SunnyDays1
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Lit🌎World ©️ sunny 🌞 days 1 thread her thread
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Doing what is right
While I was strolling around the harbor this morning about 11 am. I noticed a terrorist who slipped from the bridge and fell into the water.
He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn't get help he would surely drown.
Being a responsible citizen and abiding by the law of the land that require you to help those in distress, I notified the Police, Coastguard, Immigration office and even the Fire Department.
It is now 4 PM, the terrorist has drowned and none of the authorities have responded.
I'm starting to think I wasted 4 stamps!
While I was strolling around the harbor this morning about 11 am. I noticed a terrorist who slipped from the bridge and fell into the water.
He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn't get help he would surely drown.
Being a responsible citizen and abiding by the law of the land that require you to help those in distress, I notified the Police, Coastguard, Immigration office and even the Fire Department.
It is now 4 PM, the terrorist has drowned and none of the authorities have responded.
I'm starting to think I wasted 4 stamps!
SunnyDays1
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Three KGB inspectors decide visit a Siberian prison
They decide to check on three young prisioners who started working recently but were put in prison, and ask them some questions.
The first inspector asks the first prisoner: "How did you get in here?
He answers: "For the past week my clock would wake me up early so I came into work early, they accused me of being a spy and put me in here.
The second inspector asks the second prisoner the same thing.
He answers:"For the past week my clock would always wake me up late, so I came into work late, the accused me of a sabotage attempt and locked me in here."
The third inspector asks the third prisoner the same thing.
He answers: "For the past week my clock would always wake me up on time, so I always came to work on time."
Inspector: "And...?"
Prisoner: "So they accused me of smuggling the clock here from the west."
They decide to check on three young prisioners who started working recently but were put in prison, and ask them some questions.
The first inspector asks the first prisoner: "How did you get in here?
He answers: "For the past week my clock would wake me up early so I came into work early, they accused me of being a spy and put me in here.
The second inspector asks the second prisoner the same thing.
He answers:"For the past week my clock would always wake me up late, so I came into work late, the accused me of a sabotage attempt and locked me in here."
The third inspector asks the third prisoner the same thing.
He answers: "For the past week my clock would always wake me up on time, so I always came to work on time."
Inspector: "And...?"
Prisoner: "So they accused me of smuggling the clock here from the west."
SunnyDays1
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A deaf-mute guy goes into a pharmacy to buy some condoms.
After looking around the shop for a while and being unable to spot what he wants, he goes up to the counter and signs to the pharmacist, who only looks at him in mild bewilderment. The deaf-mute pats his pockets for a pencil and paper only to realize that he's come out without any, and he resorts to increasingly basic sign language with no success.
Eventually, in exasperation, he has a quick look around to make sure no-one's coming into the shop, places a $5 bill on the counter, unzips, and slaps his dick down next to it. The pharmacist shrugs, puts down $5 of his own, unzips, slaps down a rather larger dick and then picks up the money.
As the deaf-mute begins to jump up and down and shake his fist, the pharmacist just shrugs: "Fella, if you're gonna get sore when you lose, you shouldn't oughtta bet!".
After looking around the shop for a while and being unable to spot what he wants, he goes up to the counter and signs to the pharmacist, who only looks at him in mild bewilderment. The deaf-mute pats his pockets for a pencil and paper only to realize that he's come out without any, and he resorts to increasingly basic sign language with no success.
Eventually, in exasperation, he has a quick look around to make sure no-one's coming into the shop, places a $5 bill on the counter, unzips, and slaps his dick down next to it. The pharmacist shrugs, puts down $5 of his own, unzips, slaps down a rather larger dick and then picks up the money.
As the deaf-mute begins to jump up and down and shake his fist, the pharmacist just shrugs: "Fella, if you're gonna get sore when you lose, you shouldn't oughtta bet!".
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Bud_Spencer
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My name is Bud, and I approve this message
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A woman, about to undergo an IRS audit, asked her accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let them think you are a pauper".
Then she asked her legal counsel the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your finest attire".
Utterly confused at this point, she went to her rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of her dilemma. "Let me tell you a story" replied the rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel'".
The woman protested "Rabbi, what does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?" "Don't you see? It doesn't matter what you wear my dear! Either way, the results will be the same".....
Then she asked her legal counsel the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your finest attire".
Utterly confused at this point, she went to her rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of her dilemma. "Let me tell you a story" replied the rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel'".
The woman protested "Rabbi, what does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?" "Don't you see? It doesn't matter what you wear my dear! Either way, the results will be the same".....
SunnyDays1
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A handsome man is on a nudist beach.
His only article of clothing was a hat covering his family jewels. An ugly woman walked by and looked at the naked man.
"If you are a gentleman, you would raise your hat to a lady." She said.
The handsome man replied, "If you were attractive, the hat would raise itself."
His only article of clothing was a hat covering his family jewels. An ugly woman walked by and looked at the naked man.
