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LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

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The rescue expedition have been sent to find a plane which crashed somewhere deep within the jungle.

There was no success, but members of the expedition haven't lost faith until the end. When they finally found the place of the disaster, they saw a horrific picture. Burnt-out trees, parts of the plane crushed and scattered around, all the luggage...... No trace of the victims of the accident though.

Then, at the top of the conflagration, they noticed a bearded, half naked man, leaning against a tree. He was busy gnawing a big bone. When he finished sucking all the marrow, he threw it on the huge stack of similar, clean bones under his feet. Noticing the members of the expedition he shouted with relief "My god, I am saved! Miracle you guys reached here."

The expedition was more interested about the area of the crash. Over time, the truth about the terrible things that had to happen was coming to them. It looked like rescued man had to eat bodies of every companion. Seeing silent accusation in the eyes of the rescuers, he yelled hysterically: "You can't judge me because of that! Is it bad that I wanted to survive?"

The head of the expedition declaimed: "We won't judge you on what you have done to survive, but fuck man, that plane only crashed yesterday!"
 
A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to his office he regretted it and decided it wasn't worth the price. So, he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:
"Dear Madam, Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that:

It had never been occupied.
That there was plenty of heat. That it was small enough to make me cozy and feel at home.
Last night, however, I found it had been previously occupied, that there was no heat, and it was entirely too large."


Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:

Dear Sir, first of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is heat if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is, indeed, of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlady!

Please be so kind as to send a check for the full amount of $500, or I'll be forced to contact your current landlady.
 
God does an experiment with US Marines....


One lofty Sunday God looks down and sees a boat of six Marines paddling in the ocean, chanting; ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR...United States Marine Corps.

Impressed by their focus and intensity he ponders; "What would happen if I removed half their brain powers" and does so. "ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR...United States Marine Corps" chants the men with 50% brain power.

Very impressed God decides to push it and remove 3/4's of their brain powers; "ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR...United States Marine Corps" Scream the men with the same focus and intensity as they row their boat through the ocean.

God clearly bemused thinks "Something has to change if I take away 100% of their brain's capacity to think" POOF.

Meagerly the Marines start chortling; "......be all that you can be..."
 
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the Colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.

He posed the question of just how much of sex was “work” and how much of it was “pleasure?”

A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.

A Captain said it was 50%-50%.

A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the Private First Class who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young Private First Class responded, “Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.

The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.”
 
An extremely attractive young blond woman goes to a massage parlor.

She explains that this will be her first massage, and she really has no idea what to expect. The masseur tells her she'll need to disrobe and lie on the table. The young woman blushes, but strips off all of her clothes, struts across the room, and lies on the massage table.

The masseur can't believe his luck as he puts his hands on her gorgeous naked form. He gets a little carried away and starts caressing her upper thigh. The blond visibly stiffens. Thinking quickly he says, "your hamstrings are very tight. Have they been sore lately?"

"Oh. I guess so. A little maybe." replies the blond relaxing again.

Some time passes and the masseur takes things a little further. He begins groping her ass. She reacts slightly, but he says, "you have a bad knot in your glutes too. Let me work it out for you." The woman again relaxes.

He turns her face up and starts rubbing lotion on her chest. She blushes but says nothing. He goes further, plainly fondling her breasts. She has no reaction at all.

Emboldened, he gently parts her legs and slips a finger into her privates. He unzips his pants intently watching for her reaction. The blond just lays there watching him as he proceeds to make love to her.

Afterward, as the blond woman is settling the bill with the receptionist, she asks if she'd had any concerns that the masseur had neglected to address.

"None at all." replies the blond. "I got a full body massage, a breast exam, a pelvic, and he even gave me something for my herpes."
 
Teacher gets mad at Little Johnny because he missed the class.

"Why did you missed the class Johnny? You knew we had very important test today."

"Well, it’s the mating season and I had to take our bull to the neighbors cow for mating."

"This is outrageous", yells the teacher. "You are telling me your father couldn’t do it himself?"

"I guess he could Miss, but the bull is the right way to go."
 
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