SunnyDays1
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Lit🌎World ©️ sunny 🌞 days 1 thread her thread
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SunnyDays1
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Have you heard about the baby born without eyelids?
The doctor took the baby's foreskin and and created perfect eyelids.
"Oh, my goodness! This is amazing news!
Will there be any long term effects?" the Mother asked.
"Well" the Doctor replied, "He may be a bit cock-eyed".
The doctor took the baby's foreskin and and created perfect eyelids.
"Oh, my goodness! This is amazing news!
Will there be any long term effects?" the Mother asked.
"Well" the Doctor replied, "He may be a bit cock-eyed".
SunnyDays1
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A couple was going out for the evening. They had gotten ready, all dolled-up, dog put out, etc.
The taxi arrives and as they start out, the dog jumps back into the house. They don't want the dog shut in, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.
"Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her out in the back yard. She better not shit in the vegetable garden again."
The taxi arrives and as they start out, the dog jumps back into the house. They don't want the dog shut in, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.
"Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her out in the back yard. She better not shit in the vegetable garden again."
SunnyDays1
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There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom.
There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom. One day, while she was browsing through a shop on her own, she spotted a really beautiful doll. It would make a perfect addition to her collection. She only hoped she had enough money to buy it.
“How much is that doll, ma’am?”, she asked the old woman behind the counter.
“This doll is not for sale”, replied the woman.
“But it’s so beautiful”, said the girl. “I really want it.”
The old woman became irritated. “I told you, it’s not for sale”, she said.
“Why not?”, persisted the girl.
“Because this doll is cursed!”
“Well… That’s OK. I don’t mind.”
“I’m not going to sell it to you… But if you really must have it, go ahead and take it. It’s yours. But if something bad happens, don’t blame me.”
“Ah! Yes, thank you!” said the girl, smiling as she grabbed the doll and walked out of the shop.
The little girl was so delighted to get the doll for free that she ran all the way home, carrying it in her arms. When she got home to her apartment building, she went into the lobby. It was deserted. She stood there waiting for the elevator to arrive.
The doors opened and she stepped inside, clutching her new doll tightly.
The doors closed, but the elevator did not move.
The little girl got scared and began trembling with fear.
“OMG”, she thought to herself. “Is this the curse of the doll?”
Suddenly, she felt the doll move in her arms.
Ever so slowly, its head turned to face her.
The little girl wanted to scream but she couldn’t make a sound.
The doll’s eyelids fluttered and opened.
It stared at her with it’s lifeless glass eyes.
Then its mouth opened and it said, “Push the button to go up, bitch!”
There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom. One day, while she was browsing through a shop on her own, she spotted a really beautiful doll. It would make a perfect addition to her collection. She only hoped she had enough money to buy it.
“How much is that doll, ma’am?”, she asked the old woman behind the counter.
“This doll is not for sale”, replied the woman.
“But it’s so beautiful”, said the girl. “I really want it.”
The old woman became irritated. “I told you, it’s not for sale”, she said.
“Why not?”, persisted the girl.
“Because this doll is cursed!”
“Well… That’s OK. I don’t mind.”
“I’m not going to sell it to you… But if you really must have it, go ahead and take it. It’s yours. But if something bad happens, don’t blame me.”
“Ah! Yes, thank you!” said the girl, smiling as she grabbed the doll and walked out of the shop.
The little girl was so delighted to get the doll for free that she ran all the way home, carrying it in her arms. When she got home to her apartment building, she went into the lobby. It was deserted. She stood there waiting for the elevator to arrive.
The doors opened and she stepped inside, clutching her new doll tightly.
The doors closed, but the elevator did not move.
The little girl got scared and began trembling with fear.
“OMG”, she thought to herself. “Is this the curse of the doll?”
Suddenly, she felt the doll move in her arms.
Ever so slowly, its head turned to face her.
The little girl wanted to scream but she couldn’t make a sound.
The doll’s eyelids fluttered and opened.
It stared at her with it’s lifeless glass eyes.
Then its mouth opened and it said, “Push the button to go up, bitch!”
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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So the guy takes the blind date to a carnival
"What do you want to do first?" he asks.
"I wanna get weighed." she replies, so he takes her to the "guess your weight" booth. She wins a teddy bear, but doesn't seem very pleased.
"What do you want to do now?" he asks.
"I wanna get **weighed**!!" she says.
"But what's the point? He knows for sure what you weigh now!??!"
Disgusted, she says "Take me back to my house!"
He does so, and she enters the house only to be asked by her mother "Did you have a good time?"
"Wousy!"
"What do you want to do first?" he asks.
"I wanna get weighed." she replies, so he takes her to the "guess your weight" booth. She wins a teddy bear, but doesn't seem very pleased.
"What do you want to do now?" he asks.
"I wanna get **weighed**!!" she says.
"But what's the point? He knows for sure what you weigh now!??!"
Disgusted, she says "Take me back to my house!"
He does so, and she enters the house only to be asked by her mother "Did you have a good time?"
"Wousy!"
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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An engineer, physicist, and a mathematician
An engineer and a physicist go to a mathematicians house for dinner.
After finishing a wonderful meal prepared by the mathematician, they sit by the fire and enjoy a smoke.
The physicist leaves to use the toilet.
