Let's Talk About... Outing The Players

[Miles Long]

So many great posts on this thread! I've been around Lit off and on for many years (including the PG, though most regulars here now won't recognize me), and I think there have been stretches when the posts on a thread like this would not have been so reasoned and nuanced. I agree with the general consensus that the main problem is people lying and actively deceiving others, and sadly that is something that's a little bit easier to do to people online than in person. It's one of the reasons I always say in regards to people you meet online, until you're in the same room with someone you never really know. And now that I think about it, I actually have been in the same room with someone who later got outed as being a liar, and I did not see it coming! So maybe I should change my saying to well you just really never know.

I think when someone has a shitty experience, they have a right to acknowledge that experience and a right to be honest about it on the boards. That includes naming names. But that being said, we all also know there is the potential for people to make shit up. I have had friends here who have been the victims of terrible harassment and lies. I know there have been lies spread about me before, too. When that happens, it really sucks because then all of a sudden you're trying to prove a negative and good luck with that! All of which is to say, when we hear things about other people I think it's usually wise to take all things posted with a grain of salt, consider the sources to the extent that you can, and trust your gut. I've seen people outed for lying and deceitful behavior who absolutely should have been outed and deserved the resulting backlash that came their way. And I've also seen people falsely accused of things and had their names dragged through the e-mud. How do we strike a balance that does the first and not the second? I don't know if there is a way to do it easily. I suspect the answer probably includes more threads where women post pictures of their tits, but honestly at this point I'm just brainstorming. Together we can figure this out you guys.

 

[beachbaby179]

<snip> I suspect the answer probably includes more threads where women post pictures of their tits, but honestly at this point I'm just brainstorming. Together we can figure this out you guys.

Classic. I almost spit out my wine, and that would be criminal.

Get thee to Ampics and the Paired Pic thread, and put your name on the list! If you have no idea what I'm talking about, just GO!

 

[Deacon_Voss]

Yeah, I need to look a woman in her tits--I mean eyes damn it, to know if she's telling the truth

(I'm serious, I do)

 

[tolyk]

So many great posts on this thread! I've been around Lit off and on for many years (including the PG, though most regulars here now won't recognize me), and I think there have been stretches when the posts on a thread like this would not have been so reasoned and nuanced. I agree with the general consensus that the main problem is people lying and actively deceiving others, and sadly that is something that's a little bit easier to do to people online than in person. It's one of the reasons I always say in regards to people you meet online, until you're in the same room with someone you never really know. And now that I think about it, I actually have been in the same room with someone who later got outed as being a liar, and I did not see it coming! So maybe I should change my saying to well you just really never know.

I think when someone has a shitty experience, they have a right to acknowledge that experience and a right to be honest about it on the boards. That includes naming names. But that being said, we all also know there is the potential for people to make shit up. I have had friends here who have been the victims of terrible harassment and lies. I know there have been lies spread about me before, too. When that happens, it really sucks because then all of a sudden you're trying to prove a negative and good luck with that! All of which is to say, when we hear things about other people I think it's usually wise to take all things posted with a grain of salt, consider the sources to the extent that you can, and trust your gut. I've seen people outed for lying and deceitful behavior who absolutely should have been outed and deserved the resulting backlash that came their way. And I've also seen people falsely accused of things and had their names dragged through the e-mud. How do we strike a balance that does the first and not the second? I don't know if there is a way to do it easily. I suspect the answer probably includes more threads where women post pictures of their tits, but honestly at this point I'm just brainstorming. Together we can figure this out you guys.

I recognize you

 

[JennyNo1]

... I don't know if there is a way to do it easily. I suspect the answer probably includes more threads where women post pictures of their tits, but honestly at this point I'm just brainstorming. Together we can figure this out you guys.

*puts Miles' name on the list of people to receive a Paired Pics Girlcrush 2018 Calendar*

 

[Cymru6969]

All this fresh-popped popcorn and no names named.

Is it a double feature or another one-off?

 

[Jada59]

All this fresh-popped popcorn and no names named.

