’s in a snit you can roll up a newspaper and smack it across your hand with an expression that says “Oh, come on!” If he responds do it again while smiling and biting your lip.





At the very least it may disarm him.

 

[eroticspank]

I realise I'm coming into this really late. But I don't know what the difference is. I've only ever felt the thrill of toying with a man's psyche, his needs, teasingly denying him the pleasure of release, but also taking care that he does get the release. I think its a combination of seduction and infantilising the men.

Ultimately, GFD is just a lot more sensual. The pleasure of being loved is something dominant females enjoy as well, and the line seems to be that in GFD, one doesn't always take, or demand. Oh it is certainly a lifestyle...

I like this too, more sensual is a good way to describe GFD. Though I am sure it is different for everyone.
ES

 

[monique83]

Welcome - shall we begin?

I have a few questions, but it would be great if the gentlemen chiming in here could give us just the tiniest bit of an intro by way of including their age and how they became interested in FemDom (gentle or otherwise). Thank you!

**How do you see 'Gentle' FemDom being different from the more traditional type of feminine domination?

**Why is it appealing?

**What does a 'gentle' Domme look like to you? How does she behave?

**What do you look for in a GFD relationship? What do you hope to get out of it?

**How do you see it fitting into your life - bedroom only, or lifestyle?

Being a GFD is not about what I do. It's more about why I do it. I can punish him/her, I can slap, be cruel, be soft, cuddle, be humiliating. As long as I do to make my sub aroused or happy it's gentle. If the primary motivation is to give them pain, or take pleasure from it then it not GFD. You can take pleasure from it but that's not why you do it.

 

[eroticspank]

Being a GFD is not about what I do. It's more about why I do it. I can punish him/her, I can slap, be cruel, be soft, cuddle, be humiliating. As long as I do to make my sub aroused or happy it's gentle. If the primary motivation is to give them pain, or take pleasure from it then it not GFD. You can take pleasure from it but that's not why you do it.

This is a good point. My first thought about what Gentle Femdom is is a Domme that is not a sadist. So if the primary motivation is to give pain and get pleasure from giving the pain like a sadist, then that is not GFD. Does that mean there can be no spanking, bondage, or even some scenes that involve pain in GFD? I think the answer is no. Yes, there can be all of those things in GFD. It is about how it is done(and why see above) and the desired outcome.

Labels are great because they give you general guidance but they don't encompass everything. Some might say a GFD is the same as a "Top" vs a Domme. I can see how the term may be great for some couples and meaningless to others. I like the term GFD. As a man, I have a different perspective on the term. I do feel I have been with a GFD and that is one reason I like the term because in my mind it is a great description of her.

My last thought is that GFD is still about control. Control is a big part of being a Domme and it is very important in GFD. It is about how that control is exercised, it can be done more gently and sensually, but still strict and directed solely by the GFD.
ES

 

[nothingatall27]

My husband is lazy and clueless in and out of bed. He has a high-stress job that causes him to be moody and sarcastic when he gets home. His mother is always telling stories about how she disciplined him as a child and I am wondering if she is trying to tell me something. If so, I'm in. I love my husband and don't want to leave him, but can't take this anymore. I think he is giving me hints (I think), but can't be sure. Yesterday, we were yelling (again) I told him to get away from me, "go somewhere else". Then he said " Oh, so I suppose you want me to go to my room", then gave me a look and marched off to his room. The door was slightly open when I walked past and he was on the bed feet on floor in what looked like what the forums call "the position". If he does this again, should I go in and see if what he really wants is to be spanked? Forget talking about any thing sexual, he just walks away or tunes out.

I wish my wife would want to talk about anything sexual. He should realize he is lucky you have an interest

 

[Erosfan]

Personally. I like the idea.
I am not into rude, pushy or Dommes that are not interested in what a sub has to say in terms of redlines or limits.

That said, I love the idea of a woman deciding when I need to expose and for whom.
Whether it be random pics when ever she wants or live shows fro groups of women or anything in between - the idea of not having control over who sees or when I will be exposed, is such a rush!

