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LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

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Some construction workers are putting up a building...

The foreman is five stories up on the roof, about to cut some 2 x 4's when he realizes he doesn't have a saw. He shouts down to a worker on the ground.

"Hey!," the foreman yells. "I need a saw!"

The worker shrugs, unable to hear him over the machinery.

So the foreman shouts again, this time pantomiming:

"I" (Pointing to his eye...) "Need" (He slaps his knee with his hand...) "A Saw!" (He moves his arm back and forth in a sawing motion).

The worker's eyes light up with recognition. He immediately drops his pants and begins masturbating.

Furious, the foreman makes his way down the scaffolding and storms over to the worker, who's still going to town on himself.

"What the hell is wrong with you? " The foreman yells. "I said I needed a saw!"

"I know," said the still-erect worker. "I was about to tell you I'm coming."
 
A guy walks into a brothel and ask that the three most requested girls are brought in front of him.

A beautiful blond, brunette and a red head now stand before him, yet he simply can't decide who to pick. The man turns to the blond and ask. "Why are you so popular with the customers?"

She smiles an replies "You may not believe this, but when I get screwed in my ass really good, it congratulates my clients on doing such a good job. It makes my customers feel really happy!"

Shocked after hearing this, he then turns to the brunette and ask her the same question.

She replies "You may not believe this either, but when I get screwed in my ass nice and hard it enjoys it so much that it sings a song to my clients to thank them on a job well done."

Finally he turns to the red head and again ask the same question.

She shrugs pointing down toward her crotch indicating he should ask it himself. He does so and to his surprise it's the vagina that whispers, "If you have sex with me, I'll give you the best and most honest feedback on your performance you've ever had, and make you a better lover for all your future partners. Trust me, you can't trust those 2 assholes. They're completely full of shit."
 
A goat gets his wish granted by a genie.

He wishes to be turned into a human being. After his transformation, the, now, man is so grateful to the genie.He asks ‟How can I ever repay you?”

The genie just has this request: That the man make the most of his life and live like no man has lived before; love like no man has loved before; and care like no man has cared before. The man obliges.

He first sets out to find his ‟calling”. Over the years, he works many jobs.He finds himself becoming depressed with the monotony that he has come to know.Finally, he decides to go back to his roots and do what he knows. He becomes a farmer.With the money he has accumulated from his many professions, he buys a large farm where he decides to take in unwanted and ill animals.Goats (obviously), pigs, cows, cats, dogs, and various other animals.He cares for them. He comes to know and understand them. He has a deep connection with them.

One day, a woman brings her dog to the man’s farm. She is worried about the dog.She says ever since the dog’s sibling died, he hasn’t seemed right. The man agrees to take the dog and care for it. He knows the other animals will comfort it and the dog will enjoy his new family. The woman comes to visit the dog regularly. She becomes familiar with all of the other animals on the farm, and most of all, the man.They spend hours together each visit. Talking and taking care of the animals together.Hours turn to days. Days to weeks. The man asks the woman to live with him and his animals. The woman obliges.They are in love. They are truly happy.

The genie comes to the man one night in his dreams. The genie says to the man ‟You have lived like no other man; you’ve loved like no other man; and you’ve cared like no other man.You have done well”.

The man wakes up the next morning and he doesn’t feel well. He can’t explain it, but somethings not right.Weeks go by and the man’s condition seems to worsen. His doctors cannot explain his rapidly deteriorating health. The woman is always by his side when she is not caring for his animals. The woman’s dog sleeps at the foot of his bed. Never leaving. At last, it seems like he cannot hold on for much longer. He’s barely able to speak at this point.He motions for the woman to come near. He says to her ‟Do you want to know why I fell in love with you all those years ago? Do you want to know why I love you more and more every day?”

She says, ‟Yes, my love, tell me.”

With his final breath, he tells her ‟Because you make me feel like a kid again.”
 