Is it a double feature or another one-off?

Dang! Now I want popcorn. And names! Someone PM me! Hehehe. Ah.. Just kidding about the names. But... I won't pitch a fit if you do accidentally PM me.

 

[PaulieJay]

Interesting idea for a thread - 'playerism' is most certainly a gender-neutral, equal opportunity passtime.

I no longer believe in monogamy in 'real' life, so I sure as hell don't believe in it here. The idea of flirting, carrying on with sexy talk and all that, is fun, but (AND THIS IS MY OWN OPINION, OKAY?) the whole Cyber thing about SOs, one-and-onlies, GF, BF whatever, is just patently absurd.

If you get to know somebody here, and use that chemistry to actually meet in person and something develops, that's when it gets real, and only then - the rest is daydreams.

So I finally got around rop reading a few posts here & there what's stated above pretty much describes my feeling about this & this place. I recently returned to Lit mainly out of boredom but I had very low expectations & I see things haven't changed much. I've met many & try to be cool with all & yes even try to extend the fun to one on one but never have I played the exclusive card, no offense but that's just weird to me. The "playerism" I've experienced here deals with dudes pretending to be women, the high school type clique-ish behavior, & the general "mean girl" ghosting from peeps. I'm just here for adult internet fun no expectations of finding the luv of my life or hording all the women for myself. I actually live of fantasies IRL sometimes so I don't need them here or the games, sucks that's there's weaklings that need to do that to others in cybersland that's so lame

 

[LostGirlTink]

I’m kinda disappointed this hasn’t lead up to a big reveal.
I mean I already know... but I knew how titanic ended and I watched that too....

 

[CleverCowardice]

I guess a question you have to ask yourself is: what's my social responsibility? If you don't feel you owe anyone in the community a heads up, then there's no reason to say anything; you had to learn things the hard way and, fuck 'em, they'll have to do the same. But if you have friends here, if there are people you genuinely care about that are still in the zone of danger... If you see something, or, in this case, experience something, then you should maybe say something. Whether or not anyone heeds your warning or it's just dismissed, chalked up to hurt feelings, petty vindictiveness, a crazy overreaction to something that's not "real life," or even a complete fabrication of bullshit designed to malign someone who wouldn't give you the attention you desired or refused to acquiesce to demands for photos/videos/sex, you did your best to help anyone who'd listen.

Now, I would never say anything, but I'm a self-serving asshole who doesn't give a fuck about other people. I mean, if I see an unattended package on the subway but I'm getting off in a moment anyway...well, look, odds are pretty good that some frazzled single mother was so preoccupied with corralling her litter of obnoxious sprogs that, much to her utter despair, she simply forget her box of therapeutic, sanity-saving dildos when she departed. As such, the outcome will be nothing more dire than that woman sitting in the shower, in the dark, drinking a bottle of wine by herself and sobbing uncontrollably until blissful unconsciousness claims her. A tragedy in its own way, to be sure, but at least nobody died - though, those children will probably want to keep the noise level to a minimum in the morning if there's to be any hope of the death count remaining at zero. But if that's not the case, if that mystery package isn't a (mostly) harmless box of rubber cocks, then good luck to everyone else, because I ain't sayin' shit.

What was this thread about again?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Miles likes my thread.




NO NAMES!

 

[NeonSubtlety]

I think it creates a slippery slope whereby any ‘private’ communication is open to public scrutiny. Granted, I don’t know about the context from which this thread was borne. But, while I’m not the least bit worried that I’d ever be accused of being a player, I’m terrified that my desperate/drunken attempts at flirtation would be exposed and publicly ridiculed, hah. (Please don’t...pretty please)

 

[CleverCowardice]

See, with people like clevercowardice and miles long you always know what you’re getting. Just straight up tits and dildos. I might even hang around for that.

I shall fill a ball pit with tits and dildos for you, wherein you may swim till your heart's content and your pretty face is whipped raw by perky nipples and jelly dongs, if only you'll agree to stick around. (And even if you don't stay, I'm still going to take a moment to enjoy that mental image.)