"If you are a gentleman, you would raise your hat to a lady." She said.
The handsome man replied, "If you were attractive, the hat would raise itself."
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A man was on a ship that sunk, and after floating for days he washed up on a deserted island....
He was stranded for many years on this island, but fortunately food was easy to come by. Fruits and vegetables grew abundantly all over the island, and the fish were so easy to catch it was almost like they wanted to be caught. Unfortunately, this meant that he had hours and hours of free time that quickly became boring, so to fill the space he began masturbating as much as he could, and life was bearable.
But after 14 years, he began struggling to get an erection. He kept trying to masturbate anyway, but after a handful of feeble attempts, he stopped and just sadly watched the horizon for hours a day.
Then after a few a days of this, he sees a boat coming his way and he says to himself, "Oh my God a boat! This is fantastic! I'm finally getting rescued after all these years! And I bet there's women on that boat! And when they hear I haven't been laid for 14 years, they'll be dying to sleep with me!" At that thought, his dick starts getting hard, and he grabs it and shouts, "Ha! Gotcha! There's no boat!"
He was stranded for many years on this island, but fortunately food was easy to come by. Fruits and vegetables grew abundantly all over the island, and the fish were so easy to catch it was almost like they wanted to be caught. Unfortunately, this meant that he had hours and hours of free time that quickly became boring, so to fill the space he began masturbating as much as he could, and life was bearable.
But after 14 years, he began struggling to get an erection. He kept trying to masturbate anyway, but after a handful of feeble attempts, he stopped and just sadly watched the horizon for hours a day.
Then after a few a days of this, he sees a boat coming his way and he says to himself, "Oh my God a boat! This is fantastic! I'm finally getting rescued after all these years! And I bet there's women on that boat! And when they hear I haven't been laid for 14 years, they'll be dying to sleep with me!" At that thought, his dick starts getting hard, and he grabs it and shouts, "Ha! Gotcha! There's no boat!"
SunnyDays1
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I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.
The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal. Some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, “No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."
The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal. Some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard.
She replied, “No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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My wife caught me pissing in the kitchen sink, and got really mad at me. "You fucking prick, that's so inappropriate!" she screamed. "Well, so is washing the baby in there, but I don't angry at you about that!" I shouted back.
I think she realised she'd lost the argument, because she didn't even reply.
She just lifted the baby out of the sink and went upstairs...
I think she realised she'd lost the argument, because she didn't even reply.
She just lifted the baby out of the sink and went upstairs...
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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A young man who barely looks of age walks into a bar...
...and orders a shot of whiskey. After checking his ID, the bartender pours him one. The young man grabs the shot glass and throws it back, slams it down on the counter and orders another.
The bartender pours it and again the young man slams it back and demands one more.
The bartender reluctantly pours him another, and as the young man slams that one back, the bartender looks at him.
"You want another? What's the rush?"
"Well, tonight I had my first blow job..."
"Hold on a minute," the bartender says, "I think I've heard this one before. You're expecting me to congratulate you and offer another on the house, but you're going to say no, if three whiskeys can't wash the taste out of your mouth, a fourth won't help."
"No," the young man shakes his head, "I'm just trying to build up the courage to explain to my Mom why the money I made at my summer job is going to go pay for my little sister's new iPhone."
...and orders a shot of whiskey. After checking his ID, the bartender pours him one. The young man grabs the shot glass and throws it back, slams it down on the counter and orders another.
The bartender pours it and again the young man slams it back and demands one more.
The bartender reluctantly pours him another, and as the young man slams that one back, the bartender looks at him.
"You want another? What's the rush?"
"Well, tonight I had my first blow job..."
"Hold on a minute," the bartender says, "I think I've heard this one before. You're expecting me to congratulate you and offer another on the house, but you're going to say no, if three whiskeys can't wash the taste out of your mouth, a fourth won't help."
"No," the young man shakes his head, "I'm just trying to build up the courage to explain to my Mom why the money I made at my summer job is going to go pay for my little sister's new iPhone."
SunnyDays1
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A long time married couple are walking by a shop when they suddenly notice a sign that reads "If you lift this 21" laptop with your dick, it's yours!"
... The husband goes in, lifts the laptop with his dick with great ease, and wins it. Everyone cheers for him.
A month goes by and the wife notices that the husband is no longer getting frisky with her. She tries everything to get him to make love to her. Nothing works.
Fed up and in tears, she goes to the husband and asks, why are you no longer making love to me!? He replies: Honey, I've been training for the washing machine!
... The husband goes in, lifts the laptop with his dick with great ease, and wins it. Everyone cheers for him.
A month goes by and the wife notices that the husband is no longer getting frisky with her. She tries everything to get him to make love to her. Nothing works.
Fed up and in tears, she goes to the husband and asks, why are you no longer making love to me!? He replies: Honey, I've been training for the washing machine!
SunnyDays1
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