After coming back he comments to the mathematician;
''If you put a scale in there, you know I'm gonna weigh myself before and after, to see how much my shit weighs''
The engineer pipes up;
''Save some unnecessary steps and poop on the scale''
The mathematician replies horrified;
''Seriously guys what the fuck, I cook you a nice dinner and this is what you with it!''
An engineer and a physicist go to a mathematicians house for dinner.
After finishing a wonderful meal prepared by the mathematician, they sit by the fire and enjoy a smoke.
The physicist leaves to use the toilet.
After coming back he comments to the mathematician;
''If you put a scale in there, you know I'm gonna weigh myself before and after, to see how much my shit weighs''
The engineer pipes up;
''Save some unnecessary steps and poop on the scale''
The mathematician replies horrified;
''Seriously guys what the fuck, I cook you a nice dinner and this is what you with it!''
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Nurse doing rounds at an insane asylum
A nurse is doing her rounds at an insane asylum. She passes room one and sees a man talking to the wall. "what are you doing in here John?" the nurse asks. "I'm yelling at the manager for messing up my order!"
She continues to the second room and sees Terry walking around the room holding an imaginary steering wheel. "What are you doing Terry?" asks the nurse. "I'm going out of town to Chicago for business" says Terry. She nods her head and approaches the last room.
Inside, she sees Frank masturbating furiously. "Frank! What are you doing in here?!"!
Frank looks up and says, "I'm fucking Terry's wife while he's in Chicago!!"
A nurse is doing her rounds at an insane asylum. She passes room one and sees a man talking to the wall. "what are you doing in here John?" the nurse asks. "I'm yelling at the manager for messing up my order!"
She continues to the second room and sees Terry walking around the room holding an imaginary steering wheel. "What are you doing Terry?" asks the nurse. "I'm going out of town to Chicago for business" says Terry. She nods her head and approaches the last room.
Inside, she sees Frank masturbating furiously. "Frank! What are you doing in here?!"!
Frank looks up and says, "I'm fucking Terry's wife while he's in Chicago!!"
SunnyDays1
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SunnyDays1
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Joe's wife was sick. Very sick. None of the doctors could figure out what was wrong with her.
He was about to go into her room and visit her when her doctor approached him.
The doctor said, "These might be her last few days, so you should do whatever she asks of you, so that she may die happy."
Well... Joe thought this over and decided that that was a great idea. He went in and they talked for about 3 hours.
After awhile he asked her if there was anything that he could do for her. She thought for a little bit and said, "Make love to me. Eat my pussy.... Fuck me like you never have before..."
He thought this was a little much in her condition, but since It might be one of the last times he sees her he decided to comply.
The next day he came in, and her doctor said that she was much better, and he should do whatever he did yesterday.
Well.. he walked in and they talked, and she requested they make passionate love again, and again he complied.
After about 5 days of this she had fully recovered, and was able to go home. She walked into the living room to find that Joe was crying.
She said, "What's the matter? I'm fine now. You have nothing to worry about."
He replied, "I know, but all this time I can't stop thinking that I should have saved your sister."
He was about to go into her room and visit her when her doctor approached him.
The doctor said, "These might be her last few days, so you should do whatever she asks of you, so that she may die happy."
Well... Joe thought this over and decided that that was a great idea. He went in and they talked for about 3 hours.
After awhile he asked her if there was anything that he could do for her. She thought for a little bit and said, "Make love to me. Eat my pussy.... Fuck me like you never have before..."
He thought this was a little much in her condition, but since It might be one of the last times he sees her he decided to comply.
The next day he came in, and her doctor said that she was much better, and he should do whatever he did yesterday.
Well.. he walked in and they talked, and she requested they make passionate love again, and again he complied.
After about 5 days of this she had fully recovered, and was able to go home. She walked into the living room to find that Joe was crying.
She said, "What's the matter? I'm fine now. You have nothing to worry about."
He replied, "I know, but all this time I can't stop thinking that I should have saved your sister."
SunnyDays1
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Two men are roommates in a hospital. Because they are both weak from sickness, the men are unable to speak for weeks.
Finally, one man says to the other, “American.”
His roommate replies, “Canadian.”
Another week goes by and the first man says weakly, “Danny.”
The roommate can only reply, “Phil.”
Another week passes and the first man mutters to his roommate, “Cancer.”
His roommate replies back, “Virgo.”
Finally, one man says to the other, “American.”
His roommate replies, “Canadian.”
Another week goes by and the first man says weakly, “Danny.”
The roommate can only reply, “Phil.”
Another week passes and the first man mutters to his roommate, “Cancer.”
His roommate replies back, “Virgo.”
SunnyDays1
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A cat dies and goes to heaven...
God meets him at the gate and says: “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask”.
The cats says: “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors”.
God says: “Say no more”. Instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice die and go to heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that he made the cat. The mice said: “All our lives we’ve had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn’t have to run anymore”.
God says: “Say no more”. And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks: “How are you doing? Are you happy here?”
The cat yawns and stretches and says: “Oh, I’ve never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you’ve been sending over are the best!”
God meets him at the gate and says: “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask”.
The cats says: “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors”.
God says: “Say no more”. Instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice die and go to heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that he made the cat. The mice said: “All our lives we’ve had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn’t have to run anymore”.
God says: “Say no more”. And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks: “How are you doing? Are you happy here?”
The cat yawns and stretches and says: “Oh, I’ve never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you’ve been sending over are the best!”
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