Let's talk about sex baby...

[beachbaby179]

#104. We have all seen and read the posts on here, where someone gets burned by another litster. What does one have to do to gain your trust? What’s the best way to ensure they are who they say they are? Is there a way to 100% protect yourself? Or are you the type to just accept people as they say they are and not give a damn?

I don't trust easily. At all. But i do consider myself a good judge of character. If you're here on lit and I trust you with personal details about myself, then we've known each other a while and I consider you a friend. I may be odd in that I don't differentiate between online friends and real life friends. I have acquaintances here, and I keep them at arms length. I have friends who know much (sometimes too much) about me.

So far I've only been burned once, and I've been here for five years. Not too bad. There is no iron clad way to protect yourself here, just like there isn't in real life. But you miss out on a lot of good people here if you don't put yourself out there a little bit.

 

[suckonsimon]

.... But you miss out on a lot of good people here if you don't put yourself out there a little bit.

Total agreement with that, bb. Though I am conscious that it's different, and more so, for the lasses than the lads. Or is it? One of the strange things about Lit forums is that there are men who studiously avoid any kind of friendship with other men and I guess that puts them in a more vulnerable position as loners. I mean, if I get belittled by some woman I have dudes on here with whom I can shit about her, frankly, and I am CERTAIN the girls do that with each other! And long may they!

Me? I got a message on another forum - OK I'll come clean and tell you it was Craigslist - a message which read, "You really are a tit of a guy aren't you". You know what? It made me smile. Knowing myself, and knowing how people tend to feel about me. Let's none of us take one person's 'take' on us too seriously, eh? That way we can walk tall amid all the dross.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

#1 i've all seen and read the posts on here, where someone getting burned by another litster. What does one have to do to gain your trust? What’s the best way to ensure they are who they say they are? Is there a way to 100% protect yourself? Or are you the type to just accept people as they say they are and not give a damn?

Gaining my trust takes time, involves a mutual sharing of our lives, and a commitment to investing in the relationship to an appropriate degree relative to the nature of the friendship.

Ensuring they're not fakes? As far as their actual I.D., I usually know enough personal info about my good friends to find them online. Lucky for them i have an approval fetish and i would never risk the friendship by showing up unannounced or uninvited. As far as their intent? I'm pretty good at reading people, and if they smell *off,* I back away in a hurry. I can't afford to waste my energy on people I can't depend on.

Nope, no foolproof way to avoid getting hurt. You just have to determine how much you're willing to risk.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

#104. We have all seen and read the posts on here, where someone gets burned by another litster. What does one have to do to gain your trust? What’s the best way to ensure they are who they say they are? Is there a way to 100% protect yourself? Or are you the type to just accept people as they say they are and not give a damn?

Only way to 100% protect yourself is to don't trust anyone. If we think they're worth the risk, then give them a try

 

[13Fantasies]

#103 prompts me to ask some questions. They are about rape. OK, horrendous. But my questions are very specific:

Guys who are lovers, can you even imagine having the capability to be erect in a situation where you know the woman does not want you sexually? Am I unusual among men, in knowing that I would go flaccid in the situation of attempting sex with someone who didn't want it? IS there a "potential rapist in every man"? Or is that just not true at all?

100% agree. Rape is just not erotic.

 

[13Fantasies]

#104. We have all seen and read the posts on here, where someone gets burned by another litster. What does one have to do to gain your trust? What’s the best way to ensure they are who they say they are? Is there a way to 100% protect yourself? Or are you the type to just accept people as they say they are and not give a damn?

Be honest. Be communicative.

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt like I hope they do me.

If someone burns me or tries to beat me down, especially publicly, I try to ignore it.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

#103 prompts me to ask some questions. They are about rape. OK, horrendous. But my questions are very specific:

Guys who are lovers, can you even imagine having the capability to be erect in a situation where you know the woman does not want you sexually? Am I unusual among men, in knowing that I would go flaccid in the situation of attempting sex with someone who didn't want it? IS there a "potential rapist in every man"? Or is that just not true at all?

Are you talking about Consensual Non-Consent (NCN)? I have a couple of things to say about that.

With regards to reenacting an actual previous instance of rape, it is my understanding that it can be cathartic for some to relive and 'recode' the experience with a trusted friend, and as a rape survivor myself, i have found this to be true. Of course YMMV.

Secondly, there are experiences that appeal to me on some level, but that I could never allow myself to openly 'want,' let alone ask for. But a partner who knows me well enough to know some of my more private kinks would be able to help me experience them by providing for me the illusion that the power of choice has been taken out of my hands. In this case, CNC can be very erotic. Intoxicating, really.

It's important to emphasize that both of these scenarios are absolutely consensual on my part. It is the nature of a power exchange dynamic that I 'give permission' to my partner(s) to behave the way that they do, that I want them to, and that either of us can call a stop to the action at any time. It isn't actual rape, or non-consent. It's intense, it's bonding, and it's very very hot.