A pastor and a nun had been asked to speak at a catholic seminar out of town. It was quite a long drive, so they had to stay in a hotel for the night. Unfortunately, during the christmas holidays, all hotels were packed. After visiting 3 hotels that were completely full, they finally found one that had a spare room. The manager of the hotel apologized , because the one room that was still available, only had a double bed. He suggested that one of them could sleep in the lobby for free, but the pastor told him not to worry: “we are two grown-ups, blessed by god, so sharing a bed for one night isn’t a problem.”

Once in their room, the nun wanted to be sure that the devil wouldn’t seduce them to unholy deeds, so she came up with a plan. She opened the window, took some snow from the balcony and put it in her underwear. The pastor asked her what she was doing and she told him that she wanted to be sure that nothing sexual would happen between them.

A couple of minutes later, the nun sees how the pastor is wrapping his penis with the chain (rosary) that is normally hanging around his neck. She thanks him multiple times for being so understanding and says that god will be proud of them for taking all these precautions and leaving the devil no chance. The pastor looks her in the eyes and says: “I don’t think you understand. I’m putting on my snow chains.”
 
A man went into a tattoo parlor and asked to have a fifty dollar bill tattooed on his dick. The tattoo artist said, “I’ve had some strange requests but this one tops the lot. Why in the hell would you want me to tattoo your prick a picture of a banknote?”

The man replied, “There are three reasons.

One, I love to play with my money.

Two, when I play with my money, I love to see it grow.

Three, and this is the most important of all, the next time my wife wants to blow fifty bucks, she won’t have to leave the house!”
 
A married man was having an extra-marital affair.

One day when he was visiting his girlfriend, she requested that he shave his beard.

“Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”

James replied, “My wife loves this beard. I couldn’t possibly do it. She would kill me!!”

“Oh please?” the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice…

“Really, I can’t,” he replied. “My wife loves this beard!!”

The girlfriend asked once more, he sighed and finally gave in.

That night James crawled into bed next to his wife while she was sleeping.

The wife was awakened, turned toward him, felt his face and said, “Oh Steve, you shouldn’t be here. My husband will be home soon."
 
An older couple decided to spice up their sex lives.

The wife decided to be spontaneous and sends a close up nude picture to her husband at work with the message "Look what I've got for you."

He replied urgently: "I'll be home as soon as I can"

The wife sets up a romantic setting and gets dolled up and gets excited when her husband pulls in the drive way and comes in.

The wife is confused when he doesn't rush up the stairs so she heads down to see what's taking him.

The husband is in the kitchen looking around and sees the wife and ask "Where's the Arby's you got me?"
 
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client, "Saul, I have some good news and, I have some bad news."


The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."


The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right."


Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"


The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."
 
Three women in a bar are boasting about how loose they are....

The first one says “hey bartender, get me the biggest lemon you’ve got.” The bartender is confused, but brings back a large lemon and gives it to the woman. She goes to work down under, and after some exertion, stands up with no lemon in her hands.

The second lady calls to the bartender, “Bartender! Would you be so kind as to bring me a beer bottle?” So the bartender brings back the bottle, more confused but now a bit curious, and watches from behind the bar. Wasting no time, the second lady squirms a bit before standing up, but as with the first no bottle was visible.

Impressed, the bartender and the two women turn to the third, deeply curious as to what she would request. Much to their surprise, the third woman asks for nothing, but smiles and slides down the stool.
 
Little Johny's mom dies and dad remarries. The stepmom is very loving and caring and always goes the extra mile to make Little Johny feel loved.

One day the dad leaves town for a business trip. At night Little Johny has a nightmare and gets scared. So he goes upto his stepmom's room and enquires if he could sleep next to her, and she obliges. After some time Little Johny was still feeling restless. So the stepmom asks if there is anything she could do to make him better.

Little Johny says "My mom used to let me keep my finger in her bellybutton when I'm scared".

The stepmom gives him permission to do so. 10 minutes later she feels the finger in her pussy. Alarmed, she says: " Little Johny, that ain't my bellybutton! "

Little Johny replies: "Don't worry,that ain't my finger either".
 
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