LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Let's tickle the funny bones :)

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather
the building materials for his home.

She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow
full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think
the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...

'I think the man would have said - 'I'll be a son of a bitch!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room.
 
A blond goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs.
The sign says:'SEX FROGS' Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions.

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll take one!'
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!'
The blond nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise, NOTHING happens! The blond is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.'
So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blond welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares into its eyes and STERNLY says:


"Now, listen to me!
I'm only going to show you how to do this ONE ... MORE .... TIME!!!"
 
WolfsButterfly said:
A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather
the building materials for his home.

She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow
full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think
the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly...

'I think the man would have said - 'I'll be a son of a bitch!! A talking pig!'

The teacher had to leave the room.
Click to expand...
LMAO ...
 
WolfsButterfly said:
A blond goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs.
The sign says:'SEX FROGS' Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions.

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll take one!'
As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!'
The blond nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise, NOTHING happens! The blond is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.'
So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blond welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares into its eyes and STERNLY says:


"Now, listen to me!
I'm only going to show you how to do this ONE ... MORE .... TIME!!!"
Click to expand...
wow...lovely one..LOL...wish I was that frog !! LOL.
 
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
 
This guy is walking with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist. He says to this friend, "I'm a walking economy."

The friend asks, "How so?"

"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"
 
Woman has Man in it.

Mrs. has Mr. in it.

Female has Male in it.

She has He in it.

Madam has Adam in it.

No wonder men always want to be inside women!

Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman...

Why?

BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME
 
The irony of a blow job is that even if you have her at your feet she's got you by the balls.
 
Here are a few Quotes from the Perfect Woman. Please feel free to add from your side in the comments.

1. "I'll swallow it all...I just love the taste!"

2. "Are you sure you've had enough beer?"

3. "I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!"

4. "Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tawnee over for a threesome!"

5. "If I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!"

6. "I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?"

7. "You're so sexy when you're hung over."

8. "I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping."

9. "Let's subscribe to Hustler."

10. "Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"

11. "Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses."

12. "I'll be out painting the house."

13. "I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday, too."

14. "Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!"

15. "I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house."

16. "No, no, I'll take the car to have the oil changed."

17. "Your mother did a great job raising you."

18. "Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself new clubs."

19. "I understand fully. Our anniversary comes every year for God's sake. You go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever."

20. "Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?"

21. "Not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!"

22. "Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8."

23. "You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings."

24. "That was a great fart! Do another one!"

25. "I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for ya."
 
What did one leg of a woman tell the other:
UNITED we are saved, Divided we are Fucked.
 
Always marry a woman with small palms.
It makes your dick look bigger!
 
Harry, a golfing enthusiast if there ever was one, arrived home from the club to an irate, ranting wife.

"I'm leaving you, Harry," his wife announced bitterly. "You promised me faithfully that you'd be back before six and here it is almost nine. It just can't take that long to play 18 holes of golf."

"Honey, wait," said Harry. "Let me explain. I know what I promised you, but I have a very good reason for being late. Fred and I tee'd off right on time and everything was fine for the first three holes. Then, on the fourth tee Fred had a stroke. I ran back to the clubhouse but couldn't find a doctor. And, by the time I got back to Fred, he was dead. So, for the next 15 holes, it was hit the ball, drag Fred, hit the ball, drag Fred...
 
Question. Why was the Bikini invented?

Answer. To prevent contact between Hairy section from Dairy section.
 
Nice poem...LOL

All over the bed we did roam
I swear from my mouth I did foam
I was just fit to pop
When we both had to stop..
As a voice said "Hey honey, I'm home!!"
 
Question. How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer. Three, one to get on the chair, one to hold the chair, and the other to drive them back to Bristol.
 
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