 

[suckonsimon]

Are you talking about Consensual Non-Consent (NCN)? I have a couple of things to say about that.

With regards to reenacting an actual previous instance of rape, it is my understanding that it can be cathartic for some to relive and 'recode' the experience with a trusted friend, and as a rape survivor myself, i have found this to be true. Of course YMMV.

Secondly, there are experiences that appeal to me on some level, but that I could never allow myself to openly 'want,' let alone ask for. But a partner who knows me well enough to know some of my more private kinks would be able to help me experience them by providing for me the illusion that the power of choice has been taken out of my hands. In this case, CNC can be very erotic. Intoxicating, really.

It's important to emphasize that both of these scenarios are absolutely consensual on my part. It is the nature of a power exchange dynamic that I 'give permission' to my partner(s) to behave the way that they do, that I want them to, and that either of us can call a stop to the action at any time. It isn't actual rape, or non-consent. It's intense, it's bonding, and it's very very hot.

Honey, wonderful that you've shared so deep with this. Thank you!

You prompt me to think of two situations in my own experience limited as you know to loving sex within marriage. For some while in early years my woman made it very clear to me that what I did to her with my fingers and mouth was foreplay only and for her own reasons she didn't want to go the distance with me doing that. Time came when I judged that, despite her urgent objections, if I carried on and took her through that psychological barrier she would love it. I judged right. But I do confess that there was an intense thrill, for me, taking her on to an intense explosion of climax in a manner against her previously stated wishes and in the face of a mix of fury and loss of control on her part. I did it because I knew it would be great for her to get 'past that', and I knew that deeper than the shock for her was her real trust in me as the lover she was delighted to have found.

Another less challenging instance of that kind of thrill for me is when in the build towards and explosion for her she's replaced the more typical "Yes, YES" sort of verbal, with an urgent and staccato "No, No, oo No" which signals some kind of fear of the intensity of what is going to overwhelm her.

So ... I've enjoyed revisiting that stuff! Thanks!

 

[IhateClowns]

#105. Do you prefer sex with the lights on or off? With or without music? Do you prefer the bedroom or somewhere else? Do you want your partner to be vocal or do you want to just hear nature sounds. What’s the perfect sexual scenario in your mind?

 

[lakesailer_mi]

#105. Do you prefer sex with the lights on or off? With or without music? Do you prefer the bedroom or somewhere else? Do you want your partner to be vocal or do you want to just hear nature sounds. What’s the perfect sexual scenario in your mind?

There is no "perfect." The perfect scenario changes with each mood and every day.

That soft early morning light is beautiful, that twilight as the sun is just brightening the sky. Not too harsh, letting me just see the beauty of her soft skin as our bodies intertwine. Her soft whispers and moans conveying the messages that guide my touch, that tell me how I excite, arouse and entice her. My soft whispers of sweet nothings in her ear, and hers in mine.


Or completely quiet in the dark. Our hands exploring, silently conveying those sweet nothings without sound or sight. The sounds of nature, rain, wind, or just the soft sounds of a silent house the only noises as our bodies meld naturally, only our touch conveying everything. Only our coupling needed to feel everything.

There is no perfect....each time is sweetly different.

 

[Endless_Night]

#105. Do you prefer sex with the lights on or off? With or without music? Do you prefer the bedroom or somewhere else? Do you want your partner to be vocal or do you want to just hear nature sounds. What’s the perfect sexual scenario in your mind?

In contrast to Lake I am going to be brief.

- Off.
- Uhhh….N/A
- It is possible that I might be vocal enough for two.
- D/s. (You are just going to have to wonder about the details.)

Hmmm. Not really as brief as planned.

Succinct is just so not my thing.

 

[Trekka]

#105. Do you prefer sex with the lights on or off? With or without music? Do you prefer the bedroom or somewhere else? Do you want your partner to be vocal or do you want to just hear nature sounds. What’s the perfect sexual scenario in your mind?

Lights dimmed. Mood lighting.

Music for sure!

Anywhere

Perfect sexual scenario du jour involves a luxury hotel room, room service, and a couple of my nearest n dearest

 

[suckonsimon]

#105. Do you prefer sex with the lights on or off? With or without music? Do you prefer the bedroom or somewhere else? Do you want your partner to be vocal or do you want to just hear nature sounds. What’s the perfect sexual scenario in your mind?

The visual is a big part of the pleasure for me. Seeing her, and seeing myself frankly. OK warm mood lighting rather than bright. That said, naked and busy in sunlight streaming in the window [or outdoor summer sex] is delightful. Lights off and curtains wide open on a moonlit night is very special too; the subtlety of the shadows on the curves of a woman moving gently is very stirring!

We make the music! and we make the rhythm thank you!

The right bed at the right height with space around it, mirrors, and at least an easy chair of some sort in the room all makes the bedroom ideal, but no means all in or on the bed. Ensuite with a superb shower and it's a nirvana situation.