I love the way you think. If my woman wants to expose me or show me to her friends, I'm all in,

 

[lehmankm]

My husband is lazy and clueless in and out of bed. He has a high-stress job that causes him to be moody and sarcastic when he gets home. His mother is always telling stories about how she disciplined him as a child and I am wondering if she is trying to tell me something. If so, I'm in. I love my husband and don't want to leave him, but can't take this anymore. I think he is giving me hints (I think), but can't be sure. Yesterday, we were yelling (again) I told him to get away from me, "go somewhere else". Then he said " Oh, so I suppose you want me to go to my room", then gave me a look and marched off to his room. The door was slightly open when I walked past and he was on the bed feet on floor in what looked like what the forums call "the position". If he does this again, should I go in and see if what he really wants is to be spanked? Forget talking about any thing sexual, he just walks away or tunes out.

Update: The final straw. Last night he came home in the foulest mood so far. He was walking from room to room slamming doors and mumbling incoherently. I tried asking him what was wrong but he just "blew up" and called me a dumb bitch. Well, folks, that was it. He wasn't allowed to speak like that in his mother's home, he wasn't going to do it in mine. It's strange but I was suddenly calm and knew exactly what I was going to do. I offered him a choice, 1: pack a bag and get out for good, or 2: go to his room and stand at attention at the end of the bed. He immediately marched off to the bedroom. I waited about 30 minutes, I didn't want to be angry, I did want to punish but didn't want to harm. I just wanted my marriage back. When I walked into the room he was standing quite still trembling a bit, I think. I stood behind him, reaching up, I started to soothe him by rubbing up and down his back, explaining what I was going to do and why. Take off your belt and hand it to me, I said. Things are looking up lately.

 

[NancyPan]

Update: The final straw. Last night he came home in the foulest mood so far. He was walking from room to room slamming doors and mumbling incoherently. I tried asking him what was wrong but he just "blew up" and called me a dumb bitch. Well, folks, that was it. He wasn't allowed to speak like that in his mother's home, he wasn't going to do it in mine. It's strange but I was suddenly calm and knew exactly what I was going to do. I offered him a choice, 1: pack a bag and get out for good, or 2: go to his room and stand at attention at the end of the bed. He immediately marched off to the bedroom. I waited about 30 minutes, I didn't want to be angry, I did want to punish but didn't want to harm. I just wanted my marriage back. When I walked into the room he was standing quite still trembling a bit, I think. I stood behind him, reaching up, I started to soothe him by rubbing up and down his back, explaining what I was going to do and why. Take off your belt and hand it to me, I said. Things are looking up lately.

Your husband needs discipline, that is clear. He also needs to learn that, as the Woman, you, of course, have the pussy that he desires and that he can not have or get close to without respecting, honoring, and serving you. I have been in an FLR for some time. I understand that worshipping Her pussy is a privilege that I must earn, penetration (that I am no longer allowed) is a privilege of a higher level of course.

If I might make a couple suggestions: Understand the power of your sexuality and use it to reward him. Determine if he is masturbating and begin controlling his orgasms so that they are only allowed as rewards. After you discipline him, put him on your breast to “nurse” so that he associates that experience with soothing and nurturing from You.

 

[lehmankm]

Hello, and thank you for joining us!



It seems that by 'Gentle,' most are meaning that it involves fewer of the more extreme aspects of typical FemDom, and leans heavily in the direction of a more sensual style. Would you agree with that?

Yes, I agree. I am new to this and am more interested in the sensual and or romantic side or style.

 

[naughty_stories]

Something I've been wondering for a while... What's the difference between a woman who is sexually aggressive, and one who is dominant?

The first will kiss you because she wants kissed and the second will tell you to kiss her because she wants kissed.

 

[SPARTAN047]

Clever definition. I think I prefer the one who does things herself sometimes, but of course there are dominant women who take what they want.