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Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.

The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.

This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a pinata?"
 
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Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss.

Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know if they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss!

Gently she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break,the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again,and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."
 
A pastor was writing a sermon about sex

but he was a very shy man, especially when it came to taboo topics. While the sermon was intended to tell his congregation about how sex is important to a healthy marriage, he just couldn't bring himself to actually write the word "sex". Instead, he just decided to use the letter "S" in his written notes.

The pastor's wife came in and saw him working. When she asked him what the "S" in his sermon notes stood for, the pastor nervously blurted out "SAILING, It's about sailing!"

The next Sunday, the wife unfortunately had to visit her sick mother, so she missed the pastor's sermon. The pastor started his sermon, and was pretty nervous, but as he preached, he got more and more comfortable about the topic of sex. His congregation loved the sermon and thought that he did a wonderful job teaching of the important of sex in a marriage.

The next day, the wife ran into some of people of the congregation. They told her what a wonderful sermon her husband had performed the day before. The wife, baffled, said "Wow, that's a bit unexpected. He's only ever done it twice, and both times he went overboard!"
 
A man went into a bar and ordered a beer. There was a woman at the other end of the bar and she got up and came over and sat down beside him.

I'll do anything you want for a hundred dollars, she said.

The man thought about it and said, paint my house.




I'll be here all week. :D
 
Driving across the country, a man came upon a priest and a rabbi standing on the shoulder of the road, fishing.

Next to them was a sign that read "Turn around. The end is near." The driver didn't like to be preached to, so he rolled down the window and yelled, "Mind your own business, you religious nuts!"


A few seconds later the two men fishing heard tires screech, then a splash.
The rabbi turned to the priest and said, "I told you we should've just written, 'Bridge closed.' "
 
The greatest truck driver in the world was driving along a country lane late one night when

his truck broke down. All he could see was a faint light in the distance. So he headed towards it. He came to an old farmhouse and knocked on the door.

"Hello," he says, "I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and my truck is broken down. I wonder could I have a bed for the night?"
"Well," says the farmer, "there's only two rooms, myself and the wife in one, and my young daughter in the other."

"Look, I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and all I want is a bed for the night, your daughter will be as safe as a house," says the greatest truck driver in the world.

"All right," says the farmer, and they all went to bed.

At four in the morning, the farmer heard the headboard next door banging against the wall. He got up and looked in, there was the greatest truck driver in the world driving it into his daughter, with his bare ass going up and down.

The farmer went down stairs and loaded the shotgun. He snuck into the room and shoved the shotgun up the greatest truck driver in the world's asshole.

"All right," he says, "if you're the greatest truck driver in the world, try and reverse out of there with a full load."
 
Vladimir Putin was practicing a eulogy speech for an assassinated Russian politician in front of a mirror...

(ahem) "He was a dear patriot and credit to the Motherland, whom I personally adored as a friend and colleague. I vow, as leader of Russia, to find the culprits responsible for this vicious murder..."

Putin then stopped and turned to his aide. "Are you sure this strikes the right tone, Yuri? I mean, in terms of timing? I've been a bit preoccupied, so remind me, when was he killed?"

After a few moments consulting his ipad, the aide replies, "Next week, sir."
 
a picture of the Lion Monument on my trip to Lucern,Switzerland

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