That said, a living room with a wood-burning stove with a good front window gives a delicious atmosphere and lighting effect, and there's something special about a really sturdy settee in terms of the variety of positions. Such as: stand-up doggie behind it, her resting on the back of it, mutating to tumble-onto-it doggie to spooning to rolling off onto the rug kind a fun is fun!

Another room a couple together need to fuck in is their own kitchen, for the kink potential of it.

Oh vocal. As long as the understanding is no faking. But vocal is about commentary on each other, and expression of wants, as well as the abandon to the wild cries of build and orgasm.

Perfect setting? country cottage holiday, preferably quite far south in France. Each room and also the private courtyard having its own special fuckattraction in terms of furnishings and ambience. Do I speak from experience? You guessed right.

 

[IhateClowns]

#106. Are you a fan of Valentine’s Day? Does it bother you if you’re single? Do you and your partner celebrate it or is it just another day to you?

 

[cowslinger64]

#106. Are you a fan of Valentine’s Day? Does it bother you if you’re single? Do you and your partner celebrate it or is it just another day to you?

I'll be taking my beautiful wife to have a really nice dinner at a favorite Italian place.. I got her and I matching embroidered sherpa throws and I would venture to say she'll get flowers too.

It matters to me.. but I'm amazing.

 

[Little_Sister]

I'll be taking my beautiful wife to have a really nice dinner at a favorite Italian place.. I got her and I matching embroidered sherpa throws and I would venture to say she'll get flowers too.

It matters to me.. but I'm amazing.

Awww. Love this.



We don't do valentines. Especially mid-week the kiddos still have all of their stuff.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

#106. Are you a fan of Valentine’s Day? Does it bother you if you’re single? Do you and your partner celebrate it or is it just another day to you?

I'm not particularly a fan, as I think it is often over commercialized and sometimes feels forced. That said, I have always endeavored to make sure I do something reasonably romantic. I always purchase at least two cards: one funny, one more romantic and sappy. (This year, I found three... ).
I always purchase the candy that is "ours." It's nothing fancy, but she gave me one the second time we talked and so I always give her one.
After that, it just depends.

Most years, due to kids, we have made dinner at home. But we usually cook it together. We have a special dinner that we found many years ago and we make that. It is fun, and we drink wine. Regardless of what night of the week it is.

This year, due to other obligations, we will break tradition and get some Chinese take out early. But that's OK.

 

[justasimplegirl]

#106. Are you a fan of Valentine’s Day? Does it bother you if you’re single? Do you and your partner celebrate it or is it just another day to you?

I'm not a fan. Single or not, it just annoys me. *shrugs*

 

[*Twisted*]

Seems to me if your with somebody you should show appreciation every day. If you're not you don't need a holiday to make you feel guilty about that fact.

 

[hotwords229_A]

I'm not a fan. Single or not, it just annoys me. *shrugs*

*sneaks a valentine into JSG's Paper Bag Valentine Holder that reads "UR CUTE!"*

 

[HBergeron]

#106. Are you a fan of Valentine’s Day? Does it bother you if you’re single? Do you and your partner celebrate it or is it just another day to you?

It's fine. As an avowed 'born again' single, it doesn't bother me in the least.
When pair-bonded or married, I always made a big deal about it, but it depended on where in the relationship we were, BUT if the relationship wasn't all but over, I would attempt to make a decent showing at best..

 

[numeniusa]

#106. Are you a fan of Valentine’s Day? Does it bother you if you’re single? Do you and your partner celebrate it or is it just another day to you?

I think it's over-commercialised. My man and I don't do anything to celebrate it, but going out to dinner together is something we do often in any case, so... One year we accidentally had a Valentine's dinner in a little hotel/restaurant on the north coast of France on the last night of a skiing holiday, and all the hearts and flowers everywhere just made me feel uncomfortable. The free chocolates were very good, though.

I'm a big fan of "Steak and Blowjob Day", however.

 

[suckonsimon]

Happy Valentines, I say, to the lovely lasses of Lit, and, yeah the lads too.

My woman and I exchange cards in bed in the morning, and over the years we've developed a pattern of writing something uniquely special about each other to each other. That's it. And it's lovely. Beyond that, normal day, and we don't need something 'external' like the hype of it, to determine whether we make love this day or not. Likely not this year as happens, and that's no big deal at all.

 

[Endless_Night]

It’s a neutral on my list, single or not. It’s always a nice surprise to be gifted with a little trinket, bauble, or flowers. But I’m certainly not going to get my nose bent out of joint if it passes unnoticed.

I know it’s the standard, but I refuse to go out to eat. It’s one of those holidays where the restaurants are packed with people. No. Just no.


This year I was surprised with roses. Four dozen!

Very sweet. And a man of strange tastes as I am nearly impossible to live with.

 

[suckonsimon]

...
This year I was surprised with roses. Four dozen!

Very sweet. And a man of strange tastes as I am nearly impossible to live with.

Oops. I spent 99 pence on the card for my wife. And left the price on which she peeled off with a vengeance! No flowers. I guess that would mean bad book treatment from many a woman ...