 

[Jada59]

I guess a question you have to ask yourself is: what's my social responsibility? If you don't feel you owe anyone in the community a heads up, then there's no reason to say anything; you had to learn things the hard way and, fuck 'em, they'll have to do the same. But if you have friends here, if there are people you genuinely care about that are still in the zone of danger... If you see something, or, in this case, experience something, then you should maybe say something. Whether or not anyone heeds your warning or it's just dismissed, chalked up to hurt feelings, petty vindictiveness, a crazy overreaction to something that's not "real life," or even a complete fabrication of bullshit designed to malign someone who wouldn't give you the attention you desired or refused to acquiesce to demands for photos/videos/sex, you did your best to help anyone who'd listen.

Now, I would never say anything, but I'm a self-serving asshole who doesn't give a fuck about other people. I mean, if I see an unattended package on the subway but I'm getting off in a moment anyway...well, look, odds are pretty good that some frazzled single mother was so preoccupied with corralling her litter of obnoxious sprogs that, much to her utter despair, she simply forget her box of therapeutic, sanity-saving dildos when she departed. As such, the outcome will be nothing more dire than that woman sitting in the shower, in the dark, drinking a bottle of wine by herself and sobbing uncontrollably until blissful unconsciousness claims her. A tragedy in its own way, to be sure, but at least nobody died - though, those children will probably want to keep the noise level to a minimum in the morning if there's to be any hope of the death count remaining at zero. But if that's not the case, if that mystery package isn't a (mostly) harmless box of rubber cocks, then good luck to everyone else, because I ain't sayin' shit.

What was this thread about again?

Popcorn. It was about popcorn. I prefer the kind with no hulls. No butter. Just sea salt.

 

[Jada59]

See, with people like clevercowardice and miles long you always know what you’re getting. Just straight up tits and dildos. I might even hang around for that.

Miles rocks!

 

[Jada59]

I think it creates a slippery slope whereby any ‘private’ communication is open to public scrutiny. Granted, I don’t know about the context from which this thread was borne. But, while I’m not the least bit worried that I’d ever be accused of being a player, I’m terrified that my desperate/drunken attempts at flirtation would be exposed and publicly ridiculed, hah. (Please don’t...pretty please)

People PM me all the time. What we say in PMs stays between us. Not cool to pass that stuff on!

 

[Jakevillines]

Classic. I almost spit out my wine, and that would be criminal.

Get thee to Ampics and the Paired Pic thread, and put your name on the list! If you have no idea what I'm talking about, just GO!

Lol. Love the ideas.

 

[Jakevillines]

So many great posts on this thread! I've been around Lit off and on for many years (including the PG, though most regulars here now won't recognize me), and I think there have been stretches when the posts on a thread like this would not have been so reasoned and nuanced. I agree with the general consensus that the main problem is people lying and actively deceiving others, and sadly that is something that's a little bit easier to do to people online than in person. It's one of the reasons I always say in regards to people you meet online, until you're in the same room with someone you never really know. And now that I think about it, I actually have been in the same room with someone who later got outed as being a liar, and I did not see it coming! So maybe I should change my saying to well you just really never know.

I think when someone has a shitty experience, they have a right to acknowledge that experience and a right to be honest about it on the boards. That includes naming names. But that being said, we all also know there is the potential for people to make shit up. I have had friends here who have been the victims of terrible harassment and lies. I know there have been lies spread about me before, too. When that happens, it really sucks because then all of a sudden you're trying to prove a negative and good luck with that! All of which is to say, when we hear things about other people I think it's usually wise to take all things posted with a grain of salt, consider the sources to the extent that you can, and trust your gut. I've seen people outed for lying and deceitful behavior who absolutely should have been outed and deserved the resulting backlash that came their way. And I've also seen people falsely accused of things and had their names dragged through the e-mud. How do we strike a balance that does the first and not the second? I don't know if there is a way to do it easily. I suspect the answer probably includes more threads where women post pictures of their tits, but honestly at this point I'm just brainstorming. Together we can figure this out you guys.

You are so right about so much.

 

[HBergeron]

In RL or online, people are pretty much the same. Good people are good people, assholes are assholes and players are players. The anonymity does lend a bit more boldness, but seriously: I just don't think you can take this 'cyber love' shit that seriously. I've made wonderful, very real friends here, and that has a high value to me, but as far as finding true, being 'in-love' love - I'm sorry, but except in very rare instances (and I do know of one where the parties met a number of times and then one relocated to be with the other), that sentiment belongs in the same corner of the brain where you pack away all your princess and unicorn stories.

Seems like I should probably put a smiley face here:

 

[barefootgirl69]

In RL or online, people are pretty much the same. Good people are good people, assholes are assholes and players are players. The anonymity does lend a bit more boldness, but seriously: I just don't think you can take this 'cyber love' shit that seriously. I've made wonderful, very real friends here, and that has a high value to me, but as far as finding true, being 'in-love' love - I'm sorry, but except in very rare instances (and I do know of one where the parties met a number of times and then one relocated to be with the other), that sentiment belongs in the same corner of the brain where you pack away all your princess and unicorn stories.

Seems like I should probably put a smiley face here:

Excuse me, Mr. Bergeron... nobody puts princesses and unicorns in the corner! *stomps foot*

Though it sounds very sensible, you can't put emotions in a box. Everyone is different.

That being said, sometimes one isn't a player so much as the other person has unrealistic expectations. I'm sure there has been times on Lit where that has happened.

 

[Farawyn]

In RL or online, people are pretty much the same. Good people are good people, assholes are assholes and players are players. The anonymity does lend a bit more boldness, but seriously: I just don't think you can take this 'cyber love' shit that seriously. I've made wonderful, very real friends here, and that has a high value to me, but as far as finding true, being 'in-love' love - I'm sorry, but except in very rare instances (and I do know of one where the parties met a number of times and then one relocated to be with the other), that sentiment belongs in the same corner of the brain where you pack away all your princess and unicorn stories.

Seems like I should probably put a smiley face here:

*coughs*

Cyber love doesn’t work out because everyone is busy being married to someone else.

Yeah. People do meet on Lit and move to be with each other.
I’ll personally vouch for that.

 

[Jada59]

*coughs*

Cyber love doesn’t work out because everyone is busy being married to someone else.

Yeah. People do meet on Lit and move to be with each other.
I’ll personally vouch for that.

I would have to say that it depends on your definition of love. Me? I love a lot of people but that doesn't mean I'm *in* love with them.

I'm also not married.

 

[Farawyn]

I would have to say that it depends on your definition of love. Me? I love a lot of people but that doesn't mean I'm *in* love with them.

I'm also not married.

I was mostly responding to H. and his assertion that it doesn’t work out. It does, and now he can say he’s heard of it happening.

 

[Farawyn]

In RL or online, people are pretty much the same. Good people are good people, assholes are assholes and players are players. The anonymity does lend a bit more boldness, but seriously: I just don't think you can take this 'cyber love' shit that seriously. I've made wonderful, very real friends here, and that has a high value to me, but as far as finding true, being 'in-love' love - I'm sorry, but except in very rare instances (and I do know of one where the parties met a number of times and then one relocated to be with the other), that sentiment belongs in the same corner of the brain where you pack away all your princess and unicorn stories.

Seems like I should probably put a smiley face here:

Also, you’re talking about compartmentalization. Tuck your emotions away in a box until they are more convenient.
Not everyone can do that, because when someone says they feel that way, “RL” or online, it should be sincere. Meaning, it permeates.
It’s not about (mostly) the woman tucking in her feelings so she doesn’t have to be messy about them.
Men (mostly) need to be more cognizant of this: when you say you’re special, I love you, you’re the one, we fucking BELIEVE it.

Remember...the women here talk. So, if a guy is doing that, he’s gonna get outed sooner or later.
You reap what you sow.

 

[Farawyn]

Victim blaming on point, right there.

Seems like your smiley face hides a mean streak. Mine hides nothing.